/cow/ - Lolpigs

*one small thing wrong with them?

A desire to fight back and convince people of the righteousness of whatever cause/view(s) they have.

>>193626

That would make most of us lolcows then.

>>193649

This community has always acknowledged we're walking the knifes edge.

One must have a long-term goal they want to achieve but are not willing to put any effort into it (example: Chris' desire to find love without doing any change or improvement to himself)

One must have a strong Internet presence. Political figures and celebreties in real-life are not lolcows.

One must be funny and can be manipulated into being funny

One must produce julay with the only requirement being attention (example: Brianna Wu)

One must be a Kiwi Farms user

>>193654

Phew, I'm glad I meet none of the requirements on that list. (Even my internet presence for a lolcow's standard is pathetic).

I've got to love my aimless, sociopathic tendency towards existentially turbulent transience sometimes.

>What's the main thing that automatically makes a person a lolcow?

I guess you're new. Everyone on /cow/ should know the one-word answer to this, but I'll derive it here.

In the rules, there are two requirements for being a lolcow: being unwittingly funny, or being repeatedly trollable. In terms of our definition, your question should be reformulated as "what makes someone unwittingly funny, or what makes someone repeatedly trollable?"

The easy answer to both questions is autism, since it's oblivion in the form of a disease. Autistic people seem to hold the majority in every group of people sharing an unwittingly funny interest, and they either don't know or don't care what people think of them.

Autism, of course, isn't a small thing wrong with them; it's a life-changing condition that just fucks their shit up. Pretty much every autistic person on /cow/ has something else wrong with them too, such as obesity, gender identity disorder, or internet addiction.

There are other diseases and traits that can give rise to lolcow conditions, such as narcissism, obsession, and paranoia, but none of them have proven to be as eternal as autism.

>>193686

>Phew, I'm glad I meet none of the requirements on that list.

I've got bad news for you, Phag.

>>193691

>The answer of course to both questions is autism.

Tautology.

>Proceed to define autism in terms of lacking self-consciousness

>Not realizing this is the consequence of nearly everything but;

Actually, the reason you've become fairly saturated in terms of new or particularly autistic lolcow cocks is precisely a testament to what, oppositely, is usually neuroticism within their cohort. Self-centeredness (to break down the diagnosis' basic connotation) is going to have neuroticism arise therefrom. Go into Wrongplanet's IRC and you may read half of them write about how scared they are to use the rest of the internet, or that the mere connotations of words give them flashbacks because they feel it implicates them in some way. It makes for a less exciting and more pitiable form of entertainment.

/cow/ just happens to find the consequence of a combination of autism and downbred r-selection, which makes an egomaniacal, limbically-challenged brute of anyone. That and, your listing of comorbids is the answer to this characteristic distinction in itself: bona fide autism does, literally, shit their pants and nothing else.

This autism seems better accounted for when such a confounding factor is directly explicated.

>>193695

>Tautology.

If you meant to say that the question was designed for that answer to make it tautological, I guess that would be a fair point. We definitely looked for autism before we looked for deficient self-consciousness.

>neuroticism

I'm pretty sure it's comorbid with autism.

>downbred r-selection

I seriously doubt that Brianna Wu's and Moleman9000's cosmopolitan parents were r-types.

>>193654

It seems like they're also incapable of judging the quality of whatever they produce or do. It's always good enough, if not of remarkably high value and quality in their eyes. This ties in with the first point, but often, despite not actually having taken any action, they feel like any prerequisites to their goals have been already far beyond met.

It's not just that they're not putting effort into what they want, but they believe the footwork has already been done, or that they're naturally talented enough. There's no need to improve. They've made it, they're already there, it's just that because of some unjust external factors, the result and praise has been robbed from them, leading to indignation felt toward society at large.

Or, more briefly, they're infallible in every way.

Atsimu+Narcissism=Lolcow

The first gives rise to not being able to properly (or at all) read social cues and the second gives rise to thinking you don't need to improve and you're infallible. The first one without the other is just a humble weirdo and the second without the first is about every micromanaging middle-management or stage mom type out there. Combined, they make people laugh their asses off.

These days it seems all you need to be a lolcow is to have different politics to the poster or have something to do with gamergate.

Which is why the lolcow scene is getting pretty shitty.

Requirements:

Have a Kiwi Farms account.

Do something on Kiwi Farms that gets you noticed as autistic like attacking Null or disagreeing with their opinions.

Become hated.

Autism isn't even needed. Autistic lolcows are generally lone wolves, while non-autistic lolcows are batshit insane for other reasons and their lolcowness comes from being part of a group - Brianna Wu, Peter Coffin, Movieblob and so on.

>>193893

>Moviebob

>not autistic

>>193918

Nah, he's just a cunt.

>>193881

Yeah, nah. Most of the old lolpigs have turned left as they're mostly childish r-selected trash (Not a-logging here)

>>193617

>What I'm asking is What's the main thing that automatically makes a person a lolpig?

Having a successful YouTube channel with over 800 thousand subscribers and a beautiful wife with large breasts that most channers can only dream of having.

>>193912

Oh fuck not oh joy sex toy. They advertise on premier furry porn site, e621. They have such shitty looking cocks.