/2hu/ - Touhou

>>36842

Not ones that look like this

War Journal Entry : 01 - 31

It has been approximately 2 days since my arrival into Gensokyou via the usage of concentrated memetic magic.

In those 2 days I faced nothing but rejection and shaming from the locals as every attempt at trying to make contacts failed miserably, to the point that I was chased out from the human village.

I write as I resist the welling of tears in my eyes.

Currently I'm hungry, lonely, soaked in rain and my feet hurt.

But despite this, I still haven't given up. Today I will make some friends.

War Journal Entry: 4.00 Am

I have managed to sneak inside the human village at night, it was easier than I thought, there were only a few villagers looking out for danger.

After looking around I managed to find a dirty and plain but usable kimono. I put it on, hopefully it will be enough to disguise my presence during the morning.

War Journal Entry: 11.00 Am

Life has earnestly started in the village and most of the shops are already open.

I spy a blonde haired girl conversing with one of the shopkeepers. Her western clothing make her stick out like a sore thumb.

This person was the seven coloured puppeteer, Alice Magratroid, the person who I'm going to try befriending today.

>I would like this and that please.

Alice says to the shopkeeper.

>It seems she is buying some eggs.

I say as I write it down into my journal

>Here you go Alice-chan, thanks for coming by as always.

After her eggs were all packed up Alice bids goodbye to the shopkeeper, while I secretly follow behind her.

War Journal Entry: 11.30 Am

I followed Alice back to the magic forest.

Its dark and spooky in here, I wouldn't want to come in here, but I must do it for Friendship.

War Journal Entry: 11.45 Am

I successfully trailed Alice back to her house.

She suddenly stopped just before entering the door

Then she rapidly spun around and looked right into my direction

>Good thing that she cant notice me from this distance.

>Come on out! I know you have been following me since the human village!

....Or not, as I was forced to realize when Alice clearly directed her harsh voice at me.

I decided to close my journal and go out of the bush I was occupying in order to avoid a possible misunderstanding.

War Journal Entry: 12.00

Mission.......Status.......Failure

I write as I uselessly writhe on the ground, things didn't go as I expected.

The moment I came out Alice was filled with disgust, as if she was looking at some kind of cockroach.

But despite that she still managed to politely ask

>Who are you? What do you want?

>I.....I just want to become friends w-with y-you Alice-chan, e-he~

I said as moved closer in the friendliest voice that I could muster in an attempt to ease her doubts, but instead this had the opposite effect.

( Who the hell is he? Why does he know my name? He is so disgusting and creepy!)

>Don't come any closer!

Alice warned

>But I just want to be your friend, Ali-------Bah!

I couldn't finish my sentence as I was tripped by Alice's wire's and by the fact that she proceeded to firmly plant her boot into my face.

She might have left me alone with just that, if it weren't for the fact that a bunch of papers flew out of my kimono the moment she kicked me.

Alice picked up the paper that flew right to her boots.

She turned it over, and her face is immediately overcome with a mixture of disgust, shame and confusion.

Needless to say, I immediately realized what paper she picked up. It just had to be one of those......Drawings of Alice......In lewd positions.

>I-It's not what it looks like.....This is....Just magic yeah....My meme magic! I swear.

Her head turned red like a tomato and her eyes were filled with malice.

Before I even realized what was going on I was surrounded by dozens of dolls armed with little, tiny, cute weapons.

Realizing the danger, I started to run, and after 10 minutes of exhausting running I collapsed to the ground.

War Journal Entry: 12.05

3rd day of failure

I'm hungry, I'm cold and my feet still hurt

I have yet to make any friends and I'm starting to realize that maybe Gensokyo is not as fun as I imagined it to be.

I lay down the ground as I try not to cry.

But as only my drawn pictures of Alice are there to comfort me,

I cry anyway.

How do I make friends /2hu/?

Please help me make some

>>36888

trips don't lie, Yukka a gud girl she dindu nuffin

>>36893

diagnosed sperglord here, I'm pretty pathetic in terms of people skills but I cringed the whole way through >>36859 conversation with Alice. I would have done better than that.

War Journal Entry : Myouren Temple

Entry 02 - 01 Morning

After seeking assistance from my kinsmen at /2hu/, I decided to join the Myouren temple. Although many disciples of her were less than happy about my appearance, Hijiri-sama still allowed me to join with an angelic smile on her face.

Ahh she is truly a saint, that one.

This way I managed to avoid starvation and found a place where I could finally rest.

War Journal Entry: 02 - 01 Evening

I was assigned to cleaning duty.

The temple is quite large so it took me several hours and I'm still nowhere finished.

I'm currently laying in my futon, completely exhausted

>Looks like I will have to continue tomorrow

I say to myself as I write down the days events.

War Journal Entry: 02 - 02 6.00 in the morning

>Wake up fatso!

I was awoken around 5 am when my roommates, who were all youkai poured a bucket of water over my sleeping body.

>It's time to clean, get out.

>You better get going or Hijiri-sama will scold you, fufu

Realizing I could not get away with arguing back against superior youkai, I decided to just silently do as they said.

