/cuteboys/ - Boypussy

I'll start by asking if any anons are currently in a full-time relationship that isn't needy or dependent that they really enjoy.

>>233717

>-Things your BF did that you hated.

Arrogance. He wasn't really arrogant to me, but arrogant about other things, and for the most part, it came across to me as a defense mechanism.

For my part, I complain about petty shit far too much.

>-Things you do that make your BF happy.

Cracking jokes. Doing things together like watching movies or playing Cards Against Humanity.

>Communication advice.

Not texting you for a couple days is not a sign that the person hates you or wants out of the relationship; this is kind of the problem with online relationships in general; breeds clinginess.

Too much cling can kill relationships easier than lack of cling. That was one of the reasons I had to call off my last one.

Agree on dealbreakers at the start or close to the start of relationships. Also agree on whether you want to keep things exclusively monogamous, semi-open, or open. My first two internet relationships had "escape clauses" whereby if either one of us found someone IRL, we would just let each other know, and then we could walk away with no questions asked. I'm still friends with both those guys. My third did not, and that breakup was a lot messier.

For me, a breakup is a breakup (permanent). Friendship is possible, but a relationship is off the table. If you're having second thoughts but aren't sure whether you want to end things permanently, take a "break."

Even if you're a good match for each other, you will not agree about everything, and that's part of what makes relationships fun. Know when you've arrived at an issue that you don't see eye-to-eye, and agree to disagree, especially if it's something frivolous.

>-What types of guys to avoid.

If you find yourself falling head over heels for someone after one or two dates, it's what I call a "fast burn." While "fast burn" guys may be perfectly good guys, generally speaking, relationships with them won't last long-term. If you're just looking for a fuck bud or FWB, this may be fine, but your chances of a successful LTR with them are small.

If someone tells YOU that they think you're their soul mate after one or two dates, run.

Healthy relationships should be reciprocal (you tell them something about you, they tell you something about them.) Responsibilities should be shared equally, unless you're getting into some kind of dom/sub relationship, but even then, there should be communication about how much is expected out of each party, but even then, I don't know how healthy those kinds of relationships are.

A guy who OCCASIONALLY acts cutesy or lovey-dovey when you two are alone is expressing affection. A guy who does it constantly is either hiding something, or a complete airhead. Either way, not someone you want to be engaged in a LTR with.

Anyone with a history of cheating or fraud. If they've lied before, they will lie again.

Anyone with a history of substance dependence. In the words of the ladies that I helped treat at a clinic, "I love you" to an addict means "I'll hurt you last."

>-What you've learned from failed or ongoing relationships.

If online, ask for a picture early on. The last guy I dated was sweet other than being a bit excessive with the cling, but from my point of view, the physical chemistry wasn't there, and had I broken things off earlier, I wouldn't have hurt him as much.

If a relationship is successful, you will be more concerned with keeping your boyfriend happy than about being happy yourself.

If you are a good mental/emotional match for someone, talking with them will be easy and natural without you feeling overly obsessed about the person. Like forming a new friendship, things will start shallow and gradually become deeper.

While this is probably a generational difference between me and the younger (post-1990) Millennials, DON'T sext, engage in lewd Skype, etc. unless you are 100% PREPARED to deal with the consequences. I would say don't do it period. If you MUST do it, don't do it over apps like Kik or Skype which have weak/no encryption. Use apps that have at least some modicum of end-to-end protection like Telegram or Jitsi+Ostel. I'm friends with a younger gay guy, and I warned him about this. He didn't listen, and his nudes were all over FB after he got out of a relationship with a creepy BF.

>>233949

This was the realist gay dating advice post I've ever seen. This needs to be a sticky.

I wish all the guys who contact me on zeemaps could read this

>>233952

Thanks, Anon. ^^

>>233949

A few other points I forgot to mention or thought up.

>Things you do that make your BF happy.

In addition to the routine "Love yous" and such, be spontaneous and surprise him with a kiss, gift, dinner, or cuddle when he's not expecting it. This keeps things fresh.

