/feels/ - That feel when

This is the year.

Here it comes

How many of you cry? Do you do it a lot? Is it easy for you too cry? I ask since I never seem to cry. It's been at least 10 years. It might have even been longer than that. Even if I force myself to a really dark place and go as low as I can. I don't cry. I feel that dark pit you feel. It's a bitter feeling. Almost like a feeling that I gave up.

When I was younger I was able to force myself to cry. Nothing does it. I feel one day it might happen and that scares me a little. I was never raised to think it was bad. I don't know what to make of it or if it even matters. Anyone else here like that? Or do you cry?

How long has it been?

Since you've been depressed?

Since you've felt hopeless?

Since you've felt worth something?

Tell us your story.

>it all started in 2nd grade

>everytime my mom brings me in, I hold on to her hand and cry not to go

>fast forward, 4th grade, no problems with anxiety, depression etc.

>dad commits suicide via overdose

>hit me hard

>can't attend school for weeks

>begin pulling out my hair

>become diagnosed with trichotillomania (hair pulling)

>begin taking antidepressants

>they work for a while, but that feeling of unaware happiness always goes away

>6th grade

>same problem, miss more school.

>7th grade

>the cycle repeats

>8th grade

>get hit real hard this time for some reason, missed school for about 3 months

>get tutor

>sweet lady who tries her hardest to keep me happy

>i always felt like one of those special needs kids

>i felt unattached

>i felt alone

>the only one there for me was my mom

>problems continue

>the cycle repeats…

I plan on ending the cycle late tonight. Leave me with some final feels.

This is it, /feels/. This month officially marks half of a year of having zero contact with a girl who betrayed me.

I don't know where to start with this. I try my best to be a good person to her, and one day she just backstabs me.

It began back in June when I needed to get in contact with her. I sent a few notes on DeviantArt and she wouldn't respond until late at night. When I checked the inbox, she said she just came back from the hospital. In absolute concern about her statement, I ask why. Suddenly, three days go by and she doesn't even bother to read my messages. At this point, I get worried. When I get the urge to send another message, she reads it and does nothing else. No response came from her at all.

These silent days build up to weeks, and then months. During that time, not a single word left her. Being so confused as to why she was doing this, I start asking one of her friends to check on her. He tells me that she's fine, which only adds up to my confusion and even slightly frustrated me. I start to think if she was doing this to merely avoid me.

In horrid desperation, I try to reach her again, and it always ended up with the same results.

One day, she talked with someone about me. The words that I read… they were really painful.

>___, if this is really you, I've made a huge mistake. I gave Anon a chance and overlooked the stupid shit he did because I thought that deep inside he had potential. This was my mistake. He grew attached to me… psychotically attached.

>___, for your sake, do not even acknowledge this guy. He has been harassing even some friends of mine. Don't let him grow attached to you, too.

>I have considered to return several times before since you guys seem to have gotten your act together, but the thought that he is there stops me.

>I will never, ever direct a word towards Anon again. I just pray that he disappears from my life.

>Feel free to tell this to the Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>tfw you rolled a 1 on every aspect of character creation when you were born

I am crushed between the endless, scorching search for love and the absence thereof. My patience, initially abundant and springing, has grown towards the relapse of its half life and is decaying amongst the wreckage of the latter of my emotion. To the similarity of the celestial bodies, one can only gaze in their majesty and gracefulness painted as a mural by the Almighty himself. Yet, as the beauty relays to the eye to be within an arms reach, it is billions of light years away. The sheer magnificence can only be observed and admired, yet the heart yearns for the sense of touch to be stimulated by the stars. The feeling can only be analogized to the crusade of passion, lacking faith and hope for the reward to appear. Shout and exclaim into the heavens wherefore an act of beauty can be created and their awe be descended from posterity to posterity, though a single being, which would bring only the most powerful amendments of joy and love, is cleaned from the plane of existance. Yet there is no answer. The ways of humanism taught that each being existed with doubled of every organ within the human body, as we are destined to search endlessly for the other half. Tell me, then, why I've been bestowed with an abundance of love and passion to fill not one, but two hearts?

Pretty unhappy with self so i masturbated to make my self feel better. Some how made me feel worst.

It is so hard to explain what i feel right now i spent like 30 minutes writing this.

Any one else cover their feelings by masturbating?

>even the desperate girls dont want you

Why even live

I spoke to a grill today, maintained spaggetti and saw no clear signs of disgust.

Today was a good day.

I failed them. I gave all I had, but couldn't fix them. I should've done more. I could've done more. I have carried this guilt for 7 years, and alcoholism for 3 years. Nothing helps. It's getting worse. I'm losing hope of getting better or being happy. idk what to do anymore.

Do you guys have any memories that have made you physically cringe because of the amount of autism in them from your part? One pops up every few minutes for me.

I've spent the past hour or so going through old photos from yesteryear. It's funny how those frozen moment in time can say a lot about the context in which you existed back then, who you were, how you perceived others and how might have been perceived.

As of late, I've been thinking about the past in regards to uncomfortable memories from as far back as my childhood and adolescence, about the plethora of situations I should have handled better, about the kind of person I was back then and the people whom I should have cherished a lot more. These are the kind of memories I've had to literally sing out of my head at times to silence them. The more I think about it, the more I start to realize how repulsive of a human being I must have seemed like to people through my actions, my words, my beliefs and my blatant ignorance. The amount of people I've pushed away because of the way I've acted and the lack of understanding I had back then about the bonds of friendship.

I lament the fact that I'm not friends with most people I used to know back in primary and junior high school. I lament the fact that it's most likely because of how I pushed people away the moment I got too close to them because I was too busy getting caught up in my own little world inside my head. Every single memory I have in my head of myself being this Mary-Sue that had to leech off others for vitality makes me think of the amount of people that I pushed away because of it, and how much of a cringeworthy fool I was yesteryear.

And yet, despite my own concerns, I can never know how others saw me back then. And whilst all I can do is speculate, the rest of the world's moved on. Perhaps most people don't even remember any of the bad things I've done? Or maybe they remember it too well? I don't think that's something I will ever know for sure.