/easy/ - Yukkuri

Chapter 1: Yukkuri Rumors
As you will know by now, yukkuri are very social creatures; a yukkuri kept in isolation for too long will die of the disease known as anti-yukkuritis, even if surrounded by delicious sweet-sweets, a beautiful mister treasure, and the softest of mister beds.

As such, rumors quickly spread throughout the yukkuri community. Though there are many others, the top two most common to encounter are rumors regarding Mister God and yukkuri rights. Let's tackle the latter first.

"But Reimu is a Living Thing!"

It's an unfortunately common scenario: You come home from work one day to find that your backyard, or even your home, has been invaded by yukkuri who declare the area to be their “easy place,” and demand that “shitty slave bring sweet-sweets and die easy!”

As anyone familiar with shithead yukkuri would do, you set about removing them, often accidentally jostling or deliberately harming them in the process. Eventually their ordeal becomes too much for them to handle, and the homeowner will hear a statement to the effect of, “Don't squash Reimu! Reimu is a living thing!”

Our researchers have traced this idea among yukkuri back to a poster issued by yukkuri rights organization Yukkuri are Undeserving of Cruelty and Killing (YUCK). YUCK is the longest-running yu-rights organization, and often uses tactics that while legal, are still completely reprehensible. One of their earliest campaigns, within the first months after the discovery of yukkuri, was sticking posters up all across major cities stating “DON'T ABUSE YUKKURI – YUKKURI ARE LIVING THINGS!”

Though bleeding hearts will argue that this was well-intended, the only effect it ultimately had was to begin this yu-rumor (or yumor, to coin a phrase).

It is believed that the first generation to spout this yukkurism heard it from a city-dwelling stray Patchouli. You may remember that Patchoulis have a reputation among yukkuri for being very intelligent, and are one of the few species that generally know how to read by or before reaching adulthood.

The “Great Sages of the City”–a loose-knit association of Patchoulis dwelling in the capital–tell us that their First Sage, a mythical figure among the area's Patchoulis, “discovered” that humans don't understand the nature of yukkuri as living, breathing beings. This realization presumably came from reading the original YUCK poster. As such, within a matter of days the rumor had spread all throughout city-dwelling strays in the capital that “uneasy mister humans” were stupid, and needed to be told that each individual yukkuri was a living thing, otherwise the uneasy misters would attempt to do hurt-hurt on them remorselessly. A few months later, a video emerged from a home in a rural area depicting a ko-Marisa pleading for its life after a home invasion, stating, “Don'd do hurd-hurd on Mawicha! Mawicha ids a libing ding!”

The “living thing” rumor has since spiraled out of control, and is now commonplace in commyunities across the globe. Not every yukkuri seems to have heard this; it is possible that the rumor has not yet been truly spread worldwide–although it is equally possible, and maybe even moreso, that the less intelligent yukkuri have simply either forgotten it or neglected to mention it to their own children before taking it easy forever. Regardless, the living thing phenomenon remains common, yet not universal.

Yukkuri and Mister God
Only a few yukkuri demonstrate knowledge of "Mister God." These seem to be limited to those yukkuri kept as pets and allowed to watch television, as well as a few who've interacted with them. The common releasing of pets into the city as strays seems to have boosted the prevalence of this rumor in areas with high religious populations.

The yukkuri concept of God is not abstract; they believe that Mister God is simply the mister human boss of all mister humans, a physical entity that constantly remains just outside of their view, who will rush in to save them and punish uneasy mister humans for their cruel actions. Yukkuri who have been exposed to fire-and-brimstone preachers believe that only mister humans are capable of sin, and all the rules sent down by Mister God apply only to mister humans in relation to easy yukkuri. For example, one popular video on YuTube depicts a spoiled pet Reimu threatening her owner with retribution from Mister God if he didn't immediately produce sweet-sweets. A brief transcript is below.

>Reimu: Bring mister sweet-sweets, shitty slave! Mister God won't be happy with slave if slave refuses!

>Owner: Why would Mister God be angry?

