/femdom/ - Femdom

It should be pretty easy to find them anywhere for you based on the fact that there are like 1000 male subs for every one dominant woman online. Heck, I'm a sub male, and would love serving you if you're cool and legal.

>>1944
that's a bit of an exageration. I saw some study on Fetlife saying it was about 3:2 subs vs doms. Doms definitely have more power in finding a sub than most girls do in finding a guy but the ratio (at least of people actually trying to meet others) isn't THAT far off.

>>1932
Good try! That's crazy nice of you to give him cash like that, too bad he panic'd about the slightest hint of commitment.

Anyone ever use slaveselection or the sort? Any luck or are they just a waste of money?

>>1997
haven't used it but it looks like bullshit.

>>1997
quotes from some of the "profiles"

>… I am interested in finslaves only. ..

> "… i like and interested in teasing and denial, spanking, light bondage, foot and body worship, face sitting, humiliation and dressing sissy up in panties and other lingerie… …

>"… I am an exquisitely seductive Domina, and there is a very little any man can do when I cast my dark, lust filled eyes upon him. …"

>"… Feet,girls,sex, …"

>… seeking only a submissive lifestyle male looking for a beautiful Dominant woman for a real relationship that will eventually lead to marriage..

and a lot of them seem to say "Looking for marriage" which is not something that girls proposition guys with on the internet.

The other red flag is a lack of variation in the profile names. They all seem to say "mistressGENERICPRONOTYPENAME" or "GodessSEXYSOUNDINGNAME" where as real people tend to more varied usernames.

It could be real but it seems a bit off.

>>1997

As someone who has been on it? No. You might get the very rare findomme that turns out to be real, but generally stick to Fetlife/Collarspace if you want to find a domme. Collarspace is a little shady but you can meet girls off it, and that's more than most sites.

Fetlife is more for social networking and it's harder to actually find a Domme, but when you do they tend to be real.

>>1932

We should start up a slave/domme directory for /femdomme/, if there isn't one up already.

Ohhh, I'm happy to see replies!

>>1944
Right. I don't know any subs in real life.

>> 1946
It wasn't that he panicked over commitment. We're just so different, that it wouldn't have made a marriage.

>> 2013
Seems viable…

^^^^
Also, faulty replytext because I'm on my phone and have to type the number out.

>>2014
>Right. I don't know any subs in real life.

You probably do but being a submissive guy is very looked down on and most sub guys aren't that open about it. Personally, I've had these fantasies since I was a kid but when I am falling in love with a girl and she tells me she loves me for my dominance… how can I then tell her about this? How can I be out to anyone if not the one person who knows me better than anyone?

I've gotten too good at hiding this shit, even from myself sometimes.

Anyway, its not like its some political or societal thing like being gay where you are actually persecuted so telling people your a sexual deviant is just an awkward thing to do.

>>2013
we could start a fetlife group?

>>2021
>Personally, I've had these fantasies since I was a kid but when I am falling in love with a girl and she tells me she loves me for my dominance… how can I then tell her about this?

this feel is the worst kind of feel

>>2022

We could. It'd be difficult, but we could at least give it a shot.

>>1946
>I saw some study on Fetlife saying it was about 3:2 subs vs doms

I bet that this includes financial dommes and professional dommes.

The ratio of subs vs dommes that look for a private relationship is definitely closer to 1000:1

>>2014
>Right. I don't know any subs in real life.

Honestly I have a very hard time to believe that you can't find a submissive guy.

Have you actually tried to meet subs in real life, for example going in BDSM clubs or actually asking the guys you know?

Because outside of specific locations where this is expected behavior no guy will introduce himself to other women as a sub or brag about being masochistic and devote. A lot of Women can be real assholes about this.

>meeting a partner that was also good for a relationship

What does that mean to you?

