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The thread is now archived, but it doesn't look like the guy doing the Scooby Doo and the Ghoul School themed tarot cards finished the set. I am going to post them here in hope he sees this and finishes them.


i don't get the fascination with an abandoned 80s IP.


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< Note to creator:

< Why is The Devil marked card 14?


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< And why are some of the cards 745x1200 and others 870x1400?



So how's the pitching going on?



I'm legit curious as well. I haven't kept track of this project for literal years. Sadly this thing is now too damn good for Cartoon Network so you're probably better off pitching it as a comic or something.


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Gonna add this image to the fray.



Is that new?




>The thread is now archived

Archive link? I have no idea what this is all about.


Wow this makes me nostalgic. This was one of my favourite movies as a kid and I'd forgotten about it completely.


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In honor of trips, enjoy some Winne.

Plague of Gripes kinda knocked it out of the park with a re-design of her outfit. At least I think it was him.



It wasn't. That design belongs to Toonspew.



No it was posted last thread.

Y'know what, lets make this thread different from the last one and make some OC



Sure, are there any drawfags around?



He really did.




Apparently a guy named Toonspew. Nigger needs to finish what he started.





No, the artist is Mister D. Toonspew is a writer who commissioned the art.


Which Ghoul Girl would you take as your wife and why?


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Jughead from archie.



Sibella because, just like Buffy, I'm a slut for vampires.



We must summon Toonspew so he can update us





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I'm not Beetlejuice, fam.

Things have been really busy at the funeral home since half our staff has retired, gone on sick leave, or paternity leave in the last couple months and they haven't hired anyone new to replace them. I did get out to Emerald City Con and picked up a couple quick sketches (attached) which I'm looking for an anon with coloring skills if anyone wants something to do.

Mr. D is also finsihing up the last few cards in the tarot set - they are inked and colored, he's just putting the shading and final touches on them currently, so shouldn't be too much longer. Then i'm going to commission a card-back art to match and re-release everything in consistent file sizes as a single zip folder. I'm also going to be contacting a printing company about getting them printed and cut on glossy cardstock so that they can be used as an actual deck of tarot cards if so desired. Mostly for myself but if there are enough people who would like a copy of their own I could start a collection to produce multiple decks… I dunno, should I start a kickstarter or something? Or would people want to just contact me and send me a paypal payment to cover their share of the cost?

I'm all for new OC being produced. And I think that whoever said I should start a blog to contain all the material is correct… we've ended up repeating the same info in thread after thread, so the time has come.

So some questions I'll throw out to the crowd here:

1) Who wants to take a swing at coloring these pics? Post your best efforts. Tanis, I should mention, is intended to be casting a spell so try adding some kirby dots or SFX around her hands to show the mystical energy she's manipulating.

2) What's the best place to start a blog? Blogger, tumbler, something else?

3) Pitch a quick idea for a fic and I'll try writing up a pastebin story, something to put up in the new blog.



>I'm not Beetlejuice

And yet, here you are.



I recommend Blogger since it's by far the most user friendly imo. Plus you don't have to worry about getting flagged for posting nsfw content.

As for a fic idea, how abouy Sibella and Roper sharing a romantic night in a cemetary?



>Pitch a quick idea for a fic and I'll try writing up a pastebin story, something to put up in the new blog.

Winnie gets sick of having to constantly maintain her fur and claws, so she just thinks "fuck it", only to have her slothful ways start to hold her back, literally and figuratively.



>I dunno, should I start a kickstarter or something?

At the moment, no. You're dealing with a copyrighted property and you're reach is too low. Besides the imageboards where else knows about this?




>What's the best place to start a blog?



stop ruining monsterlolis


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TBH I'm not planning to post any NSFW content on the coming blog, in the vain hopes that I might be able to get DC or WB to take a look at it sometime in the future. I might run a secondary one for anything too risque for the main blog, but right now I'm guessing that 8chan would be a suitable enough place to upload anything like that. It's not like there is a huge flood of it (except perhaps in October) and most of the time you could just go to Paheal or another booru site of your choice.


Good advice, I guess I'll just have a half-dozen or so decks printed and leave my contact info and selling price on the blog if anyone wants to buy one from me.

On that front, here are the last three cards to complete the set. I'll be releasing the full, high-quality card images in a zip file on the blog (with a corrected Devil) once it is up, and Mr. D will be doing a card-back as well.

