No.27
store quality wine
supplies:
1) airlock (brewing store)
2) 5 gallon bucket
3) lid with an airlock hole (brewing store)
4) wine yeast
5) air tight jug
6) plastic hose
>ferment your grapes and shit for like a month or until the airlock stops bubbling
>strain out any solid chunks of fruit and siphon it into another container
>age it a little longer until it looks like wine
No.29
That's a really shitty guide, man.
No.31
Step 1: First, take as many oranges as you can get from the mess hall… about 6-10 will do. If you still need to stuff them in a pillowcase to beat on your cellmate, don't worry – they can be bruised. Peel 'em and toss 'em in a giant Ziploc bag.
Step 2: Next, take a gigantic can of fruit cocktail (two, if you can smuggle them) and dump it, juice and all, into the bag. Save a couple grapes to eat though. They're delicious.
Step 3: Next, you're gonna need some sugar to help the fermentation process. Squirrel away about 60 cubes, then about 4tbsp of ketchup, just for a little acidity in the mix. That's about four packets.
Step 4: Yeast is what makes this crap turn into alcohol, so toss whatever bread you can in there so the yeast'll get the juices boozin'. Don't overdo it: a piece or two should suffice.
Step 5: Since your pillowcase is now devoid of oranges, you're gonna need to use your fists to pound the mixture into a pulp. Be sure to seal your bag first, though, or else your cell's gonna look like you took a shotgun to a garbage can you found outside a Jamba Juice.
Step 6: Put the bag somewhere warm and safe – maybe the toilet, maybe a sink, maybe a bucket you smuggled in – and pour warm water over it to help the fermentation. Then either cover it or wrap it in a towel. Each day, repeat the process of pouring warm water over the bag. Do this for 5-7 days.
Step 6.5: Oh sh*t! Yeah, so there's gonna be some gas as this turns into booze. Make sure to leave the bag open a tiny crack or else your Ziploc bag's gonna turn into a tropical time-bomb, which is what got you here in the first place.
Step 7: After about a week, strain the nasty fruit goop. If you can't find a strainer, just shank the bag a bunch of times and… voila! DIY strainer.
No.42
Acceptable quality poor-man's-wine:
materials:
cheap grape juice, no preservatives, not from concentrate
granulated sugar
baking yeast
procedure:
add sugar to grape juice (+/- 3/4 cup sugar per 750 ml grape juice), mix until dissolved
activate yeast, add to grape juice, mix
wait 14-18 days.