Episode I: Anakin was good and stoic as you can be, he's the absolute hero
Palpatine is known everywhere as a shitlord
no mentions of economy or conspiracies at all
Clone War begins
scrap all the original story and start again
no Yoda in all the movies
Jedi are allowed to fuck, they even see love as a cosmic stuff
They have visions and can somewhat heal, create fire and whatnot
We religion now, the Force can't be explained by science. The end.
Jar Jar is actually funny and steals the movie
he's an ambassador or something he's the key to all this
this episode is light as fuck like the 4th it's like poetry, they rhyme
Episode II: Anakin becomes darth vader
he purposely becomes a cyborg to inspire fear
trying to delay that thing is cheap IMHO
he wanted to defend the jedis
the jedis actually betrayed him because shitlord shaming
i mean he was planning a dictatorship because the galaxy was in chaos and liberals blamed the patriarchy I mean the Force
his stormtroopers saved him but failed at shooting the jedis
they go back to the Death Star
Anakin says this was a victory but when he's alone he gets sad
Pregnant Amidala is with him
Episode III: Clone war ends
No lightsabers appear in this movie
Amidala is taken hostage and dies that's the icing on the vader cake
Palpatine is surprised that Vader lost all his humanity and becomes 100% practical
Anakin was going to kill his children just to show his enemies how edgy he was
Palpatine told him "d00d, let's raise them as third world idealists and then corrupt their soul 'n shit 4 teh lulz"
stormtroopers and siths versus clones and jedis
a shit ton of siths
some jedis were trying to stop this because with this new technology I can do whatever I want and we even see a couple of jedis fighting each other
Vader betrays and kills all the siths to kill all the jedis
Vader thanks Palpatine because his mission is completed or something cooler
he wakes up and discovers he was with his mother in tatooine and this is lucas' episode I
he dies in the race
Lumpy Bacca wins
Jar Jar Binks does something unfunny
Rich Evans screams "Oh my goooooooooooooooooood"
*end credits*