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Formerly Bread Lovers. No CP.

 No.17014

I'm attracted to young boys (girls too but mostly boys tbh), and have problems with compulsively accessing and collecting images which are illegal (UK).

I am very ashamed and often anxious and depressed. I've just nuked my collection for the billionth time but know it is only a matter of time before I start collecting again. I need help. Problem is I don't want to have to admit to a psychologist that I have accessed illegal images in the past (being honest so that they know the full extent of my issues and how to treat them), only for them to then call the fuzz to protect their reputation (as in: "He went on and offended again! Why didn't you do anything to stop this!?").

I want to open up, but don't know how. I have already told my parents (who have been completely supportive and forgiving - I fucking cannot thank them enough!), but I need to talk to a professional. How should I do this guys? I need your advice.

TL;DR Fucked up, need help, want to avoid the sex offenders register. How do I do this?

 No.17015

>>17014

If I were your shrink, I would prescribe you shotacon.

>>>/shota/


 No.17016

Im very sorry to hear you are going through this. I have also dealt with similar experiences. Just know that atleast some of us are here for you. :/ Its so hard with something like this because its like literally the ultimate stigma and taboo to even talk about.


 No.17017

>>17015

That's also illegal in the UK.


 No.17020

>>17014

The correct answer would be "tell nobody irl and post here about what's on your mind instead". Plenty of us have hung around the… shadier sides of the community and not gotten into trouble, legally or psychologically, even learned to love ourselves and what we are.

But it sounds like it's a bit late for that and you may be under pressure to do something politically correct about it. Here goes then…

Go read through http://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/en/home . It works over Tor if you have that installed. Everything there is supposed to be more-or-less representative of what you'd hear in an up-to-date pedo treatment program, but with the bonus that you don't have to tell an actual person anything mandatory-reportable yet. Maybe avoid filling out the survey bits, who knows what they log.

AIUI offender treatment charities like that are the only reliable source of professionals in the UK (or anywhere) who aren't complete quacks when it comes to pedophilia and related. Even they can report you if your hands aren't clean, Stop it Now's phone line warns you that as soon as they answer. It isn't just reputation, there are laws and everything. I dunno if that includes past CP but I'd assume it does until you reliably find out otherwise.

Decide if what you're reading there sounds relevant to you.

If you can get away with self-help shit like above (or the bits that don't offend your sense of self-respect anyway) and keep it between you, your family and /bl/, that's your best and safest option.

If you feel like you can stay off the porn on your own but don't think you can handle the depression etc. without meds, I've read stories before from BLs who lied/dodged the subject with their GP and succeeded. It's possible.

Virped.org is also a thing, even if their leaders are all cunts they probably have more experience in psychiatric shit than us incorrigible lot around here.

Good luck. I hope you manage to get through this without handing yourself in to anything, I'd hate to see the system claim another good BL.


 No.17021


 No.17022

>>17017

They should make it legal for medicinal purposes, then.

Something to think about on this pothead day.


 No.17023

Yeah never could go through one of those. Society would rather literally take away our free will if it meant getting rid of bls, and a lot of treatmenas are the equivalent of christian gay conversion therapy.


 No.17027

>>17020

Thank you so much for the support man. It feels so comforting to know I'm not alone and that there is someone I can talk too. I'm starting a sesh on stopitnow.

The fact that shrinks have an obligation to report offense to the authorities, even if the person is actively seeking help to overcome their urges seems very counter-intuitive. Surely a better way to protect children would be acceptance of someone who comes forward and helping them to overcome their desires, not a shortcut to the fucking dock.

I would really like to keep posting here more often. Should I keep all my posts in this thread? start a separate one? Post in a specific thread? (yes I'm a newfag).


 No.17030

Definately keep posting here. Im new myself but this is a decent community.


 No.17031

>>17027

No problem, bl-anons have to look out for each other.

>Surely a better way to protect children would be acceptance of someone who comes forward and helping them to overcome their desires, not a shortcut to the fucking dock.

You'd think they'd understand that, and it's why VP types tend to rave about Germany and their Dunkelfeld thing, but it's what we get when the Daily Mail is effectively writing policy and everyone else has a danger-to-yourself-or-others perception of you that makes mental health "services" more like the kind you'd get if you confessed to being a violent bipolar schizophrenic or something than just being depressed. The revolving door to a prison cell is intentional, you're either an offender or offender-to-be, the only good pedophile is a supervised one, and so on.

