/2hu/ - Touhou

You wake up in your bed just like every other morning only to find the bright blue sky above you. Only your bed, most of the floor and part of the wall closest to you are the only things that remain of your room, the rest of not only your room but rather the entire world you knew has been replaced by green fields and trees. One more notable fact that you notice about this strange, unfamiliar world is mysterious fissures like broken glass that are stretched across the sky.

Before you have a chance to react to any of this you hear the sound of a young girl in distress followed by the sound of another girl shouting "Where is she? Where could that damn hag be hiding out in a time like this? This incident can't be solved without her!". You squint and rub your eyes but you still see the Miko of Gensokyo standing in the distance as she harshly intimidates Chen in an effort to get information out of her.

You get out of bed, get on your shoes that were conveniently placed on the floor near your bed (you could have sworn you didn't put them there) and...

[ ] Go to Reimu and tell her that you're lost and that you want to stick around with her.

[ ] Rush to Chen's aid and explain to Reimu that Chen likely doesn't know anything in the matter. Then escape with Chen for safe measure.

[ ] Ignore them and go off on your own.

[X] Rush to Chen's aid and explain to Reimu that Chen likely doesn't know anything in the matter. Then escape with Chen for safe measure.

You rush to where Reimu and Chen are, tell Reimu "Chen doesn't know anything, Reimu. If she did she would have already told you." and take off with Chen in your arms. Reimu, apperantly baffeled that someone who doesn't even look remotely familiar to her knows her name, is left in place dumbfounded as you make your escape with Chen. You then remember that Reimu can fly so you're starting to regret your decision, but as if Chen read your mind she says "Hold on, mister!" and begins to fly herself with you still holding her in your arms. Reimu immediately starts to pursue you.

You fly at speeds you never experienced before in your life, no even being able to see the sold ground below you for a few seconds but suddenly your grip on Chen weakens and you fall, bump into a few trees and land face-first on the hard ground. Chen swoops down to you and says "are you OK?", looks around and then continues "I don't think she'll find us here." You get up and ask her "Why are you helping me?" and she replies "Because you helped me first and... because Yukari-sama always told me to be kind to outsiders."

As you think of several amusing reasons why Yukari would tell something like that to Chen you suddenly remember what Reimu was talking about, an incident that only with Yukari's help she could solve. You ask Chen what happened and she answers you with "I don't really understand myself, something about the sky and barriers not working as they should. I think that it has something to do with dimensions because Reimu said that she needs Yukari-sama." then pauses for a second and continues "I'm also pretty sure Reimu said that it's very serious too."

Chen's ears suddenly move and she points somewhere and says "Hakugyokurou is that way. Maybe Ran-sama or Yukari-sama are there." then shifts her head towards you and questions you "Are you going to come with me?". You tell her that...

[ ] You're going off on your own. (Optional to also ask her for directions.)

[ ] You'll accompany her on her journey.

[ ] You'll accompany her but you don't think that going to Hakugyokurou is a good idea and that you and her should look somewhere else instead. (choose location)

>>37187

>>37236

It is pointless to go to Hakugyokurou as it probably just means to distract us. If Yukari was there Reimu would have found her already.

Since the incident looks quite serious and no Yukari is in sight despite Gensokyo's barrier seemingly breaking.

I must conclude that she must either have been kidnapped or incapacitated in some way or form.

Based on that conclusion we can come up with a list of suspects who could have kidnapped Yukari or otherwise rendered her incapable.

1. The Lunarians, Yukari is held hostage at the moooon~ and this is a Lunarian attack on Gensokyo

2. The Yama decided to punish her, so she is in hell right now awaiting Judgement .

3. Shinki is just as or even more powerful than Yukari, she could have easily done this. Yukari could therefore be held at Makai.

4. She was wrecked by an army of celestials

5. Sariel

6. Maribel Hearn time/dimension paradox bullshit error

7. Some 3rd party, non known 2hu related power.

But none of that matters because as a simple human we can't simply go to the moon, hell, makai or any of the listed locations. So instead we should focus on fixing the problem at hand.

There are three people who can help us with fixing the barrier.

1. Keine Kamishirasawa

2. Kaguya Houraisan

3. Eirin Yagokoro

Since Eientei has two of those people, that is our target. We should also take Chen with us, less we die a horrible death.

>[X] You'll accompany her but you don't think that going to Hakugyokurou is a good idea and that you and her should look somewhere else instead.

