Crying
How many of you cry? Do you do it a lot? Is it easy for you too cry? I ask since I never seem to cry. It's been at least 10 years. It might have even been longer than that. Even if I force myself to a really dark place and go as low as I can. I don't cry. I feel that dark pit you feel. It's a bitter feeling. Almost like a feeling that I gave up.
When I was younger I was able to force myself to cry. Nothing does it. I feel one day it might happen and that scares me a little. I was never raised to think it was bad. I don't know what to make of it or if it even matters. Anyone else here like that? Or do you cry?
Tell me your story.
Tell us your story.
>it all started in 2nd grade
>everytime my mom brings me in, I hold on to her hand and cry not to go
>fast forward, 4th grade, no problems with anxiety, depression etc.
>dad commits suicide via overdose
>hit me hard
>can't attend school for weeks
>begin pulling out my hair
>become diagnosed with trichotillomania (hair pulling)
>begin taking antidepressants
>they work for a while, but that feeling of unaware happiness always goes away
>6th grade
>same problem, miss more school.
>7th grade
>the cycle repeats
>8th grade
>get hit real hard this time for some reason, missed school for about 3 months
>get tutor
>sweet lady who tries her hardest to keep me happy
>i always felt like one of those special needs kids
>i felt unattached
>i felt alone
>the only one there for me was my mom
>problems continue
>the cycle repeats…
I plan on ending the cycle late tonight. Leave me with some final feels.
This is it, /feels/. This month officially marks half of a year of having zero contact with a girl who betrayed me.
I don't know where to start with this. I try my best to be a good person to her, and one day she just backstabs me.
It began back in June when I needed to get in contact with her. I sent a few notes on DeviantArt and she wouldn't respond until late at night. When I checked the inbox, she said she just came back from the hospital. In absolute concern about her statement, I ask why. Suddenly, three days go by and she doesn't even bother to read my messages. At this point, I get worried. When I get the urge to send another message, she reads it and does nothing else. No response came from her at all.
These silent days build up to weeks, and then months. During that time, not a single word left her. Being so confused as to why she was doing this, I start asking one of her friends to check on her. He tells me that she's fine, which only adds up to my confusion and even slightly frustrated me. I start to think if she was doing this to merely avoid me.
In horrid desperation, I try to reach her again, and it always ended up with the same results.
One day, she talked with someone about me. The words that I read… they were really painful.
>___, if this is really you, I've made a huge mistake. I gave Anon a chance and overlooked the stupid shit he did because I thought that deep inside he had potential. This was my mistake. He grew attached to me… psychotically attached.
>___, for your sake, do not even acknowledge this guy. He has been harassing even some friends of mine. Don't let him grow attached to you, too.
>I have considered to return several times before since you guys seem to have gotten your act together, but the thought that he is there stops me.
>I will never, ever direct a word towards Anon again. I just pray that he disappears from my life.
>Feel free to tell this to the others so they know to avoid him too. I truly miss some of you, but I just can't go back with him there.
Basically, what she said was that I was "psychotically attached", even though all I merely wanted to do is know if she was okay.
I was so angry when I first saw it. Every effort I made to be a good friend to her went to waste. For a long time after, I felt like I was crumbling deep inside.
The next day passed, and I got another snapshot of the conversation.
>Hey, thank you for talking to him. Sorry to put you into the position of a messenger, but I hope to make this my last message to him.
>"Anon,
>I'm fine, the hospital situation was sure that serious. I'm back to normal now.
>I tried to have a normal relationship with you, even looking past stupid crap unlike everyone else.
>… but as soon as I left, I started noticing early on signs of your obsessive behavior.
>That completely put me off and made me kinda creeped out by you.
>
>I'm afraid that if I show up again, your behavior will come back."
I'm in a state of sadness even after this happened a long time ago. I'm probably never going to get over this considering how long it dragged out. It's been on my mind for so long now.
Share with me your betrayal stories, /feel/
I'm never going to forgive you, Leo.
