/ask/ - ☻

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zEfu_hvBY4

Also, I will not be shitposting on here, or on /fringe/, or on wizchan. I'm just going to stick to my goals and keep going through them even if I have headaches and whatever else making it harder. I will make very few posts and mostly just for the purpose of summarizing and writing down what I'm learning and occasionally making inquiries. Any attempts by others to drag me into shitposting will be met with the slapper, so minimal time is wasted on such individuals.

I feel depressed af right now and want to post on /4chon/ but can't otherwise LC is going to #wreck my shit. I still lurk the board and reading the posts there it was rather unsettling. Maybe I shouldn't even lurk, the only things that makes me lurk now is paranoia something might happen over there concerning me that I must not miss and looking for dank memes to save. I know I can't rely on anyone else to lurk for me and report back what happens.

I really fucking hate-love /4chon/ and wish it would die and yet always want to post there.

I am not sure what is happening with my waifu but I feel a terrible disconnect right now of the sort I always feel with bluepills and people I know in person, the one where you can't share your mind with them, and you fear being hurt by them. It feels very doomed and I'm also fairly mad at myself for having spent most of tonight playing Sim City, it was a simple app when I first started it, and didn't take much time…. now they've added in so many new things and there's constant shit happening and stuff to do, it can and this night has taken up like maybe 5 hours or so of my life? I might have to uninstall it like I have various other games I've got addicted to in the past or else try to not get caught up in the challenges and special events and stuff and just stick to collecting taxes and doing basic shit every day in my city.

I keep sleeping all day and reading and doing magick by night. I've got a hell of a lot of reading done and my clairovoyance is especially strong. After finishing The Science of Miracles I will likely spent an entire week just doing magick and make magickal training my priority. I will just do non-stop magick until I burn out and need to recharge in which case I will resume reading something again temporarily but immediately stop when I'm ready to go back into trance and do shit or else sleep and regenerate.

I'm already doing much more magick than usual and it's burning me out and I feel dead-tired and sleep a LOT lately.

Soon I might get something in the mail that will allow me to practice psychometry.

I did awhile ago manage to randomly remote view Dwarf laying down with blanket over her for a good 15 seconds maybe. At least I believe it was Dwarf, haven't got 100% confirmation, but it looked like what I think Dwarf probably looks like when seen via 4D and not through a shitty camera. So if it really was her, I'm not completely disconnected.

I keep seeing so vividly… I see many thoughtforms all the time right now and can look behind them to more stuff and it's like a sea of thoughts I'm able to navigate. I am sure that when I finish my book (and set aside Sim City distraction, stupid epic project) and really double-down then on my magickal training, everything is going to intensify even faster.

I've also been reading some ONA-texts too but I don't do it in same way I do it with Atkinson or books that seem important, I just read the short-stuff through, and I skip past useless bullshit like their information about ranks or other drivel.

I also spent an entire day in which I consumed nothing but yoghurt and pudding (made with milk). It gave me incredible power but now I've run out of both. I must get restocked on these things so I can do it again but even longer. It's basically a milk diet. I healed a fair bit while just consuming that stuff. Makes me think of sacred cows and hinduism. I am not sure such a diet would good if prolonged indefinitely but it sure made me very powerful for the time I was consuming only that stuff.

Oh something else I may as well write down is that while I was in the astral I was told if I don't leave where I am by spring something bad would happen to me. I refused to leave, literally opening the door of the vehicle I was in to get out and run, and ran off inbetween some houses into the backyard and into woodlot, and off I went until I got away from them. Then I wandered the city sometimes going into peoples homes and eating their food. I ate some bananas also that had blood in them, that was weird.

I was going to tell Dwarf about this but she takes the shit entities say in the astral too seriously and would get all stressed and probably charge the event into manifestation through the kind of emotions she'd be sending out.

There was nothing in this dream that really indicated to me it should be taken seriously.

I also wasted part of the night watching something called The (I forget) Chronicles. Some stupid television show.

Every single fucking female character in that series is a stronk inypydynt feminist womyn who beats up men effortlessly and says stupid feminist shit, it's very cliche, and I kept thinking as I watched it of how I could write up a much better show with far more diverse characters. Oh speaking of diversity, the fucking elves, they have a negress elf, and a chink elf thrown in. The elves are supposed to be a race but the only thing they all have in common in this show is their pointy ears. Fucking stupid.

