>lose my shit again a year ago
>as I lay there in a puddle of snot decide I'm sick of this and I'm going to start just enjoying shit
>spend the past year grinding social skills, trying things I hate, actually leaving my room, actually working on things I'd been putting off
>one year later, after floundering about still not knowing what I'm doing, I've finally managed to build a rickety foundation
>"if the system is fucked, I might as well do what I like in it"
>start taking classes I actually like this semester
>actually following through with plans
>actually working on projects I want to finish
>in general feeling better
Life sucks and I still have the same crippling issues, but just thinking about it and accepting my view of life, I've developed a sort of Joie de vivre towards even the most trivial of things.
It's weird, life is just as unpleasant as it used to be, but I've begun to taken just roll with it.