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/bl/ - Boys

The House of Representatives is about to vote on a bill that will amend CDA section 230 protections.
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I'm attracted to young boys (girls too but mostly boys tbh), and have problems with compulsively accessing and collecting images which are illegal (UK).

I am very ashamed and often anxious and depressed. I've just nuked my collection for the billionth time but know it is only a matter of time before I start collecting again. I need help. Problem is I don't want to have to admit to a psychologist that I have accessed illegal images in the past (being honest so that they know the full extent of my issues and how to treat them), only for them to then call the fuzz to protect their reputation (as in: "He went on and offended again! Why didn't you do anything to stop this!?").

I want to open up, but don't know how. I have already told my parents (who have been completely supportive and forgiving - I fucking cannot thank them enough!), but I need to talk to a professional. How should I do this guys? I need your advice.

TL;DR Fucked up, need help, want to avoid the sex offenders register. How do I do this?



If I were your shrink, I would prescribe you shotacon.



Im very sorry to hear you are going through this. I have also dealt with similar experiences. Just know that atleast some of us are here for you. :/ Its so hard with something like this because its like literally the ultimate stigma and taboo to even talk about.



That's also illegal in the UK.



The correct answer would be "tell nobody irl and post here about what's on your mind instead". Plenty of us have hung around the… shadier sides of the community and not gotten into trouble, legally or psychologically, even learned to love ourselves and what we are.

But it sounds like it's a bit late for that and you may be under pressure to do something politically correct about it. Here goes then…

Go read through http://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/en/home . It works over Tor if you have that installed. Everything there is supposed to be more-or-less representative of what you'd hear in an up-to-date pedo treatment program, but with the bonus that you don't have to tell an actual person anything mandatory-reportable yet. Maybe avoid filling out the survey bits, who knows what they log.

AIUI offender treatment charities like that are the only reliable source of professionals in the UK (or anywhere) who aren't complete quacks when it comes to pedophilia and related. Even they can report you if your hands aren't clean, Stop it Now's phone line warns you that as soon as they answer. It isn't just reputation, there are laws and everything. I dunno if that includes past CP but I'd assume it does until you reliably find out otherwise.

Decide if what you're reading there sounds relevant to you.

If you can get away with self-help shit like above (or the bits that don't offend your sense of self-respect anyway) and keep it between you, your family and /bl/, that's your best and safest option.

If you feel like you can stay off the porn on your own but don't think you can handle the depression etc. without meds, I've read stories before from BLs who lied/dodged the subject with their GP and succeeded. It's possible.

Virped.org is also a thing, even if their leaders are all cunts they probably have more experience in psychiatric shit than us incorrigible lot around here.

Good luck. I hope you manage to get through this without handing yourself in to anything, I'd hate to see the system claim another good BL.




They should make it legal for medicinal purposes, then.

Something to think about on this pothead day.


Yeah never could go through one of those. Society would rather literally take away our free will if it meant getting rid of bls, and a lot of treatmenas are the equivalent of christian gay conversion therapy.



Thank you so much for the support man. It feels so comforting to know I'm not alone and that there is someone I can talk too. I'm starting a sesh on stopitnow.

The fact that shrinks have an obligation to report offense to the authorities, even if the person is actively seeking help to overcome their urges seems very counter-intuitive. Surely a better way to protect children would be acceptance of someone who comes forward and helping them to overcome their desires, not a shortcut to the fucking dock.

I would really like to keep posting here more often. Should I keep all my posts in this thread? start a separate one? Post in a specific thread? (yes I'm a newfag).


Definately keep posting here. Im new myself but this is a decent community.



No problem, bl-anons have to look out for each other.

>Surely a better way to protect children would be acceptance of someone who comes forward and helping them to overcome their desires, not a shortcut to the fucking dock.

You'd think they'd understand that, and it's why VP types tend to rave about Germany and their Dunkelfeld thing, but it's what we get when the Daily Mail is effectively writing policy and everyone else has a danger-to-yourself-or-others perception of you that makes mental health "services" more like the kind you'd get if you confessed to being a violent bipolar schizophrenic or something than just being depressed. The revolving door to a prison cell is intentional, you're either an offender or offender-to-be, the only good pedophile is a supervised one, and so on.

You'll probably get that vibe eventually as you go through SiN's material. >>17023 is almost right, it isn't so much gay conversion (that would be the "complete quacks" I talked about) as the entire industry still clinging to an addiction/aversion thing even when they claim to be enlightened. It probably makes a lot of sense when you're dealing with someone in prison with real impulse control issues, the sort of people the science is sadly always done on, but doesn't help the rest of us feel any better about our (lack of) love lives.

Normally I nor anyone else here would take them seriously, I've only ever read their site myself out of curiosity, but if you're in a genuine situation with compulsive CP collecting it's one thing they do have a lot to say about.

At least if you can hack the self-help route you keep some control to pick and choose what to believe and what to ignore without compounding any pressure you might be under from your parents to "fix" yourself with pressure from an actual shrink and the "agencies" they'll no doubt have on speed dial if they don't think you're cooperating hard enough.

Just don't assume you need to completely swallow their perspective on your sexuality and "abuse" in general to find peace with yourself. That's Virped's attitude but you won't find much of it here.

>Should I keep all my posts in this thread? start a separate one? Post in a specific thread? (yes I'm a newfag).

Whatever feels right I guess, I don't think there are rules. Just be really careful not to dox yourself, even if cops aren't necessarily watching trolls and vigilantes might.



They should make it legal again full stop. I remember when they b& it, it was literally NSPCC and other victim charities screeching "it's yucky and encourages them and we can't let them feel normal".

They're cartoons ffs.



If I'm not mistaken the law in the UK regarding shota is that hosting it on a UK-based server is illegal.

So If I were to draw some in the privacy of my home for myself and not publish it, would that be legal? I fail to see how they could police that even if it were.

