7400b3 No.309
I need help.
I had an episode a few weeks ago like nothing I've ever experienced. A chain of events happened that reminded me of an extremely traumatic period in my life, and I went absolutely fucking nuts. I thought it was 2012, forgot who I was, couldn't remember anything that happened for the past 3 years, and did not feel like myself…It was like my brain got taken out and replaced by someone else's, I wasn't me anymore. I kept saying that I died years ago, and that I wasn't who my relatives said I was. They had to show me a piece of paper with my name on it to convince me that I was really myself. It had never happened to me before, and that traumatic period ended almost three years ago, so I thought I was just stressed and had a panic attack like usual.
But the thing is that it's been happening more often now. I'll let my guard down and start remembering. Something will happen and it will remind me of the traumatic times. I'll thinking about the things that happened, and I feel like it's going to happen all over again. Then before I know it it's all around me again and I don't know who I am- or if I know who I am I'm not myself as I am now, I'm myself as I was back then. I go crazy and talk to myself, tell myself that I died and that I'm somebody else now, but all the while I'm not myself. I would never say those things to myself. I can't blame myself, though, I don't WANT to be myself. I don't want to believe that all of those horrible things happened to me. When I remember all the things that happened I don't want to believe that they happened to me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Somebody help me.