On the topic of generating OC and discussion in the thread, lets try a little worldbuilding: Grimwood Finishing School and Calloway Military Academy are located in a remote swampy area of the American Northeast (Vermont? Massachusetts?). While the Grimwood school doesn't show up on any official maps, the Calloway Academy does and has a campus that includes a perimeter surrounding a section of Barren Bog, where Grimwood is located somewhere therein.

After that, we've got room to build. A school the size of a military academy would require a town nearby to provide logistical support, and logically it's going to be the first point of human civilization that the ghoul girls will encounter on any occasion that they are able to escape the confines of the campus. So let's pick a name and try to flesh this town out a little; what are some interesting buildings, who works/lives in them, and which students are most likely to have a reason to visit them?


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>American northeast

As someone who lives in this area, I can say with no uncertainty that we have no alligators here, and our swamps generally aren't that large, flat, or lively.

I would say deep south if it weren't for the complete lack of accents, though it's the only part of this country that has alligators.



There's always Florida.



That's true, many of them seem to have lighter accents for some reason as well, so it could fit in with the canon universe.


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Plus, the state itself is a nexus of weird shit. So anything that appears to be out of the ordinary, is just another Monday



I'm thinking that if Grimwood and Calloway are long standing institutions, the local town is equally as old; and will need a name that is old and worn, but still inviting. One Idea I have is Mossy Meadow. It sounds mildly revolting, yet eerily curious. At least to my currently inebriated mind.

As for locations or buildings of interest, I had an idea of a country club & golf course; The Clubfoot Country Club, and Mossy Greens. Colonel Calloway is a regular of the course in the off-season, and is considering becoming a member of the club. A Coat of Arms with a Clubfoot as a centerpiece is amusing to me.


I concur.



What, someone's trying to pitch Ghoul School as an ongoing series? I doubt it could really get anywhere; even if it's better and older, it's too similar to Monster High.



The biggest question thus far is how is this different from Monster High?



They aren't over sized Barbie dolls, thats for one.



It'll have actual characters.



How so?


Have you commissioned any new lewds of the girls TS?


Bumping for an update.



You're going to be waiting for a while.



There's been some.


>This revival is still being attempted.

Massive prompts to you, Toonspew, you managed to create an interesting and fleshed out world from a crappy 1980s movie.

Incidentally, I would totally buy GS merch if it was based on your stuff.


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I didn't do this and IIRC, its a WIP.


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You're not kidding, it's been a while since I could put any time towards GS stuff. Thankfully, 8ch/co/ is exactly as slow as I need it to be to suit my schedule. But there has been some progress at least, which I'll go on about below;

First of all, Mr. D has finished the back of the cards for the tarot decks (pics related). As you can see it comes in both a "pristine" and a "eroded" version, depending on whether or not the Grimwood mausoleum has had a wash this month or not. The school crest took a little thought to design, but the concept here is that the school's core values are represented symbolically here being "Leadership, Achievement, Academics and Arts". It shouldn't take a lot of thought to figure out which of the main characters maps to each pillar of Ms. Grimwood's curriculum, with the new kid Tanis being undifferentiated and able to explore each with the guidance of her friends. The latin motto of the school translates to "Here Be Monsters", and the twin dragons rampant on either side is a nod to Matches the school mascot.

I'm prepping the whole deck to print up a dozen copies or so through http://www.drivethrucards.com/

While I will not be selling these for profit or even at cost, I will be giving them away to interested anons. My plan right now is to hold some sort of fanfiction/fanart contest in Spooktober 2018 and offer the decks free to whoever submits the best content.

Speaking of content, I've been working on stuff to put up on the blog so that it isn't empty when it goes live. The first thing I'd like to post is a fleshed out setting, including commissioned art of a map of the schools and their relation to other nearby places of interest. I figure 8chan will work as a place to post "rough draft" concepts and get a bit of feedback before a more polished version goes to the blog.



You're not wrong, but there's not reason why this reboot HAS to have a native population of alligators surrounding the school just because it was in the original 1988 version. The original also had a two-headed shark living in the school's (presumably fresh-water) moat. While the original is certainly something I want to respect and pay homage to, I'm also not trying to completely replicate it detail by detail.