>>2032
I still think that's a massive exaggeration that would mean that almost no dommes are not financial/pro (and I realize you are probably purposely exaggerating). Honestly, I went to only one fetlife meet up thing so far, there were 2 dommes there and neither of them were pro or financial.In fact, they were both looking to enter actual relationships. Further, I was the only straight "sub" guy that I met. I think that there are more sub guys than dommes but I also think that when it comes to guys actually trying to make it happen beyond jacking off and sending a creepy message, we're much closer in ratio.

I also think that the fact that you have sub guys jacking off while messaging girls over the internet and swarming their profiles pushes a lot of girls with dominant leanings away.

Like jesus guys, nobody wants to get a message about your darkest fantasies right off the bat. Treat it like normal fucking dating and actually try to get to know the person first and maybe more women would be ok with this shit.

>>2034
People making a cop-out once it becomes serious in online dating especially on BDSM dates is common and nothing unique to male subs.

Also why aren't you applying similar criteria to dommes (they will actually meet you, they are relationship material, they are not too extreme with their sadistic expectations)?

>Like jesus guys, nobody wants to get a message about your darkest fantasies right off the bat. Treat it like normal fucking dating and actually try to get to know the person first and maybe more women would be ok with this shit.

Have you as a male sub ever received so many messages from women that you had reason to complain about it…? It's even a rarity in normal online dating (okCupid offers publicly available statistics).

I can absolutely understand that women have little interest to answer these messages but you'd never see a guy complaining about this because women don't court men the same way (and they probably wouldn't complain about it even if they would).

A woman with realistic expectations that would actually make some effort and take the first step shouldn't have a problem in finding a male (sub) because she would have little to no competition.

>>2021
Duude.
I keep meeting guys who like me and I like them but then I tell them I'm a domme and they try to fit the mold, but I KNOW it's just not going to work out.
Been there, tried that.

Also
> falling in love with a girl and she tells me she loves me for my dominance

Are you sure she doesn't mean you being dominant career/passion pursuit wise?

>>2040
>Are you sure she doesn't mean you being dominant career/passion pursuit wise?

Yes because it was in the context of talking about what a good dom I am in bed. Anyway, we already broke up after dating for almost 3 years. I know what she meant.

But seriously, check out fetlife or something that way you know if they are a sub from the start.

>>2038
>Also why aren't you applying similar criteria to dommes (they will actually meet you, they are relationship material, they are not too extreme with their sadistic expectations)?

I am? But I don't think the women involved are generally masturbating while sending their first messages which I think is the case for a lot of guys.

As a sub I can confirm I've gotten 0 aggressive messages, just one or two sub girls being nice and welcoming. Contrast this to one of the dommes I was talking to who recently had a stranger send her a big long message asking to drink her period blood.

My point is if someone is on the line about being a sub, dommes are unlikely to drive them away where as if a girl is just trying to get the hang of this and makes a profile as a domme then she gets inundated with this shit. I think its possible that more girls would be willing to join these sites and things if there wasn't so much of that.

As for coping out, that's not what I am talking about. What I am talking about is even trying to meet people in the first place. The sense that I get is that a lot of retards message these fantasies and beg to be dominated right off the bat but would never do this in person and don't ever try to actually meet people. Therefore, the online stats will be skewed towards there seeming to be more male subs than male subs that are at all serious. When it comes to people that are serious it is much closer to at worst 5:1. As I said, from the one thing that I went to the ratio was 1:2 in my favor.

>>2033
> Have you actually tried to meet subs in real life, for example going in BDSM clubs or actually asking the guys you know?

I have never gone to a BDSM club for two reasons:
1) I'm busy
2) BDSM clubs are probably infested with liberals (especially with where I live) and that's not my cup of tea. I'm not looking to hook up either, so it would feel weird coming to a sexually themed club.

I mention it to my male friends and they know about it. None of them told me anything about being a sub. (Before you claim friendzoning, my circle of people are 5+ years older than me and almost engaged. )

> meeting a partner that's also good for a relationship

To me this means to like spending time with him outside of any sexual circumstances and our goals and principles having some similarity.

