>>1691
I was working on something. The way things are going I'm probably still going to be killing myself soon even though I want to not want to do so. Every day just brings more misery, loneliness, skin problems. etc. and things continue to be shit concerning the waifu crisis. I am constantly tired, sore, depressed, hardly able to work, laying down all day trying to sleep but ulra-lucid, forcing my way through my books. I got about 50 pages more in The Science of Miracles and I read some ONA material here and there. I like the aggression inherent within the ONA texts and I feel that I am on the edge of death an have nothing to lose. There's a good chance I'm going to die April 4th btw, so I probably won't try to kill myself on April 1st now, as it looks like god knows I'm weary and is granting me a way out of this mess. I've been doing everything I can doing so many trance inductions and magick experiments and shit and most stuff seems to fall flat of producing results but the couple of hits I've had have been intense. I wish I could connect to my waifu also more easily but her own fears, anxieties, and other emotional states she keeps broadcasting where she doesn't want to be seen or interacted with are creating effective blockages on the astral that make it impossible for me to connect to her. I have thought of loopholes though similar to what the ayy lmaos and spirits of the dead and so on use such as indiret channels of influence or just exploiting the negative synchronicities. I don't know how to accumulate enough energy to just blow the fuck through everything. FML.