>Reimu: Because mean mister human is stealing from easy Reimu! Mister humans aren't allowed to steal, Mister God says so! Now bring Reimu sweet-sweets or Reimu will report shitty slave to upper management!

As you can see, the yukkuri concept of God fuses in many ways with its own warped understanding of human societal structure in general, as indicated by its implication that Mister God is akin to workplace management. They believe that God is similar to a human dosu, with great powers to hurt-hurt uneasy mister humans. They further believe themselves immune to Mister God's punishment, a result of their concept of easiness trumping all else: Easy yukkuri are rewarded, and uneasy yukkuri are punished.

Localized Rumors
As with humans, yukkuri too have their own location-specific rumors. Yukkuri living in and around Hollywood, for example, believe that they too can become world-famous celebrities and live in easiness. As such, the area has an unusually high amount of street-performing yukkuri, eagerly awaiting their “easy mister big break” from “mister talent scout”.

Yukkuri living near theme parks come to believe the parks themselves to be Heaven. Florida-based yukkuri in particular will speak frequently of “taking it easy forever in Mister Disney World” or “Mister EPCOT,” indicating a belief that easy yukkuri will go there when they die.

Yukkuri living in Russia also taunt one another with sayings such as, “Behave easy, or little one will be sent to mister gulag in uneasy Mister Siberia!”

A major problem arises in cities with famous architecture. China's Great Wall, France's Palace of Versailles, and even Egypt's pyramids have been besieged by hordes of yukkuri hoping to gain entrance, believing that the yukkuri who reaches the top first will become a king or queen, reigning over all yukkuri and humans alike.

Big festivals, such as Mardi Gras or King's Day, also draw the attention of yukkuri. Last year, the entire Hajj pilgrimage season in the Islamic holy city of Mecca was abruptly canceled and visitors denied entry after an estimated 1.8 million yukkuri were found to have snuck in on airplanes, cars, and sailing vessels, overrunning the city and causing enough chaos to shut the entire city down for 48 hours–all apparently due to a yumor that any yukkuri traveling to Mecca would get to become Mister God's pet. It is unknown how such a rumor became widespread so suddenly, though it is suspected that the hype in Muslim areas over the Hajj, which is a major celebration, led to yukkuri across the globe making remarkably similar and predictably dim-witted assumptions about its implications for yukkuri.

>>606
This is a really easy thread! Keep going

>>606
Keep going mister human.

Different anon here.
Would you guys like it if I tried to continue for OP?

>>670
Well that would be cool of you.

>Yukkuri and money
The average Yukkuri tends to have a non-existent understanding of money.
Often you'll see Yukkuri enter restaurants and shops, and demand that "mister human please share mister food!" If they're not immediately kicked out, the staff might ask the yukkuri if they have any money to pay for the food. The yukkuri will then cry and piss on the floor, screaming "WHY DO YOU SAY DIS? REIMU DOESND UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CANT MUNCH MUNCH WITH EVERYONE ELSE. DOND BULLY REIMU AND BRING FOOD NOW"

This happens because Yukkuri do not understand why humans trade money for goods and services. Yukkuri trade works on a simple bartering system, directly exchanging goods and services with each other. For example, a Marisa type Yukkuri might give a Reimu type some berries, and the Reimu type would sing a song in return. The concept of trading money is incomprehensible to the Yukkuri, because it holds no immediate benefits.
Money is not soothing like Reimus song, and it is not edible like the berries.
To them money is as useful as common rocks. (Although, some Koyukkuri do declare coins to be "mishter tweasures")

When a Yukkuri sees a human exchange money for food, they assume that they are being given the food for free, as they view the exchanged cash as being worthless.
This explains the Reimu types behaviour in the restaurant. She saw other mister humans being given food for free, and wanted some too. When she was told to pay for the food, she did not understand what it meant, and assumed she was being bullied via exclusion.


Should I continue?

>>672
Yes please

>>672
>One week without an update on a story
>On a board that's been dead for months beforehand
>Hijack thread
Uneasy mister hijacker should take his uneasy mister knock-off and go die easy!