Notice that I omitted sex. It's something that you engage in, at most, a couple of times a day, each lasting a relatively short period of time. What are you going to do with one another when you're not being lewd?

>Communication

Especially at the start of an online relationship, do things with the other guy in the presence of other people. They may be able to pick up on red flags that the other person is raising, especially when you're giddy and partially blindsighted from the "Woohoo, new BF!" dopamine. MMO. Online card or board game. Something like that.

>agree to disagree, especially if it's frivolous

But what if you've really done some soul-searching and it's not a minor issue? Have a heart-to-heart. Don't bury the issue or be passive-aggressive. Try starting a talk with a variation of "It really makes me angry/frustrated/scared when you _."

>guys to avoid

Being a "dick to the waiter" is one of the #1 reasons why people who date IRL immediately cut things off with another party, and it should be one of yours, as well. This is harder to put into practice with online relationships, but always pay attention to how much your BF puts down other people, especially people they don't have to be nice to. If you play MMOs, for example, are they a dick to other people in their raid group?

>-What you've learned

>you will be more concerned with keeping your boyfriend happy than about being happy yourself.

Both parties will be like this. This even applies to things like sex. If you're topping, take things at a pace that the bottom will enjoy. Make him feel like he's the cutest/most handsome guy in the world. If you're bottoming, show some appreciation for your top. Give him some feedback, a moan, or a kiss. And once you're done, kiss and cuddle for a while. Let the oxytocin do its job.

>>233982

Got any tips on LDRs?

Also any tips on how to start getting into the dating scene?

>>233996

LDRs are tough. They can work, but they require insane levels of dedication and patience. If you've never actually met in person, the escape hatch provision that I mentioned a couple of posts up worked well for me. Both guys in those relationships found people closer to home, and they were honest with me when they invoked it. Stung a bit, but we're still friends. I wouldn't consider a LDR 'serious' until you've actually met and dated in person a couple times, at which point you might consider dropping the escape hatch.

Activities you can both do: play multiplayer vidya, syncwatch movies using something like Rabbit, play CAH using a site like Xyzzy. Exchange recipes, books, music tracks.

Dating scene depends where you live, but there are two basic options: "footwork" and online.

"Footwork" is the IRL method and more suited to extroverts, ambiverts, and non-autist introverts who can fake being social. Find yourself some gay friends and either date them or ask them if they know any other eligible bachelors. If you have a gay bar in your area, check it out. If you're nervous going alone, ask a friend or two to go along with you so that you can get a feel for how seedy it is. Like sports? Google 'gay sports league' and your location. Disadvantage of this method is that you may stumble into some pridefags, but you're gonna find those everywhere, and you gotta deal.

Online allows you to more easily search a wider area and be a bit more selective, but the disadvantage is that you miss a lot of the social cues you'd get from the footwork method.

From an individual site perspective, OKC and Tinder are the two most popular for younger gay guys looking for 'serious' relationships. Compatible Partners, which is eHarmony's 'separate but equal site', is also supposedly pretty good in this regard, but it a) caters more towards older LGBTs, b) you have to pay to use it, and c) the number of people using it is pretty small because eHarmony's founder doesn't particularly like LGBTs (and because it isn't free).

Grindr is more for hookups, but there are two couples that I'm friends with on FF14 that met their BFs through there. One of those sets of couples is now married.

A4A is a sketchier Grindr.

Craigslist is the sketchiest of all and almost entirely for short-term hookups.

If you do find someone that looks good and seems nice, do some googling for online dating safety tips. Always meet in public areas with lots of foot traffic, never leave a drink unattended, never go back to one another's house for the first date (or preferably several after that), and if you're in a city, have $20 for an emergency bailout taxi.

>>233949

Anyone with a history of fraud? I've committed fraud but I've never cheated or anything in a relationship. What does a history of fraud have to do with anything? I also lie about other things (to protect from legal trouble/job security) but i don't lie about any of it to my partner or closest friends. I think that part of what you've written is too generalized

>>234022

1) I work in a profession where if I lie or withhold information about a mistake I make, at best, I will lose my license. At worst, someone will die.

