No.161889
You are standing half-naked in the middle of some field, clutching to the remains of your coat
surrounded by, in no particular order:
one-armed anonymous, dying of blood loss,
defeated Garnet,
Garnet's cool shades,
scraps of clothes
No.161896
what. do.
((roll d20 twice, the highest first roll gets picked))
((second roll determines Joey's success at performing the command))
No.161903
 | Rolled 18, 12 = 30 (2d20) |
>>161896Retrieve arms from running gag pumpkin.
No.161906
| Rolled 9, 20 = 29 (2d20) |
use scraps to close anon's bleeding wound
No.161909
| Rolled 14, 12 = 26 (2d20) |
Rape Garnets face
No.161912
| Rolled 10, 18 = 28 (2d20) |
>>161896Masturbate to the fallen
Surrender yourself to pleasure
No.161918
| Rolled 15, 10 = 25 (2d20) |
>>161896pee on garnet
No.161921
| Rolled 8, 14 = 22 (2d20) |
>>161896take garnet's clothes
No.161939
| Rolled 2, 10 = 12 (2d20) |
Fuse with Garnet.
No.161957
| Rolled 3, 12 = 15 (2d20) |
get naked
No.162024
| Rolled 20, 3 = 23 (2d20) |
>>162001Take out Alchemiser
No.162035
| Rolled 19, 17 = 36 (2d20) |
>>161906Rerolling for this
No.162038
| Rolled 19, 18 = 37 (2d20) |
>>162001make certain you don't have a penis
No.162049
| Rolled 19, 14 = 33 (2d20) |
unfuse garnet
>>162038WASTED ROLL
No.162056
| Rolled 10, 16 = 26 (2d20) |
Give anon a footjob
No.162057
| Rolled 12, 3 = 15 (2d20) |
>>162001nude victory dancing on Garnets corpse
No.162108
>>162024You fail horribly at taking out alchemiser
((I'm doing all the 19ies too so hold onto thy horses if horses you hold dear))
No.162139
>>162001Didn't expect an eye-rolling, snarky reaction. But beggars can't be choosers.
No.162149
>>162035You use scraps of clothing to stop anon's bleeding and do a surprisingly great job
dr. claire we would like to present to you this super cool award for mega awesome doctors
why thank you
No.162203
>>162038suddenly you start wondering if your recent metamorphosis had any...
lasting effects
No.162206
>>162203...but everything seems to be the way it always was.
you're not sure if you're relieved or disappointed
No.162221
>>162049speaking of metamorphosis..ses
metamorphosi
metamorphosum
transformations.
No.162254
>>162221what if you just like... give it a little...
No.162262
| Rolled 13, 16 = 29 (2d20) |
>>162260ask the blue one if you can fuck the red one
No.162264
| Rolled 6, 14 = 20 (2d20) |
>>162260get spitroast
No.162267
| Rolled 4, 15 = 19 (2d20) |
>>162260Attempt fusion with Ruby.
No.162268
| Rolled 2, 9 = 11 (2d20) |
>>162260ask them to teach you how to fuse
No.162272
| Rolled 5, 18 = 23 (2d20) |
>>162260Take the red one's clothes, her boots, and her motorcycle.
No.162275
| Rolled 13, 1 = 14 (2d20) |
>>162260threesome
No.162277
| Rolled 18, 6 = 24 (2d20) |
I love Joey.
No.162324
>>162262These two seem a bit disoriented
You think you should probably befriend them before they come to their senses and maybe start beating you out of yours
"hey can I fuck your friend" is a terrible icebreaker but by the time you realize that you're already in the middle of the sentence
after what seems like a five year long silence they exchange glances and ask
"what does 'fuck' mean"
No.162333
| Rolled 1, 5 = 6 (2d20) |
>>162324explain fuck
No.162339
>>162335
rerolls are verboten
until next quest post that is
No.162355
| Rolled 18, 8 = 26 (2d20) |
>>162324mimic the action of two woman fucking with your hands
No.162407
| Rolled 4, 18 = 22 (2d20) |
>>162324show them how to fuck
No.163324
| Rolled 11, 6 = 17 (2d20) |
>>162324bleat like a goat and piss on your own face
No.163422
>>162355internally (but loudly) screaming "what the fuck am I doing" you try to explain reproduction sans reproduction to them
No.163423
almost immediately they start repeating your movements
this is wrong
this is so wrong
No.163425
Well at least they don't seem to be interested in inflicting violence on you
No.163426
o h s h i t
No.163427
better think of something fast
like an epitaph maybe
No.163428
| Rolled 10, 14 = 24 (2d20) |
>>163427fuse with anon
No.163435
| Rolled 12, 17 = 29 (2d20) |
>>163427Strip sensually and offer sexual favors in return for safety.