Florida isn't a bad idea; in addition to swamps and storms and a reputation for weirdness you also have easy access to the ocean for beach and nautical stories, such as ghost pirates, sea monsters, and I guess there's also the Skunk Ape. On the other hand, Florida has a strong association with sunny, hot weather which is a bit at odds with the intent of making Grimwood built as a pastiche of drafty old European castles and dungeons that typically serve as settings for gothic horror stories. They also don't get snow, so it'd be hard to do a Christmas or winter episode.

My previous idea of the American Northeast was to make the city an analogue of something like Salem or Lovecraft's Arkham; depending on exactly where it's supposed to exist it could be in proximity to colonial-age cities that have lots of old buildings and room for ghost stories and local witch legends. You also have The Jersey pine barrens and the Jersey Devil, Sleepy Hollow and the Headless Horseman, and Mothman in West Virginia isn't far away either. Between the two options, the northeast just seems like it has a lot more material to draw from and spin into stories, even if that means no alligators. Not that we couldn't still have an urban-legend "albino sewer gator" loose in the town's plumbing if we wanted as well.

So that's my present thinking on the subject, but you're welcome to convince me otherwise. As for the town's name, "Mossy Meadow" sounds too comfy I think. In general I find that the ideal mix of cute/spooky is to surround the cute MC's in some legit spooky surroundings, which highlights their cuteness by contrast. When everything is cute you get more into Monster High or Hotel Transylvania territory, which can also be fun for some audiences but is more silly and difficult to take seriously. Maybe something that alludes to something dark in the town's past would be preferable for the sake of worldbuilding. Here's a few ideas;

-"Gallowsgrove" (Implying there was once a lot of hangings done here)

-"Covensend" (implying a coven of witches met their doom here)

-"Cain's Lot" (Biblical reference, and riffing on Stephen King)

Let me know if you like the ring of one of those, or something better occurs to you.

Next, I've written up some "featured locations" that will exist past the borders of the schools and some characters that the Ghouls are likely to meet there, which I'll put in the following post. Again, anything you see posted on 8chan is considered a rough draft and your feedback will be considered before it takes on more permanence on the blog.



Hey thanks, I appreciate the kind words. I realize that this thread moves very slowly and I wish I could pump out more content regularly, but alas I am not a college kid with tons of free time anymore. I do my best though.


The only lewd art that I'm responsible for is still in the works; one of the artists I'm a patron of is going to be doing 1 character each month until a group shot is complete, and so far he's finished 1 girl (Tanis), so I'll be able to post the finished work in… Nov 1st, although I'll ask if he can rush it out in time for Halloween. It's nothing TOO hardcore, just the ghouls wearing Hooters/Raisins uniforms (depending on their respective physiques) with a nude variant.


Hey, good start so far for a WIP! It's a nice alternative of a color scheme too, for what a more realistic and less technicolor rendition of Sibella might look like. My only suggestion is that the mess on her chin should probably be a brighter red so that it is clearly blood… right now it looks like drool (although maybe that's what they were going for? I guess Sibella does look a little amorous in this pose).


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Well, if we set alligators to the side, then the northeast could work fine.

You'd most likely want to go with Maine, New Hampshire, or Massachusetts. They have somewhat large swamps, they're on the coast, and they have plenty of rural areas near said coast. You could also go with western New York, which is on the Great Lakes (they're like the Atlantic, except even more turbulent somehow). Eastern New York is way too built up near the Atlantic, Vermont doesn't have a coastline or any really large swamps, New Jersey is too built up near most of its boring, featureless coast, and anything further south is straying from the setting too much.

Alternitavely, if your budget's really low you could change the setting to Canada and make it a cheap Flash cartoon.

As for the names, Gallowsgrove is a bit too heavy-handed, and Cain's Lot doesn't really fit. Covensend could work, though.

A lot of towns are named after people, you could make a name from a fitting historical figure. Like Howardsville or Howardston, for instance (taken from Howard Phillip Lovecraft).



Perhaps it could exist in some unspecified amalgam of a state?


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That's pretty much New England if you only include VT NH ME, and not the heathen shitholes to the south barring portions of MA.

It could work. I mean, it's not like this cartoon would be heavily grounded in reality anyways. Hell, we could even have it be set on a mysterious island in the middle of the Atlantic. There could even be a plot built around that. The island could have some powerful relic on it that prevents it from being detected by any normal means, and the girls would have to defend it from from anyone who would aim to steal or destroy it.