War Journal Entry: 7.00

>Awchoo

I let out a sneeze as I write these passages with my snotty hand, staining the pages of my journal.

It is cold, very very cold.

Upon going outside I realized that the Youkai probably planned for me to freeze by this cold weather. They do not like me, either because its me or because I'm human, in fact most of her disciples seem to be youkai, perhaps they are trying to maintain the current hierarchy?

In hindsight, I should have really visited Gensokyo in summer.

The fact that my body was constantly shivering made my already exhausting job much harder to do,.

War Journal Entry 8.30

Despite the harsh conditions, I managed to finish cleaning a section of the temple.

I decided to take a break and warm myself up.

War Journal Entry 9.00

I went outside once more, and there seemed to be commotion at the gates.

Almost everyone is gathered, even Hijiri-sama is present.

My curiosity was piqued so I moved closer.

I noticed that 4 of her disciples were carrying something in a box to the main temple.

>Hijiri-sama....

I call out to her to get her attention

>Hmm?

She looks at me with a questioning glance

>What is that?

I ask pointing to the object that they were carrying.

>Ah~ That is an item sent here by the Hakurei Shrine Maiden, she said it is a troublesome spirit that she doesn't want to bother with anymore, so she sent it into our care.

She explained

>Isn't it dangerous..... to bring such a spirit here?

I asked, slightly worried

>No, it is currently sealed within a powerful item.

Hijiri then placed her hand before her mouth as if to hide it

>Well~ I'm sure even if it gets out, I can take care of it.

War Journal Entry 11.00

I was scuttling across the wooden floors on all four, with a rag in my hand.

Back and Forth

Back and Forth I cleaned

>Watch out, hehe

Suddenly someone stuck their leg out before my path

I naturally tripped on it, but my body still had momentum, so it continued its path until my head hit a pillar.

>Awww

I cried from the pain, while I hear those annoying youkai snickering in the background, clearly enjoying my suffering.

>Oh my~ Did you hurt yourself?

But suddenly as if an angel descended down to save me, I hear the voice of Hijiri-sama

She helps me get up and asks:

>Are you alright?

My head actually felt like it split in two, but I didn't want to look lame in front of her, so I said:

>No, I'm fine.

She then gave me a smile and I was immediately filled with warmth.

>I see. Please be careful next time.

And with that she went away.

The noises behind me immediately resumed.

>Tch, how dare that disgusting human talk to Hijiri-sama!

>I can't bear him any longer!

>It's not like I liked the other humans very much, but I tolerated them for Hijiri-sama, however I won't make an exception for this one!

I heard 3 vicious youkai plotting behind me, clearly not caring that I could hear.

It seems that she inadvertently, only made my treatment worse.

>Uuhhhh

War Journal Entry: 12:25

I moved on with the cleaning. Currently I was cleaning a rather large room, which had a gourd-like object on a pedestal in the middle, surrounded by ropes, pillars and charms.

I wasn't familiar with the entire layout of the temple, but it looked important, so I should probably be careful with where I'm going.

>War Journal Entry: 14:55

A terrible disaster has struck as my apparent bad luck has shown itself again.

I was......forced to leave Myouren Temple.....

.....I spent the last 2 hours running away from whoever might be chasing me.....

I'm still hearing explosions in the distance

Here is what happened:

>Take this, pig!

Shortly after I started cleaning the large room, the previous trio of youkai attacked me with their menacing claws, somehow I managed to avoid being injured as only my kimono was torn.

>S-Stop, w-what are you doing?

I asked as my heartbeat intensified

>You are not welcome here, human

The youkai's face seemingly darkened as he said this

>Either you leave....or we will get rid of you.

The other two's face twisted into more monstrous forms as they let go of their fake humanity.

>I-If you kill me, then Hijiri-sama will be sure to find out!

>No she wont, she will simply assume that you quit like the loser you are

>She won't suspect a thing, kekekeke

Seeing that I didn't budge the youkai concluded that I wasn't going to cooperate with them

But I was actually just frozen in fear, however it was too late for me to do anything now, as they lunged at me.

I stumbled backwards in a last ditch attempt at saving myself, when I felt my back pushing into something

There was a crash as something hit the ground and broke.

The three youkai stopped still, they looked behind me with petrified expressions.

I turned around and noted that the gourd-like object from before was broken.

>What have you done?

One asked, the terror could be tasted from his voice

>This is bad......We have to inform Hijiri-sama before it's too late.

They made some futile attempts at running, but smoke gathered from the gourd and formed into a shape.

>I don't think so ~

A female voice said as the ghostly wizard twirled her staff and the trio were instantly obliterated by beams of light.

I gazed upon the figure in horror, black wings stretching from her back

A wizard hat adorning her long green hair, sporting the robe of sorcerer and a ghostly tail like a tempura

This figure could only belong to the toehoe known as Mima.

I immediately prostrated myself and pulled on her robe.

>M-Mima-sama.......I have freed you from captivity.......Will you please be my friend?

She turned to me and gave an expression that reminded me of my experience with Alice, except this one didn't even view me as an insect.

>No way.

I was denied in an instant

>Who would want to hang out with a loser like you?