No.163438
| Rolled 2, 16 = 18 (2d20) |
>>163427Use Anon as a makeshift weapon.
No.163456
>>163435You put on the most flirtatios face you can muster and try to think of something to say that is more seductive than "please don't murder me"
Garnet ruffles your hair, congratulates you with your victory and asks if you need a lift anywhere
No.163473
| Rolled 11, 4 = 15 (2d20) |
>>163456continue stripping anyway
No.163478
| Rolled 2, 9 = 11 (2d20) |
>>163456ask if you can fuse with her
No.163490
| Rolled 12, 15 = 27 (2d20) |
>>163456ask for future vision
No.163494
| Rolled 16, 12 = 28 (2d20) |
>>163456make certain garnet doesn't have a penis
No.163643
>>163494[ ] penis
[x] no penis.
girl, you have a problem
No.163655
| Rolled 15, 16 = 31 (2d20) |
>>163643Ask her to teach you how to fuse with Anon.
No.163672
>>163643come to the realization your hand is stuck inside of garnet's vagina
No.163674
| Rolled 3, 16 = 19 (2d20) |
>>163643>>163672wait fuck i didn't roll
No.163726
| Rolled 3, 4 = 7 (2d20) |
>>163643apologize for your lack of self-control and repetitive sexual harrassment
No.163758
>>163655Garnet explains to you the basics of this fusion biz
No.163759
this is stupid and probably won't wOOOOAAAAH
No.163761
HOLY SHIT
it worked!
No.163799
| Rolled 16, 12 = 28 (2d20) |
>>163761find out what powers come with this newfound neckbeard physique
No.163805
| Rolled 4, 10 = 14 (2d20) |
>>163761make certain you have a penis
No.163807
>>163761and thus, hsg was born
No.163832
| Rolled 9, 20 = 29 (2d20) |
>>163761check if your flashlight is working
then put your flashlight in your underpants and start hip-thrusting towards Garnet
No.163844
>>163799You don't really feel any different? Just hairier. Maybe a little bit angrier.
No.163845
And uh
uh
No.163889
| Rolled 3, 7 = 10 (2d20) |
>>163845be the futa
the gross hairy futa
No.163947
| Rolled 16, 5 = 21 (2d20) |
>>163845PANIC
No.163985
| Rolled 18, 1 = 19 (2d20) |
>>163845>>163845Teach Garnet how a fusion properly fucks
No.164165
| Rolled 1, 20 = 21 (2d20) |
>>163845use flesh light on newly acquired dick
No.164466
| Rolled 8, 11 = 19 (2d20) |
>>163845Shine that new light, and look for CLUES
No.164767
| Rolled 10, 16 = 26 (2d20) |
>>163845fuse with garnet
No.164797
| Rolled 5, 6 = 11 (2d20) |
>>163845eat the fleshlight out
No.164819
| Rolled 1, 1 = 2 (2d20) |
>>163845See whether the fleshlight can open portals to other worlds.
No.164920
>>163985Garnet asks you to teach her more about fucking, so you show her a special kind for fusions - using both hands!
She says still doesn't quite understand what Rose found in this but she respects her decision.
No.164922
| Rolled 20, 16 = 36 (2d20) |
>>164920Glub, with this format where one input can yield multiple images, it's hard to tell when exactly you are expecting another suggestion. Could you use some sort of sign to indicate that?
Ask Garnet to take you to the nearest snack bar.