You'll probably get that vibe eventually as you go through SiN's material. >>17023 is almost right, it isn't so much gay conversion (that would be the "complete quacks" I talked about) as the entire industry still clinging to an addiction/aversion thing even when they claim to be enlightened. It probably makes a lot of sense when you're dealing with someone in prison with real impulse control issues, the sort of people the science is sadly always done on, but doesn't help the rest of us feel any better about our (lack of) love lives.

Normally I nor anyone else here would take them seriously, I've only ever read their site myself out of curiosity, but if you're in a genuine situation with compulsive CP collecting it's one thing they do have a lot to say about.

At least if you can hack the self-help route you keep some control to pick and choose what to believe and what to ignore without compounding any pressure you might be under from your parents to "fix" yourself with pressure from an actual shrink and the "agencies" they'll no doubt have on speed dial if they don't think you're cooperating hard enough.

Just don't assume you need to completely swallow their perspective on your sexuality and "abuse" in general to find peace with yourself. That's Virped's attitude but you won't find much of it here.

>Should I keep all my posts in this thread? start a separate one? Post in a specific thread? (yes I'm a newfag).

Whatever feels right I guess, I don't think there are rules. Just be really careful not to dox yourself, even if cops aren't necessarily watching trolls and vigilantes might.


 No.17032

>>17022

They should make it legal again full stop. I remember when they b& it, it was literally NSPCC and other victim charities screeching "it's yucky and encourages them and we can't let them feel normal".

They're cartoons ffs.


 No.17033

>>17032

If I'm not mistaken the law in the UK regarding shota is that hosting it on a UK-based server is illegal.

So If I were to draw some in the privacy of my home for myself and not publish it, would that be legal? I fail to see how they could police that even if it were.

If I were to view shota on a site not hosted in the UK, would that be legal? If I were to upload to a site not hosted in the UK, would that be illegal?


 No.17035

>>17033

IANAL but I think it's treated pretty much the same as real CP. I remember them saying at the time that there might be a different standard where it's only illegal if it's truly obscene/hardcore but that never made it into the final bill, which was waved through without a squeak as these things always are.

Cunts.

The only saving grace is practical, as you say, they're not going to know if you draw it yourself for your own use and nobody sees it to report you. I don't think they invest a lot in trying to detect shota possession either, the way they do with P2P stings etc.

But I'd still use Tor or something to protect myself. Policy can change in the time it takes you to have a walk in the countryside.


 No.17036

>17035

Haha It's funny cus you said ANAL

/s


 No.17039

>>17014

OP back again. Thank you so much for being so accepting and supporting. I really feel I belong here. Am starting to miss my old collection though - feeling low. It feels sort of like I've lost a very close friend. How should I make sense of this? How can I learn to move on?


 No.17041

>>17039

Honestly it sounds like you're addicted to porn. The type of porn is incidental. You could treat it as an addiction and try and get over it but if it's really a big deal to you, you could just move to one of the countries where possession of cp is legal, like Russia or Argentina.


 No.17042

>>17041

Thank you man. I guess you're right about the addiction. I did spend an obscene amount of time collecting before I saw the light. SiN have some helpful resources on addiction I'm running through. What about places like /r/NoFap? Are they healpful?

And no, I don't love CP enough to move to fucking Russia to get it - that for me is ridiculous.


 No.17043

>>17042

I would avoid nofap/virped and similar pseudoscience. Masturbation is healthy and normal, total abstention will just make you sexually frustrated. But masturbating less often will probably help, also just use memories/imagination rather than porn. Really though I wouldn't worry about this too much, porn addiction is very common.


 No.17044

>>17042

Is the physical act of fapping a big part of your addiction? Were you actually collecting it to fap to all the time or just out of some anorakish, gotta-catch-em-all urge and not really using it much?

FWIW I used to have a kinda hoarders instinct about my own collection before I finally left it behind and fapping was part of the solution.


 No.17051

"Fapping is part of the solution" quote of the day. Jokes aside i think a lot of relief comes from being able to talk with others who wont burn you at the stake for what you are and are willing to talk to you as a person.


 No.17053

>>17051

And, god forbid, might even accept you and your sexuality as-is?

We live in a cruel world where we have to talk about that as if it's a rare luxury.


 No.17064

>>17044

[OP]

>Were you actually collecting it to fap to all the time or just out of some anorakish, gotta-catch-em-all urge

Both. I liked to masturbate to the images, but furthermore most of the stuff was (in may experience anyway) very liable to disappear: One minute it's up on some image-board, the next that board is banned, one minute that download is available from this site, the next the sites domain expired. This was the biggest motivating factor for my collecting.