Destination: Eientei

[X] You'll accompany her but you don't think that going to Hakugyokurou is a good idea and that you and her should look somewhere else instead. Destination: Eientei

Chen agrees to join you and then says "While Eientei is probably not where either of my masters are at least we'll encounter Eirin, who likely knows something that could help us."

Chen has joined the party!

Led by Chen, you travel continuously until you can start to see the beginning of the sunset though the trees. You then ask Chen what you and her are going to do once it gets dark and then she replies "It shouldn't be too far away, it's probably right over th... AH! Did I mess up?". Based off the way her face looks you don't think that's the case. After a small pause she continues "... It doesn't make sense but the Misty Lake should be right after these trees." Chen then shakes her head, assuming it's just a mistake and tells you "Let's just continue as if nothing happened.". The two of you continue and find out that Chen was right, right after those trees you did find the Misty Lake.

"MEOW!!!"

...

Chen jumps up and fastens herself on to your shirt as if she's really just a cat and begins rubbing her face on your shirt like there is something she doesn't want to see.

Chen has (effectively) left the party

insert BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viDXSNJmWZ0

You stop and wonder for a second what just happened when you suddenly feel it too... a monster is there... a horrifying being beyond human comprehension. There is something over there, something evil beyond all else. You're not even sure how you can sense what's there but you can only theorize that the presence there is just so overwhelming that it would be hard not to notice it. Chen is starting to cry and you hear a distorted voice grumble.

You're suddenly reminded of your childhood, more specifically that period of time when you were afraid of the dark, it begins to make sense to you now. Now of all times you also begin to wonder if this is all a dream or if you killed yourself a while back and this is the afterlife.

You begin to see an outline of a humanoid figure emerge from the concealment of the mist and you...

[ ] Get the fuck out of there

[ ] Stay and face whatever is there like a man

[ ] Shout "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M STRONGER THAN YOU! YOU BETTER LEAVE WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!"

[ ] Scream like a little bitch

>>37280

Forrest of the lost, its either Mystia, Wriggle, Mokou, one of the Eientei residents, or Kagerou.

Distorted grumble I'm guessing the latter.

[X] Stay and face whatever is there like a man

She's just a cute dog, I don't see what could possibly go wrong.

[X] Hide in the bushes and see what it is

You manage to temporary suppress the feeling of absolute terror and dive to the bushes before the figure in the distance gets close enough. Chen, who completely lost her link to her master is clinging to you harder than ever as the figure continues to approach the two of you.

Then you finally notice the most horrifying thing about this mysterious figure, it's completely black, like the void itself.With this void-like being closing the distance you suddenly feel yourself paralyzed in place, the command center in your brain simply shut down from shock and now you can really do nothing but watch as it silently advances towards you. Chen falls unconscious and slumps over in your arms.

*thump* *thump* *thump*

You're heart races like never before as it passes right past yo... "Hey! That's my spot in the bushes!" the pitch-black character suddenly says in it's distorted voice without even turning towards you (then again you probably wouldn't be able to tell if he did turn). Waiting for you to move it simply stands in place impatiently, perhaps unaware that you're incapable of moving.

"THAT'S IT!" the figure suddenly shouts after around 15 seconds of standing in place and then something solid emerges from the ground and knocks you from your place, breaking the spell of paralysis in the process. As you're still in midair it laughs pridefully and than remarks "Haha! I just made that up! Did you really believe such a lie? Who would have such a thing as a spot where they come to spy on cute girls on a daily basis anyways?"

...

*thud*

Whatever that was that hit you it certainly hurt, that blow was strong enough for you to cough up blood anime-style. At least you landed on your back so Chen was safe from taking any damage from the fall.

"Yo, outsider!" says a voice close by. You look around until you finally see Tewi with her back to a tree and with a strange looking injury on her left arm (not pictured). "Yah you! Got any room for another loli to join you on your adventure? " says Tewi "I hate to sound like I'm bargaining but I know some stuff that you don't and I'm also heading to Eientei just like you." Then she moves her injured arm a little and says "That monster did this. I was just minding my own business when that thing just jumped out of nowhere, attacked me and then jumped back there. I've been here since."

You decide that...