If I were to view shota on a site not hosted in the UK, would that be legal? If I were to upload to a site not hosted in the UK, would that be illegal?



IANAL but I think it's treated pretty much the same as real CP. I remember them saying at the time that there might be a different standard where it's only illegal if it's truly obscene/hardcore but that never made it into the final bill, which was waved through without a squeak as these things always are.


The only saving grace is practical, as you say, they're not going to know if you draw it yourself for your own use and nobody sees it to report you. I don't think they invest a lot in trying to detect shota possession either, the way they do with P2P stings etc.

But I'd still use Tor or something to protect myself. Policy can change in the time it takes you to have a walk in the countryside.



Haha It's funny cus you said ANAL




OP back again. Thank you so much for being so accepting and supporting. I really feel I belong here. Am starting to miss my old collection though - feeling low. It feels sort of like I've lost a very close friend. How should I make sense of this? How can I learn to move on?



Honestly it sounds like you're addicted to porn. The type of porn is incidental. You could treat it as an addiction and try and get over it but if it's really a big deal to you, you could just move to one of the countries where possession of cp is legal, like Russia or Argentina.



Thank you man. I guess you're right about the addiction. I did spend an obscene amount of time collecting before I saw the light. SiN have some helpful resources on addiction I'm running through. What about places like /r/NoFap? Are they healpful?

And no, I don't love CP enough to move to fucking Russia to get it - that for me is ridiculous.



I would avoid nofap/virped and similar pseudoscience. Masturbation is healthy and normal, total abstention will just make you sexually frustrated. But masturbating less often will probably help, also just use memories/imagination rather than porn. Really though I wouldn't worry about this too much, porn addiction is very common.



Is the physical act of fapping a big part of your addiction? Were you actually collecting it to fap to all the time or just out of some anorakish, gotta-catch-em-all urge and not really using it much?

FWIW I used to have a kinda hoarders instinct about my own collection before I finally left it behind and fapping was part of the solution.


"Fapping is part of the solution" quote of the day. Jokes aside i think a lot of relief comes from being able to talk with others who wont burn you at the stake for what you are and are willing to talk to you as a person.



And, god forbid, might even accept you and your sexuality as-is?

We live in a cruel world where we have to talk about that as if it's a rare luxury.




>Were you actually collecting it to fap to all the time or just out of some anorakish, gotta-catch-em-all urge

Both. I liked to masturbate to the images, but furthermore most of the stuff was (in may experience anyway) very liable to disappear: One minute it's up on some image-board, the next that board is banned, one minute that download is available from this site, the next the sites domain expired. This was the biggest motivating factor for my collecting.

I like to think of it with this analogy: I love clouds, but the clouds are quickly blown away and dissipate, but not if I lasso them in, stick them to the ground with duct tape, and sit on them.

Of course it got to the level several times where my collection was so big, and I had been going on collecting them for so long, that I'd completely forgotten some particular images were even there in my collection, yet alone jerking it too them.



>most of the stuff was (in may experience anyway) very liable to disappear

That's exactly how I used to feel about it. I was lucky though that I usually had to fap to my imagination away from the PC anyway for privacy reasons and fantasies tended to come more easily to me (and be more interesting) from Nifty, shota and g-rated than from actual porn.

It was the revelation that I don't need CP to remember what a boy's cock looks like and I don't need to keep a g-rated pic to remember the fantasy it triggered that helped me stop collecting in the end. I was wasting time over something I now objectively knew I'd never need to look at again.

So yeah I agree with >>17043 about the value of healthy fapping to the contents of your own head, but idk if that'll work for you too. It definitely won't be compatible with SiN's teachings (don't they call it "inappropriate" or something?) but they can go fuck themselves on that one.



Yes: Looking at the SiN self-help module 'fantasy', they define "inappropriate fantasy" as:

>"These are fantasies that would be illegal if they were carried out or acted on in real life, such as having sex with a child."

Further on in that module they compare various sexual fantasies and whether or not they are "inappropriate". Take for example the fantasy of a 15 year old (age of consent in UK = 16) asking to have consensual sex:

>"This is an inappropriate fantasy. A child needs to be 16 years old to consent to sexual activity and 18 to consent to images of them to be shared. Regardless of how old you are, sexual activity with a child is illegal."

The fact that a fantasy suddenly stops being "inappropriate" when the object of fantasy reaches the age of consent in the UK (so I guess if you were in Germany were the AOC is 14 it would still be "inappropriate" despite the fact it would be legal), is very telling. Seems to imply if they had the power to control people's minds to comply with the law, they would.

After pages and pages of hammering home how you must thoroughly castigate any fantasies deemed "inappropriate", they finally briefly address people who genuinely have no sexual interest in adults (how fucking generous of you), and give the following advice

>avoid sexual fantasies about children when masturbating

>Reduce the amount of time spent thinking or fantasising

>Develop a busy day-to-day lifestyle

>Try and spend time with others

>find other ways of coping [with desires, irl problems etc…]

>[practice] Self-care

>Don’t beat yourself up [if you fantasise]

Which is actually laudable advice that I can follow. Pity it took so long to get there!



Oh god thats horrible. Ive never been one to have a deep understanding of what i believe on bl and "treating" it but its definately farrrr away from what they espouse.




Yeah, they're an offender treatment charity so you have to expect that CBT shit from them and try to separate out the useful, clinically-sound addiction advice from the pure anti-bl brainwashing.

I'd still ignore the one about not fantasising to boys. That's the thing about modern "treatment" that they basically assume that pedophilia is part delusional, that fantasy can't really be separated from reality and bad thoughts will inevitably lead to bad actions when that's bullshit and plenty of us here are living proof of it.



>bl and "treating" it

You can't "treat" bl. You shouldn't "treat" bl. All things we owe to ancient Greece, civilization wouldn't exist without bl. porn addiction like op is a different thing.



