Tl;Dr:
>'Tards get in here!
OP is questioning how much he can hope to achieve, being a 'tard and all.
Tell him how you cope with your retardation or applicable alternative. Maybe some personal accounts would give him some idea.
OP's post:
Hi, /adv/. I'm a retard.
I got a Aspergers diagnosis 10 years ago. I was quite 'special' at the time, and I was glad it had an explaination.
Couple years after the diagnosis, and a paticularly awkward social situation,I forced myself to learn better social cues. I studied how people interact in the everyday and on television and learned to mold these behaviors into my own. The latter (TV) may have been less than ideal to study as I can have a bad habit of being dramatic and thematic in my line of acting and thinking in social situations.
I've become relativly natural and comforable, though I still struggle with maintaining eye contact. As of now, I'd say I'm just averagely socially awkward. For example: I don't like chit chat, I still avoid it, but I can do it if I must. I've gotten better, but I don't think I pass for normal.
I think that at 60% of my capacity, I can't keep in touch with people.
At 90% I can maintain a few relationships.
But my 90% effort, is a 60% effort for a functional person.
It depresses me, the fact that: applying almost all my efforts, I'm still not impressive. My best is average.
No matter how hard I try, people won't notice my efforts.
>Shepard: We don't give medals to soldiers for doing their jobs.
But then I got to thinking some more:
I'm in my mid 20's, I'm on welfare. My parents made great effort (bless their souls) to get me a intern job which may lead to a steady job down the line. I've been very fortunate. The employer doesn't have to pay me, as the welfare covers it, though this won't be the case forever.
The job is simple. It requires no degree. Any schmuck who passed high-school could do it, and more efficiently I'm sure. Still, I'm told I do the job well, by my boss and my dad, who works there as well.
Now it's the opposite that depresses me. I'm depressed because I'm recieving praise for something I feel is average. I'm upset because I feel patronised and unchalenged.
So, all I really know is that I'm my own worst critic. I'm just not sure yet if I want others to be critical or not. And so I'm at a crossroads:
Road one leads to the dream. The dream of being self sustaining. Managing without welfare. Not being a burden on my parents and the state. Having a non-tailored job, even it isn't prestigious. Keeping a orderly habitat. Having a forfiling hobby that I can share with people. Maybe a competent woman in my life, maybe not. In this case I would'nt want my peers to give me a break until my efforts are on parr with a functional adult.
Road two leads to coming to terms with the fact that I'm a 'tard, and not chasing the sun. I've met adults retards, I've seen what their lives are. In my eyes, they're not living, as much as they are 'existing'. They live on welfare, spend all day at home governed either by their parents or people hired to keep them on top of their washing and other domicile dutiues. I should accept that I will never be able to function as an adult and should start getting comfortable with this impending lifestyle.
In this case I would accept my limitations as they are, and understand that my peers were right to have drawn their conclusions already.
The last few months, I've been heading slowly down road one. I expect and accept that it'll take many years to reap the reward of that road. I'll spend the rest of my 20s working on it certainly. Today, I thought long and hard about road one. I don't know if I can manage and maintain all that, ever. I think I had an epiphany. Or maybe heading down the first road was the epiphany.
I'm asking myself, when am I seeing clearly?
When I head down road one, or road two?
What's the mature thing to do? What's the realistic thing to do?
Are those the same thing?
I don't expect you to answer these questions. Rather, I've started this thread to see how others have dealt with their lives. I want to hear about some of your experiences and how you've worked to improve your lives. Maybe it would help.
So, How do you cope with your autism, /adv/?
Or if you're not autistic, how do you cope with your general faggotry?
Ask me questions if you like.