2) I'm of the opinion that if you take shortcuts or lie in one aspect of your life, you will also lie in others. The kids I went to school with who shared answers for tests are unsurprisingly the same ones who don't file incident reports when they make med errors.

3) If you're dating someone with a history of fraud, poor credit, etc,, things get serious, and you decide to tie the knot with a CU or actual marriage, they'll be coming after you to try and collect the debt, as well.

4) Any relationship advice has to be in terms of generalized advice, because everyone has different comfort levels and dealbreakers.I'm just calling it like I see it, especially for the younger guys who might not think of these things. If you and your BF really have that good of a relationship, I'm happy for you both.

>>234133

"If you and your BF really have that good of a relationship, I'm happy for you both."

>tfw bf broke up with me and told me he never actually loved me

>>233949

how exactly does p2p encryption stop the receiving person from posingt it everywhere?

>>234258

It doesn't, but at least third parties are less likely to be snooping on whatever it is you're doing.

Coming out of my first relationship, I'm now immersed in the online dating scene and things are heating up. There are several really cool people who have genuine interest in me and I need to know how this works. I'm new to this, and I need to know if it's morally okay to go on first dates with multiple people within a short time frame. That might be a really stupid question, but like I said, I am new to this and don't want to make mistakes/hurt someone.

>Get talking to a guy off craigslist about meeting up

>He's 38, not much to look at but he's got a nice body and seems like a nice guy

>I mention to him I'm looking for a bf, he is too

>He adds me on skype, his avatar is "broken heart" and he keeps talking about loyalty and sincerity

>"I wonder why he's so lonely…"

>Starts talking about how he believes it's our destiny to be together

>okkkkkkkkkkkk

>Keeps going on about loyalty and sincerity

It's like /r9k/'s dad or something, I mean I feel for the guy and I empathise with him but if this is how he gets with someone he just started talking to I can see why he's single. Still, even with the clinginess he seems like a nice guy so I'll keep talking to him for now. Anything to watch out for with guys like this?

>>235376

It's a bit mean to try before you buy with multiple guys.

Just pick the one you think you'll like most and if you wanna meet him for a second date then go for it. If you don't like the guy and wanna go out with someone else fine, but if you're going out with other guys thinking if all else fails you still have the first guy then that's a dick move.

>>235394

Thank you, that's exactly how I felt about it. I wanted to be sure, though, since I've been accused of being too nice before.

Nothing will come of this but I'm dealing with a guy online that is super closeted bi or something

> guy goes to same forum as me

> start playing online together

>invite him to my friends Skype group that I use to vidya with irl friends

>a picture of me gets posted, I don't care

> online friend sees it

>starts sending me teasing PMs because I look "girlish"

>I like this

> start flirting with him and a little bit of ERP

>He follows trap/shemale tumblrs

> only talks about dressing me up as a girl

>calls me ms/girl constantly

>I do not like this. I am a boy, not a girl.

> He claims to like boys, but as soon as we talk over voice he backs off the lewd and realizes that I actually, you know, sound like a boy

>We swap pics all the time but what happened above has happened like three times now

What the Fuck do you call a guy that says he likes boys but only likes dressing them up as girls? It's infuriating when he's flirting with me because he's fucking adorable and a good flirt and shys away from the fact he's flirting with a male, not a girl with a penis?

>>235407

He'll come around eventually, though it may take months if not years.

>>235410

So I just keep it firm that I'm a boy when I flirt with him online? I mean, I know I'm not going to fuck this guy or anything, let alone date him but goddammit I'm a boy that likes boys. Crossdressing here and there or wearing panties is one thing but, I don't know. Whenever we swap porn, even, he only shows me sissy stuff and whatnot.

I swear, if he wasn't such a sweetie and had a cute tummy I'd never put up with this! Haha. I guess these are issues for those of us that like boys have.

>>235412

Just let him know you don't want to pretend to be a girl, you're a boy and you want to be addressed as such even if crossdressing.