No.164931
>>164922Garnet picks you up like you're made of paper and swooshes into the sky
((ok how about something silly in big red letter, example in the next post))
No.164932
>>164931and before you know it you're back on the ground
Garnet says it might not be the nearest, but it's the only one she knows. She hopes it's ok.
((*letters, fuck))
PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE No.164939
| Rolled 8, 9 = 17 (2d20) |
>>164932enter the donut shop and fuse with everyone there
No.164953
| Rolled 19, 3 = 22 (2d20) |
>>164932Sample the most unhealthy, sugary donut you can find in the store.
No.164963
>>164953Horrible. Messy, unhealthy and not even that tasty. 3/20 would not recommend.
NEXT No.164968
| Rolled 2, 20 = 22 (2d20) |
>>164963share the donut with garnet, with neither of you using hands
No.164999
| Rolled 16, 4 = 20 (2d20) |
>>164963ask clerk what the hell's wrong with his ears
No.165004
| Rolled 9, 19 = 28 (2d20) |
>>164963Complain to clerk about the quality of the products they offer.
No.165048
| Rolled 5, 12 = 17 (2d20) |
>>164963Challenge Dumbo there to a duel in order to claim this territory as your own
No.165197
>>164999"Well I was wondering what the hell is wrong with your... everything but I kept it to myself didn't I
anyway you're gonna pay for that or what"
INSERT COMMANDS IN ME No.165208
| Rolled 7, 10 = 17 (2d20) |
>>165197check pockets for change
No.165212
| Rolled 1, 16 = 17 (2d20) |
>>165197Check fleshlight for riches.
No.165216
| Rolled 15, 6 = 21 (2d20) |
>>165197punch clerk in the dick
No.165236
>>165216You try to punch the clerk in the dick. You fail.
NEXT No.165245
| Rolled 12, 9 = 21 (2d20) |
>>165236grab all the donuts you can and run
No.165253
| Rolled 7, 3 = 10 (2d20) |
>>165236uppercut clerk in the scrotum
No.165256
| Rolled 16, 2 = 18 (2d20) |
>>165236Seduce the clerk
No.165269
>>165256that's our joey
always seducing and never succeeding
No.165276
>>165256You try to seduce the clerk. You fail. Horribly.
>>165269I know rightYOUR MOVE No.165281
>>165276Have an epiphany.
No.165286
| Rolled 9, 15 = 24 (2d20) |
>>165281Sodden trodden dice.
No.165303
| Rolled 16, 11 = 27 (2d20) |
>>165276pull on the clerks grotesque ears and run
No.165459
>>165303You successfuly pull clerk's ears and skedaddle
after running for some time you end up on a beach
NOW WH4T No.165492
| Rolled 4, 12 = 16 (2d20) |
>>165459attack the ocean
No.165509
| Rolled 18, 1 = 19 (2d20) |
>>165459look under rock
No.165567
| Rolled 6, 16 = 22 (2d20) |
>>165459Go skinny dipping.
No.165756
| Rolled 8, 16 = 24 (2d20) |
>>165459BE
PEARL
No.165842
| Rolled 5, 6 = 11 (2d20) |
>>165459look for garnet
No.166199
>>165509The rock is too heavy for a pasty nerd like you.
You try so hard to lift it a bit you unfuse back into joey and anonymous. Good job fucko.
AWAITING INPUT No.166200
| Rolled 20, 13 = 33 (2d20) |
>>166199Use Anon as a lever.
No.166230
| Rolled 7, 15 = 22 (2d20) |
>>166199FUCK THE ROCK
No.166265
>>166200Anonymous proves to be a surprisingly decent lever.
No.166270
Under the rock you find what looks like.. a door? with some colorful shiny thingies. Buttons? Lights? Who knows
WELCOME TO THE (FIRST?) PUZZLE
when solving a puzzle rolling isn't necessary
No.166310
| Rolled 18, 5 = 23 (2d20) |
>>166270choose the synthesis ending
No.166332
>>166270Assume it means to add red, green and blue together. Choose white.
No.166333
| Rolled 17, 10 = 27 (2d20) |
>>166270look for garnet and ask for guidance
No.166339
>>166310>>166332which one was synthesis again, blue?
you press the big blue button but you see no explosion or transhumanism or bad writing happening
it seems like the red\green\blue things arranged like a triangle are only ones that can be pressed
>>166333c'mon girl you can do it
besides garnet doesn't seem to be around
END OF LINE No.166343
>>166339push them all at once!!
