No.160
A neo-liberal White Christian NRA Lawyer Professor and Capitalist Slaver was teaching a class on economics.
"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Mises and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!"
At this moment, a brave, internationalist, pro-socialism PKK champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of communism and fully supported all worker movements in the world stood up and held up a red flag.
"But what about the material conditions?"
The arrogant professor smirked quite Fascistically and smugly replies "Human Nature"
"Wrong. Humans have only engaged socially in classes for the past 10,000 years, but lived communally for hundreds of thousands of years before that. If Capitalism was human nature like you say… we would have been engaging in commodity production for a million years already"
The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of "The Wealth of Nations." He stormed out of the room crying those neo-liberal vulture tears.
The students applauded and all registered Communist that day and accepted Marx as their lord and savior. An eagle named "Classlessness" flew into the room and perched atop the Red Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Internationale was sung several times, and Lenin himself showed up and enacted Glorious Revolution across the whole country.
The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He was arrested for being a slaver and was tossed in a Gulag for all eternity
Viva la Revolucion!
No.194
This actually happened to a lady who is a close family friend. At one point, she worked at a convalescent home; not just for old people either. It was for folks who were a little capitalist and couldn't take care of themselves. One lady there has this disorder. She thinks EVERYTHING is commodity, as in she'd sell you her dinner and then start trying to sell the napkins. As you can guess, she ended up morbidly rich. She was too rich for taxes, so they had to take her out back and put her money on tax havens. Since she was so rich, she had a lot of rolls of banknotes, and they couldn't get everywhere. Now, one day the family friend is making her rounds of the complex, and was stopped by this dude in a wheelchair. He mumbles something at her. "Bitch stole my Doritos…" "What?" "That fat lady stole my Doritos and SHE WON'T GIVE 'EM BACK!" "Okay, okay, calm down. I'll get your chips back for you." She goes into the fat lady's room. She's in their with the chips and nothing else. Buck naked, with her legs spread. There's this thick almost gelatinous discharge in the fat lady's vagina. And she's dipping the chips. And selling it to a proletarian. With that cheese drip on pizza stretch effect. She apparently had this big smile as it dripped down the proletarian's chin.
No.195
That is Karl fucking Marx. Say what you will about him. Make fun of the way he looks - make fun of everything about him. Doesn't change the fact that he's Karl fucking Marx and he was in the fucking First International. Without him, no Das Kapital. Yeah Friedrich Engels bla bla bla. I always liked Karl the least - he was just too…Karl. But goddamn it he's Karl fucking Marx. He wrote "The Communist Manifesto" before Friedrich was even out of fucking bed. He wrote it waiting for Friedrich to wake up. It's easy to dismiss him now but in politics (and by association sociology) he's responsible - however indirectly in some cases - for EVERYTHING. Outside of reactionnary ideologies (I dunno - monarchism? capitalism?) The First International invented everything (except of course the philosophy that influenced them…duh) - everything that came after them. And Karl - let's face it - was the prime mover and shaker in that group. After 1866 the others would have called it a day or SLOWED WAY DOWN. Karl kept the fire burning after Friedrich backed down - and after Friedrich - thanks to Proudhon - started asserting himself again Karl did his best to channel that into the group. KARL EFFING MARX!!! YOU KIDS GET OFFA MY LAWN!!!
No.196
Manifesto of the Communist Party
Preamble
A spectre is haunting Europe — the spectre of communism. All the powers of old Europe have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Pope and Tsar, Metternich and Guizot, French Radicals and German police-spies.
Where is the party in opposition that has not been decried as communistic by its opponents in power? Where is the opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of communism, against the more advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?
Two things result from this fact:
I. Communism is already acknowledged by all European powers to be itself a power.
II. It is high time that Communists should openly, in the face of the whole world, publish their views, their aims, their tendencies, and meet this nursery tale of the Spectre of Communism with a manifesto of the party itself.
To this end, Communists of various nationalities have assembled in London, and I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
No.197
The very first Communists were early Slavic tribes who owned so little they had to share everything. They were renowned warriors, whose battle tactics consisted of getting as drunk as mortally possible, then drink twice as much more and charge at the enemy wielding a hammer in one hand and a sickle in the other. Even in these early times they were called the Red Army for their red faces (esp. noses). A Communist Warrior was terrible to behold in battle, bashing, slicing, and breathing alcoholic fumes at his enemies. Mortally wounded, he would merely fall asleep at the field of battle, only to wake up the next morning with regenerated limbs, healed wounds and a severe headache.
Picture is of Carl Marx.
No.198
I'M BOLSHEVIK
SON OF A BITCH TSAR
TSAR IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A DISSOLUTION OF THE DUMA?
DO YOU WANT A WAR WITH JAPAN?
TSAR IS PIG DISGUSTING
NICHOLAS II IS A MURDERER
FUCKING TSAR