To wait or not to wait

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To wait or not to wait Anonymous 01/22/16 (Fri) 14:28:47 8e1e9d No.838

>Recently decided that I don't really care much about sex, had a few one night stands in my life, never been very satisfied after

>Feeling lonely, really want to find a girl who I actually have a connection with and hopefully be with long-term

>Look around a bit (go for lunch with a few women etc), they're all boring or stupid or arrogant

>couple of months a go I went to university in a different city, meet a girl who lives real close to me but due to the fact that I literally see her every day (she does same subject as me as well) I decide not to shit where I eat so don't make a move on her

>We do keep hanging out however and we actually get on really well, eventually realise that she is the girl I was looking for, get really mad for friendzoning myself but don't know how to handle the situation so don't make a move still

>eventually when we are both very drunk it all comes out, tell her everything, tell her I love her, she gets very upset

>"Anon, I really love you as well but it's still too soon, I can't be with anyone right now, I need time to figure out what I want"

>she says this because she only split up with her ex-boyfriend of 3 years about 2 weeks before she met me so it's still pretty painful for her

>she also says to me that until she is ready she wants to be able to have meaningless sex with randoms and not have to feel guilty about hurting my feelings, she says that I shouldn't just wait for her and do the same but as I said at the start, I don't care at all about sex with randomers any more.

>What do I do /adv/? we still hang out all the time which I really enjoy but it also makes me really depressed. I don't want to give up on her but at the same time I can't just float around being some sort of beta orbiting faggot for an indefinite amount of time. Never loved anyone this much and it's driving me completely fucking crazy.

Anonymous 01/22/16 (Fri) 14:38:03 8e1e9d No.839

bump

Anonymous 01/23/16 (Sat) 06:48:09 5926e8 No.841

>>839

Seriously bumping your thread on one of the slowest boards out there? Jesus, man. Take a hint from the chick and stop being impatient.

Anonymous 01/24/16 (Sun) 06:25:58 5926e8 No.842

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>838

> I don't want to give up on her but at the same time I can't just float around being some sort of beta orbiting faggot for an indefinite amount of time. Never loved anyone this much and it's driving me completely fucking crazy.

You're at what's called an impasse, where a decision has to be made.

When people decide to not become betas, do you think it's a decision they made easily? That they've never made mistakes? That they've never been orbiters before?

Nope, nope, nope.

Pain will be your instructor, if reason will not. You can live in the misery of wanting but not being wanted for an indefinite amount of time, you can level with her and say that it hurts too much to continue the friendship, or you can slowly increase the distance between you without really saying much.

You're in between a rock and a hard place, and sometimes that's just how it is. We don't choose how we feel, we don't choose how we love. Wonderful friends who change our lives for the better come and go, too, for a variety of reasons - one of which is love. I've been there, too. Been devastated time and time again, but here I am, and there you will be, too.

This time around, there is no "This option feels great and everything works out perfectly"course of action to take, it seems. Even if you pressured her into being in a relationship with you, it'd hurt her eventually and (hopefully, if you have a conscience) make you feel like shit too.

Take a lot of time to think about it.

Write letters to her and to yourself about what's going on and keep them to yourself - this is one way to get your thoughts in a physical medium where they can be more easily followed - when emotions are involved it's often difficult to think straight, so a solution may be obscured by the ephemeral nature of thought.

Anonymous 01/29/16 (Fri) 07:59:20 73ffda No.850

Sounds like she doesn't mind hurting your feelings as long as she doesn't have to or is expected to feel guilty. All or nothing. Are you really gonna be something that will wait on her? You don't want to be her platonic friend.

Anonymous 01/29/16 (Fri) 08:08:25 73ffda No.851

Liking someone means wanting to take of them in exchange for some kind of exclusive relationship. She'd like for you to take care of her, but is unwilling to give up anything for it. Move on. Don't settle for poor treatment. Doesn't mean she's a bad person. Doesn't mean you don't want to take care of her. It means you just want more, and that's okay.

Anonymous 02/08/16 (Mon) 17:40:18 86a47e No.854

>>838

Either you turn into a beta provider and you wait for her. In which case she'll lose all respect for you anyway.

You just move on and give up on her. It'll fucking kill her to see you live witouth her. Don't accept her though, and don't try to get into a relation with her anymore even if she runs at you with open arms.

Good luck.

Anonymous 03/02/16 (Wed) 21:58:21 5d605c No.890

>>850

Not OP, But I'd love a platonic friend.

Anonymous 03/21/16 (Mon) 12:44:24 bfe6a3 No.903

She's never gonna get with you. It's ogre. If she doesn't say yes right away she never will. Don't waste any more time trying to be more than her friend and find someone else.