my other stories aren't that good, but this might be
>be crusader under godfrey
>the long trek to jerusalem has been pretty hard
>infidels have poisoned the wells
>nearly dying of dehydration
>nearly half of the troops fully dying of dehydration
> have been able to get by with pillaging villages
>twasthenightbeforejerusalem.scroll
>friar of our group told us a story
>can't remember fully, but something about a roman named Long-gina sticking his rod in jesus
>secretlyhard.tapestry
>later that night, go out to find someplace to "relieve myself" because no women for miles
>even if there were, i'm too much of an autistic beta to even approach them
>find a cave
>go inside and start to undo pants
> find a spear
> the bottom looks safe enough to put inside my ass
> just then
>one of my crusader bros comes in
>quickly pull up my pants
>"anonuix, what are you doing here?"
>ohshitnigger.parchment
>start to panic until i remember that rod story
>tell him some bullshit about this being inside jesus
>brings me to godfrey
>fuckmyshitup.papyrus
>"anonuix has just found the spear of longinus"
>so that's how you say it
>godfrey calls for celebration
>get paraded around the camp
>next morning, we promptly take over jerusalem
>TL;DR being an autistic beta-fag sometimes pays off, /his/