>>2034
> Treat it like normal fucking dating and actually try to get to know the person first

Agreed.

>>2041
> fetlife
Once my new charger cable for the non school laptop arrives. ..Thanks, I will.

>>2041
>But I don't think the women involved are generally masturbating while sending their first messages which I think is the case for a lot of guys.

I definitely met women where this was likely the case. However I usually didn't mind that.

Other than that female profiles for example will have way more fake profiles that will try to give you a charged phone number and pretend it's a private phone number. Or just be insane in a different way.

>I think its possible that more girls would be willing to join these sites and things if there wasn't so much of that.

That might be a reason, however I wasn't arguing why there are more subs for each dom which in my opinion doesn't matter since it's out of our control, only that there are.

>When it comes to people that are serious it is much closer to at worst 5:1.

Yes 1000:1 is obviously an exaggeration and about 5:1 (+/- 1) seems reasonable. But that still means that a domme has basically no competition (especially if she's willing to make the first step in dating in which the numbers will be even more to her favor) and that there is a sub for each domme while there will not be a dom for each sub.

If you look at sites that allow private ads and have some decent form of moderation (to prevent spambots and to filter financial motivated ads) you'll see that often times the category "she looks for him" will have the lowest number of ads even lower than the lesbian or homosexual category while "he looks for her" will have the highest number of ads.

Or look at the number of clubs and websites that will charge higher prices for males (many even being completely free for women) to even out the ratio of males to females.

I personally gave up on online dating. As a straight guy its horrible in my opinion for anything else than one night stands, if you're decent looking though it's great for the latter.

>>2042

Hate to break it to you, but most of the people who are ok with this fetish are going to be liberals.

Any conservative person who believes femdom is acceptable is doing some serious mental gymnastics.

>>2068
It means they're either keeping it separate or they realize they can't control how they like sex. You can be conservative and into femdom too.

>>2068

Lol. I know.
Trust me, the irony does not escape me.

>>2070

Can't control how I like sex.
Plus sex is sex and real life is real life.

>>2076

Go ahead.

>>2083

I've gone ahead and joined.

https://fetlife.com/users/4185847

>"One common misconception of BDSM and kink is that women are more likely to take on masochistic roles than men. Roy Baumeister (2010) actually had more male masochists in his study than female, and fewer male dominants than female."

>"Baumeister (2010) found that masochistic males experienced greater: severity of pain, frequency of humiliation (status-loss, degrading, oral), partner infidelity, active participation by other persons, and cross dressing. Trends also suggested that male masochism included more bondage and oral sex than female"

>"Baumeister (2010) found that masochistic males experienced greater: severity of pain, frequency of humiliation (status-loss, degrading, oral), partner infidelity, active participation by other persons, and cross dressing. Trends also suggested that male masochism included more bondage and oral sex than female"

However the data was not significant, but in my experience it reflects reality.

>"The researchers found the majority of females identified as heterosexual and submissive, a substantial minority were versatile—able to switch between dominant and submissive roles—and a smaller minority identified with the dominant role exclusively."

Another study that suggests that female doms are a rarity.

There is a reason why men are willing to pay professional dommes 10 times as much as a prostitute yet just try to find a male dominus offering his service, they seem to be non-existent.

>>2073
>>2070
>Can't control how I like sex.
>Plus sex is sex and real life is real life.

There certainly are conservative men that are into femdom, the thing is that they will be much less open about it and less likely to give into their sexual desires.

The one problem I have with online stuff, fetlife or even here, is that it becomes easy to find someone that is pretty much perfect, but lives far fucking away.

A domme in another state messaged me on fetlife two years ago and we talk nigh daily. I'd kill for the opportunity to meet her. I've never met a domme out in the wild, so I kinda have to conclude they are rare, though I've also stayed away from the BDSM scene stuff since I'm a hikkimori.

