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[uɐᴉlɐɹʇsnɐ uᴉ sɥƃnɐl]
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/d/ - Home of Headswap and Detachable Girl Threads

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Just 🐝 yourself. Rules.

File: 90a23ad6bb9980a⋯.jpg (567.57 KB, 3600x2700, 4:3, 3C475B7.jpg)

 No.8655573

Did you every do something cool? Get fucked by a dog? Fuck your family members or jerk off in a work bathroom? Tell us how and make it

>Green

 No.8655583

File: 8cc9b14aae7311a⋯.jpeg (157.8 KB, 2048x1152, 16:9, Dow2eGvWwAEYBLJ.jpeg)

>see gay thread

>the end


 No.8655593

>>8655583

<Fake AND gay


 No.8655622

>>8655583

Why even in this place "thread about something cool or unusual from your past" is a gay thread?


 No.8655623

File: 15822c83d0d0c65⋯.jpg (32.69 KB, 475x604, 475:604, 5a2e16598173dab78212000c0c….jpg)

>drill hole through my bedroom wall to peak at my sister undressing

>stupid/desperate enough to think nobody will notice, care, or put two and two together

>mum finds out and immediately confronts me about it

>doesn't even ask for an explanation and jumps right to calling me a sick whackjob

>sister overhears this and intervenes

>makes up some reason for the hole being there so we could communicate with each other through the wall

>tfw she knew all along and defended me anyways


 No.8655631

Don't y'all get enough stories from reddit to read and post on youtube?


 No.8655632

>>8655623

>drill hole through my bedroom wall

You have had paper walls?


 No.8655633

>>8655631

I mean, I don't see people who make some of the greentext stories getting any of your ad revenue.

Just sayin.


 No.8655639

>>8655631

It's not enough funny.


 No.8655640

File: f2ea59f8aea1c84⋯.jpg (72.39 KB, 864x864, 1:1, 51757602_756849971366014_4….jpg)

walking through uni

holding hands

whenever i find a pocket away from student sight i grab her and swing her in and kiss her

start fingering her

shes getting moany

take each other by the private parts to nearest toilet

im lying back down in a puddle of piss with her asshole on my face while she sucks my cock

make her cum

feel her all shakey and dripping above and all over me

helps jerk me off to completion

pick ourselves up

brush the shit piss and toilet paper off me (made sure she didnt touch ground)

go back out to next class

catch up with her again after class

take her home swung over my shoulder

tongue fuck her until her first cluster orgasm

finger fuck her to her next

finish with her tight little cunt constricting around my cock

i can only go half at it cause of the size difference

.

very mewy girl. very mewy girl.


 No.8655650

>>8655639

$200 USD and I'll tell you a funny story.


 No.8655657

>>8655640

haha i see no greentext retard


 No.8655661

>>8655657

choke on a pile of shit schizophrenic faggot


 No.8655663

>>8655573

Yah heehee

>one time

>put benis in bagina

>heehee

Consequences will nevar bee the saem


 No.8655665

>>8655640

With one of my girl I had sex on the cinema floor during film.

>>8655650

No, thanks. It's half of salary in my country.


 No.8655666

>>8655632

No, the wall had a renovation that was never completed, so it was just wood paneling and plaster filling the gaps on my side. My sister's side of the wall still had the drywall intact and it was painted white, so the hole stood out like a hard cock in gym shorts. I used a power drill with a quarter inch bit.

I have a hard time understanding how I was ever that retarded.


 No.8655671

>>8655665

i always finger and pash her in the cinema and i love squeezing and pulling her tight cause shes a stupid innocent bitch that gets scared by a loud bang and clings to me and i love that whore. done cinema toilets.


 No.8655673

>>8655666

I imaging how you drill throw wall and suddenly pierced your sister from back.


 No.8655676

>>8655671

I hate have any sex in any toilets.

Really.


 No.8655677

File: ef73f46c264bb04⋯.jpg (65.06 KB, 500x559, 500:559, 1531109748678.jpg)

> me

>exist

>I hate

>make not exis

>goodgood


 No.8655679

>>8655677

Can't see any cool in this story.


 No.8655683

>>8655676

pretty sure thats why they exist tho


 No.8655684

File: abf71d0a9d66e75⋯.webm (957.56 KB, 640x480, 4:3, testresults.webm)

>outside playing

>probably like 6 yrs old

>it's almost dinner time

>starting to feel hungry

>ask buddy what he's having for dinner

>find out hes a poorfag and they're having mac n cheese with cut up hot dogs

>almost throw up thinking about it

>go home

>get good grub

>outside again

>the real story is the first letter of every line


 No.8655687

File: 26bc9e933a04383⋯.gif (3.93 MB, 600x360, 5:3, 26bc9e933a04383ebc48d1c75d….gif)

>>8655679

>coolcool

>yeah

>besfren


 No.8655688

File: 4d08115e2e1935d⋯.jpg (46.77 KB, 351x327, 117:109, axolotl.jpg)


 No.8655690

>>8655683

Maybe, maybe.

But it's not my chose.


 No.8655713

>>8655684

Mac and Cheese and hot dog is good shit tho ngl.