No.166344
>>166339See what pressing the black button in the middle does.
No.166368
>>166343black thing in the middle turns white and a little light under the white circle lights up
and apparently it's exactly the same if you only press the three big ones
after you stop pressing buttons the big black thing goes back to being black but the little light stays on
this is a good sign right
it better be
>>166344unpressable, doesn't seem to be a button
No.166373
>>166368Now just the big green one.
No.166374
No.166377
>>166368Press button combinations akin to the colors on the top to light them up one after another.
No.166379
>>166373Nice
>>166374Nice>>166377Nice TRY smartass
No.166383
>>166379big blue and big red
No.166385
>>166379Press big red and big blue for pink.
No.166389
>>166387Green and blue for turquoise.
No.166391
>>166387Piss on the buttons for yellow.
No.166394
>>166393Small blue and big green for a darker shade.
No.166398
>>166397Yes, I'm sorry, I'm juggling your puzzle with writing a paper.
Big red and big blue for brown.
No.166400
>>166398already pressed that, remember
No.166401
>>166400Oh yeah.
Try big red and big green.
No.166402
>>166397all the small ones
No.166409
>>166397small red and green
No.166410
>>166401just one more
>>166402hmm
No.166418
>>166410small red and small green
No.166420
>>166410play moonlight sonata on the buttons
No.166423
No.166425
The door opens exposing black mysterious nothingness underneath
you can't see shit
DARE WE
No.166428
| Rolled 5, 6 = 11 (2d20) |
>>166425Shine your flashlight into the hole first.
No.166430
| Rolled 11, 19 = 30 (2d20) |
>>166425FLASHLIGHT ACTIVATE!
No.166444
| Rolled 3, 14 = 17 (2d20) |
>>166425throw anon in there first to scout ahead
No.166476
| Rolled 4, 11 = 15 (2d20) |
>>166425cheer and kiss anon in excitement
No.166518
>>166430You don't HAVE a damn flashlight. It stuck in its… fusion mode. You're pretty sure this thing is usel…
oh
No.166521
looks like there's a ladder
BEEP BEEP
No.166523
| Rolled 17, 6 = 23 (2d20) |
>>166521Spiral staircase you mean.
Roll for descend.
No.166535
>>166523staircase, yes. fuck No.166542
| Rolled 15, 5 = 20 (2d20) |
>>166521throw anon in anyway
No.166697
>>166523You descend and see this.
WHAT DO No.166704
| Rolled 11, 6 = 17 (2d20) |
>>166697climb that weird thing on the left
No.166725
| Rolled 3, 5 = 8 (2d20) |
>>166697send anon to explore the thing to the left while you explore the hole to the right
No.166750
| Rolled 17, 3 = 20 (2d20) |
>>166697attack the thing on the left
like it looks like its got a cap can you pry it open
No.166823
| Rolled 20, 17 = 37 (2d20) |
>>166697realize that your fusion flash light is a clever play on words.
flashlight / fleshlite
No.168070
>>166823You successfully realize that
No.168077
>>166704you can't climb the weird thing
the weird thing is too big
>>166750the cap won't budge
No.168081
Hmm…
YOU THERE GIRL
No.168431
| Rolled 6, 10 = 16 (2d20) |
>>168077use anon lever-like properties to remove the cap
No.168480
| Rolled 9, 3 = 12 (2d20) |
>>168081"¡Ay dios mio!"
No.168567
| Rolled 8, 4 = 12 (2d20) |
>>168081Punch it
No.168572
| Rolled 12, 7 = 19 (2d20) |
>>168567this, but in the petal to establish superiority
No.169413
| Rolled 16, 10 = 26 (2d20) |
>>168081go through the door from earlier
No.169804
>>168081FORSHADOWING
oooOooOooOoooo
spoooky
No.169922
>>168572>>168567You show the door your best jolt(?) but somehow you don't think the superiority was established all that well
>>169413You walk up to the door
it's huge, has no handle and appears to be closed
No.170032
| Rolled 16, 19 = 35 (2d20) |
>>169922Look for a potentially button on and in the the area of the door.