[ ] You'll take her with you

[ ] You'll leave her

>>37300

[X] Apprehend Tewi for killing a man

[X] You'll take her with you

"Thanks, man." says Tewi "Now pick me up. I'm in no position to walk.". You sigh and then do as she told you, making it so now you're holding two girls in your arms. "I'll start from the beginning" Tewi starts to say "around a week ago I was with running an errand with Reisen at the human village when suddenly these strange 'cracks in space' appeared all across the ground and we got separated. No matter where I went I was never be able to reach the human village again and I'd always just find myself somewhere else instead. Space and time got messed up if you ask me." "So I just kept on walking aimlessly, narrowly avoiding an encounter with a suspicious character who looks like he came right out of one of princess's manga and finally met a mysterious woman with blond hair who claimed to be a nurse from the outside world that got here from a gap that opened up out of nowhere." continues Tewi "She might have been mysterious but she did try and help me get back home, unfortunately she just disappeared yesterday and then as you already know, I got attacked by that monster."

"One last thing before we head out, that monster seems to have some sort of relationship with Cirno and from this spot I can hear a bit of what they say. It calls her 'Strongest-sama' while she calls it back 'weakling'. There's one thing that I can say for certain though, that thing isn't a youkai."

[ ] Get out of this area and then set up camp the moment you reach a safe place

[ ] Keep on trying to get to Eientei even if you run into another dangerous character or if it gets completely dark

[ ] Stay here and spy on the 'weakling'

>>37322

>[X] Get out of this area and then set up camp the moment you reach a safe place

But make sure we all sleep in the same tent

>>37325

Who wouldn't want Cirno to step on their penis as she calls you weak?

[X] Get out of this area and then set up camp the moment you reach a safe place

As soon as you leave the area and feel that you can finally breathe again you instinctively begin running so hopefully you'll reach a place that you deem safe faster. Before you could reach such a place though, you trip but manage to hold your ground before you fall, you guess it was only just a root or a stone but when you then hear a "uhh..." sound so you turn around. Patchouli was sleeping right there and you happened to trip on her. As Patchouli awakes she suddenly jumps up and nervously says "You'll take me back home, right?! I can't live on without my library!". Without even enough time for you to react Tewi butts in and says "Sure he'll help you." and Patchouli smiles and joins you and your slowly growing party.

You continue to walk about and then something catches your eye, a card. You pick it up and turn it over to find that it's the Archer card. It's punctured by what appears to be bullet holes but it's still recognizable to you, you're a fucking weeb after all. You decide to take it with you.

...

As the sun shines it's final rays you quickly gather a bunch of branches and rocks to form a small campfire that Patchouli then starts with her fire magic. You then convince Patchouli to stay awake and scout out for danger by telling her that she was sleeping when you found her so it's "only fair". You place Chen and Tewi (who's sleeping now) down somewhere comfy with a lot of leaves and as you're looking for a place for yourself yet another character shows herself...

"Quite an adventuring party you got there, but no party is complete without a White Mage." says the voice of a woman that you never met before "I see you're with Tewi, she must have told you about me. I'm Takano Miyo, just an ordinary human from the outside world... and who are you?" You look and see a very suspicious looking woman wearing a black uniform (gun not included) is the one who's speaking and then you reply "Anon." "Yeah right she's an ordinary human!" you think to yourself and you feel like she could backstab you at any moment. Despite that though, you feel as if you have no choice in the matter of whether or not you allow her to join in with that mysterious smile of hers so you just sigh and tell her "Fine, you can join us."

At least you can finally sleep now... who knows, maybe you'll finally wake up from this long dream...

"WAKE UP!" Patchouli shouts roughly half an hour after you fell asleep and begins shaking you by your shirt. "Look!" she says once she sees that you got up "It's Eientei. Now come on and hurry, everyone is already on their way." and points at a big building that clearly wasn't there before. You run up and catch up to Takano, who's holding Chen and Tewi in your place right before she got to the door and you go and open it for her.

"RAN-SHAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Chen suddenly yells out loud and jumps straight from Takano to a surprised Ran. You were about to go there too but then you're stopped by a pat to your back signalling you to turn around. "Normally I'd tell you and your merry crew that you have no place staying here..." says Eirin "but because of the seriousness of the current situation and mainly because you fetched Tewi for me I'm letting you stay here. As someone who really wants to solve this incident I might request your help though." "Beds for all of you are that way, I'll be in my office and princess's room should be somewhere over there. I want you all to come meet me in my office tomorrow morning, so please be there." says Eirin "Princess might be interested in you visitors so you could check on her if you want."

...

You are having trouble sleeping so you get up, it's still dark out so you decide that you'll...