 No.8655716

>>8655713

t. Poorfag


 No.8655723

>>8655716

Actually I make 590,000 a year. I grew up poor tho, eating stuff like that, beans and doggo, hamburger helper etc.


 No.8655887

>>8655573

>I fucked my cousin


 No.8655893

Arms over the head tits are best tits.


 No.8655897

>>8655623

Did you properly thank your sister for her mercy?


 No.8655909

>>8655573

>Be me

>Be 15 in high school many years ago

>Be in English class

>English teacher is a total bitch.

>Is constantly fucking with me.

>One day during class I got up from my desk.

>Walked up to the teacher's desk.

>Opened one of the drawers on it.

>Whipped out my cock

>And fapped until I blew a load into that drawer.

>Class went totally nuts.

>Some were shouting, "Anon no!"

>Others were laughing hysterically.

>Others were shouting, "WTF are you doing?"

>One really slutty girl that fucked everyone

>Kept shouting "Meet me after school! I want that!"

>Teacher was so shocked she couldn't move.

>She couldn't speak, all she could do was stare.

>She was pale as a ghost.

>I returned to my desk, sat down like nothing happened.

>Freaked out English teacher left class room.

>Minutes later she returned with police

>And what looked like an EMT

>I was escorted out of the building, put in an ambulance.

>I was then taken to a mental hospital

>When the opened the door

>I stepped out onto the floor

>And did the dinosaur.


 No.8655911

>>8655573

>I had nude pics of my cousin.

>Would have fucked her too, but there was so much in the way preventing that from happening.


 No.8655921

>>8655640

>Stupid shit can't into greentext

USE RED TEXT INSTEAD FAGGOT!


 No.8655923

>>8655887

details?


 No.8655953

>>8655573

Anymore pics of her, she has nice tits.


 No.8655960

File: b08ab31867bb82e⋯.jpg (2.41 MB, 1600x8500, 16:85, sexytiles.jpg)

This is not me.


 No.8655961

>>8655573

is that velma?


 No.8655965

>>8655623

didn't you almost fuck her or something


 No.8656077

>palms are sweaty

>knees weak

>arms are heavy

>there's vomit on the sweater already

>mom's spaghetti


 No.8656083

ITT: Lying niggers and based memers


 No.8656084

>>8655897

No, because I didn't want to approach the topic of me spying on her and jacking off. Thanking her, or apologizing, would have been implicitly admitting to what I was up to. Of course, she was already well aware, but still.

The funny thing is that she took the fall for the wall damages because she made it sound like the whole thing was her idea, got bitched out for a good long while as I slipped away.


 No.8656128

homosexuality is fucking gay


 No.8656131

>live in apartment alone

>wake up 1am for no reason

>vape

>hear rattle sound from other room

>check, realize someone is trying to break in to sliding door

>quietly run and grab shotgun, pump one in the chamber, safety off

>quietly run back and wait in the dark

>mfw after 10 minutes he gives up and leaves

>2 days later realize many would have called cops but that was first I thought of it


 No.8656141

I use to jam wine bottle up this black girls vagina while I called her a filthy nigger. Some tiny feminine old guy was looking to get fisted and abused, I fisted him and beat his ass so hard that the after effects of it made him literally scared of me, he flinched when he saw me irl and he cried when I sat next to him and tried to talk to him.


 No.8656147

>have boring life with nothing worth telling ever happening

that's it my greentext story what do I win?


 No.8656204

>>8655723

Actually, I make 590,000 a month and I eat tree bark and grubs.


 No.8656206

File: 177a00a875dc861⋯.png (40.27 KB, 571x618, 571:618, e4301fab5adef4fcf98e2338be….png)

>>8655909

>Be me


 No.8656233

>>8655713

No, it's really not. It's basically empty calories flavored by hormone disrupters.


 No.8656289

>>8656228

No, your story is shit, kys.


 No.8656299

>>8656141

fucking abusefags m8


 No.8656307

>>8655887

(((Everybody's fucked your cousin.)))


 No.8656387

>>8655909

Would be much better without the shitty meme line at the end


 No.8656394

Does anyone know a girl who fucked a dog?


 No.8656431

>>8656228

yes, cont, don't listen to the bastard


 No.8656925

>>8655623

COPYPASTA!

>>8655909

was alright

>>8656228

obviously more even if it's dinosaur


 No.8656976

File: a312deff5081858⋯.webm (1.98 MB, 854x478, 427:239, a312deff508185856be1603d3….webm)


 No.8657143

>Be me

>Make thread on /b/

>Expect a few oldfags to appreciate it

>They all suck dicks more than me

>Not a single good story

>Half a story worth reading and ends without the anal fucking

>Don't know why I bother


 No.8657145

>>8657143

Not really worth telling incriminating stories since the mods log your IP and entire post history. Not very anonymous anymore.


 No.8657224

>>8657145

Use a VPN like how everyone here is supposed to use dumbass, then it wouldnt matter at all.

How the fuck did you even discover this site?

How did you learn how to breathe?

Good God I fucking hate retards.