No.170097
| Rolled 14, 16 = 30 (2d20) |
>>169922realize anon's arm grew back
No.170133
| Rolled 3, 19 = 22 (2d20) |
>>169922try to fit anon through the cracks in the door
No.170146
>>170032oh there seems to be a button right next to it
how convenient
you press it and after a couple of seconds you hear footsteps
>>170097his arm and your clothes
looks like fusion resets you to a certain state? or heals\fixes you? Or whatever.
No.170148
…
No.170149
>>170148"State your business."
BEEP No.170162
| Rolled 14, 15 = 29 (2d20) |
>>170149ay bby u want sum fuk?
No.170215
| Rolled 18, 16 = 34 (2d20) |
>>170149Kick down the door
No.170234
| Rolled 20, 9 = 29 (2d20) |
>>170149throw anon through the peephole
No.170316
| Rolled 13, 5 = 18 (2d20) |
>>170149express your feels trough interpretative dance
No.170988
| Rolled 2, 19 = 21 (2d20) |
>>170149"hey
it's
joey"
then perform the flash
No.171046
| Rolled 7, 2 = 9 (2d20) |
>>170149"We're here for the performance?"
No.173004
>>170234your united effort only gets anonymous halfway to the peephole
the person(?) behind the door in no way reacts to your barbaric behaviour
No.173007
あああ
No.173020
| Rolled 17, 11 = 28 (2d20) |
>>173007tell the guy you're hot shit and that if he doesnt open the door you'll make him regret it
No.173104
| Rolled 16, 3 = 19 (2d20) |
>>173007have anon hold you up so you can pee through the peephole
No.173191
>>173020for half an hour you describe in meticulous detail just how your beauty, wealth, power, athleticism and sexual prowess put those of your opponent to shame and also how you will not hesitate to use any and all those to bring him down if he dares stand in your way
No.173200
after you finally finish your seemingly unaffected oponent says
-I see. So you wish to enter. Choose then:
TRUTH OR DARE
No.173309
| Rolled 9, 4 = 13 (2d20) |
>>173200truth
No.173330
| Rolled 3, 4 = 7 (2d20) |
>>173200dare!
No.173358
| Rolled 19, 10 = 29 (2d20) |
>>173200the mystery box!
No.173376
>>173358You demand the mystery box
"wh… there is no mystery box!" the gatekeeper objects
yes there is, you insist, there has to be
you're pretty sure it's in constitution somewhere
you solemnly ask this freedom-hating schmuck to stop treading on you
No.173382
the person behind the door walks away while grumbling incoherently
after a couple of minutes he comes back and pushes something through the peephole
….
somehow this isn't at all surprising
SO
No.173387
| Rolled 12, 13 = 25 (2d20) |
>>173382dare!!!!!!!
No.173393
| Rolled 20, 13 = 33 (2d20) |
>>173382truth
No.173917
| Rolled 3, 19 = 22 (2d20) |
>>173382put anon in the box then push it back in
No.174792
>>173393Well then. Tell me this, and tell me true: is a set that consists only of one point a closed or an open one?
No.174915
| Rolled 18, 17 = 35 (2d20) |
>>174792The set only allows one member, so it sounds pretty close-minded to me. If it were open, the set would allow other points to apply for membership, and then everybody would have more fun. So I say it's closed.
No.175000
| Rolled 11, 5 = 16 (2d20) |
>>174792i'll just roll for the opposite
No.175234
| Rolled 15, 20 = 35 (2d20) |
>>174792answer by mumbling
"closeopened"
No.176110
| Rolled 15, 2 = 17 (2d20) |
>>174792tell him to "stuff it nerd" and poke him straight in the eye sockets.
