I feel the exact same way and it's horrible, but I recently had an epiphany and started doing my best to improve. I mean, failing so many times must have taught us something, right? Couldn't we put all that experience to good use and do something with our lives? Why are you just going to settle for what you've got? You're 30, you're far from being an old man. Imagine being that old man and regretting so painfully settling for a shitty life.
I don't know man, at this point I will either keep pushing or kill myself. It's not even really about having things or experiences, it's about the desire to achieve. You sound like you would like to die, but you're too afraid to, so you would gladly settle for the closest thing to it, living a joyless and effortless life.
>I just want to be content with having nothing, rather than constantly comparing my life to what I could have had, and feeling 'what is the point?'
Would you truly be happy if you had those things or would you keep wishing for more? Some things are not like hunger, you can never scratch the itch fully. Case in point: celebrities who have it all and drug themselves to death, or suicide because on the inside they're still a mess.
Not sure how that's going to help you. You might think I'm an optimistic teen, but I'm quite close to you in age.
Ah, feel free to drop by at >>>/improve/