 No.8657337

File: 06bcb172da0d631⋯.jpg (29.44 KB, 320x480, 2:3, IMG_20190212_045315.jpg)

>third world country

>I had just contracted a water borne illness the day before, laying in my bed alone around 9pm trying to sleep

>deathly I'll, already threw up everything in my system but feeling oddly stabilized

>friend texts me, guy from Denmark

>asks if he can come over to visit me, tell him sure but he needs to be quiet to avoid waking my host family

>don't think anything of it, figure hes just being friendly and wondering where I was the day before

>try to get up to let him in but I'm too sick, wake my qt roommate from Switzerland and send her to do it

>5 minutes later my roommate comes back with the danish guy

>roommate tells she wants to sleep and that she's angry I'm keeping her up

>tell her to fuck off and that I'm too sick to even drink water

>she challenges me to a drinking game, if she wins she tells the host family I had someone over and gets me evicted, if I win I can make her do something of my choice

>up until this point we had barely talked and I had only arrived in the country a few days before, but I remember being angry with her and thinking she was being cruel

>agree to the drinking game expecting to lose, mainly to call her bluff

>roommate dolls out shotglasses and jäger, and she takes 4 shots in succession and says we drink until one of us throws up

>danish guy matches her and tries to encourage me

>take the shots with no issue, by some miracle

>we continue taking turns with single shots until we finish the bottle

>since I wasn't able to keep any solids or liquids down beforehand, I'm extremely drunk, but still coherent due to my good tolerance

>roommate bites her lip and starts mocking me, asking if I'm ready for round 2 and insulting me

>she takes a full bottle of vodka and gets onto the bed with me, says that its between just the two of us now

>we start to pass the bottle between the two of us, speaking in french so the danish guy can't understand us, he doesn't seem to care and is just smoking a cigarette

>she starts to ask me if I'm just pretending to be sick to get out of work and to get her to play nurse for me

>confused I ask her what she means

>my roommate then crawls over to me and breathing in my face asks me if I love her

>completely shocked I just stare at her and say nothing, look over at the danish guy who isn't looking and can't speak French anyway

>roommate kisses me on the mouth and leans into me, I'm completely shocked and don't know what to do

>she starts reassuring me and putting a hand under my shirt

>kiss her back and try to sit up but she presses her entire body into me and I'm too weak to resist

>she teases me and asks me why I look so pale, and gently hits me when I ask her what's shes doing

>try to sit up again but I'm too weak and she's pressing all her weight into my chest

>start to feel sick and almost claustrophobic, tell her to get off my chest

>she makes an exaggerated pouty face and slides off my chest and onto my lap

>try to sit up but I can only get onto my elbows

>tell her I'm too weak to sit up and that I really need a drink of water

>she laughs and puts both her palms on my shoulders and presses down

>fall back onto the bed and she starts to kiss my neck

>feel a cold sweat coming on but give into her anyway

>slip a hand down her panties, and figure I might feel better if I can distract myself

>progress into sexy times

>don' t even notice when the danish guy left, but wake up next to my roommate the next morning with the door open

>wake my roommate up, we pull in pants and go upstairs for breakfast with the host family

>host family visibily angry, mom says she came in this morning to find us sharing a bed(breach of house rules)

>roommate says it was because she was helping soothe me to sleep, as I've sick, and we just happened to fall asleep together


 No.8657338

>>8657337

>she argues until the host mother believes her and leaves us alone

>fast forward a couple days

>in the kitchen at night with my roommate getting water

>talking and laughing

>she kisses me and pulls me over to the family couch in front of the tv

>we start fooling around, pull her bra off and feeling each other up

>suddenly the kitchen lights flip on, startling both of us

>host mom is standing there staring with wild eyes at me on top of my roommate on the family couch

>awkward silence before the host mom screams "I KNEW IT" and chases us downstairs into our bedroom

>next morning, the entire host family confronts us over breakfast, with my roommate's bra from the night before in the middle of the table

>host mom angirly explains that we're being evicted within the day and that we're given a new host family on the marina

>host mom calls my roommate a "godless slut" and me a liar and sends us away

>later that day we move into a giant house with a nice host family who imposes no rules

>we get a large room with a king bed to share

>realize that the new host family new the entire situation and set the room this way on purpose

>spend the rest of the time in the country messing around and being made into local legends

>have our pictures put up in every local bar as everyone wants to take a picture of "white angels"

>old host mom even came to our new house to apologize and ask us back into her home

>roommate curses her in French and laughs before shutting the door

>tfw

>the end(I'm tired and skimped on the descriptions sorry)

>pic related


 No.8657384


 No.8657675

> Be me

> Just started college at some community college

> Have Saturday class, super boring, but gotta go.

> Car has 3% tint on it, so I tend to check people out since they can't see

> Park next to class building

> Notice slutty girl waiting for the bus

> Realize it's Saturday

> ohshit.jpg

> Get out of the car

> Me: "Hi, I'm Anon, you know the bus doesn't run today."

> Slut: "Oh fuck, well I guess I won't get lunch then."

> Offer her ride in ghetto ass car

> She notices the tint

> "I bet you were staring at me through the windows huh."

> She puts on the kind of smile that only sluts can do

> Spaghetti everywhere

> She laughs, I laugh along and get in to unlock her door

> She sits inside

> Slut: "Holy shit I couldn't see anything from the outside"

> Me: "Ha, yeah…"

> Slut: "I bet you could fuck in here and no one would know"

> *slut smile*

> *spaghetti intensifies*

> Me: "Yeah, when I put the screen up for the windshield no one can see inside"

> Slut: "Really? Put it up, I want to see!"

