Alright, may as well make use here. Who knows, maybe this will be entertaining to people.
I'm a fucking hermit - I realize that today.
All my friends are superficial. I can't talk to anyone as a person. I don't think human beings exist anymore. And for some reason I can't express myself to people, as if some invisible force is always holding me back from revealing myself to others. Even as of now I feel no catharsis over this confession. Nothing seems natural anymore.
All it took for me to realize what a hermit I am was liking a girl I briefly encountered numerous times, thought I could connect with her since she seemed so spiritual, and inevitably humiliating myself today to her when I finally crossed a line. I felt humiliated, especially afterwards as I realize as of now how uncomfortable she was. She tried to be brief in our conversations, almost as a way to gently dismiss me.
Fuck, if she does phone me (keyword here is "if"), I'm not sure whether to ignore the call and bygones be bygones, or deeply apologize to her and tell her maybe we should let bygones be bygones.
I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish from this… but fuck it.