/7get/ - 7Get

“I AM A CURSE, THERE’S NOTHING WORSE!” “Why the fuck did you just rhyme?” “I’M A FUCKING CURSE YOU RETARD; TO FIGURE IT OUT IS NOT HARD.” “That was a shitty rhyme you cum stained faggot.” “YOU TRY TO BE A CURSE ASSHOLE! IT’S HARDER THAN IT LOOKS… ASSHOLE” “Yeah yeah, move the story along!” I demanded. “OKAY, AHEM… DOKAY”

“Hurry up asshole!” I yelled. At this point in time I should have been a little suspicious as to how a shitty old game could talk but I didn’t think anything of it, I was honestly just pissed off. My dick hurt like hell because that old man’s eye socket was rough and crusty like sandpaper, and now this purple nurple has the nerve to grind the momentum of the only interesting story in my stank ass life to a hault. “FROM THE DEN, MY NAME IS BEN! I gasped, could it be? “YOU MAY REMEMBER ME FROM SUCH HITS AS BEN DROWNED AND BEN DROWNED (The shitty porn parody)” “You can’t rhyme drowned with drowned bullfucker!” I asserted. “LET ME GIVE YOU EXPOSITION YOU FUCKING JEWCUCK, FUCK!” Snapped BEN. “I don’t give a shit you froggit! I already know BEN drowned!” “FINE, YOU SWINE!” “Shut the fuck up and get to the point.” “OKAY, OKAY” All I could think was that this BEN guy was terrible at rhyming. “PUT ME IN YOUR N64, YOU WHORE!”

“Would love to, but my dad’s trying to fuck me, there’s no way I’m going home right now!” I explained. “I HAVE THE POWER TO PROTECT YOU FROM YOUR DADS’ PENIS, TRUST ME, I GOT THIS.” I decided to trust him because this segment was dragging on too long. I approached my photorealistic house, I opened the front door. Mom and Jesus were nowhere to be seen. Quuiiiiiznosss~ beckoned father. “Okay do your daddy cock-block, BEN!” “OH THAT? I LIED. MY SUGESTION? HIDE!” That faggot betrayed me. I whispered, “Etu Brutus”. I accepted my fate, plus my dad probably O.J. Simpson’ed Mom and El Gardnerino. My dad jumped out like the Numa Numa Guy, dick in one hand, dragon dildo in the other. Godhavemercyonme.png

“I fucked you into this world, and I can fuck you out of it Quiznos.” “If your dick doesn’t fit, you must acquit!” I replied. “NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER” roared dad. That’s when I blacked out.

I woke covered in so much sperm I couldn’t tell what was mine and what was my father’s; if you swapped jizz with blood it would be just like AMC’s The Walking Dead new episodes Sundays @9:00. Speaking of blood and cum, where’s BEN? I looked around the room; he’s nowhere to be seen. I could hear something in my stomach… Rhyming… No. NO. NOPE. He was in my ass. A few boring ass hours later and BEN emerged from my bung hole. “Not a word you cunt” I whispered. “AGREED, I’LL NEVER AGAIN BREED.” That faggot obviously doesn’t understand the concept of a word.

N64, oh lawdy, I finally have the chance to play it. I licked the poop from BEN and plopped him in the game system. Suddenly the start up screen for Sonic the hedgehog popped up for 0.9 seconds. Then I heard woody from Toy Story screaming ‘YOU ARE A TOY!’ but backwards, he ran towards the screen and started to cry and pound his fists against the T.V. screen. Just like I remember from my childhood. There was the start screen with the bucket of chicken spinning in and out of the camera with a black man chasing it. He was saying “WAFFLES” over and over again, the exact sound clip was from Shrek; again, hasn’t changed a bit. Then the file selection screen, I was terrified by what I saw. There was only one file; it said ‘BEN GOT FAT, BEN HAD A HEART ATTACK’.