> Screen goes up

> She looks around for a minute

> She takes her shirt off

> *spaghetti overload*

> Her pants slide off as she pushes her panties to the side to reveal her pussy

> She starts playing with herself

> Slut: "Fuck me."


 No.8657676

> I take off my shirt and unbutton my pants

> We start making out

> feels good.jpg

> Remember I have a condom in my wallet from some guy passing them out on campus

> Pull it out and start putting in on

> I take out my phone from my pocket to give myself more leverage

> Toss it on the drivers seat as I climb over to her side

> I slide my cock in

> feelsgood.jpg

> Not sure how to fuck at this angle, so I pull the leaning back part on the chair

> We fall back together, as I slide in deeper

> She moans

> I keep fucking her without realizing she picked up my phone

> She's going through my phone

> Wtf?

> Fuck it, it feels good

> She's still holding my phone but off to the side

> Good, I'm distracting her…

> She locks my phone and throws it back on the seat

> *beast mode activates*

> I miss my class

> After we finish, we put our clothes back on and I drop her off at her house

> Slut: "I put my number in your phone"

> Duh, of course

> Slut: "And also a present…"

> She walks inside and I start to regret what happened

> Find new video on my phone…


 No.8657678

> Fapped at least 20 times to the video she recorded

> Something about watching your own porn is hot

> The rest of the day I went on hardly believing what happened

> But I had video evidence, and then I'd fap again.

> Before long, fapping wouldn't do it for me anymore

> I needed this slut to fuck me again

> I text the number she put in my phone

> Me: "Hey, its Anon"

> Slut: "Took you long enough…"

> Me: "Yeah, I've been pretty busy, but I can't stop thinking about you. That was so random, but so hot at the same time."

> Slut: "Yeah, I don't usually do that, but I was horny, and I hadn't been fucked that good in a long time…"

> Me: "I could do better."

> Slut: "You should show me sometime…"

> Me: "Anytime"

> Slut: "Hey, so I'm at the library, but I was going to go shopping, then head home, but the bus takes forever…"

> Me: "Do you want me to pick you up?"

> Slut: "Do you want me to suck your cock? ;)"

> Me: "Fuck yeah"

> Slut: "Then come get me"


 No.8657680

> Take a shower

> Put on cologne

> Make sure I'm looking as good as I could

> Clean car

> Bring towel and condoms

> Ready.jpg

> Pull out my phone

> Text her "On my way"

> Slut: "I can't wait"

> Its clear at this point she's just using me for my car, and possibly to buy her stuff…

> But a slut like her must suck cock like a porn star…

> Fuck it, let's go

> I get there, and walk into the library.

> I turn and see a redhead, with the biggest rack I've seen, barely staying in a black tank top

> There she is.

> Today she looked much hotter than the first time

> As I was standing there shocked, she walks straight up to me like a lion stalking prey

> Boobs and determination alone are enough to get stares from the rest of the library

> As she reaches me, she kisses me and sticks her tongue in my mouth

> Tongue going crazy in my mouth, with a taste of mint is arousing me to a noticeable level

> She pushes her hips into mine to hide it from the rest of the room

> Feels 2 good

> It was only a couple seconds but it felt like a few minutes

> Slut: Ready to go?

> Notice a piece of gum in my mouth, tied around my tongue

> Mint gum

> HOLY MOTHER OF SLUTS, I MAY JUST GET THE BEST BLOWJOB IN THE WORLD.

> Start chewing the gum like I'm the goddamn king of the world

> Finally get to my car


 No.8657683

> We get in, and I start the car

> Me: "Where did you want to go shopping?"

> *chews gum*

> Slut: "The mall is fine"

> Nearest mall is not too close but whatever

> Me: "Alright"

> Start driving, and feel a hand on my upper thigh

> Keep driving as if nothing is happening

> She's squeezing my now rock hard cock through my pants

> I glance over at her to see her smiling and staring at my crotch as if I didn't exist and all she wants is my penis

> Get even harder

> She unbuttons my pants and gets my cock out in record time.

> Feel her hand grasp my cock

> 300x better than my hand

> *Slow handjob*

> Feels unreal

> She starts talking dirty to me

> I play along

> Slut: "I want your big cock inside me"

> Me: "How much?"

> Slut: "I want your cock more than anything"

> *Handjob intensifies*

> *Brain functionality reducing*

> Me: "You're just a slut that wants cock"

> *Handjob intensifies*

> Slut: "I'm just your little cock slut, fuck me all the time, give me your cock and cum all over me."

> *Brain shutting down*

> Edging like the end of the world

> Me: "I can't wait for you to suck my cock"

> Slut: "You don't have to."

> *Handjob stops*

> SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST IM GOING TO CRASH THIS CAR

> Glance over as her head lowers until her lips wrap around my cock.

> RED ALERT

> I physically can't drive while this is happening

> Notice we're almost at the mall

> THANK TALOS

> Me: "Almost there."