If you're not dating him it's not that big a deal I guess. He's probably still coming to terms with how he feels sexually even if he says he likes boys. Just state your terms and then give him time.

>>235413

Thanks for the advice, I'll just be adamant about this.

And I can see where he may be confused. He's very popular among the ladies and has never been with a boy before, even online wise.

>>235391

Loyalty and sincerity is something that most people want, but him bringing it up immediately and repeatedly implies it's pretty important to him for one reason or another. Either he got burned by someone before, or he's projecting and is a dishonest cheater.

"It's destiny" immediately coming out would be a dealbreaking red flag to me.

Be careful, anon. If you do want to continue things, I would continue Skyping for a while before a RL meetup, see if any other red flags come out. If he's doing most of the pressuring for you two to meet, I would drop him now.

>>235496

I did some cam chat with him on skype last night. His body pic he sent me must be years old because he's not muscly, he's chubby. I personally don't mind that he's chubby but the fact he lied is annoying.

I only told him I'm looking for a bf, not that I want to be his bf, but he keeps calling me love and talking about trusting my heart and all that shit like we're together already. He's also unemployed and living in the spare bedroom of his brothers house, which doesn't sound relevant but for a 38 year old man it's a bit well…pathetic. He says he's working on his thesis, software development or something, but he's probably lying about that too. We had to end our call last night because his young nephew wandered into the room, which makes me wonder if he even has a lock on his door or is the whole family going to be walking in on me with a dick in my mouth.

I'm pretty clingy myself but this guy is on a whole nother level. I empathise with him and he's a genuinely nice guy outside of all the weirdness but it's just too much too soon from a guy who I'll probably end up hurting. He's the first guy I've ever met who actually wanted to be my bf, is this really the best guy I can get? Some clingy, middle aged guy who lies to me in one breath and preaches sincerity and loyalty in the next?

>>233719

Could you go in more depth about that? I've made a post, but I'm not for certain if my relationship is like that. I said I think it is, but I don't know the entire context.

If you mean we're poor financially then yes we are.

>>235601

You said you together but don't have jobs? How does that work?

Has anyone here dealt with commitment issues? I have this problem where I often end up self-sabotaging any good thing that I have. I've gotten a lot better with it, but those urges are still there and I can't understand them. It honestly makes me feel that I may never be happy in a long-term relationship.

>>235601

caleb?

I've been crushing really hard on this guy for the last year or so and I really just want to move on. What can I do to move on? Is it a bad idea to try and meet other people while I still have feelings for someone else?

Also, I want to ask a friend of mine out. Is it a bad idea to ask a friend out? I don't know his orientation, what should I do about that?

>>235633

>What can I do to move on?

Either confess to him or realise it'll never happen and try not to think about him anymore. Seeing someone else can help so long as you're truly done with the guy you had feelings for.

As for your friend it could make things awkward but if you really like him then he'll probably at least have enough tact to let you down gently if he's straight.

>>235634

I already confessed to him months ago, and its been "maybe" since then. I can't deal with it being like this.

>>235637

In that case tell him to fuck off, he's clearly keeping you waiting in the wings for when he feels like a fuck.

>>235638

Its not like that I can assure you.

>>235639

I know you like the guy but if he's treating you like a backup boy then he's clearly not worth your time. Either he doesn't have the balls to tell you no or he's using you.

>>235642

What if he's just confused and needs some time to think about how he feels? I know dating is stressful, but you can't let it make you so jaded, anon.

>>235642

Please understand, it really isn't like that. We haven't even done anything sexual. Why do you have to be so insistent on this

>>235645

Because it's happened to me already, more than once. It's never worth it.

>>235643

Too little too late. Life is short, who has the time to wait months for some selfish twit to make up his mind if he loves you or not?

>>235646

I hope things go well for you in the future then.

>>235601

It sounds like you both have anger issues. We can't see inside his head, but at least from your perspective, it looks like you regret when you get angry.