Stopitnow is a pretty shitty site for people like us trying to find help. They consider even clothed images of children to be CP and they say even havbong thoughts is bad. You should learn to accept it and not hate yourself for it.


Do not trust stop it now OP. Visit something like b4uact or just stick around here. I'm also from the UK and I've been on this board for over 2 years now. The UK is a shitty place for people like us, you need to keep quiet or find a good private therapist to tell. Do not trust NHS shrinks. I had a really good private therapist and now I accept this as part of who I am. Stick to imgsrc if you do want pics.



How did you find that private therapist? How could you be sure they wouldn't turn you in to the cops or arm-twist you into more aggressive supervision-based "services"?

I've seen success stories before but they tend to be US-based (where I guess private therapy is more abundant) and have a strong whiff of blind luck about them.

Even shitty websites sometimes have their benefits.


OP back again. I need your help /bl/

Since Last I came here I've been consuming exclusively shota (through TOR), or drawing my own (not bad actually), but the urge to consume pictures of real boys is growing really strong now, and by that I don't necessarily mean illegal pics. Before I deleted it I had collected a substantial amount of nudist pictures (which costed a manageable subscription fee to access), which are technically legal, or if not, the authorities are by no means investigating when they have far bigger concerns.

I want to start collecting these again so bad, but I'm not convinced it's wise to do so. My collecting life always seems to follow the same pattern:

>Start out with nothing

>Collect legal nudist pictures or pics of third world boys bathing in rivers, or old art featuring boys

>Continue until demand for new images outstrips supply

>Browse on places like imgsrc.ru (which I know some of you have recommended)

>Again, continue until demand for new images outstrips supply

>Decide to trade images with authors who I like (I usually have a very substantial collection by now)

>Ask for no CP

>Receive CP anyway

>Guilt and paranoia drives me into a nervous breakdown

>Delete collection…

…and repeat (at least 4 times).

I've got into the mindset of staying away from everything except shota, and so I have not entered the above loop yet, however it is starting to get to the point now where my desire for the legal nudist pics (and NOT the CP) is starting to consume me. I genuinely now find it hard to concentrate on IRL stuff now, and I have exams fast approaching.

Where do you draw the line? Where do you think I should? When I reach illegal images? When I run out of images on imgsrc.ru? When I run out of nudist pics? At the very start? I want to find a place of comfort, where I am safe and not ashamed of myself, but am still satisfied.

I don't know what to tell my parents. I've asked them to check on me daily to make sure I'm not doing something I shouldn't, although I already know what their answer to this question would be. I know it's probably the wisest choice but I'm not sure I have the strength to do it, nor if I would be denying myself safe, ethical joy. You guys are kind of the only people I trust right now, not even myself.

TL;DR desperately want to see something, but it could potentially lay out the breadcrumbs to some place dark. What Path do I take? I need your help.

P.S. In case anything happens to this board, where else can I go to talk about issues such as these in confidence, and with people who I know will understand me.



I think your problem is that you have become obsessed/fixated on this. Surely after masturbating you lose all interest in any type of pornography? Just masturbate to something when you feel the urge to look for something you shouldn't. I know it's not that easy but fundamentally you have control over your own actions, you can chose to stop looking for these things if you want to. Don't let anyone convince you that you are not in control of your own actions.



>nudist pictures

>subscription fee

>authorities are by no means investigating

You're a bl, you sound like you've been around, so you should know the two lessons of Azov Films right?

1) Don't count on the authorities not suddenly becoming interested in "nudists".

2) Conventional payments continue to be piss-easy to trace.





What the fuck was I thinking. Of course this would end bad. I've seen it happen countless times before. This isn't me trying to find some golden middle ground this is just outright self-deception.

I think I realized just in time. >>17360, >>17361, and everyone else on this board has been so very helpful in that. This is much harder than I thought.

But hey, at least I realized now. At least I stopped before it was too late. Knowing you are not alone really helps sometimes. And to be honest, I can't help but think that I can do this.



I don't want to worry you OP, but paying for any nudist pictures was pretty foolish. They can easily trace the money transactions to you and child nudism is illegal in the UK. You should only collect clothed pictures of boys if you must, and store them on some type of storage that is easily concealable/destroyable. The UK has also passed the snoopers charter, which logs every website you visit for a year. 8chan and imgsrc won't rouse much suspicion, but if the shota sites had any words that could raise a flag, it won't look good. Were you safe? Did you use a proxy VPN? I feel that your paranoia has driven you to more reckless endeavours, had you just stuck to collecting clothed images of boys you probably wouldn't have raised so much suspicion. Do not trade with anyone. Ever. It is not worth the risk and you probably will get busted. I know I sound like I'm doom mongering here, but the UK is not a nice place for people like us. You will probably be OK, I feel for your OP, but your paranoia is destroying you. I I used to feel the same way. Just accept you will probably start collecting, go to imgsrc and collect some clothed pictures of happy boys. I've been through the cycle of delete and collect, but I realised I can't change it. So chill OP, accept your attraction, stick to sites like imgsrc and stay safe. No buying images or going to nudism sites, no trading, do not tell your parents. You'll get through this. We've all been in a similar situation to you.



Going out on a limb: do you have much of a bl identity outside of fapping to pics? Have you ever visited other positive, non-filesharing communities like this one before? Were you getting your pics from communities that chat or just one-on-one trades/lurking on image hosts/paysites(!)? Do you fantasise much without looking at pics? Do you read erotic fiction? Do you follow any of the clearnet blogosphere and activist politics? Do you have (platonic) relationships with boys irl?

It might be bs, but I'm wondering if you feel that eye candy is all there is to being a bl and that's feeding the obsession.



let these words sink in OP, I've been in a similar situation like you a few years ago and for me it did not end well. (could've been a lot worse actually but still)

In my urge to get my hands on boy related content I started taking more and more risks which eventually led me into buying some allegedly legal nudist content from Azov films in 2010 - Not right away ofc - I've known the site for about a year at that point and never dared to use it but when I coudln't find any solid proof of it's illegal nature I made the terrible mistake of placing an order - which ultimately led to a search warrant for my home in 2012. An incident which almost ruined my life.