Hopeless Drive
I am crushed between the endless, scorching search for love and the absence thereof. My patience, initially abundant and springing, has grown towards the relapse of its half life and is decaying amongst the wreckage of the latter of my emotion. To the similarity of the celestial bodies, one can only gaze in their majesty and gracefulness painted as a mural by the Almighty himself. Yet, as the beauty relays to the eye to be within an arms reach, it is billions of light years away. The sheer magnificence can only be observed and admired, yet the heart yearns for the sense of touch to be stimulated by the stars. The feeling can only be analogized to the crusade of passion, lacking faith and hope for the reward to appear. Shout and exclaim into the heavens wherefore an act of beauty can be created and their awe be descended from posterity to posterity, though a single being, which would bring only the most powerful amendments of joy and love, is cleaned from the plane of existance. Yet there is no answer. The ways of humanism taught that each being existed with doubled of every organ within the human body, as we are destined to search endlessly for the other half. Tell me, then, why I've been bestowed with an abundance of love and passion to fill not one, but two hearts?
Losing Hope
I failed them. I gave all I had, but couldn't fix them. I should've done more. I could've done more. I have carried this guilt for 7 years, and alcoholism for 3 years. Nothing helps. It's getting worse. I'm losing hope of getting better or being happy. idk what to do anymore.
Regrets and cringeworthy memories
Do you guys have any memories that have made you physically cringe because of the amount of autism in them from your part? One pops up every few minutes for me.
I've spent the past hour or so going through old photos from yesteryear. It's funny how those frozen moment in time can say a lot about the context in which you existed back then, who you were, how you perceived others and how might have been perceived.
As of late, I've been thinking about the past in regards to uncomfortable memories from as far back as my childhood and adolescence, about the plethora of situations I should have handled better, about the kind of person I was back then and the people whom I should have cherished a lot more. These are the kind of memories I've had to literally sing out of my head at times to silence them. The more I think about it, the more I start to realize how repulsive of a human being I must have seemed like to people through my actions, my words, my beliefs and my blatant ignorance. The amount of people I've pushed away because of the way I've acted and the lack of understanding I had back then about the bonds of friendship.
I lament the fact that I'm not friends with most people I used to know back in primary and junior high school. I lament the fact that it's most likely because of how I pushed people away the moment I got too close to them because I was too busy getting caught up in my own little world inside my head. Every single memory I have in my head of myself being this Mary-Sue that had to leech off others for vitality makes me think of the amount of people that I pushed away because of it, and how much of a cringeworthy fool I was yesteryear.
And yet, despite my own concerns, I can never know how others saw me back then. And whilst all I can do is speculate, the rest of the world's moved on. Perhaps most people don't even remember any of the bad things I've done? Or maybe they remember it too well? I don't think that's something I will ever know for sure.
A fellow will feel a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd feel. You take me. One day, back in 2007, I met a girl online. She was the coolest, prettiest thing I'd ever known. She gave me a kind of attention I hadn't had before. Now I can't remember how many years we spoke for, or why we stopped, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl.
The 7 year story,
I looked her up today on facebook. I just look at her new profile pictures, think back… she blocked me today. I don't know why, but it hurts a lot more than I thought it would.
So I guess I'll just try to do what I've done before; tell the story. This January will be 7 years, this November will be the second first year.
I met her the first day of my second semester, freshman year. I had just gotten over a crush I had been going through for some time, and then she shows up with just the thought of talking to her on my mind.
I do, we hit it off, and we become friends. I know that I want more, though. She was the first and last thought every day, and usually the thoughts in between.
I'll ignore the other fuck in this story, it was tedious and terrible enough to go through, I imagine the lengthy story of him is even worse to read. Basically
>Fuck friend I knew from kindergarten is also into her
>She fucks him, after I confessed my feelings
>Always complains about him to me
>Often get a little lewd with me, he knows but can't prove it
>I win her over after she takes my virginity
During that time, her mother (heroin junky) and brother (piss throwing fuck) were running rampant and breaking her down a lot. I had to be there, to help her cope. I tried my best to keep her from drugs, but I couldn't really stop her.
She often beat me, held me down and insulted me for hours… I'll remember when she carved my name into her arm as I just have to sit there, sobbing. She cut deeper into the same cuts when I tried to look away.
Eventually, I can't do it. I attempted suicide twice during this time, just because I couldn't go to her and tell her no matter how much I loved her, I wasn't strong enough. First time was pills I stole from her, Xanax and Oxy, along with a myriad of other pills, crushed and whole. I think that may have done some damage, things are a bit weirder since then. The second time I don't even remember, it was during that week after attempt 1, something with alcohol and bleeding I think.