>>674
WHY YOU SAY DIS MISTER IS SOWWY
Mister knock off will take it easy in a seperate thread

>>674
don't say that this is one of my favorite boards

>>676
I mean easy places.

Chapter 2: Yukkuri and Uneasy Mister Odors
Next, we will learn more about the yukkuri sense of smell.

We learned in All About Yukkuri: A Beginner's Guide that yukkuri love various smells such as sweet-sweets, rice, and cooking meat. Conversely, yukkuri are displeased by many different scents, chief among them the products of their own bodily functions. Often times, a yukkuri simply can't make it to its designated toilet area, and winds up getting poo-poo all over its easy place, not to mention itself, making the understanding of these uneasiest of mister odors vital for any serious yukkuri enthusiast.

First Responder: Handling a Yukkuri's Reaction to Poo-Poo
Releasing poo-poo in an unexpected location causes an immediate reaction of disgust,

“Mishder human, sabe Reimyu! Uneajy mishder pwoo-pwoo ish bullying Reimyu's gwowiouswy tight and beaudaful anyaru!”

anger,

“WHY IS MISTER POO-POO IN MYON'S FOOD DISH?! DIIIIICK!”

and sometimes (especially amongst koyukkuri) fear and depression.

“Mawicha idj cobered in michder pwoo-pwoo! Can'd dage id eajy! Mawicha wirr neber dage id eajy again! Mawicha idj doomed!”

Owners wishing to extend the life expectancy of their yukkuri should immediately seek to calm the yukkuri with soothing words (“Take it easy, little one, mister owner is here!”) and distract it with something the yukkuri may be interested in, such as a favorite toy or more food; infant yukkuri who've just done mister poo-poo have been shown to immediately accept offers of mister food in 99.2% of all lab tests.

Yukkuri living under observation in simulated wilderness have severely punished their children, even babies, who poo-poo in the designated living space. Like humans, public defecation is viewed as revolting; however, yukkuri differ in that the act itself is not considered bad, merely the result. As we learned in All About Yukkuri: A Beginner's Guide, parent yukkuri will do clean-clean on babies and kos who've just done mister poo-poo, and yukkuri toilets are nearly always in full view of the rest of the yukkuri nest living space.

While parents are not displeased at the sight of their kos doing poo-poo in the nearby toilet (in fact, as we learned earlier, they are usually quite pleased), they are typically disgusted by having to do clean-clean on a ko's anyaru. Parent yukkuri will often argue over who is responsible for doing clean-clean. In most cases, one parent will guilt the other into taking on the duty permanently, though it is not uncommon for parents to delegate the task to the eldest sibling. Niceheads are commonly observed as sharing the responsibility and performing it as needed.

Considering all of this, it is very important to isolate aggressive yukkuri from less predictable poo-poo machines if the owner in question wishes to avoid yu-on-yu violence.

It is also important to note that clean-clean and lick-lick, while identical actions in human eyes, are considered completely separate by yukkuri. Lick-lick is something that any yukkuri would like to perform or receive, and is used to heal injuries; clean-clean is lick-lick done with the intent of removing debris or, more commonly, poo-poo.

“PWOO-PWOO COMING OUD”: Know the Warning Signs
Is your yukkuri getting ready to do mister poo-poo? Here's a quick list of signs to watch out for.

>Munch-munching a lot of mister food, followed by moderate to vigorous wiggling about on the floor
>Suddenly and quickly moving in a straight line away from other yukkuri
>A painful expression on the face accompanied by erratic stretch-stretching (Warning: This most commonly indicates an extremely large mister poo-poo, or may even be a sign of the uneasy mister diarrhea!)

Less intelligent yukkuri will allow themselves to get very far away from the toilet at inopportune times, even when they know they'll soon do mister poo-poo, so it is important to not allow them to roam the house freely until you've discerned which individuals can and cannot be trusted to monitor their own bodily functions.

>>756
Best OC I've seen on any board in a while.