These supposedly legal underage nudist sites are NOT to be trusted in the slightest! Their operators are shady businessmen who will talk you into believing anything to get their hands on your money.

Hell some of these sites even resorted to filing legal complaints against each other in order to discredit their competition.

As it turned out, the owner of Azov Films was a collector himself which eventually got him and many of his customers busted because he didn't properly protect their private information.

Also, politics and law enforcement are opportunistic in nature - if they get the slightest chance of screwing you over they will not hesitate.




BoB might lead op to less temptation.




Thank you so much for the support man. FYI the pictures were from purenudism.com - or rather from various sets I found here and there that I could download through depfile because the fee to that was cheaper. I did have a paid subscription to PN at one point but It got so expensive I went overdrawn. That was not fun trying to explain that.

So do you think collecting clothed pictures from imgsrc.ru would be helpful? I love imgsrc.ru but it is easy to find actual nudity on there if you lurk right, indeed, the guys I started trading with had imgsrc.ru profiles - that's how I came to know them.

I used TOR but didn't use a VPN. I don't know how to set one up.


>one-on-one trades/lurking on image hosts/paysites

That. I can fantasize without looking at pics and I'm trying to stick more to shota/drawing my own (technically illegal too but THAT law can go fuck itself), but it doesn't feel quite the same. I guess I've been desensitized over the years. I've come across BL erotic literature before but can't find any at the moment. Any good places? I have not got involved with other bls or the activism side of things. /bl/ is kind of my introduction to that. And finally, no IRL boy relationships (yet).

I've been doing my thing since about 2012, so I was a little too late for the Azov films thing (fortunately).


What is BoB?

Thank you so much once again. You guys are helping me build a safe, good, and enjoyable life.

Also, if this board were to ever go down, where should people like us go to talk about this sort of thing without cucking (Virped), or self-deprecating (SiN) ourselves?



>So do you think collecting clothed pictures from imgsrc.ru would be helpful?

At risk of contradicting other posters, no, you need to stop collecting altogether. Switching to a less legally actionable genre might keep you out of jail (not that you can be sure anymore) but it won't help your time-consuming compulsion, which let's be honest sounds like the bigger problem here. Tor can protect you from the long arm of the law (to a degree), but it won't get you through exams and shit.

If you can make yourself look but not collect, spend less time looking in the firstplace, stop hunting and just opportunistically enjoy the nn's posted in communities like this (or bob or whatever), that's a "path" that works for most of us.

Or if that sounds too much like telling an alcoholic that it's OK to drink in moderation because everyone else manages it - idk, society doesn't leave us many options. I've been at this for a long time and know what the community has to offer and I still rely a lot on eye candy for sexual satisfaction. You might have to find your own path in that case.

>I've come across BL erotic literature before but can't find any at the moment. Any good places?

nifty.org. asstr.org is supposed to have a lot of underage on it too, but ime it's mostly girls and fetishes, when you can even find it.

>no IRL boy relationships (yet)

Well there's a reason to clean up and get through those exams then… nothing pulls boys as an adult like success :)

>where should people like us go to talk about this sort of thing

That's a damn good question…

There's general pedo discussion on >>>/younglove/, if you don't mind having to see girls.

BoyChat (http://r2j4xiyckibnyd45.onion/) is amazingly still around after all these years. They were the first community I found when I was 13, but only as a lurker because they're really awkward to register with.

The Pedo Support Community (http://support26v5pvkg6.onion/) is also a thing and highly relevant for topics like this with plenty of posters in your position. They're massive, anal rulecucks with high standards of discussion though so you might not like the atmosphere. There's also a lot of crossover with posters coming from the darkweb CP sites and openly talking about it, if you're worried about temptation.

If you're interested in blogs and politics, Tom O'Carroll (https://tomocarroll.wordpress.com/) and Leonard Mann (https://consentinghumans.wordpress.com/) are both worth following and you can find everyone else noteworthy in their blogrolls.

I guess >>17367 is talking about Beauty of Boys (http://beautyboysj2sgq3.onion/), a non-nude photo blog.

I can't think of anywhere else that's clean and not excessively gl-focused. There used to be more clearnet boards, chans too but it feels like the heat got turned up to 11 recently and everywhere is disappearing. I'd point you to BoyWiki for more links but they still haven't come back themselves from that DDoS months ago.

As you can see above, even ostensibly legal sites are having to turn to onions just for the stable hosting.



>I used TOR but didn't use a VPN. I don't know how to set one up.

Obligatory infosec PSA:

Always use Tor for BL activities, even legal ones.

If Tor works, a VPN is a waste of money.

Carelessly-stored CP must be disposed of thoroughly or the traces can come back to haunt you. Don't be afraid to https://dban.org/ if you have to.



A few people have said to stop collecting completely, if you can do that than good luck to you man. If, not, at least stick to clothed boys or YouTube videos. I have tried to stop collecting but it is too difficult and I always went back. I eventually quit quitting. BoB is beauty of boys. I think it is only accessible via darkweb now and some of the pictures are more risque than imgsrc even so not a very viable alternative. I could never get into shots, just knowing that it was probably drawn by some 300lb neckbeard puts me off. I am depressed though, so if this ever caught up with me, I would probably an hero. Here are some tips though: they mainly go after people who trade, p2p, visit honeypot sites (if a picture has a dodgy URL in it like nukids.sa , it is probably a honeypot) people who are downloading a lot like gigabytes at a times, people who are distributing and uploading to sites and people who pay for it. I would cancel your card and try to cover up anything to do with purenudism. Try and get an internet connection that isn't registered in your name, they could still trace it, but it is more difficult to prove. Lastly, LEA probably don't care about small fry like us. It may seem daunting, and we may get paranoid but LEAs are stretched and have a tight budget at the moment. If you only visit sites like this and imgsrc and don't even cap a gigabyte of internet usage a month, they probably won't be as interested in you. Stop worrying, things will probably turn out OK. I love beautiful boys.