Or not, I'm just pulling these ideas straight out of my ass.




How about this? The school stays in one place most of the time but, because then it could be implied to have a degree of enchanted sentience, which allows it to be wherever it needs to be.


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A boot hill type name would fit, but honestly something that's just innocuous would work too (I mean there's nothing spooky about the name Innsmouth but everyone who knows, know that it's an eerie name). If you want spooky maybe just go with part of a famous serial killer's name, and add ville as needed (Wayneville, Bundy, Haigh, ect)


So the School would be like a Baba Yaga house, moving about on chicken legs (don't even have to show it, just one of those weird background things).



>So the School would be like a Baba Yaga house, moving about on chicken legs (don't even have to show it, just one of those weird background things).

I mean, its more like the Room of Requirement from Harry Potter. It appears when one needs it the most. Same thing for the school, but it appears where it needs to be.


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I think "Covensend" is pretty innocuous sounding, at least as much as Innsmouth ("In Mouth", i.e. you're going to get eaten there). It's not THAT important a point to dwell on so if there's no major objections I think I'm going to go with Covensend and say that it's located in New England until I need to get more specific than that. 75% of the plot will occur in or around one of the two schools anyway so the name of the town isn't something that's going to come up a whole lot, but I did want to be consistent and establish the setting firmly. I like the serial killer suggestion so I'll probably end up using that in some of the other place names, like Gacy St. and Dahmer Ave.

The moving school concept is fun but probably something that will be kept in reserve until it's needed. Like as a last ditch option when Grimwood's enemies are closing in from all sides and it looks like the girls are doomed, Miss Grimwood activates a long-dormant artifact and the school sprouts giant chicken legs and runs off for someplace safe to hide. The implication could even be that the Grimwood school literally IS Baba Yaga's hut, with extensive expansions and remodelling done to turn it into the school as we see it today. The school being on the run for a period of time would be a decent excuse to set some stories in exotic locations, like a visit to Castle Dracula or Aztec ruins or Egypt. The school's "brain" is about as intelligent as an actual chicken so Miss Grimwood has to coax and cajole it to go where she wants and her control isn't always perfect, sometimes it will just get tired and decide to roost until it feels like moving again.


File: a1c42483ec75684⋯.jpg (230.17 KB, 4096x2987, 4096:2987, cathedral-compressed.jpg)

On a different topic, here's the rough draft on the first location of interest in Covensend to lure the characters out past their campus and interact with the wider world. Feedback welcome.

ST. BARBARA ABBEY - Set atop a hilly crest on the outer edge of Covensend's "old quarter" and a short jaunt from the city's rougher downtown region, the Abbey is home to about a dozen nuns and a few friars and priests, and is connected to an adjoining girls’ school. The student body at St. Barbara’s is known to be a dumping ground for trouble-makers and orphans in need of strict moral guidance, and vacillate between prim, bitchy little robots while under the stern eye of the Mother Superior and wild, gang-like hooligans when outside of class. The Abbey proper is a cathedral-like series of buildings featuring several tall gothic towers dotted with grotesque gargoyle statues and a bat-infested belfry. By daylight it looks tranquil and happy if perhaps a little stuffy, at night in a thunderstorm it can look as terrifying as any haunted castle.

The most frequent visitors to they Abbey are:

-Sibella, who finds the gargoyle-littered towers terrifically romantic to perch and strike poses upon at night, Eavesdropping on the gossip of the schoolgirls also gives Sibella a chance to experience vicarious social thrills, like watching a live-action soap opera.

-Cadet Roper, who has a standing agreement with the abbot to procure fresh holy water and other sanctified implements for monster hunting,

-Cadet Iggy, who has several black market contacts among the criminal element among the student body. It's also a convenient place to seek sanctuary when his unscrupulous activities are about to catch up with him and he needs a third option when he can't hide out at either Calloway or Grimwood schools. The fact that the school has no shortage of cute teen girls doesn't hurt either, but Iggy knows very well that none of them would touch him with a ten foot pole so he mostly keeps his contact there professional and keeps his mouth shut.