I told her couldn't do it. She started to cry, but she was a bit more strung out than usual. She offered me a bowl and asked to talk about it. I took a hit, but it didn't feel right. I asked what it was, I knew something was wrong. She stole her mom's heroin and mixed it in. I freaked out, obviously, and ran home. I got lost on the one road to my house, just curled up in a bush.
I didn't talk to her after that. Until a year later. We had graduated, and I answered her call. We met up, we hugged. We caught up. I kissed her.
She had gotten her life together. Mom was in jail, brother was in Florida, she was clean since that day. I could finally know she understood how much I loved her… Just holding her again, just the thought of it.
Then she started drinking again. She always wanted to go out, to party. We started fighting a bit.
She came to my house one day, She admitted to pills, and refused to let me drive her home. I couldn't do it again. I had to accept that no matter how much I loved her, no matter how I never stopped thinking about her, no matter how much of my life she had taken from me, influenced me, we were just toxic for eachother.
I found out later she cheated on me that week before, and that she tried to twice with my cousin… I knew, I just didn't think I wanted to know.
I just want to hold her again, you know. To breath as a single person. To think I'm finally safe again, But I guess now I'm the one with a drinking problem.
I need to get this off my chest and I don't know where else to post this. This is something that I have never told anyone and it is eating me away inside.
I think around the time I was three or four I accidently killed (or at least seriously injured) another child. It was in one of those indoor play parks like a Chucky Cheese, but it was called Jeepers and was in the middle of a mall. I think it was nearing Christmas time, otherwise my family wouldn't have been in a mall.
This place had one of those huge tube structures to play in and one of the paths lead to a zip line. Everything was fully padded, so risk of injury was minimal. A few times I had gone before with my older cousins and they had a blast on it, but I was always too afraid to get on it. This day was different. I decided I would brave the zip line. I leaned out, grabed the handles and pushed off, only to find that there wasn't enough strength in my tiny child legs to go farther than an inch. I was too short to get back into the tube, so my only choice was to drop. This is where things went bad.
There was a woman at the bottom sitting with her baby in her lap, directly under me. She apparently didn't take notice of the signs saying NOT to enter there. She also didn't hear me when I yelled for help and began begging her to move. Or maybe I just didn't yell loud enough. I remember my hands gave out and I fell. I fell directly into her lap, ontop of her baby. She started screaming something along the lines of, "My baby! How could you!" over and over. I was stunned and it took me a moment to get up. I didn't turn to look at what was behind me. I just ran off saying, "I'm sorry", over and over again until I was clear of the zipline.
I ran back over to my mother and she told me I looked pale. I told her I wasn't feeling well and I wanted to leave, so we did. It was all that was on my mind that entire day and days after, even more so when I found out the park had closed. I remember constantly waiting for there to be a knock at my door and a police officer there to arrest me. I had that worry in the back of my mind for my entire life. I still feel the need to punish myself for it. While the woman shouldn't have been there, it was my fault. When I look at how shitty my circumstances are, I remember what I did and that I deserve all of it.
I killed a kid, /feels/, and it feels bad.
Vidya and vidya buddy feels, pretty much anything relating to video games in any way as far as feels go
Posting a few of my WoW related stories, most of them tie in somehow
>start playing WoW again a couple years ago
>decide I want to play a Death Knight again, but to do that I'll need a 55 as I lost my old account
>play around in the starting zone until I finally decide on paladin
>have a blast, spend all day grinding dungeons and quests until I finally hit 55
>get a couple buddies from my cesspool guild
>end up losing contact with one, still miss him to this day
>the other guy is still on my friends list, and I talk to him pretty often
>make the DK, but as I'm running around on a character I see a female Worgen DK in the running mode on all fours in starting armor
>i like the way it looks, so I decide to make my DK a Worgen and decide to start him on an RP server
>first time RPing in WoW, and I picked a Worgen DK
>herewego.jpg
>setting up RP addons that I thought looked okay, someone sends me a whisper and says she likes my profile
>I say the same, we decide to set up some basic RP to get started so we can actually jump into random, active RP
>decide to make my character about finding out his past, and redemption rather than edgy grimdark DK shit
>still end up edgy as fuck
>we finally walk into a tavern, my character's acting strange because he's just arrive in Stormwind