> She lifts her head up in disappointment

> She wipes her face off with her hand

> Slut: "Fuck, I was about to get into it"

> I turn into a random parking lot by the mall

> parking brake, car off

> Me: "Then get into it"

> I put up the screen for the windshield

> Me: "There's more room in the back"

> We both get out and back into the back as if the world was going to end if we didn't

> I lean back and pull out my phone

> Me: "I think I'm going to need to record this one"

> start recording

> Slut: "Are you already videoing?"

> Me: "Yup"

> She laughs, then gets right to it

> I COULD HAVE NEVER PREPARED

> Every second of this blowjob felt like I was cumming

> I wasn't sure if I was cumming

> Less than 2 minutes later I couldn't handle it

> Splooge everywhere

> stop recording

> Good thing I brought a towel

> Clean up

> Let's do some shopping.


 No.8657684

> We went into a few places where we went to the changing rooms together

> She would "model" different kinds of underwear then we'd make out

> Feeling her tongue in my mouth reminded me of how good it felt to have my cock sucked

> After I bought her some underwear we went back to my car

> Started putting the stuff we bought in the front seat

> The back seat needed to be clear

> Went to the back seat again

> She stripped to nothing, while I pulled down my pants

> She sits on top of me with her tits in my face

> Riding like hell

> Cum almost as hard as I did from the blowjob even though it's only been a half hour since

> Take off the condom, she starts putting her bra back on

> I put another condom on

> She gives me the look

> I rip her bra off and start fucking her missionary

> I do this until we are both DRENCHED with sweat

> I keep going and she is straight up retarded with orgasm

> Finally feel the urge to cum again

> Pull out, throw the condom next to the other one

> Shove my cock in her mouth

> I cum gallons

> She swallows it all


 No.8657688

>>>/wx/42108

>>>/wx/42111

>>>/wx/42267

Just reposting an anon's real story from /wx/. Faggot mod bumplocked the thread and now it will disappear forever. I had many a good fap to his stories.


 No.8657711

>>8656976

is this shit real?


 No.8657713

>>8657711

Yeah, he was an /r9k/ poster


 No.8657722

>>8657713

Damn, too bad I missed it. Fucking wagecucking makes me miss everything.


 No.8657727

>>8657711

Yep an hero live for 4cuck

>>8657713


 No.8658013

Thanks for the pics of beautiful women, doods


 No.8658028

File: bbe203973547e49⋯.png (272.9 KB, 400x400, 1:1, 0IgsFmZ5_400x400.png)

>>8656976

yeah p much


 No.8658113


 No.8658121

>>8655713

>ghetto nigger detected. Hide the fried chicken.


 No.8658127

>>8656206

>Being this new

>Doesn't recognize old 4chan meme.

>Fuck off back to Tumblr, you SJW sucking banana jack faggot!


 No.8659326

more lewd stories pls


 No.8659505

>>8657338

what kind of shitty 3rd world "hosts" are against fucking? fuck that bitch


 No.8659553

File: e0c41bcc7fc2667⋯.png (124.64 KB, 1492x495, 1492:495, 1488258205221.png)

File: 4c58f78bf872d21⋯.jpg (99.41 KB, 655x947, 655:947, 18519427_1605300692850525_….jpg)

File: a1b00cb156ac38a⋯.png (346.03 KB, 1366x1826, 683:913, 1495258851134.png)

File: 274298e8008531f⋯.png (312.36 KB, 1080x1920, 9:16, Screenshot_20171210-091309.png)

File: d921917d7ef65a6⋯.png (851.79 KB, 1512x2943, 56:109, e09d71b3c921985dd646351776….png)

>>8655573

>greentxt, because title requires it but I'm drunk again so I want redtxt too. Here is a Japanese face I learned ʕ•ω•ʔ✧

I deactivated my brain for the night so you can rely on my own screenshots. These are from years past but the message should be retained. Enjoy.

>If you're older, you're going to have to do a zoom in a few times because it's going to look like txt for ants lol

I have more if anyone is interested


 No.8659560

>>8655573

seriously tho, if that's velma, it's cp. she was 17 when she took all her pics and videos


 No.8659562

>at park today with little sister

>she has the same blonde hair and blue eyes I did when I was eight, except as I got older my hair darkened to brown and eyes turned gray

>she's having fun because we have a huge community event going on in our subdivision

>start getting hungry

>realize she's probably having too much fun to remember she gets hungry, because she's a child

>wade through a crowd of people, find her playing with other kids, take her hand so I can't lose her going back into the crowd

>standing in a vending line

>"Sir, come here now."

>turn around

>two cops standing across from me

>realize now there's a huge circle around me

>realize everyone's whispering and staring at me

>walk over to the officers holding my sister's hand

>the female police officer intercepts us, takes my little sister and walks off

>reach out instinctively, end up getting a gun drawn on me and ordered to get on the ground

>quickly comply, because /pol/ taught me about what happens if you refuse

>pinned to the ground, spread eagle

>looking at my sister crying and fighting

>"Leave him alone! Leave my brother alone!"