Thanks for the encouraging words man. Just out of interest, has anyone got in any serious trouble over family nudist sites like purenudism? The feeling I'm getting from this board is that sites like that are best avoided.



Read my post at >>17366

The point I'm trying to make is you cannot clearly separate legal from illegal content on these type of sites - it's a thin and blurry line and very open to interpretation.

In the Azov cases there were around 160 out of 600 videos flagged as "CP" by LEAs, the number was later reduced to less than 100, but by that time the damage was already done.

When I tried to argue with police officers that the content I bought from Azov was not advertised as or supposed to be pornographic, but rather nudist in nature they just yelled at me "You're fucking watching nude kids!"

The law's definition of CP is very subjective - in most cases a simple camera angle, a lascivious pose (even if unintentional) or a focus on the genital area can cause a nudist video to be classified as CP and this is basically what happened during the Azov investigations.

So yea I think you get the idea. Don't expect any sympathy or understanding from normies. For them you're just a sick perv.

So better be safe than sorry OP.



Idk any stories about PN specifically. You'd expect them to be safer, they deal in real lifestylers in real resorts with saggy-arsed parents in shot and everything. Azov's product was designed for BL consumption from the get-go, and pretty thinly-veiled about it.

But if you've read SiN you know the powers that be don't consider any of it legit anymore, especially in pedo hands. The modelling scene is going through the same thing, the nod-and-wink outfits might be the first against the wall but the principle is established nontheless. Intent matters more than content, the goalposts can move at any moment and you don't get to find out in advance.



Don't give up anon! Nobody needs to collect. There is always hope.




Thank you. I will do what I can to say away from PN then (even though I love it).

Surely intent is irrelevant right? The objective of the law should be to product children, and minimize the amount of intentionally sexual content produced. If I was to jerk it to images of nudists, or of skinny dipping, or of any nudity with no sexual aim of its own whatsoever, how is that harmful? How is it any of anyone's business, frankly, what goes on in my own mind?



>>Don't expect any sympathy or understanding from normies.

this 1000x. none of them would understand for a millisecond or care how innocent the content is in the context of you being a bl.

none of us here would be able to fool anyone into thinking we are otherwise. don't deceive yourself to think anything different.



Well, theoretically you're right ofc, but if you ever come under investigation (usually this can happen if law enforcement has a "reasonable suspicion" towards you) e.g. in the case of former german MP S.Edathy, this argument will not help you and your life will be ruined anyway.

I tried to present a similar argument to my lawyer back then but the only response I got was "watching naked kids is a taboo, period." Can't believe I had to pay this guy 2000$ for saying stuff like that but that's the reality we live in.



It's a paradox because you're you're trying to project logic onto an emotional enemy.



OP, if you wanna buy legal boy related picture magazines and books I can recommend this site to you https://cmykrush.com - they also sell translated japanese Shota comics and a quarterly magazine called "The Lover" which I've been reading in the past and found very informative.

It's more revolving around news about the community itself as well as human rights issues and doesn't contain any nude pictures of minors, so you should be safe.

There's also a few detailed articles highlighting the backstory of the Azov cases and nudism in general in there - issue 04 is probably the most interesting in that regard (plus it features some nice pics of cute boys) so I'd recommend you to check that out.




Fuck, the only thing OP could do worse than pay for BL-related is to receive it in the post. He doesn't live in a sensible country.



They offer digital downloads as well. It's considered legal in Germany so why not in the UK? Well apart from the Shota stuff I suppose…

I can't think of any more legit BL related content tbh.



>a few detailed articles highlighting the backstory of the Azov cases

http://childwiki.org/wiki/Azov_Films doesn't cost a penny.



It isn't just the legality. OP has recently handled CP, possibly carelessly if he's as new to the community as he says, and appears to still be surfing ontopic sites. I wouldn't want to be under the slightest suspicion of anything in his position right now.



I don't want to stop. I'm going to end up killing myself anyway.



You're probably going to be fine, but I would starting wiping every device you own soon. See if you can go dark, using For in this country (due to the Snooper's charter logging everything) will probably put you under greater suspicion. You're kind of in a catch-22, if you don't use Tor then they will see the sites you visit, if you do use it, they will probably investigate you more deeply. Try getting a burner phone and SIM card on PAYG when you visit sites like these.



I'm used to paranoia as a BL but that's just excessive.

You aren't Edward Snowden, I'm not Edward Snowden, OP isn't Edward Snowden and none of us need to LARP as him to get by as a BL.

There is no indication that ordinary law enforcement, who apparently struggle to cope with all the people they catch on clear P2P as it is, are going to speculatively investigate Tor users.

OP's greatest risk now, and another reason why he should heed the advice to stop collecting even if he continues to browse, is a private third party accidentally finding his shit and picking up the phone. It doesn't take Jason Bourne to fix that.



Live, stay strong, improve yourself and you still stand a chance of one day knowing the sheer intoxicating rush of a boy who looks up to you as the centre of his universe. You may, in the most microscopically unlikely circumstance, even get to fuck each other.

Give up, die now and you certainly never will.



Wow this is all amazing. Thank you all so much for the encouragements and warnings.

Staying away from collecting is tough but manageable. However that still does not silence the tempting voice in my head that tells me that the nudist lifestyle pics I used to collect (>>17356, >>17369) were not illegal, and that even if they are the authorities aren't investigating those sites, and that you can stop your collecting before you turn to the suspect stuff etc…

I realize banking on the idea that something is legal and that even if it is not that there is no interest in it is extremely risky, since policy can change at any time, without warning, to any extent imaginable when it comes to images of children. So that line of thought is easy to defeat.

