Two things: Eroticism instead of kinkiness (which there's nothing wrong with), and actual romance.
Be slow, be sensual, there's no need to be to rush at all. Take their clothes off slowly, kiss body parts as they're revealed, praise your partner for their perfections and imperfections. Don't be crude, don't be crass, don't tell them "what a nice pair of tits" they have, compliment them, make them feel special. Tell them instead "they look more magnificent than I last remember", stroke their ego a bit. Eye contact, movements of the body, and touching are key. Hold them in your lap as your arms wrap snugly around their waist. Make them have to look up at you in order to catch your gaze, make them feel tiny within your embrace but at the same time entirely safe. Whisper, talk, don't just grunt, moan, and curse. Words can stoke a fire extremely quick, you just need to be creative. Often times using words that aren't as crass work even better. I never thought the word "phallus" could be sexy before, but I was proven wrong.
As for romance, it makes scenes much more meaningful than a quick bang for me. For quickies it doesn't make much sense, but for more drawn out scenarios, it's needed for sure. It probably has to do with the devotion and desire that's involved without being fully lustful. There's also a possessive side to it as well, as well as the concept of really wanting to make someone yours. I also find it awkward if the characters barely know each other, bang, then have to deal with the limbo of being not quite just friends, and not lovers. Having romance there makes it obvious that things are going to the next level, or that their relationship is just being solidified.