/cyoa/ - Choose your own adventure

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Conduit#Fan-worlds

Building least conduits is at least as much fun as building a proper conduit. The power fantasy is diminished but still strong and it's done quicker. Not being able to choose everything from a single world is also nice, makes it feel a bit like a standard CYOA.

>tfw thrallherd is dead

>>1198

>thrallherd is dead

Wait, what? Sourceplz?

>>1229

yesterday, a month ago

>>1230

ups.

>>1245

Nice!

And now for the criticism: The prose could use some polishing, and there's a few grammatical errors.

I think the font is a few sizes too large and I don't much like the typeface. The backgrounds are rather dull and honestly a little annoying (maybe tone down the saturation and brightness) plus they make some of the titles/headings hard to read - could use black outlines.

The Pictures could also use some frames, like the waifu/husbando charts or fade-in around the borders like the world charts.

And shouldn't you get extra points for choosing a nemesis in the first place, or some other kind of advantage/reason for choosing one in the first place? How about a reward (besides survival) for defeating the enemy?

Do you plan to make a male-rival chart, too?

>>1281

It's hard to think of an in-universe justification for why a nemesis would give you points.

>>1282

Well, something is better than nothing. Add some points for taking a nemesis and add a justification later. I mean, what's the justification for buying drawbacks like Unwelcome Guest?

How about a wizard gives you the points in return for becoming a enemy of (one or more of) their enemies?

>>1284

Much easier on the eyes.

By the way, doesn't Earth count as an Extra World that these nemeses would have to spend the points on to connect to?

>>1284

>This particular one

Should you really only be able to choose one?

>sacred trees that she protects with her life and the nature of her ritual hunt

how does that work?

>someone dear to you, in the last decade nobody has ever been able to tell her no.

Should be a period instead of a comma.

>Capital of Crucible

I think it's the only city in Crucible.

>her private fortress, your way will be blocked

Again, clunky prose, and I don't think it's grammatically correct. Either period instead of the comma, or add an "and" after the comma.

>leutenants, normal mortals

lieutenants: normal mortals

>citizenry of Crucible, she is

citizenry of Crucible: she is

>champion but

champion, but

>a new empire outpost

imperial outpost, or "Empire outpost" if I'm overlooking something here. Also, period instead of comma.

>but she needs to destroy it

Well, it's more a case of your home getting smashed in the process of establishing that outpost. Unless she's going to destroy your home before she sends the monolith, which she wouldn't have to. It's all a bit unclear. Just rephrase that sentence.

>about a week, better"

Semi-colon instead of the comma.

>force her to reconsider

Clunky, too many "to's". "make her reconsider"

>the Empress' weakness

Fun fact: The possessive form of the noun empress is empress's

>territory, you

territory. You

>will need to

will have to

>huge colony

How huge is that? Are we talking a city-state or a small country? A large country? No numbers necessary, but a bit more description would be nice. Just nitpicking.

>rune-enchanted weapons there.

Delete "there". Unnecessary.

I'm going to take a break here.

>>1287

>By the way, doesn't Earth count as an Extra World that these nemeses would have to spend the points on to connect to?

>>256

>You are a conduit, a connection between the Earth you know and another World.

You don't need to buy the ability to connect to earth, you start on earth. You're already creating bridges to earth from the other world by creating bridges to there.

It also mentions you being able to earn points on earth before breaching the topic of the Extra World Perk.

I have held this as canon for a long time and nobody has ever corrected me.

HE LIVES!!!

http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/search/username/Thrallherd/

>>1295

The Monster

Good introduction. Funny. Not Haha funny, but amusing.

>snake minions, they're kitted

snake minions. They're kitted

or, probably better

snake minions, which are all kitted

>>1295

Pirate Queen

>where it is and she will use

Honestly, I'm not sure if there needs to be a comma after "is". Kinda sounds like it, but it seems like such a small issue that even I can't be bothered looking up the comma rules.

>of course, the treasure, get to it first

the treasure: Get to it first

>>1316

>Voting for Bevin

why? what's so interesting about it?

I want to see the bleak fields.

So he's going in quite a different direction on some points with this. It could be really good or it could be a disaster, the only way to find out is to wait. It adds to the anticipation.

>>1319

[that guy]

Honestly, it was my first and long-time favorite. Had some serious NEET and hikikomori problems.

>>1320

I can see why it would be an attractive choice but why are you so curious about what it'll look like in the new format?

I can't imagine it'll be very different. For the some worlds he teased about added content and worldbuilding.

>>1321

Oh, I didn't vote. Frankly, I'm fine with seeing whatever he comes up with in whatever order.

Am I reading this wrong, or is becoming a Meister of a Bevin a way to guarantee immortality with no drawbacks? You are reborn instantly, in a place no-one can access without your permission, and can regain your memories as soon as you want as long as you do it within twenty four hours. None of the other methods of immortality are totally secure, and most of the Meister perks seem a little lacklustre by comparison.

>>1354

Well, a sufficiently powerful / organized enemy can still break your spirit, mind-control you, or knock you out and put you in an induced coma.

>>1356

[cont.]

But yeah, you could just stay inside your Bevin forever, if that's enough for you.

>>1356

>>1357

You get immunity to mind-control/breaking, and you can choose to not regain your memories if it's really bad. The coma/imprisonment thing would work. You don't need to stay in the Bevin for the resurrection to work, so you can continue exploring the multiverse almost completely risk-free.

>>1357

>>1356

Bevin also has an in-build protection against mindfucker-y and traumatic experiences before death.

You are exactly as you were when you last touched the egg.

Bevin in many ways is about supreme security and comfort.

It's a very popular world.

In my opinion it could stand to have some drawbacks. You already don't get offensive or controlling powers from Bevin but you can get those somewhere else and combine them with perfect immortality, it should leave a weakness or discomfort somewhere like the others do.

>>1423

Well, Pit-Zot and Arcadia already have the prophesies, predictions and precognitions covered, but I suppose you could have dreams about stuff besides the future. Like, dreams about stuff happening far away or in different worlds, dreams that grant knowledge about academic subjects, or dreams that give other kinds of information. That would be for the gate of horn. The Ivory gate would thematically work well with mesmerize and conjure, so I suppose you could work it in there or make it a power-up to the illusions - such as illusions you don't have to maintain yourself, and/or that activate under particular conditions. Although, that would kinda overlap with Pit-Zot.

>>1423

Oh, and could you be more specific about what powers Crown bestows on individuals? Conduit is rarely vague about how powers work, and I really like that about it. Deep Dark is the worst with it.

>>1428

No, Arcadia is the worst with it.

Unless the potion power should be interpreted as if giving literally any thinkable effect.

I think I'll narrow down aristocrat abilities to increased strength and constitution and summonable weapons.