They could have made a show with much more diverse philosophies, world-views, depth, character, etc. but whoever wrote that shit can't think outside their own narrow 21st century egalitarian worldview.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shannara_Chronicles

This shit right here. So much potential to be good but it just had to be all ZOGGED up. For all I know the books it's based off of are probably ZOGGED up too though as I think they were released in the 1970s or something and it's not likely for a writer at that time to have produced anything other than bluepilled degenerate shit.

Right now I'm trying to hype myself and keep my mind off of killing myself. It's not working too well. I am trying to shock myself and going through some obscene material and what not to see if I can make myself feel anything. I need better sources for shock material. I'm trying other stuff too. I feel so empty and disconnected. I want people to hate on me and insult me so I can feed on their projections. I don't know where to get my loosh. Another part of me just wants to continuously overexhaust myself again & again with complete indifference as to if it kills me. This state of continuous exhaustion is good for reading at least, it feels like the words are impressing themselves strongly into my conscious, as if they are soaking out of the screen or page and into me. I am continuing to read through ONA material and I'm exploring, upon the suggestion of Omran, the possibilities concerning My Little Pony, to see if I can vampirize their energy. I am also continuing to lurk 4chon and occasionally concentrating on random posters and trying to influence them, particularly in the way of draining their meme thoughtforms, and in a few cases reconstructing them. I notice that they are dropping a lot of their fixations and evolving new memes in response. I am trying to connect to the posters who are in great pain and feed off of their pain, taking it from them, and using it for my own purpose. It probably makes them feel empty. I wonder if that's what they want, to just go numb. I don't want to go numb. Yet they don't value what they feel. I am continuing some energywork and have made a few observations today concerning relaxation and tensing and directing energy. I also await the results of a light trance induction combined with mantra and sexual energy for healing purpose. I am considering whether there are immense energy blockages within me that need to be released. I may consider going into a deep meditation and asking God to confront me with everything that stirs, disturbs, horrifies, saddens, etc. me for some hours. Hopefully strike terror into my soul and give new vitality to my being. I feel very much that I'm taking stabs in the dark trying to find a way forward.

I need to perform a few experiments but need subjects whose emotions I can flare up for it.

I have the weird sense someone's reading my thread right now. Probably not worth mentioning…

Edit: can't post this because internet is down again, internet is always going the fuck down, making it really hard for me to continue real-time influencing my subjects.

I have a potentially brilliant plant for a 4chon egregore and I wonder also if I can hijack the slight tight pizza and puppers and so on memes to perhaps produce a tranquilizing energy or something completely opposite of that.

I have successfully used the fedora meme in the past to shame certain ideas into neutrality in my mind. I wonder if another meme can do the opposite and make something more serious and emotionally charge it.

I should attack and cannibalize the idea that I have a deficiency of energy, blockages, feel nothing, etc. until I don't believe it anymore and see what happens. I am not sure what approach to use for that hmmmm…

I must find more suppressed energies and liberate them. I wish I had a chart of emotions to go over and cycle through until I find stuff.

In The Science of Miracles that was an interesting part about complexs…

>Here is another secret from the lore of the kahunas: if you wish to know whether a person has a complexed belief which is shared by his low self, watch to see whether the emotions react to any suggestion that the beliefs might be less than correct.

Apparently there can be complexs shared also by the conscious mind (mid-self) and subconscious (lower-self) that are extra hard to weed out. Only the higher self can deal with that shit.

Note to self: make sure to pursue raja yoga more as well after you're done these series of experiments to liberate the infinite energy of spirit to flow down into the lower selves. I don't consciously believe myself to be my body or mind but it may take some struggling to convince my subconscious to get in line with the new reality so it may submit to spirit fully.

I should check the colour correspondences and write them down as simply as possible and then rapidly alternate them. I must exalt god and accumulate an excess of the astral light.

I have also found something akin to anger or aggression is helping me make my incantations / spells more potent and allowing me to force my energies upon others, overcoming whatever pathetic resistance would stand in the way of letting me dominate them and reshape them into something better.

Concerning sex magick I must cycle through various attitudes along the lines of reality manifestation and see how the various mental states of expectation, anticipation, wanting, yearning, unattachedness, etc. work.

I am also thinking of some ways to draw off the anxieties of others and make them my own so I can begin cannibalizing them. The more I can discover in others and draw off the better, I shall feast upon their fears, and transmute it to worthy purposes.