>female officer telling my little sister she "doesn't have to pretend anymore"

>they get out my wallet and look at my ID

>ask for my sister's name

>she's red in the face, swollen, too choked up to say anything

>about to put handcuffs on me when my neighbor (a nearly eighty year-old woman) starts swearing fouler than a sailor at the officers

>tells the officers that my sister and I are, in fact, related

>things get calmed down, my sister won't let go of me as she sobs

>officers explain that they received a call that I was a predator trying to kidnap a girl and had to be cautious

>too dumb-struck to even say anything as they leave wishing for me to "have a good day"


 No.8659569

>>8659562

>Not teaching you little sister how to shoot was almost a fatal mistake. You got your Spiderman, learn from your mistake.


 No.8659590

>>8655665

>>8655671

>>8655676

Pajeet spotted

Get out


 No.8659746

>>8656976

this doesn't even have sound. Honestly not worth posting without the sound. The screams when the mom walked in is something I don't think I'll ever forget


 No.8660073

>>8655623

Been watching too much True Detective huh?


 No.8660096

>>8659560

No wonder her tits look so nice. You do realize that unless it’s actually cp, mods give 0 fucks. She could be 18 and as far as I’m concerned post tits or gtfo roastie.


 No.8660252

>>8655684

What's a fcaggot?


 No.8660265

>>8657711

It's obv. fake


 No.8660274

File: 75a9ed94c685ed7⋯.jpeg (78.02 KB, 409x443, 409:443, dinosaurs.jpeg)

>>8659553

>I deactivated my brain

We can tell. Protip: Nukes do not exist and there is no such thing as an Atom, that's another lie to philosophically fortify the digital matrix that's been placed on top of our analog world.


 No.8660315

File: 4556991562316f3⋯.jpg (565.55 KB, 706x911, 706:911, 0r0txI0.jpg)

>>8656394

>Does anyone know a girl who fucked a dog?

We all probably know at least one.

The trick is figuring out which of your friends/relatives it is.


 No.8660481

File: c260e4ea99d4d68⋯.png (284.76 KB, 1080x1920, 9:16, Screenshot_20171031-192030.png)

File: d5c7f0756496c70⋯.png (296.79 KB, 1080x1920, 9:16, Screenshot_20171031-192035.png)

File: f1c14e77b3c7efc⋯.png (298.99 KB, 1080x1920, 9:16, Screenshot_20171031-192041.png)

File: 08473b3a4928568⋯.png (288.38 KB, 1080x1920, 9:16, Screenshot_20171031-192047.png)

File: f70c0bba5ede96e⋯.png (451.6 KB, 1080x1920, 9:16, Screenshot_20171031-192051.png)

>>8660274

>You're going to have to try harder than that

∆ ∆


 No.8660933

>>8660274

>the digital matrix that's been placed on top of our analog world.

That's fine. digital is objectively better than analog


 No.8660949

>>8660933

fuck you

crt>lcdtrash


 No.8661466

>Be me

>Have gym girl I'm fucking

>She's a feisty bitch but deep down I can tell she's insecure because she wears fake up to the gym.

>We eat at In-N-Out one night after sex

>She orders animal fries fries with cheese and sauce on top

>I give her a disgusted look

>"Why did you look at me that way?"

>"What way?"

>"Like you were disgusted."

>"I'm not disgusted."

>"Yeah you were."

>"You are your own girl. You can eat fries that make you fat and ugly if you want." ;)

>Say it like I'm joking

>She eats a couple bites but doesn't finish it

>"Aren't you going to finish your fries?"

>"I'm not hungry."

Adding my green text from the abusive boyfriend thread. We were talking about how to break a bitch so she submits to you.


 No.8661497

>>8661466

I'll add another story since a triggered roastie is spamming that thread.

>Same gym girl

>I keep mind fucking her with little things

>One day I told her she'd be hot if she lost more weight

>A couple weeks later she was skinnier and I'd tell her she'd be hot if she gained a little weight

>She told me I said she would be hot if she lost weight

>I denied ever saying that.

>One night I was fucking her rough and called her a pig.

>I told her to oink for me

>She shakes her head

>"Oink slut."

>"No…"

>Slap her face, not hard but with the fingers

>She yelps

>"I said oink bitch."

>She oinks quietly.

>"Louder."

>"Oink."

>"I can't hear you."

>"Oink."

>"I FUCKING SAID LOUDER!"

>Grab her by the throat, my teeth are clenched

>She oinks through her tears

>My dick is diamonds

>I fuck her like I'll never see her again

>I cum inside her

>She rolls over and curls up into a ball.

>She's quiet

>I clean up and freak out inside the bathroom because I think I pushed her too far

>I spoon with her

>Kiss her neck and tell her how amazing she was

>Tell her that she fulfilled my fantasy and I want to treat her to dinner one night

>She turns toward me and kisses me

Notice how I reward her with dinner when she degraded herself? That's psychological reinforcement. Keep doing it and at some point she will associate pleasure with degrading herself.

I forgot to mention to introduce words like "slut" and "bitch" when you fuck early into the relationship. She should be used to hearing it before you move up the mindfucking ladder.


 No.8661546

She was fit m8. She could've eaten 10 burgers and still would've been sexy af. You need to break them down whenever their self-esteem is high. She needs to get her self-esteem from you. She needs your approval. That bitch posted stuff on insta and I would tell her why her pictures sucked.

