Dear John,
Recently, this board has been very slow. After watching my favourite board decline for a while, I decided to check if it was in the claims list, and it was indeed.
The previous owner has set us up with a nice board, but it seems like he found less boring things to do. Luckily, I happen to be a very boring person, and I will take care for our beloved /eh/ from now on: expect some delightfully boring css somewhere this weekend, some advertising on /boards/, and with a bit of luck even lift music. I hope that together we can make /eh/ blossom like it used to once again.
Yours sincerely,
John Smith