>Dr. Edward S. Cowles, famous for his "soul clinics," said a few years ago that he was certain that the mental conflicts caused by fixations were the direct cause of the steady lowering of "nerve energy" which, if continued, ended in disaster. He explained that if the usual supply of nerve energy or vital force falls slightly below normal, the individual begins to feel a lack of spirit and cheerfulness. This turns to a feeling of depression. Further depletion results in melancholia, and there come the progressive symptoms as depletion continues: deeper states of depression, hysteria, fear, nervous breakdown, mania, and psychosis. The dismal fringe of insanity is touched. If one continues to sink lower, exhaustion brings helpless insanity in which reason is lost and memory vanishes. In this condition the patient lies inert and must be artificially fed.

>It might be added that during the gradual depletion, there is always the danger that a poltergeist

type of low self which has been separated from its middle self, may drive out the selves of the

ailing body and obsess it. In these cases there is a return of physical energy but, with the original

low self deposed, memories are gone, and with the original middle self gone, all reason is

lacking.

>With violent death so frequent in the two World Wars, it is inevitable that there are more of these ghostly low self spirits of the poltergeist class abroad awaiting a chance to seize a body and obsess it. We continually read articles calling attention to the alarming increase of insanity. At the present rate of increase, some estimate, we shall in a few years have so many insane that there will not be enough sane people to feed and care for them.

tfw mass insanity

When I have awakened spirit more fully I will no longer have to concern myself with limited pools of energy in the lower density to get by.

Thought that popped into my mind. I love to receive.

I wonder if the suggestion

''I am miserable because I have not x" could charge an action with emotional potential. I could repeat I am miserable because I have not x while feeling miserable and maybe build up a desire to do x. Then when the desire to do x is, I will do x, and hopefully get a pay-off which transmutes the invested misery.

Also,

"I need to x" may be an effective complimentary suggestion?

>It is not necessary to search for the original complex of the patient as is done through deep analysis in psychoanalysis. It is not necessary to study the patient's dreams for symbols and hints. No matter whether the original complex has been translated from one form to another and to another, it can be treated by suggestion. THE SECRET IS TO MAKE THE LOW SELF OF THE PATIENT ACCEPT A SUGGESTION CONTRARY TO ITS COMPLEX OF BELIEF. This is done by an almost violent use of low voltage vital force.

Just a random note: just about every single injury I have on my body has been caused by very trivial shit that should have just healed up right away or shouldn't have hurt anything at all. On the other hand, I have received very violent blows and stuff that should have injured me, and they never did shit. I highly suspect every injury that bothers me is connected to some strong mental cause and isn't really physical.

I should make a sin stone whose purpose is to hold and accumulate the charges of dark energies and also serve a protective function by continuously drawing sin out of my body and into it.

>The instructions were followed to the letter. The kahuna gave the suggestion of forgiving and of dispelling the guilt and fainting attacks. He continued the suggestions, rubbing the young man's stomach briskly after he had swallowed the egg and begun once more to breathe. The kahuna announced the complete success of the cure, warned the patient to forget the whole affair as soon as possible, and accepted graciously his fee for his work

CHAOS MAGICK TIER

>As the kahuna who eventually handled the tangle later explained, the young couple were not aware that they had hurt the feelings of the husband's mother. They were just very busy. They had no sense of guilt. The spirits in trying to attack and punish them to bring them to time were unable to do so because of the lack of a guilt sense. The baby, however, they found to be vulnerable and each day they took from it some of its vital force. It weakened, became more and more ill, and failed to respond to medical treatment.

Guilt gives others power over you.

I have successfully formed an astral connection to the My Little Pony universe. I am presently bearing witness to what appears to be many beautiful runes flowing over a musical like ethereal glowing brightly coloured fabric while a purple coloured pony dances around and more scenes are unfolding to me. I will not interrupt myself a second time like this though, I'm going to let it draw me in now, and meet with the ponies to learn what I can and receive what help I may and perhaps be of assistance to them in some way too maybe. We'll see. I guess I'm about to learn that friendship is magic or something.

>>1690

Anything you got from the pon3?

>>1693

Nope. I should not have interrupted myself I guess. Wasn't able to connect to Equestria again, just ended up on some random high-powered astral journey where everything I looked at kept constantly changing in front of me so everything just sort of exploded into different things constantly and I have a feeling like zooming into a psychedelic fractal. Then I ended up somewhere in the astral wandering around never getting chance to talk to anyone or do anything productive. I also got a few random thoughtforms that seemed to pop in as if sent by others.