/cow/ - Lolpigs

Chapter 33: How Softly a Super God Dies

I believe in many things. I believe in America, grunge rock, fairies, and girlishness

But above all else, I believe in television. I've watched so much television that I can honestly no longer identify with humanity. I am a television character.

I wish that all my problems could be solved in a day, like on television. I wish I could be asexual, like on television. I wish everything was perfect, like on television. I wish I was young and cute, like little girls on the television.

Television is love. Television is life. Why wait when you can have the entire world come to you on television?

I wish my life is perfect, like on television. To become closer to television, I have married my television. My television is now my husband, and I am my television's bride, even though I am male.

It is our honeymoon, and me and my television are going to have sex. I use my erect penis to break through the television's screen, giving me several painful cuts and shards of glass in my uretha. My penis immediately deflates, and the pain is so bad I pass out.

I wake up later to find that my television has grown arms, legs, and a massive 15-inch electronic penis. He puts me on my hands and knees and fills my soft peach butt with his electric love. I am pregnant with my television's butt babies. I give birth to them and die in child birth. The butt babies use my corpse as a sex toy.

>>77642

epic video :^)

Hhhhh

>>185059

>Hhhhh

Hi Peter.

>>137679

I'd be shocked if he didn't get a cut.

>>185185

>GUYS. BOOBS. I LIKE BOOBS. IM A CISHET MALE LOL.

Oh man, where do I start? This just reeks of Peter trying to tell people he's STRAIGHT AS FUCK, but "I'm a (creepy) ally for dem womyn so let me speak for all you wimminz."

This is like sub-beta mcintosh.

I actually think mcintosh gets more pussy than petey, and that's not saying much…

Also the constant "Quinn-sempai plz notice me."

What would Peter do if one of his female followers started hitting on him and imploring to leave "ashelugh"?

His waifu only posts boob pics and they're still not interesting, is his real doll still a dude?

>>185211

lol, Peter is so conniving. Maybe it was the photoshopped head or the discovery of him possibly working for Ian. Actually this piece of shit thread was bumped once before before that last thread was even started. There must be shit that triggers him there too so he goes way back into the catalog to find this piece of shit. Hurrrrrrr Peter. You're garbabe through and through.

Kimi, if you love /cow/ so much, you could stop trying to force your shit and just become a /cow/boy. Find some sperg, trigger him, make a shitty video about it if you want to and then bake a bread. Just try to make a good one, instead of your latest lazy, unfunny attempts.

Nobody here will ever buy that your photoshopped tranny+sexdoll wife is anything more than a figment of your imagination. And let's be honest, you're quite lacking in that department. How many years have you sockpuppetted as Ashton? Why is his internet persona nothing but boobs+long hair+poor SW lore knowledge? Not even being a mother (as per your allegations, of course) seems to have made an impact on his behaviour at all.

Like, really? Not a single mention of diapers/baby food? My mother still reminisces about that quite often, and all her children are adults now. Ashton doesn't even cosplay that much anymore. Does he really not have any other hobbies apart of displaying affection to anybody but you and Harrison? You didn't even bother to make "Ashleigh" be more active on plebbit, it's been more than a month and "her" account still has only one post.

I know that working for Ian Miles Cheong would be a heavy blow to your already nonexistant SJW cred, but you need the money and frankly not many people would comission anything from you. Heck, even Chris-chan has a better income than you.

Want to get money? Confess your "happy marriage" is nothing but a scam. That you made Kimi and Ashleigh up to CHANNEL YOUR INNER WOMANHOOD AND COME OUT AS TRANS.

Write an essay about that. Crossdress and use the effing wig, and make a sobby video about it. Make some tweaks to your patreon, and that mailing list.

The Ashleigh Coffin surgery? Well, your friend who helped you to fake your marriage did need help. Does it matter that much that she isn't your wife? The baby? Oh, it's her's.

If you have a minimal fraction of the talent and creativity you believe you have, you could pull this off. A new character for your comedic videos. A whole new world would open up for you.

we all know you can't, because you're mediocre as fuck, but feel free to try to prove us wrong

Hard-love anon that tries to better Peter Coffin off.

>>185320

>You are bad for us. You are not helping. Go away.

LOL Peter saying that like he's on equal footing with Bill Maher. What ever happened to the one anon who had a plan to call him out on his trans judaism?

I find Petes particular vitriol for entertainers who have made it amusing.

>My agenda is entirely born of concern

>>185320

has peter reacted to how one of the gunmen was an arab and one of them was a woman yet?

>>185059

Peter trying to slide the old thread because we figured out that he's doing narration for Gameranx.

On my phone so couldn't screenshot but damn, Peter is in full blown chimp mode.

https://archive.is/EbcMu

>99% of mass shootings are committed by white people.

>blocking people with the same kind of 'um shut up' or sassy gifs teenage genderqueers reply with on tumblr

Slowly but surely he seems to be getting worse.

We haven't talked about this in a while, think he actually believes this stuff? With him blocking anyone who disagrees like a child and twitter being his main source for social interaction I think he does. A vast echo chamber of his own making and getting the most pats on the back whenever he flogs himself for being a white male.

>>78103

>>78120

>>78142

>>185360

>Not recognizing copy pasta

>The post count more than doubled between those posts.

>>185388

>Goes on a rant about how mass shootings is the fault of white men.

>"If you think race, rather than gun laws, is relevant, you're an asshole."

Why the hell is mass shootings so important, anyways? That's only a fraction of the deaths.

Less than 1000 dead from mass shootings over seven years: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/02/21/mass-shootings-domestic-violence-nra/1937041/

12 569 dead in one year if all gun violence is included: http://www.gunviolencearchive.org/tolls/2014

>99.9999999999999% domestic terror attacks are made by white men

No, 1/3 is by muslims (presumably not all white). Do you think Peter can spell "overrepresentation"?

>>185441

That's because your source is actually a bit of a nut job http://www.globalresearch.ca/theme/9-11-war-on-terrorism

The right is also pretty prone to attacks and he excludes them outright or miscredits attacks. He is listed among the most "nutty professors" of Canada. Surprise. You found a lolcow.

Also what these anti gun rights retards consider gun violence and mass shootings is overwhelmingly gang violence committed with illegally obtained firearms in the first place.

>>185442

Quite so. I forgot to mention that it was from 9/11. See >>185441.

>>185059

Zee? Is that you? I thought the feds were using you as a resource right now.