The school's mother superior is Sister Dominique, a thin middle-aged woman who will become a full-on crone within fifteen years. Sister Dominique is a dark reflection of Col. Calloway in some respects; where Calloway is strict, Dominique is cruel. Where Calloway is mistrusting of Grimwood's ghouls, Dominique is a zealous anti-monster crusader. She is vaguely aware of and supports Calloway's mission, keeping him stocked with off-the-books specialty ammunition (The church excuses St. Barbara's explosives as "fireworks", the production of which helps fund the abbey's upkeep, as this falls under St. Barbara herself being the patron saint of explosions and divine retribution). Dominique frequently chastises Calloway for not keeping his cadets on a tighter leash, holding her own students as an example of how a school SHOULD be run. She is not ignorant of the criminal side to her students, but she would be loath to admit this aloud and as long as her girls continue to act properly while she is present Dominique won't be forced to. Naturally, this means that any of her girls that is sloppy enough to get caught breaking this facade is subject to harsh discipline.

There are two primary purposes for the Abbey beyond the basic worldbuilding of being a supplier of some of the anti-monster weaponry seen at Calloway;

1) As minor antagonists. The bullies among the students can harass the cadets or the ghouls either physically (Iggy, Morton, Phibes, Tanis, Winnie) or socially (eveyone else). While individual St. Barbara students might learn their lesson after suffering a mauling from Winnie, as a group these girls are always looking for trouble and are prone to popping up at exactly the wrong time when the protagonists don't have the luxury of putting them in their place. Sister Dominique also exists to put pressure on Col. Calloway, forcing him to follow harsher protocols with his students than he might have otherwise.

2) As a ready source of unsympathetic victims for other antagonists. Like any good horror film, if you want the audience to enjoy seeing a teenager getting killed or otherwise meet a Bad End, it's good to demonstrate that the victim was a bad egg and kinda deserved what they had coming to them. The girls at St. Barbara's can be dialed up or down in how criminal they appear as needed; from baseline innocent teen girl to unrepentant chain-smoking street thug who steals candy from little kids.



Gonna have to give some criticism on this. I could see this school working as like a one-time element or just something that pops up very infrequently, but not as much of a reoccurring location. Seems a bit like overkill when we already have the military school to breath down the finishing school's neck. I can see a cathedral being a reoccurring location, but the school feels much weaker, and I think it's mainly because I'm not all that behind the ghouls having human bullies, again at least not as a reoccurring element. As a one-off thing, like in an episode where the ghouls run into this group and proceed to get bullied sure, but I feel like humans would be much more easily scared away from ever bullying them again than say another ghoul bullying them would be. Bullies are already a hard element to write well in stories as is. Also, how the hell do humans manage to physically bully Winnie? Tanis I can see, and I could also see Sibella though you didn't list her, but I feel Winnie would be more fitting in the social part while like Sibella fits in both.

Speaking of Sibella, I'd kind of prefer Sibella just watching actually soap operas and mistaking this for how human life works rather than her eavesdropping on these students frequently. Not that I couldn't see her doing it at all though, just a though.

Maybe Dominique could be a decent semi-reoccurring antagonist, though as far as someone to pressure Calloway goes, I kind of just pictured whoever Calloway's superintendent is being the one to do that. I feel like they'd actually be able to get under Calloway's skin much easier than someone running a cathedral could.

Finally this.

>As a ready source of unsympathetic victims for other antagonists. Like any good horror film, if you want the audience to enjoy seeing a teenager getting killed or otherwise meet a Bad End, it's good to demonstrate that the victim was a bad egg and kinda deserved what they had coming to them.

I'd have to disagree here. A good horror film makes you care for the victim or at least helps you understand they are innocent so when they get killed it's genuinely horrifying. If you're rooting for the killer/monster to kill someone, then it's not really all that horrifying. I hate this type of shit for horror films, please don't resort to it. If you are still going to include it, at least don't make it happen that often.

I just don't see this being anywhere near as fruitful as the military school already is, which makes it feel nearly pointless depending on how often it's apart of the story. If you have your heart set on including it, I'd just suggest making it a very minor element. That's all I've got for now.



>I could see this school working as like a one-time element or just something that pops up very infrequently,

Yeah, that's about what my intention was for all of these locations out past the Grimwood campus. As I said in >>1008145 I'm expecting three out of four stories are able to be written entirely within the Grimwood and/or Calloway grounds. The rare times that the story ventures past that is further divided between what I'm hoping will be a good selection of a half dozen or so interesting locations scattered around Covensend.

> Also, how the hell do humans manage to physically bully Winnie?