[ ] Go back to sleep anyways

[ ] Visit Kaguya (you know you want to)

[ ] Visit Ran and Chen

[ ] Visit Eirin in her office

[ ] Visit Takano (wtf are you crazy?)

[ ] Visit Patchy

[ ] Tell yourself that this is all just a dream three times and then go back to sleep

This is not good.

Or to be more specific the direction this is going is not good all.

I am writing this because at this point you can still salvage this writing of yours from the inevitable ruin.

I'll be honest and straight to the point, so don't be a sperg and take insult at whatever criticism I'm going to say.

You are adding too many characters and too fast.

First we had Chen, then we got Tewi ( Things were still more or less fine at this point)

But then we got Patchouli, Takano, Ran and Eirin.

All of them were introduced in the SAME chapter and none of them had any real impact or genuine presence.

This is because of the fact, that the amount of text you provide and write is way too small compared to the amount of characters you are having on the writing board.

Because of this none of them feel 'alive' or feel as if they are having some kind presence within the story. They feel more like useful tools that merely move the plot along, which is the only thing your text does at the moment.

In addition you essentially ruined the pacing by adding them so fast and so suddenly.

If the pacing is ruined, the reader can't get used to the mood and immerse himself, which is pretty much the opposite of what you should be aiming for in a CYOA/quest.

I get that we are all 2hu fans and therefore we already know the characters.

But it honestly doesn't harm to properly reintroduce them and even play around with them before adding any additional characters, in order to make your reader comfortable and used to what is happening.

The way Patchouli, Ran and Eirin were introduced were especially lazy and bad.

And the way you introduced Takano was probably the worst offense. Even as I, someone who knows where she is from and is familiar with her character, felt the shallowness of her introduction. And trust me, there are more than a few fairies on this board who have absolutely no idea who the fuck Takano Miyo is. So you are mistaken to assume that your readers know of her, when this is specifically a touhou board. (Same comment for the Archer card)

Her introduction should have been the most careful one and you blew it.

You didn't give any reason for the average fairy to care about this completely random and non 2hu character.

If this story continues as it has been until now, then it will be faced with either disaster or complete lack of interest in the next few chapters. Because you are probably going to add even more characters to the party in the following chapters, and thus end up in the shitty situation which is known as having more characters than you need or more characters than you can actually write properly.

Here are some advices as to what you can do about saving this.

1. Increase the length of each chapter

Currently the amount of length/chapter you are writing can support 1 ideally, and 3 characters at most on screen.

If you want to actually continue with this many characters and want those characters to feel more than mere dolls then I would suggest increasing the length by about 3-5 times more than your current one.

Your current average chapter word count ranged between 250-390, which is hardly sufficient to convey a suitable amount of information and detail. If you didn't rush things and made things more detailed, then a fic of this kind would easily be above 1000 or even 2000 word per chapter.

2. Reduce the party size

There is virtually no reason to have this many characters on screen, all at the same time. Even rpg games only allow you 3-4 party members at a time.

It would be "best" for the party to split up in some way after Eientei or you can do some kind of switching mechanic where they occasionally replace each other as the party members.

This will increase the quality of future chapters, as the more characters are on screen at the same time, the more text they will leech away from each other, reducing all of their overall quality and possibilities. (The only way to prevent this natural law in story telling is to write even lengthier text)

3. Play around with the current characters before moving on.

Do some Eientei sleep party, slice of life or just do something with the characters overall.

Because all you did so far was advance the story and the characters suffered because of it.

Play around with them by writing non-story focused scenes and let the reader get attached to them.

4. Before adding any additional character, think:

Do I need this character in my story now?

What role will she serve in this story?

Will she be just another bloat to the party?

And decided based on these criteria

5. If you are actually introducing a new character, introduce her properly.

Unless you are intentionally wanting this to be as underwhelming as possible, then I would suggest making new character appearances more impactful, something that catches the reader's eye or makes the situation more interesting.

Or you can choose to not heed my advice at all, I don't particularly care. It is your story after all, not mine.

I got a good idea how to continue now. Just pick on of the options in >>37358 and we'll be off.

I probably should have warned you guys earlier that this would be a bit of a crossover. I hope I can be forgiven for not putting up a huge warning in the beginning.

>this guy

>expecting this not to collapse under the weight of it's own autism

let's see what happens

>[x] visit Eirin in her office

>>37440

>[X] Visit Kaguya (you know you want to)

Seconded