>Lol, that lighting makes you look like you have a mustash

>Maybe you should put your hair down before you post? Your shoulders are pretty huge…

>How come you always use filters? Are you not pretty enough without them?

>When I'm rich, I'm gonna buy you a nose job

I always said these with a laugh and she laughed too. I knew this affected her when she got hammered and cried one night and told me she always felt ugly around me. I laughed again and told her she's crazy. I'm just joking. That's how you fuck their heads and own these bitches.


 No.8661603

>>8655673

With the D?


 No.8662083

>be me 17

>goes camping with da boi’s

>one night fuck boi decides to invite some bitches

>hellyeah.png

>we walk to a waterfall

>I try to fuck a qt

>both bitches meet us

>only one car and 7 bodies

>car seats 5

>fucking bitch takes two people

>friend and I decide to walk back to camp at midnight in the dark like a fucking chad

>can’t see for shit

>there a lake that we follow

>hears animal noises in the night

>shitpants.jpg

>decide to swim across the lake like Michel fucking Phelps

>hitch hike back to camp

>the fuckers are singing songs and shit

>bitches leave

>asks fuck boi if he fucked the bitches

>the cuck was with two bitches for 3 hours and didn’t fuck

>proceed to get high with college fags

>fellsgood.png


 No.8662199

>>8661497

Just try not to have any children because they'll definitely turn out to be as autistic as yourself. Fucking inbred.


 No.8662202

>>8662199

cucked


 No.8662227

Is OP Indian or Arab?

It's hard to tell. It's not quite as bad as YouTube chatting but still there's something off about it.


 No.8662239

>>8662202

Cucked is your life.

You'll always be a subhuman cuck.


 No.8662247

>>8662227

Don't worry, it's just a clam. The active fbi count over here is 60% female 3dpd

That's why it seems like the dialogue is off, there's an added emotion to it.


 No.8662250

Because I forgot


 No.8662282

>>8662239

double cucked


 No.8662288

>>8662282

Then fucking sage..


 No.8662291


 No.8662300

>>8662291

<Vaffanculo


 No.8662302

>>8662300

fagioli


 No.8662305

>>8662302

>Top kek


 No.8662306

>>8662282

Your own family members cuck you, inbred subhuman.


 No.8662308

>>8662306

>tfw no mommy gf


 No.8662311

>>8662302

>Inb4 I see the extra time you spent to jewgle translate that one. I feel like you're not a native**


 No.8662314

Whoops lol

>>8662311

Least I still got the dubs


 No.8662320

>>8662311

>implying im a pastanigger

>implying im not some mix of irish and italian immigrants from el goblino town


 No.8662453

>>8662320

>Trying this hard not to be an American


 No.8662474

File: 4db7bc0c7eb04d0⋯.jpg (26.73 KB, 795x380, 159:76, DzH_VQ6XQAE5dmY.jpg)

>9 years old

>still a horny little piece of shit

>had no idea what incest was or that it was wrong

>had a crush on my super curvy big sister

>played truth or dare with her

>dared her to let me lick her bra

>still super embarrassed because i knew boobs needed to be covered

>big sis thinks it's cute and funny

>doesn't questions it and all and let's me do it

>big sis made sure no one found out

>repeatedly dared to do things like that with other family members

>no one questioned it because i was a dumb child


 No.8662715

>>8656976

Whyd he hide his face if hes just going to remove it completely


 No.8663318

>>8661497

>>8661466

>oink for me.

Lel.

Are you American? Just watch yourself as American women want to sue men after the relationship these days or falsely accuse you of rape, you sound like a prime target with your oink posting.


 No.8663330

When I was a child I played with my pet dogs more than other children as I just didn't seem to fit in them. I would make my own games with the dogs as football seemed too masculine and human.

On evenings, rather than sit on the sofa with my parents and brothers watching tv I would tend to lie on the floor with my dog and watch tv.

I often would prefer to lie on the dog bed rather than my bed, in fact I would often fall asleep there only for my parents have to carry me to bed.

I ate dog food on occasions.

I would imitate the noises the dogs would make and felt I could communicate with them on a level other 'normal' humans could not.

When I looked at my body I was disgusted at my lack of fur and would sometimes cry myself to sleep knowing deep down that I was different from the other kids.

I preferred playing with dog toys rather than Action Man and TMNT toys like my brothers….

When I was forced to do sports at school I was terrible at normal human sports like football and cricket. Instead I would excel in sports that dogs are good at like running.

I always smell things a lot, sniffing things like food before eating.

When I hit puberty things got worse, other kids treated me differently and I was shunned and bullied, I found myself drawn to dogs for company and found I was accepted and felt comfortable around them.

In secret I began experimenting when no one else was home, I would yap and bark and roll about on the floor with no clothes on. I made a prosthetic tail which I would strap on and wag.

I began walking the streets at night so I could urinate on lamp posts and trees without raising suspicion.

Sometimes I would squat like a dog and take a dump on the lawn.

Over time I regularly brushed the dogs, but instead of throwing out the fur I kept it hidden in an old leather suitcase my uncle left me when he died. Sometimes late at night I would creep out of bed and quietly slide the case out from under my clothes in the closet. With trembling hands and heavily beating heart I'd pop open the locks and then bury my face in the deep mound of dog fur and breath in the almost overwhelming, heady mixed smell of dog, old leather and mothballs. There I would weep at the sadness of having to live a lie.