I like to think of it with this analogy: I love clouds, but the clouds are quickly blown away and dissipate, but not if I lasso them in, stick them to the ground with duct tape, and sit on them.

Of course it got to the level several times where my collection was so big, and I had been going on collecting them for so long, that I'd completely forgotten some particular images were even there in my collection, yet alone jerking it too them.


 No.17066

>>17064

>most of the stuff was (in may experience anyway) very liable to disappear

That's exactly how I used to feel about it. I was lucky though that I usually had to fap to my imagination away from the PC anyway for privacy reasons and fantasies tended to come more easily to me (and be more interesting) from Nifty, shota and g-rated than from actual porn.

It was the revelation that I don't need CP to remember what a boy's cock looks like and I don't need to keep a g-rated pic to remember the fantasy it triggered that helped me stop collecting in the end. I was wasting time over something I now objectively knew I'd never need to look at again.

So yeah I agree with >>17043 about the value of healthy fapping to the contents of your own head, but idk if that'll work for you too. It definitely won't be compatible with SiN's teachings (don't they call it "inappropriate" or something?) but they can go fuck themselves on that one.


 No.17071

>>17066

Yes: Looking at the SiN self-help module 'fantasy', they define "inappropriate fantasy" as:

>"These are fantasies that would be illegal if they were carried out or acted on in real life, such as having sex with a child."

Further on in that module they compare various sexual fantasies and whether or not they are "inappropriate". Take for example the fantasy of a 15 year old (age of consent in UK = 16) asking to have consensual sex:

>"This is an inappropriate fantasy. A child needs to be 16 years old to consent to sexual activity and 18 to consent to images of them to be shared. Regardless of how old you are, sexual activity with a child is illegal."

The fact that a fantasy suddenly stops being "inappropriate" when the object of fantasy reaches the age of consent in the UK (so I guess if you were in Germany were the AOC is 14 it would still be "inappropriate" despite the fact it would be legal), is very telling. Seems to imply if they had the power to control people's minds to comply with the law, they would.

After pages and pages of hammering home how you must thoroughly castigate any fantasies deemed "inappropriate", they finally briefly address people who genuinely have no sexual interest in adults (how fucking generous of you), and give the following advice

>avoid sexual fantasies about children when masturbating

>Reduce the amount of time spent thinking or fantasising

>Develop a busy day-to-day lifestyle

>Try and spend time with others

>find other ways of coping [with desires, irl problems etc…]

>[practice] Self-care

>Don’t beat yourself up [if you fantasise]

Which is actually laudable advice that I can follow. Pity it took so long to get there!


 No.17073

>>17071

Oh god thats horrible. Ive never been one to have a deep understanding of what i believe on bl and "treating" it but its definately farrrr away from what they espouse.


 No.17080

>>17071

>>17073

Yeah, they're an offender treatment charity so you have to expect that CBT shit from them and try to separate out the useful, clinically-sound addiction advice from the pure anti-bl brainwashing.

I'd still ignore the one about not fantasising to boys. That's the thing about modern "treatment" that they basically assume that pedophilia is part delusional, that fantasy can't really be separated from reality and bad thoughts will inevitably lead to bad actions when that's bullshit and plenty of us here are living proof of it.


 No.17081

>>17073

>bl and "treating" it

You can't "treat" bl. You shouldn't "treat" bl. All things we owe to ancient Greece, civilization wouldn't exist without bl. porn addiction like op is a different thing.


 No.17082

>>17020

Stopitnow is a pretty shitty site for people like us trying to find help. They consider even clothed images of children to be CP and they say even havbong thoughts is bad. You should learn to accept it and not hate yourself for it.

>>17027

Do not trust stop it now OP. Visit something like b4uact or just stick around here. I'm also from the UK and I've been on this board for over 2 years now. The UK is a shitty place for people like us, you need to keep quiet or find a good private therapist to tell. Do not trust NHS shrinks. I had a really good private therapist and now I accept this as part of who I am. Stick to imgsrc if you do want pics.


 No.17085

>>17082

How did you find that private therapist? How could you be sure they wouldn't turn you in to the cops or arm-twist you into more aggressive supervision-based "services"?

I've seen success stories before but they tend to be US-based (where I guess private therapy is more abundant) and have a strong whiff of blind luck about them.

Even shitty websites sometimes have their benefits.




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