Keep in mind I didn't say that they'd be successful at it, I'm not intending that these girls are regularly making the ghouls' lives hell. Just that Winnie (being physically small and depending on the circumstances of the plot, possibly in disguised as or temporarily transformed into a human girl) would appear to be a suitable target for the big girls looking to shove someone around. I'd expect Winnie to try a "Don't make me angry… you wouldn't like me when I'm angry…" before getting pushed too far and flipping out on them, leaving them traumatized and stuffed in a dumpster. I didn't list Sibella because she doesn't project that look of vulnerability in the same way; Sibella is confident and assured of her good looks, she'd have a fearless posture and stride that would put bullies off. You're right that bullies would probably have a better shot at taking Sibella on physically, but that doesn't even really matter… unprepared human girls are going to lose a fight against ANY monster girl.

But as far as the Grimwood students are concerned, just being IN a fight is already a loss. Even if Sibella effortlessly trounces a gang of hoodlums, that invites the much bigger problem of getting caught being "monstrous" outside of school grounds. Without a REALLY good excuse she'd be putting the entire Grimwood/Calloway treaty in jeopardy and risk bringing dedicated trained vampire hunters down on her and her family. And that's to say nothing of episode-specific complications that leave the protagonists especially vulnerable. As an illustrative example, take a look at the "My life as a teenage robot" episode 1x06b "The Great Unwashed" (my apologies if this isn't a show you watched). In that episode, our protagonist Jenny the superstrong invulnerable robot is menaced by The Muckraker, a villain who… is talented at getting things dirty. This is no contest and Jenny is never in any physical danger whatsoever. So no tension right? Except that Jenny has just sunk all her savings into an expensive makeover and she's on her way to a fancy party. So getting splattered with garbage is treated as a mortal peril.

This is what I mean that the protagonists don't necessarily have the luxury of just putting these bullies in their place by resorting to physical violence. I mean, when it's dramatically appropriate we can certainly offer some catharsis by seeing our favorite ghouls whup on them when the circumstances permit it, but when we need dramatic tension it's as simple as tilting the playing field so that the ghouls have to keep themselves in check or else lose something that they don't want to lose, such as their freedom or a friendship.


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>I'd have to disagree here. A good horror film makes you care for the victim

Okay, I was oversimplifying it in my previous post. You're not wrong, but you're only looking at a very narrow definition of "good horror film". A lot hinges on what sort of tone the film has and what reaction they are trying to get from the audience. Yes, a sympathetic protagonist that the audience likes and identifies with will help the audience feel terror when that character is threatened. Those characters more often than not are the ones that narrowly escape death, In the very dark horror films they might die by the end, but that hardcore feeling is not what I was really aiming for with Grimwood. This isn't "Se7en".

The tradition of enjoying the monster getting their victim is rooted in the "karmic justice" of EC comics and Twilight Zone era, but persists into the 80's slashers and beyond where having sex or doing drugs was practically a death sentence. When Captain Rhodes dies at the end of "Day of the Dead", it's no less horrific a death to see but you do get to enjoy bit of relief that the bastard had finally gotten what was coming to him.

But as I said in my previous post "The girls at St. Barbara's can be dialed up or down in how criminal they appear as needed". If a sympathetic victim is called for, there's plenty of nice girls at St. Barbara's as well. But if a bitch is needed so that the ghouls can dispense some karma in front of the camera and look cool doing it, then there's a precedent set for a pool of same-age characters to draw from that aren't the more heroic Calloway cadets. I'm not trying to imply that Grimwood is constantly interacting with and picking on the St. Barbara girls either, that's just this particular entry on the "map" that's getting a highlight here. There's lots of other people that could have a brush with the supernatural for good or bad.

Anyway, thanks for the critique and I hope I've clarified my ideas a bit better now. If you still disagree then that's fair, I'll keep it in mind among the various opinions that are voiced.




Well, like I said, it doesn't just have to be victims that are sympathetic. You can have characters we simply get the feeling didn't deserve what they got, like an innocent bystander just minding their own business. Just don't play the karma card too often.

I don't know, the idea still just sounds like a rather weak part of the story to me, but you did say it's a rough draft. Perhaps there's more room for improvement than I'm seeing, but right now all I can do is just suggest keeping it as minor as it may be seen fit. Maybe another anon will have some better suggestions.

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