Another thing, I am probably bordering on radical conservative and I won't even consider being interested in a girl unless she is both dominant and conservative. For me, there aren't really any mental gymnastics necessary, I think it entirely fits within a conservative framework if male and female are essentially just switching roles in the relationship.

>>2118
Well, making a few educated guesses would lead me to the conclusion that you're a dominant girl, so I'm not the male version of you :3

I guess you could be a lesbian submissive instead, at which point I might be.

>>2114
>is that it becomes easy to find someone that is pretty much perfect, but lives far fucking away.

I know that feel :(

It wasn't a domme and not a perfect life partner but a cougar that wanted to do some kinky stuff to me and in return I could do the same to her… (she was a experienced switch). We talked for weeks and she gave me her address and suggested to have a sex based relationship but for a poor student she lived too far away.

>>2180
I think that is actually more or less how most people see "submissive" for males. Just ordinary guys that happen to like getting tied up, humiliated, etc in the bedroom. Then there are those of us that are submissive in the sense that the traditional female role in a relationship is submissive, which doesn't seem to have as much definition. I think in some other thread I was calling it vanilla role reversal or something close to that.

>>2042
> I have never gone to a BDSM club

As a sub, I have never either. Strictly in my experience (including myself) we tend to be more shy, if not privacy-oriented and/or introverted. I generally feel the lion's share of subs (most the uninitiated) have no idea where someone would even find real-life bdsm. I sure don't.

I'm sure the lion's share of Dommes are not prowling anonymous message boards, either, but if there's one thing I can control it's who I allow to get close to me.

>>2014

You actually probably do know some in real life. You just don't know that you know. What general region are you in?

>>2185

Oops. I mean you don't know that you know them because they aren't open about it.

>>2042

I'm kind of surprised that you think liberals go to BDSM clubs. BDSM people are usually incredibly bougie. If anything, I would say that libertarian is the most common political stance.

>>2068

I swear this isn't true. Sure, they are liberal about sexuality and self expression, but they really tend to be conservative about economic issues. Only the middle class and above even get a chance to have the time to be into shit like chastity belts and so forth, and they tend to be selfish, in the I want what I want but everyone else can fuck themselves type way.

>>2188

(Disclaimer: To be fair, I am talking about US BDSM people. Party affiliations tend to line up differently in other countries. For instance, we don't actually have a liberal party in the US, we have a center right party and a far right party. Actual liberals do the lesser of two evils thing or simply drop out of the system here.)

>>2189
>we don't actually have a liberal party in the US, we have a center right party and a far right party
Uhh…you are from bizarro US, correct? Dems are left as hell and GOP is slightly left, although that all kinda gets muddy when you get into the fact that they are both just puppets for special interests such as megacorps, globalists and zionists.

>>2189

> center right party
> far right party
> Actual liberals do lesser of two evils

My head hurts

>>2230
>I thought majority of submissive males also wanted a relationship instead of a kinky fuck.
I don't think there is enough data to really make a determination on that, but within the BDSM community and stuff like that, I'd say that the "submissive in bed only and only insofar as they want to be tied, beaten and/or humiliated" is more common.

>>2236

i think this is why i am sick of being submissive in the bedroom. my life isnt where i would like it to be and i need some semblance of control.

bdsm has done wonders but its so hard to date and find that guy to be a friend and a play thing.

Whatd you all recommend for a fetlife profile pic? Not too keen on revealing identity and at same time want to explore a few different kinks and dynamics

>>2910
I use a femdom related image as profile pic and then have a picture of myself that only people I am "friends" with can see. I also only "friend" people I have met in person first and avoid anyone that pulls that "you have to buy me shit before I will consider talking to you" bullshit.

If you actually want to meet someone avoid just jacking off and messaging girls, a lot of dommes get driven away from fetlife by a torrent of dudes messaging them about sex right off the bat. You probably won't have much luck on a dating type site if you message girls right off the bat telling them to suck your dick and referring to them as your girlfriend, like wise you won't have much luck on fetlife if message right off the bat begging to lick their clits and calling them your mistress.