/christ/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

'nothing personel kid'

-holy archangel michael as he cast lucifer out from heaven

>>7928

are you telling me this was the first ever meme

pic unrelated

>>7987

Do you have a source? Sounds too revisionist to me. I think its literally just a prophet who took great offense at being called baldy by some kids, so he asked God to send Smokey the bear to eat them. (God probably obliged out of amusement.) The only moral of the story is don't taunt your elders/prophets, because when they get mad they might ask God to kill you.

A lot of the Jesus stories are funny.

Jesus tells a man you stink, go take a bath in the river.

Jesus trolls his parents when they come looking for him.

Jesus leads his disciples to climb a mountain without telling them why, then freaks them out with thunderous special effects. Matthew 17

Jesus randomly curses a fig tree whoose shade he was using, because it didn't have fruit (since it was the wrong season.)

He usually responds to questions of the Pharisees with more questions.

Jesus tells future Christians not to waste money on a trip to Israel, because its just reeds blowing in the desert. -Matthew 11:7

Jesus doesn't explicitly say he's going to die and come back to life, so he can troll them hard when he comes back. He even talks with some of the disciples without them recognizing him.

When Jesus comes back, he casually strolls over the water and then invites Peter to come join him, except Peter is so lame he nearly drowns. I think he let him sink so he could troll Peter for not being so awesome.

One day Jesus just stops talking and flies up into the sky without saying goodbye. It's like he just decides he's had enough of the Earth. So his disciples stand there and stare at the sky for maybe 10 minutes, before an angel comes down to explain he's not coming back soon. Except the angel lets them believe they'll see him again before they die. Total troll face.

Not quite Biblical, there's a story in the mishna concerning Abraham as a teenager living with his dad. His dad, an Idol worshiper, is also interpreted to have been a craftsman who made idols and sold them for a living. One day he's gone on an errand and leaves Abraham in charge of the shop. When he comes back, all the Idols have been smashed to bits.

"What the heck happened?" asked Abraham's dad, called Terah. Abraham pointed to the statues and said "This statue here started arguing with this other one there, before I could do anything they each took sticks and killed each other." Terah, incredulous, says "What? That's ridiculous. They don't have any knowledge, they can't do anything!".

Abraham, being a cheeky one, says "Your heart should listen to what your mouth is saying!".

It was Abraham who smashed the idols in case that wasn't obvious.

>>9459

>"Here's what the Bible says, Leviticus 20:13, 'If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination,” Anderson tells his flock, many of whom murmur their assent with a “amen.” “They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them.' And that, my friend, is the cure for AIDS. It was right there in the Bible all along."

>>9459

BINGO!

Compare the headline text and three "topics" below it with this pic >>9379 and the only difference is the USA Today logo which I take to mean that UsaT borrowed the video from NBC 12 in Arizona and put it on their site.

>Faithful Word Baptist Church is a “free AIDS clinic doing more to fight AIDS than Bono ever did.

>“We preach the gospel door to door, and if people become saved, they won’t become a reprobate,” he says.

>“If you right now don’t think homos are gross, you have been fully brainwashed,” he continues his rant. “It’s so gross, it’s so disgusting, it’s so filthy, I hate even to have to bring it up.”

Aaaaaaahhh Anderson. Whatever would /pol/ do without you?