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/digipen/ - DigiPenitentiary

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500afc No.1424

Any good roommate stories from housing people?

I had three morons to deal with, a dude who wouldn't stop jacking off while I was trying to sleep, an idiot who thought running his laptop through the dryer would be a good way to dry it, and a prissy overpriveliged dude who thought everything had to accommodate him because of his rich parents. (I wasn't much better, all this stress plus DigiPen plus a death in my family left me with a short fuse)

One of my favorite stories about these idiots is that jackoff loved to cook awful burgers. He submerged then in oil in the frying pan, and then seared the outside, leaving the inside completely raw. One time he was cooking and noticed smoke coming out of the pan. Logically, he concluded that water put out fire, so he put the getting pan under the sink. I looked up from the couch when I noticed an orange glow from the kitchen, to see jack off staring dumbfounded at a 6 foot column of flames. Nobody was hurt, but prissy starts screaming and whining, I explain to jackoff that we have a fire extinguisher, and then go to bed after double checking my smoke detector in case he tried to cook again that night.

35a6c5 No.1426

>>1424
>a dude who wouldn't stop jacking off while I was trying to sleep
Holy shit I thought I was the only one who had to deal with this shit. My jack-offer also got drunk every night and played with a knife (causing another roommate to confront him that he was concerned about him being intoxicated and knife-wielding), and one night while the other three of us were doing homework, dude sat in the living room, sitting in a chair four feet from the television, playing Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag while drinking rum (it was like role-playing for him) all the while wearing sunglasses. It was like 11pm. I had a photo of this amazingness (he has since dropped out), but my phone died last year and it has since been lost.

Also I told this tale in another thread but second semester began with dude oversleeping and missing his first class, me oversleeping a tiny bit and having to take a very fast shower in order to being walking in time to make it to class, and discovering that jack-off shaved his pubes in the shower the night prior (presumably while drunk) and didn't even flush the pubes down the drain. So there I stood in a shower full of pubes, late for class, angry at the world. He dropped out about a week later.

Other than that, just Singaporeans who don't know what dryer lint is, and that's about it.

2359f1 No.1427

>>1424
>>1426

Oh jesus, these are hilarious.

bb904e No.1428

I used to live with this one BFA (who dropped out like the first 2 months). Well, by lived, I mean crash at her place every other night. She was okay at first but she reeked of pot every day and had the most annoying voice and laugh ever. Then, she would get drunk and cry about the most random shit (imgur wasn't working, netflix movies sucked, etc). Also, she would expect me to do her homework (I didn't) because she would be on imgur and play league in all of her classes. We eventually ended up dating for like a month because she had a thing for me. We did our thing and she got super clingy like waiting outside my classes and leaving me locks of her hair and all sorts of other bullshit. I eventually dumped her and then she dropped out right after that. The only thing that sucks is that she's still like two hours away and still sends creepy messages about wanting to room together again.

Another story involves this guy that literally shit everywhere. I'm so glad he dropped out. Every time I saw him, I would throw up a bit in my mouth.

6c5b83 No.1429

>>1428 Tell us the next one

500afc No.1430

File: 1427957039979.jpg (2.56 MB, 2560x1600, 8:5, the-starry-night-1889(1).jpg)

Another lackluster story about Prissy Dude: One time for an assignment, Jackoff had to write about why video games were a form of art. He yells that he doesn't care and wishes he could just write "Video games are not art" and submit it. Prissy hears this, and misinterprets it as Jackoff not thinking it's art. Prissy goes off on a tangent about what beauty is, and whether a painting was art, and why. Jackoff is getting annoyed by Prissy yakking on and on, and tells him to get to the point. Prissy then defines beauty as "something you can fornicate with" (Yes, seriously. He was that prissy). Jackoff doesn't have "fornicate" in his mental dictionary, so Prissy winds up having to explain that his simplified definition of beauty is something you'd fuck. (Oh yeah, Starry Night, I'd sure tap that)

After a whole thing of "art isn't something you can quantify", I jokingly pull up a clip from Futurama where Zoidberg calls out "One art please!" And this pushes Prissy over the edge.

He dashes at me, and is about to beat my ass with the fucking chair he was sitting on, before he manages to calm the fuck down. Fucking maladjusted snob. Prissy was pretty strong, so I'm grateful that he actually managed to get a hold of himself.

b67912 No.1442

>>1430
>Jackoff doesn't have "fornicate" in his mental dictionary
How ironic.
You could probably describe that moment alone as art.

35a6c5 No.1443

I like how this thread is better than the "complain about teammates" thread because pretty much all of the jackasses in these tales dropped out nearly immediately

8b2687 No.1446

>>1443
One of the three roommates in my stories is still around, though I probably shouldn't say more.

500afc No.1457

Oh Jesus. I enjoyed living with my roommates for the year I did, but there's some stories there.

One of my roommates hid in our closet because he got upset when my brother (who was visiting) beat him at Call of Duty.



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