However the part of me that wants to start collecting the milder stuff again keeps whispering to me that progressing from that stuff to more suspect material when it becomes thin on the ground, is not a forgone conclusion, even though in practice it has happened to me so many times.

So I wanted to ask you, /bl/, for those of you that have collected/still collect, are you able to restrain yourselves at a point of your choosing, and if so, how?

And also, those who've got over collecting, how do you approach the voice in your head, that invites you to start again?



There have been several LEA operations targeting hidden services, tor users and the tor network itself.

Even if OP only looks at nudist pics it is still very much recommended (i.e. do it today) to encrypt everything (bl related). If they find pics of naked kids it will still be at least: OMGZ Y U HAS NAKD KIDS? And they certainly will take a closer look. It is better if they find nothing in the first place. Overwrite storage devices where unencrypted cp was stored previously. Use tor for surfing. Consider using a vpn, free wifi or anonymous 3g card if you want to hide tor usage and get an additional protection layer.

Read a lot, educate yourself on this stuff, there are lots of tutorials and forums where you can ask for advice on the net.




The baseline is tor and full disk encryption. In that way, even if you start collecting again you will be a lot safer.

I was also always wondering where this collecting comes from. My personal conclusion was mostly because it is not that easy to get and might get removed quickly, you have to sort of catch up what you missed all the years and you have too much spare time (which you could use to do other useful stuff like going outside, meeting kids ;) …)



>And also, those who've got over collecting, how do you approach the voice in your head, that invites you to start again?

"Why be arsed with that when I can just come back next week for over 9000 more where that came from?"



>There have been several LEA operations targeting hidden services, tor users and the tor network itself.

All involved CP boards, which OP is trying to avoid.

Even then the numbers are dismal - hundreds of PlayPen users arrested out of hundreds of thousands of registered accounts. Their techniques also suggest setting your Tor Browser security slider to High is enough to stay out of reach for the foreseeable future.

>Even if OP only looks at nudist pics it is still very much recommended (i.e. do it today) to encrypt everything (bl related). If they find pics of naked kids it will still be at least: OMGZ Y U HAS NAKD KIDS?

OP is supposed to be kicking the habit of hoarding pics on his PC. He won't need heavy storage encryption if he succeeds. He's better off that way too when UK police can demand your passwords and charge you with a separate crime for refusing. Unlike paranoia over the new Investigatory Powers Act, that is a real thing that they have already done to people.

Tor Browser is designed not to save your mere browsing activities inside it to disk.

>Overwrite storage devices where unencrypted cp was stored previously.

This, however, is correct and I hope OP disposed of his old collection properly. It would suck enormously if someone one day pries into his electronics for unrelated reasons, finds his old stash and then he's fucked despite all his efforts since.



Have you tried setting yourself hard daily/weekly time limits for ontopic activity? It helped me enormously, when my lifestyle got busier, that casual browsing is quick but the effort of maintaining a (secure) collection is anything but.




I'm not very tech savvy but I tried by best. I deleted the files, then I used a program called eraser (https://eraser.heidi.ie/) to overwrite the hard drive with random data. I also had some stored on an external drive which I dealt with less sophistication - I took a sledgehammer to it and threw the remains in the rubbish. I didn't nuke my entire computer since I have work related files stored on it as well.

Was that the right way to do it, was my method incomplete/insecure?


Yes I did try this a while back and it worked really well, although I lost track of how much time I had spend that week during one rather stressful exam season, and haven't tried since. However now that I am managing stress a lot easier I could try this again.



>I took a sledgehammer to it and threw the remains in the rubbish

That definitely works.

>I used a program called eraser (https://eraser.heidi.ie/)

That however… is generally regarded as a crapshoot amongst people who study this sort of thing. Even if the files themselves are gone (which isn't 100% guaranteed) there might still be traces, folder debris, logs, thumbnail caches, recently-opened lists in random apps you don't use often, to say nothing of Win10 and it's telemetry shit. These things aren't usually a concern against a civilian adversary but forensics are known to look for them.

>I didn't nuke my entire computer since I have work related files stored on it as well.

You may get away with it anyway, especially if you go a long enough time without giving the authorities a reason to search your PC, but the gold standard is indeed to back up your work-related files to a clean external drive, nuke the entire computer with something like DBAN and re-install.




Also, if you do use DBAN then one random "PRNG" pass is more than enough.

Some people like to go overboard with the 7- or 35-pass options out of paranoia over magic clean-room electro-microscopy or some shit but, without boring you with Peter Gutmann and his papers, it's unnecessary. CP forensics is usually done by overworked, lowest-bidding private contractors, not GCHQ.



Hi Guys it's been a while

Over the past months I have been trying my very hardest to strive towards a better version of myself, but I've found it impossible to not fuck up and make mistakes.

I still collect but a lot cleaner than it used to be, and nothing abusive or of boys doing things unnatural for their age. I have found pics of that nature again, but always delete them as soon as I saved them in a fit of guilt. I want this to stop, but it is proving so difficult.

I think back to the pics I used to have and feel so sorry for the beautiful little boys I have harmed. I wish with all my heart I could say I'm sorry to them, but I can't. I can't stand the thought I have peripherally harmed so many lovely little guys by my actions. I wish I could help them.

I know what I must do to improve myself, and I am working towards that goal. But how can I redeem myself? How can I undo the damage?

If only those little boys could hear me. If only they know how sorry I am.

Any advice?

Thank you so much for the support you've so far given me. I would not have been able to make it this far without you.



I don't know the nature of those pics you mention, but don't blame yourself. Those photos are, as everything else in this world is, produced for profit, so unless you paid for them you haven't hurt anyone.

It's good to know that you have enough self-control to avoid that kind of content. Just keep going that way. As for reedeming, there's nothing to redeem, the fact that you understand it was wrong is enough.

Do you blame yourself or feel bad for your liking of boys? If so, don't, it is not your fault.