I would say see a counselor, but given your financial situation, that'd be hard. Maybe do some googling for anger management and active listening.

>>235637

>>235633

Note for this post, I just assume all of this for you is a really difficult situation and you do want what you say.

>I can't deal with it being like this.

If you can't deal with that then don't - plenty of fish in the sea. Especially if it's been going for months and months, he probably doesn't want to hurt you and say no, or, has some other convoluted reason.

>What can I do to move on?

Break contact with him and move on, despite it being unpleasant. Depending on how much you are crushing on him it might take quite a while - months even. But we all manage and move on with time, that's how humans and how heartbreaks are.

>Is it a bad idea to try and meet other people while I still have feelings for someone else?

To be honest I think it would be actually a good idea - if you find someone to love and take care of you, and even help you when you feel down and are thinking about it, it will definitely help! You can slowly get over your crush and develop a new one, that's actually certain and doesn't hurt you.

And finally

>Is it a bad idea to ask a friend out?

I mean, from my point of you if you ask him out and confess you have two responses:

yes - you live happily ever after and you ask him out on a date

no - it's a bit awkward for a day, and if you're pretty good friends you just forget about it and move on and keep being friends.

So I don't really see anything bad. If it doesn't work he'll probably say something among the lines of: "Sorry, but I'm not really interested in that" to which you just respond with "Oh, okay." and then talk about whatever it is you two normally talk about. Friends are still friends, they understand you.

>>235630

Nah

>>235624

I had a job/savings, Sam gets Social security ever 6 months for 2k.

I'm getting a job soon though. Sam might get one working with at a caretaker place with his mom.

>>233949

>If you MUST do it, don't do it over apps like Kik or Skype which have weak/no encryption

Good luck trying to convince others to switch over to tox or otr. Almost everybody here uses steam/skype.

Otherwise, great post would sticky.

In a semi long distance relationship with a guy I met on here. Things feel like they've started to turn for the worst. He hardly ever messages me and doesn't even try to hold a conversation. He never wants to skype and he seems to flirt with his steam friends all the time. He keeps telling me they're just shit posting and don't mean it yet he won't stop knowing it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if I should try salvage this relationship or just let him go.

>>240180

I dunno, it depends on how seriously the guy treats your concerns. I don't know if you've dealt with this already or not.

>flirt with guy online, might as well be an e relationship

>he lives half way across the world

>he messages me everyday and is generally a sweet son of a bitch

>I always bite hook, line, and sinker and we always get on skype to talk lewd things or just to talk

>every night after having a wonderful time talking and flirting and having the biggest crush on this boy I go to bed

>right before I fall asleep, the realization that he and I will most likely never ever be in a relationship, let alone meet kicks in

>cry

How do my fellow /cuteboys/deal with this?

I've never done anything with a guy, and im pretty sure im not gay, but theres this really cute boy that I really want to fuck. We've talked like once. What do I say to help me accomplish this?

Yes i'm a scumbag I know.

>>240275

maybe you can talk to him and ask what are his sexual preferences? he's not some alien or something..

also

> pretty sure im not gay

> theres this really cute boy that I really want to fuck

welcome to /cb/

>>240275

Ask him if he likes dick in a nice way

Ask him if he's interested in a causal sexual encounter

>>240278

>>240293

I already know hes gay, hes a reallly cute trap. I have no interest in talking with him much because he is one of those "cutesy typing" types, but I still wanna fuck him.

>>240446

You're cool anon. I don't care if it's the most recent one, this post is underrated.

>>240474

Did you reply to the wrong post?

>>240481

No, why would you think that?!?

ive been talking to this guy online for a while now. we've known eachother for almost 2 years and just recently things have gotten kinda different. We're talking a lot more, staying up almost all night to talk with him. Skyping and all that too. I really like him, and he's told me that he likes me too. But he lives in a waaaay different country… I dont know how I should feel, we've talked about how we're going to meet up in the summer or fall. But like, will things last?

I've been in relationships before, never online though. This one feels really special though and I don't want to lose him because we're far apart. Any advice?