Gradually an urge grew inside of me, then one day when everyone was out for a few hours, I stripped naked, covered myself in glue and emptied the suitcase of fur on the floor and rolled around in it for nearly 40 minutes yapping, until I was covered from top to toe in beautiful golden fur. I walked over to the mirror and was in awe at my reflection, finally realizing on a profound level that I was actually born with a dogs brain trapped inside a slim smooth pink body of a fit teenage boy. Looking back at me from the mirror was my true self, a strong puppy eyed Golden Retriever with a lithe, lean slightly muscular body. The sun was glinting though the window and was catching on the fur creating a glorious shiny coat that any dog would be jealous of. I quickly 'retrieved' my tail from under the bed and strapped it on then boldly threw open my bedroom door and went downstairs to play with the dogs.

At 1st the dogs seemed nervous of their 'new' friend and were not sure how to react, but as I knew their language I was able to bark and squeak until they calmed down and came over to play. I become lost in the overwhelming rightness of the moment and revelled in being able to finally be myself. One of the dogs, 'Chip', was becoming a bit too excited and his penis began getting hard. He started getting randy with me and tried to mount me, I laughingly pushed him away but secretly felt honoured to be accepted as one of their own. The dogs were sniffing me and licking me all over leaving patches of no fur, all this attention to my naked body was making me getting frisky too! I looked down and saw my human penis standing rock hard to attention. That is when another revelation emerged from with in me. I was gay. I stood up in shock, staggering to my feet as my head swam with this new mind shattering enlightening. Chip took advantage of my temporary disability and began to lick my penis. It was at this moment I noticed a shadow by the lounge window. Standing with slack jaws and a look of abject horror were my mother, brothers, milkman, neighbour Steve, Brothers Girlfriend and uncle. A moment later the front door swung open to reveal my father standing there with a look beyond horror, a look that will haunt me until the day I die. It was a sadness and disappointment almost indescribable, it was as if he had come home and found me dead. In a way he had, as I proudly stood there coated in a patchy mess of dog hair and saliva with my cum dripping penis pointing throbbingly at my father and chip licking it, I said loudly in an unwavering voice 'Father, I am no longer a human, I am a gay dog'.

That's my transcanine story.


 No.8663332

>>8663330

>When I was a child I played with my pet dogs more than other children as I just didn't seem to fit in them

>didn't seem to fit in them

supposed to be

>didn't seem to fit in WITH them


 No.8663348

>>8658127

>4chan meme


 No.8663350

did anyone get the screencap of the miss bull thread?

did O ever finish that story?


 No.8663354

>>8655923

>i put my penis in her vagina


 No.8663680

File: 145d025c1086358⋯.jpg (57.05 KB, 640x480, 4:3, 145d025c1086358daaa0a07a12….jpg)

I fucked my second cousin in Wisconsin once when I was 19 snd she was 14. Does that count? I then proceeded to date her for 6 months when she was 17


 No.8665605

>>8663680

>just white people things


 No.8665737

File: 0241ecf95720e7f⋯.png (252.52 KB, 458x485, 458:485, 0241ecf95720e7f4c42cea5739….png)

>>8655573

>decide to try to get some ass shots

>go to grocery store

>walk around a bit, find some girl

>go around to the isle over, turn on video

>proceed to walk slowly past her

>notice out of the corner of my eye her giving me a weird look

>round end of isle, check camera

>flash was on


 No.8665797

>>8663680

How'd you know I'm white o.o


 No.8667280

File: ee57100480929b5⋯.jpg (16.92 KB, 500x333, 500:333, 1446428248754-1.jpg)

>>8662083

I would say learn how to greentext but really you should fuck off of here and start back at the 4th grade, nobody can follow that shit man


 No.8667295

>>8663330

furries gtfo and an hero


 No.8667308

>>8659562

If this isnt fake and gay you have legal standing to sue for damages based on the emotional and physical harm inflicted on you and your sister due to their negligent handling of the situation.

If you can recall the name of the event it is possible that the lawyer can discover exactly who was working that event. Otherwise in a simpler fashion the case will be put forth against the department itself.


 No.8667314

>>8663350

The OP revealed he was a faggot by embellishing his story to the point where date ranges changed and shit. After that he got called out for being said faggot and never finished because he nuked his own bread like a true OP.


 No.8668021

File: 64de73edf77a7c9⋯.jpg (20.99 KB, 640x379, 640:379, 69e99f20c50a8c68aa0e8f0845….jpg)

>Be Me

>I meet a cute cuban girl at a dance recital (long story, not important)

>End up dating her, we have lots of hot hispanic sex

>Suggest a threesome

>She's up to it, I kind of flinch but I ask who is she thinking of

>She says she has 2 friends who might be interested

>2 friends….

>Turns out to be a 4-some

>GF is Hispanic Brunette, friend #1 is Asian/Black with dyed Blonde hair, Friend #2 is White Redhead

>Have lots of sex.

>Eventually broke up with GF, but realized I had a bucket-level sexual experience with a hispanic, asian, black, white, blonde, brunette, and redhead all at once.

>Will never be so lucky again, can die happy now.




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