Self control is the key, and even 'normal' people are, sometimes, unable to control themselves and end up badly.



You can try deflecting your sexual desires to something else. Just repressing them totally isn't going to work. Use porn with fictional kids, or porn of youthful legal-age adults. The thing is, you should never cross the line into real children. Not even SFW clothed ones or casual nudity, because that's a slippery slope right back to CP.

I deeply understand what you said about trying to capture that lightning in the bottle compulsion of collecting. It's the same reason people are addicted to Facebook or other social media; psychologists call it the "fear of missing out". With regard to porn, for me, it was because I was always chasing this fantasy of the "perfect porn video". It would be the one that had all my favorite kinks, was perfectly filmed, had great sound, both boys enjoyed themselves and got a chance to have multiple orgasms, and they would obviously be in love with each other and not merely acting... blah blah blah. It would, for the rest of my life, be the only video I'd ever need for masturbating, ever. Because it was PERFECT.

This made me compulsively search and download, often for stretches of 6 hours or more, on a weekly basis, because every new video could be THE video. Every download could be that magic one, which means I had to hurry up and collect them all, otherwise I would "miss out". The thing is, after such an exhaustive marathon session, I'd usually reject and delete almost all of them, because they weren't any good and didn't even come close to what I was looking for. I was essentially sending myself on a wild-goose-chase that could never end, because that "perfect video" could never exist. Perfection is an asymptote; one can approach it but never reach it. No matter how good the porn was, it could always be better, and I'd always be left wanting.

What stopped me from doing this was realizing how much time I was wasting for no gain, and how I was just frustrating myself. Now, I mostly masturbate just from my own imagination and fantasies. They're a lot better than anything I could ever find in actual porn. As a result, I masturbate in bed, instead of while sitting in front of the computer. This is something that might help you, too. It's not really possible to look at porn when not at a computer, so it can avoid that compulsion.



Have you tried going through some Shota pics or reading translated Shotacon manga? It's all fantasy, so nobody gets hurt and you get to masturbate without feeling bad afterwards.



>This made me compulsively search and download, often for stretches of 6 hours or more, on a weekly basis, because every new video could be THE video. Every download could be that magic one, which means I had to hurry up and collect them all, otherwise I would "miss out".

I got caught in that compulsion for a long time. Once I realized the the real danger is in downloading (and obviously uploading and sharing), I decided I had "enough" material, probably 500-1000 pictures and videos. I stopped cold-turkey back in 2009, generally masturbate to fantasies and nifty text, and only if really needed do I get out my thumb drive and revisit one of my old porn items. I have enough and look at it infrequently enough that I can always find something "new" that I had forgotten about.

The important thing is I don't need to go online to get any more.



>nifty text

Too bad the majority of Nifty stories are trash. Although I guess that's Sturgeon's Law in effect, just that with stories it's harder to quickly vet the quality than it is with pictures or comics or other visual media.



It's a dangerous business, because the actual "good" stories will obviously be written by actual pedophiles. One writes from experience, and one can't write well about something they've never experienced. It's easy to pick out stories written by people who have no idea what child sex is really like. People who aren't really attracted to children and only like the fantasy for the "taboo" aspect make them act like adults, and they are children in name only. The stories that buck the trend, well...

There was a guy on a furry site I frequent who wrote amazingly realistic stories about underage characters having sexual relationships. One day he posted a journal that he'd been caught possessing "illegal content", which since he was an American you can imply what it must have been; he then ate a gun.


I'm in a similar boat to OP. It was becoming a real problem. I have got rid of everything. I don't want to be that guy with 100000 images of boys. I used to get frustrated going to sites like imgsrc every day and seeing 10 or more good quality boy albums being posted with like 50 images each. I would spend hours collecting and not have time for anything else. It was a compulsion. I didn't enjoy it. I hated it. It never stops. Sometimes I would finish with one album and then a new one would be posted. I would get so angry. And then I learnt about the shadier chans and what were probably honeypots. I realised that this was never going to stop and I need to stop myself. So I got rid of everything. I feel so liberated. Everything is gone. I'm going to start afresh. Now I don't feel the need to go to imgsrc or anywhere else. I'm done with sites like these. I'll just stick to screenshots of boys from videos. I realise that collecting images the other way may never have ended and would have got worse.


Don't know if you're still around OP (haven't read the entire thread) but I just want to give some of my own advice.

First of all, it sounds like you are best off not collecting anything remotely suggestive as you seem to have too many addictive tendencies. Some of us are able to use things like shota without it becoming the slippery slope, others aren't. I would also suggest you thoroughly WIPE any devices that have contained questionable materials for your own safety. Note that wiping is different from deleting. Google it if you don't know the difference.

I would treat this as an addiction. Most addictions work in the same way, so the content of the addiction is not really relevant. Just about any addiction treatment material would be helpful to you. Here are a few pointers.

-Instead of focusing on avoiding the problem behavior, turn your attention on any stress, anxiety, or depression you may be feeling. How can you make yourself feel better? Are you lonely? Are you eating garbage food every day? Are you staying physically active? Do you have hobbies or other activities to keep your mind occupied? Can you improve your working life? Are you generally happy with yourself, or could you benefit from activities that boost your self confidence (learning something new, pursuing some form of charity work, practicing a skill, etc.)? Try to focus on these things instead.

-To expand on part of the above point, you NEED people in your life. So many of us think we are loners and we are able to get by with little social contact. Problem is, when your mind is focused on you all of the time you begin to lose the will to move forward. We are social beings. We need others who are close enough to encourage us to keep going. People worthy of stealing substantial amounts of the attention that we would otherwise place on ourselves.