Loser Loser Loser

Loser Loser Loser

The words echoed in my ears, striking me right in the kokoro.

After that Mima immediately started rampaging, and I decided to high tail out of there before Byakuren finds out about my deeds.

War Journal Entry: 15.00

>tfw no friends

I don't understand why you fags want me to continue this. Well whatever

War Journal Entry: 02 - 05 - 10:30

It has been 3 days since the incident with Mima at Myouren temple.

I don't know if they managed to subdue her or not

Perhaps she is still out there, causing some kind of incident

>Ahhh, I would love to play Mima in a new toehoe game.......

I sigh to myself as I dejectedly write down my thoughts.

I haven't had access to a computer for days and thus I was unable to satisfy my basic needs.

>Ahhh, I wanna go to sadpanda already.....I haven't rubbed it in days......I bet there are tons of new doujinshi.......

War Journal Entry: 11:30

Currently I was lazing near the misty lake

I decided to camp here since I could have a clean supply of water

Although I still haven't managed to find anything to eat......

.....Well, it shouldn't be much of a problem until a week or two, I still have more in my storage after all.

War Journal Entry: 12:10

>Psst Kidd.....

Suddenly I hear a sinister but strangely feminine voice calling from behind me.

I turn around and find a hag wearing a blue Chinese dress and a loopy hairstyle

It was Kaku Seiga

>.....I heard you wanted to make some friends....

Seiga said as if she was a shady drug dealer.

>Y-Yeah. that is right.

I said, slightly stuttering, as I was a bit startled by her sudden appearance.

>....Well you are in luck, kid. I will be your friend....

Suspicion intensifies

I knew my touhou lore well enough not to trust Seiga

.....But on the other hand this is the best chance I got in days

>R-Really?

I asked back excited, I was willing to jump on the bone

>Yeah, but I will need you to do something for me first.

Seiga said

>D-Do what?

I narrowed my eyes, suspecting foul play.

>Oh come one, don't worry about it. Friends help each other out, no?

She persuaded me by bending from a distracting angle.

>I-I-I guess you are right

She suddenly grabbed my hand and said:

>Let's go then

>To whereeeeeeeeeeaaaae!?

I started to scream as she suddenly started flying with me in hand at high speed, to god knows where

P.S. : Seiga's hands were soft, like a girls.

War Journal Entry: 13:25

>*Cough.....I knew it........I shouldn't have.............. trusted.......That Seiga.....

I write, as I laid in a large crater.

I was flung to the other end of Gensokyou by a powerful force and fell all the way down here.

I could barely move my body, I felt as if all the bones in my body were broken.

Just half an hour earlier, I was in the forest of magic where Seiga dragged me

She lead me to a house and handed me a sack.

>Hold this.

She commanded

Seiga then took out her hairpin and made a hole on the house's wall.

>I have a bad feeling about this.

I said the obvious to myself.

She then proceeded to come back and forth between the hole, throwing various items into the sack.

A few minutes later I hear a voice cry out

>AHHHH!? YOU AGAIN! HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY TREASURES!?

Seiga quickly flew through the hole and said:

>It's time to scram, kidd

She then quickly disappears over the horizon......leaving me alone with the sack of loot.

....

......

........

Before I could even react properly I heard the burst of wind, as Kirisame Marisa appeared before me, riding her broom.

Her eyes immediately moved to the sack that I was holding

>Ah! MY treasures!

I look down to what I was holding, then quickly drop it to the side

>T-This isn't what it looks like, I s-swear!

I pleaded my innocence

>I see......You got guts to steal from me, I shall take you on ze!

But unfortunately Marisa wasn't planning to listen.

>Please spare me.....uuuu~

She cast magic with her right hand and stars of various shapes, sizes and colours threw themselves at me.

I stood completely still, stricken from fear.

>Oh shit.....this is the end of me......Am I to really die here without ever making friends?

I closed my eyes and prepared for the worst, but as I heard the stars explode near me, I realized that I was still fine.

I opened my eyes and noticed that Marisa missed me.

>Tch (Is he an ⑨?)

.....No that's wrong, Marisa didn't miss me, she just expected me to dodge in some way or another, but I didn't move an inch.

>I-I guess I should make my counterattack now......

I said after the realization that I survived the first wave of attack from Marisa by complete accident.

I brought my hand over to my immeasurable chins and pressed my index finger to my thumb, channeling all the smugness in the world I could do as I said the magic words:

> Frog Card - [Smug Pepe]

The word froze as the air filled with the ultimate conceitedness and self satisfaction

Various green frogs appeared from nowhere and started orbiting around me and Marisa, imitating my completely flawless pose

>Kek Kek Kek

>Kek Kek Kek

The frogs ribbited over and over

>(W-What is this smugness? I can't move!)

Marisa was left helpless before my meme magic.....or so I thought

>(Tch....I guess I just have to break through it with overwhelming force ze!)

Marisa brought the mini-hakkero to her hand.

>Oh shit....

I said my last words

>Takes this, MY MASTER....SPAAARK!

I was immediately obliterated

War Journal Entry: 13:30

The Master Spark doesn't taste like love at all