Self-loathing - I really fucking hate myself and attack myself a lot, even as an anon I join in on insulting the Smiley persona with others, and I disassociate from myself
Masochism - Sometimes I take great joy in being hurt and probably go on to do more harm to myself than what is acceptable
Overly quiet - I am often unable to speak up in situations that require it and with the right tone
Avoidant to a fault - There are many things that should be avoided but sometimes my avoidance of places, situations, people, etc. proves to be detrimental
Effeminacy - I feel emasculated a lot and imagine myself as a woman and behave in such a feminine way that people offline will call me "babe" and other stuff forgetting I'm not a woman
Lack of emotionality - although I constantly write in a very extreme and passionate way I am desperate to feel much of anything at all, most of my emotions are vague, and despite my efforts to amplify them they feel weak. I want to be carried away by my emotions, I want them to feel so powerful that I have to resist them, but they are far too easy to resist, they easily crumple into an emotional flatness.
Sceptical to a fault - I have severe trouble taking anything on faith even when faith is practical and life-enhancing. I doubt everything far too much and have to spend way too much time making myself sure of something before I believe it. It is hard for me to believe strongly in anything and what faith I have acquired in anything at all takes a tremendous amount of work.
Cynical - I am very bitter all the time and it inspires fantasies at times filled with jealousy, contempt, rage, etc. that make me want to do horrible things or waste too much time hating the world or hating that I can't rise up above it.
Anxious - can never relax, can never stop worrying about things, usually have to either accept the worse will happen and then mentally rejoice in the carnage or be tormented by my anxiety indefinitely even as it disturbs my sleep
Unfiltered - I do not hold back on saying or expressing somethings that I should, especially the thoughts other people have. I involuntarily act out what other people are thinking or assuming about me a lot. I feel really strong in the water element and I receive into myself a lot of things from others that I probably shouldn't, I should be more selective about what I let in perhaps.
Pessimistic - I almost always have an incredibly gloomy, shitty, depressed view of things.
Literal - I take many things literally that are not meant literally and struggle to discern when people are being other than literal. I think anyways. I'm not really sure. Maybe they really do mean it.
Paranoid - I get worked up over my fears concerning others until I get to state where I just accept that all the worst things will happen and I let go of it, expecting my death. I often reach state many days where I just feel I am about to die and I submit to it, feeling there is no use in further struggle.