-Meditation. You might think this sounds retarded. If so, I can promise you that meditation is NOT what you think it is. Meditation is about developing more control over your attention and less attachment to your emotions. It's really nothing more than a mental exercise, and it's a perfect ally in treating addiction. I would recommend that you be meditating for at least 30 to 60 minutes per day. Make sure you find a reliable and practical guide that's not filled with metaphysical bullshit. One solid (but perhaps a bit too exhaustive) guide is The Mind Illuminated by Dr. John Yates Culadasa, but I'm sure you can find some good stuff online.

Also, I'm going to catch a lot of shit for this, but VirPed is not nearly as bad as people make it out to be. Everytime I see someone on this board shit-talking VirPed I have to wonder if they've ever even visited the VP boards. I've been on VP for about six months and I've seen very little of the "holier than thou" bullshit that they are constantly accused of. It's mostly just pedos like us trying to balance our sexual orientation with the expectations of society. In fact, the post you're reading now is fairly indicative of the kind of stuff that tends to get posted there. Yes, they're anti-contact. I would point out that if you're smart enough to know how risky actually fucking a boy is then you're effectively anti-contact as well regardless of your personal opinion.

I also have to say that I admire the more public facing side of VP for having the balls to stand on the front line and engage the public at the only level that is currently effective. VP is taking baby steps in the right direction. If there is one community that will further our cause anytime soon, it's VirPed. They really don't deserve the disrespect that they catch from the broader MAP community. They're currently the best public voice we have and we should be supporting them, IMO.


One more point I wanted to make, try reframing your problem a bit. The alcoholic who is struggling to get clean will have a much harder time than the guy who just decided he was going to quit drinking because he was doing it too much. The labels that we use sometimes come with baggage that can warp our perceptions a bit. Instead of thinking of yourself as a helpless porn addict, think of yourself as a good guy who has hit a little bump in the road. It's nothing you can't fix with a little motivation and effort.



Not OP, but thanks. I can stick to just screenshots and non questionable sites from now on. I'll probably stop visiting this board as well. Clothed boys are better than no boys.



Boy, I really don't want to see you crashing down and burning alive when the boys you're contacting stop talking to you.

You ACTUALLY believe that if you just keep it a "secret" and never engage with it in any way whatsoever, by replacing your urges with other things, you will somehow manage to live a "normal life"... right? Man write down what I'm telling you: If you make it to your 30s without killing yourself it will be a fucking christmas miracle. This is how delusional you are.



Damn. That was a hell of an unprovoked attack there. I don't know exactly where you're coming from but you're putting a lot of words into my mouth dude.

I fully accept that I'm a pedophile. I DO look at legal images of clothed children, and I am fully okay with that. I think of it as a healthy outlet that works for me. I accept my sexuality and I accept that it will be with me for life. I know where my boundaries are and I have them set at a place that works well for me. Also, I am 30. I've never offended, and I've not killed myself.

OP, on the other hand, clearly stated that he is unable to maintain an image collection that is legal because his compulsive tendencies lead him to problematic behaviors. The slippery slope is a reality for some of us. OP needs to find a middle grounds that works for him. Rather that be strictly fantasy only, some acceptable level image collection that doesn't lead to unhealthy compulsive behavior, of maybe an alternative outlet such as erotic writing or drawing, is really up to OP to figure out. The optimal middle grounds is going to be different for everyone.

At no point in my post did I say that OP should deny that he is a BL, nor did I suggest that he can replace his sexual orientation with other things. I was recommending that OP take active steps to improve his life and his ability to fight the compulsive urges that lead him to engage in risky behavior that could potentially cost him his life and freedom. When you address issues such as depression and stress, you are better equipped to handle problems relating to addiction. This is NOT about OP's sexuality, it's about OP's addiction problem.

Deep breath. Chill the fuck out. Nobody was insulting you.



>Boy, I really don't want to see you crashing down and burning alive when the boys you're contacting stop talking to you.

underagefag here. I talk on omegle mostly so I dont have to worry about that. I only talk to guys that are honest about being pedos though. I was thinking about posting here but I lurked enough to talk myself out of it



>You ACTUALLY believe that if you just keep it a "secret" and never engage with it in any way whatsoever, by replacing your urges with other things, you will somehow manage to live a "normal life"... right?

Worked for me so far. I just turned 50 recently. Still a virgin (boys or adults or otherwise) but I have a happy masturbatory life and am doing really well professionally mainly because I don't have anyone to go home to so I don't mind working late and advancing my career.

My advice is, if you're under 25 or so, get involved in as many boy-related activities as you can. The reason is to build up fantasy material for later. Youth activity leader, summer camp counselor, youth mentoring, and coaching youth sports. Or letting an apartment neighbor 10 year old play video games with you, when his mother won't think it's creepy (that doesn't work when you're 40).

The reason is not to get into a relationship, but to gather as many different faces, memories and experiences as possible to form masturbation fantasies later. At the time, you just have to act normal, nothing sexual, but later you can extend those memories into whatever fantasy situation you like.

At age 50 now, I can think back to all the boys I casually knew and all the summer camp or coaching situations I was in and quickly form another fantasy to masturbate to that I hadn't done in awhile. There were so many boys in my life that I can always remember some other one I had forgotten about.

Because of that, I have a good (masturbatory) sex life that keeps me happy. I don't need porn. I do it, get it over with, and go on with my life. It's worked out and I've been pretty happy with my life so far.



Given how steeply my own masturbation has declined from age 20 to 30 (sometimes I go a week or longer without), I have an extremely hard time believing that I'll be doing it all by age 50. Even now, having orgasms isn't even something I HAVE to do; if I wanted to just stop, there's no reason I couldn't. It's just the idea of becoming a completely asexual and being unable to satisfy a future partner is rather terrifying. Why bother masturbating at all?

That said, I've found my own memories to be very... plastic. There is often so little difference between a pure fantasy and a real memory that "creating" memories actually becomes feasible. What I remember is less images and more just a summation, often a narrative. Because of this I don't understand why actual memories are required, if they're fantasies anyway. Just look at SFW pictures of boys if a non-sexual stimulus can result in a sexual fantasy.

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