I carefully selected it, suddenly the black man appeared and he said “I’m in a transitional period”. Then he disappeared. I didn’t remember that part of the game, must have been the wind or something. Crazy frog was playing backwards throughout the game; the sky was blood red; the photorealistic clouds gave me the creeps. Link started moving on his own and went to the milk bar. There were strippers and alcohol so that was pretty sweet; no milk and gay zora niggers. Link approached the bar, ordered a lot of tequila and got wasted. Link had 666 hearts and blacked out then died. GAME OVER, ROLL OVER appeared on the screen. Then it said ‘A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES, SUCKING THE COCK OF ROACHES’.

Suddenly Sonic the hedgehog burst through the T.V. like Foxy from Five nights at Freddy got fingered and screamed; “THAT’S NO GOOD!” He had no eyes and was covered in mustard; he grabbed my peepee and pulled me into the 1998 Panasonic Gayo Tube television with his hyper realistic hands (They were not photorealistic, just very hyper realistic). Suddenly I was in the photonrealistic world of Terminus. Terminus? That reminds me of AMC’s The Walking Dead with new episodes every Sunday @9:00 P.M. EST. The grass was blood red, the sky was coca-cola red, and the water was blue. Crazy frog was still playing backwards but it sounded demonic now. Suddenly the BEN statue appeared, “HEY YOU GAY” chuckled BEN. Oh yeah, I forgot about this assfuck. Can I just go home? I asked. “NAW BRA” Replied BEN. BEN looked the same as usual except for the fact that he was morbidly obese, little children and dildos were stuck in his fat folds. The little children had no eyes and were bleeding from their 666 eye sockets. The hyper realistic dildos had googlely eyes and were covered in blood. “YOUR QUEST STARTS NOW, MEOW”, Said BEN. Yay, great what is it? “UMM YOU HAVE TO FINISH THIS GAME YOU DUMBASS LIKE WOW WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU EXPECT? SUSPECT.”

CHAPTER 666

THE LORD OF THE MEMES

I’m getting sick of writing this part so I’ll just tell you what’s going on; dad’s locked up in a cage on the epic meme moon (E.M.M.) and is more horny than ever. The cage has a photorealistic lock on it that will open in 24 hours. I must take the dankest meme to the E.M.M. and toss it at my dad; disabling the memes potent power and thus saving my butthole by forever locking my father away. To gain passage to the E.M.M., I must gain the respect of the meme lords and be granted their advice (spirit) animals.

The black man reappeared with Nicholas Cage and a small man child with severe autism named Julio. “This is a bullfuck fellowship”, Said me. “Like really, where’s the midgets?” Nick Cage ran up to me and yelled “I’LL BE YOUR MIDGET QUIZNOS!” Cool, I replied. “Just get the ‘you have my _ speech’ over with. Yo you can have my watermelons nigga! Said the black man. YOU CAN HAVE A DILDO YOU DILDO, rhymed BEN. I am midget, said the Nicholas Cage. You can have my limited edition MLP sonic rain boom fedora if you promise not to give me lice, said the autistic. Great shit guys, I replied sarcastically. You’re welcome, replied the gay fellowship, sadly unaware of the sarcasm present.

Where do we start? Said le me. Well we got to decide who’s going to be Gandalf, said Julio Autismo. Fine, I replied. Several hours, temper tantrums and threats involving waifus and katanas later and Julio is crowned the Gandalf. The coloured man was disqualified from the Gand-off when he farted on Julio’s balls, which automatically made him Boromir.

CHAPTER 666½

THE POPE AND THE POOP

I beheld my semi-loyal compatriots with disgust. There were tears swelling up in my eyes, both with melancholy and from the rancid smell coming from Gandalf the Autistic. I knew this was a momentous occasion as the plot finally did something interesting for a change. Did you ever hear about the story of the pope and the poop? A question asked by one of the poor cherubs locked in the fat folds of BEN, directed towards me. No, I answered, “What is it about?” It’s the story about the pope finding the coveted holy shit, it gives us hope, the child explained. Fascinating, I replied sarcastically.

TO BE CUNTINUED

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