>my DK asks the person who I first started the RP with to follow him, he has some questions
>some other character notes my DK will probably kill her
>she follows me, he asks questions yada yada
>return later on to the same tavern, the character who said my DK would kill her remarked that he didn't, a bit of conversation went on then we both got offline
>the next day, I log on and go to RP in the tavern and see what happens
>see the same person from the tavern earlier (the one who said my DK would murder the lady, let's call this guy R)
>Say something to R in greeting, he replies and soon after a Dwarf comes into the tavern and stands beside him
>let's call this Dwarf T
>R and T both greet me this time, and taking note that I'm new to RP and this is a new character they take me along IC to fuck around
>after their characters figured out that my character isn't just edgy murder DK shit they pull my character with them as basically a meat shield
>I'm all the happier to follow along, it was fun and generally funny to me
>they would do heinous shit, fuck with people and do general shenanigans and my DK would just be their shield
>finally, standing around one day after RPing and I get an invite
>it's an invite to their guild, I accept it and everyone happily greets me
>I still remember the exact spot where it was, I remember being in a party with them at the time, I remember everything exactly
>our characters develop and do a lot of fucking around with people, my DK slowly starts to understand how people in Stormwind act
>we become great friends out of character, always chatting and thinking of new RP ideas
>the shenanigans included absolutely retarded and heinous shit, and I do mean heinous
>we'd use my DK to pick up T, walk into a tavern, and launch the armored Dwarf at full tables of taverngoers
>grab him and get the fuck outta dodge as people got mad and were ready to come after us
>fun as hell, eventually a paladin comes after us
>tries to arrest my buddy, but he has no orders or warrants etc. and is arbitrarily doing it
>fuck that shit, I stop him as he's dragging T off
>shit escalates into my first RP fight
>he was godmoding the entire time, and after he'd do some bullshit emote move he'd whisper me and tell me what I should do
>still had a lot of fun, and it ended up developing into a rivalry
>my DK got his ass kicked because the paladin burned the shit out of him with light
>make some good characters, make some shitty ones, generally get comfortable with RP
>make a Pandaren monk, he quickly becomes one of my favorite characters (and still is) but I don't put him in the guild
>he spends most of his time alone, no one tends to talk to him nor does he tend to talk to many people
Cont. for the Pandaren story
>Tfw dating a girl
>Start to fall in love with another
>She's dating a guy
>Like eachother
>Flirt for a few months
>makeout two days ago
>Gotta keep it secret
>She's been unresponsive over text for a few days
>"Just assume she's busy"
>"Just assume she's busy"
>"Just assume"
>She goes and makes out with a girl
>WHAT THE FUCK
>"Keep it to yourself anon, you're not dating her"
>Going to see her tomorrow
>Mfw I really like her
>Mfw I can't trust her
>Mfw she'll probably use me
>Mfw in the end I'll probably be alone
Can't wake up
I keep having this problem. Lately I've been more self-defeating then normal. I also keep trying to pick my life up. I'll set up that I"m going to do something. Like go to a school or get a job. I then day dream about it. Build it up, make phone calls, send in apps, and then when the truth comes out that none of that will happen, I kick myself and get depressed that I'll never make good money because of how stupid I am. I long gave up on my "dreams" and now am looking to learn a skill and just do that. I'll work my job and die alone of acute alcoholism in my 50s. At least 2 of my friends have told me they think I should seek therapy. I say fuck that. I can still feel joy, so I guess I didn't hit rock bottom…yet.
/r8k/
Since /int/ has just killed /r9k/ I have taken the reigns over a replacement desu~Alright, feel, what did you feel today?
Today I felt insecure about my future, and because I used to lurk a lot on /adv/ back on halfchan, I really feel homesick. I need some support; one thing after another is just piling on and I'm not sure how much more I can take it.I just want someone to be alble to talk to and call my own.
Every one around me talking about how great their GF is or vice versa and I just stare lonely…knowing that I will never be able to have a grill that I can talk to, to call my grill friend, to feel feels with, to hold…I hate it I dont have the balls to talk to grills that seem nice or pretty I just cant get the guts to do it…I hate this feel and its getting more feelsy by the minute.
i suck
>be me (4-6/10) senior in high school (18)
My year so far
>get girlfriend at uni, 9/10 kindest person youll ever meet, smokes weedThat feel when you can't talk to your family about your feels
tfw any mention of having feelings or how you feel is treated like a great labor to have to listen to while you have to listen to their feels all day and be understanding.Guilty Sex Feels
Time to feel