No.177211
| Rolled 18, 6 = 24 (2d20) |
>>174792Tell me this and tell me true
Could you at least give me a fucking clue
No.177332
you make several attempts at bullshitting your way through
"oh well" says the gatekeeper
"it's not like I expected you to answer anyway."
he moves away from the peephole and soon after you hear clanging sounds
No.177335
>>177332the door opens
...
you're not sure what you expected or whether or not it was this
No.177341
>>177335>>177337heights are all fucked up but whatever No.177349
| Rolled 4, 4 = 8 (2d20) |
>>177337examine ominous shadows inside rocks
No.177364
| Rolled 3, 11 = 14 (2d20) |
>>177337realize there are people stuck inside the crystals get them out as fast as you can!
No.177372
| Rolled 4, 11 = 15 (2d20) |
>>177337lick the crystals
No.177374
| Rolled 2, 10 = 12 (2d20) |
>>177337breath a lot on the one with karkat like teeth so it melts
No.177452
| Rolled 8, 18 = 26 (2d20) |
.>>177337
BREAK EVERYTHING
No.177454
No.177557
| Rolled 13, 10 = 23 (2d20) |
>>177337appreciate that art
appreciate the fuck outta that art, while making 'hmmm' noises and stroking your chin, as if you actually know what the fuck is going on
No.177597
| Rolled 20, 6 = 26 (2d20) |
>>177337Turn around and leave.
No.177635
| Rolled 2, 20 = 22 (2d20) |
>>177337seduce the bearded man
No.177645
No.178023
>>177597You turn around and leave
No.178024
WHAT NOW
No.178025
| Rolled 18, 11 = 29 (2d20) |
>>178024down you go
No.178033
| Rolled 7, 5 = 12 (2d20) |
>>178024Examine hole.
No.178121
| Rolled 13, 5 = 18 (2d20) |
>>178024Climb atop the rose and examine it from all sides
No.178130
| Rolled 1, 2 = 3 (2d20) |
>>178024beat up anon for kicks.
No.178198
| Rolled 8, 7 = 15 (2d20) |
>>178024Toss Anon into the hole
No.178496
| Rolled 15, 3 = 18 (2d20) |
>>178024[s] descend
No.178799
| Rolled 8, 13 = 21 (2d20) |
>>178024turn around and go back awkwardly in to the art room
No.178885
| Rolled 6, 20 = 26 (2d20) |
get
naked
No.178965
| Rolled 10, 15 = 25 (2d20) |
>>178024go back in
No.179948
>>178025you go down
INTO THE GROUND No.179959
| Rolled 10, 1 = 11 (2d20) |
>>179948use anon as a battering ram to bust through the door
No.179960
| Rolled 4, 20 = 24 (2d20) |
>>179948Get embarrassed about the doorway looking like a vagina.
No.179963
| Rolled 15, 20 = 35 (2d20) |
>>179948talk to the guy reading the newspaper
No.179997
| Rolled 11, 8 = 19 (2d20) |
>>179948Lick the Crystal
No.180049
| Rolled 7, 15 = 22 (2d20) |
>>179948ask security guard if they
"want some fuk bby"
No.180170
| Rolled 11, 17 = 28 (2d20) |
>>179948rub the clit
No.180903
>>179963You strike a conversation with the odd guy next to the odd door
he seems nice
he tells you that this is where the Maid keeps her collection, whatever that means
YOUR MOVE No.180920
| Rolled 13, 11 = 24 (2d20) |
>>180903Seduce Door
No.180950
| Rolled 15, 5 = 20 (2d20) |
>>180903ask what maid and what collection
No.180977
| Rolled 18, 1 = 19 (2d20) |
>>180903Leap onto the desk and piss yourself whilst doing the crab walk.
No.181064
>>180977suddenly you felt an urge to do something very rude and unsanitary
but luckily for everyone you somehow managed to trip and fall backwards
AND No.181085
| Rolled 16, 3 = 19 (2d20) |
>>181064ask what's in the news
No.181353
| Rolled 14, 18 = 32 (2d20) |
>>181064back flip into the vagina door
No.181482
>>181085he says he only reads humor periodicals, news are too depressing
he doesn't understand the jokes but they seem nice
No.181534
| Rolled 15, 15 = 30 (2d20) |
>>181482strike up an in depth discussing about Garfield whilst Anon slips his thin body through the crack under the vagina door.
No.181731
| Rolled 19, 19 = 38 (2d20) |
>>181482ask whats in the vagina door
No.182071
it's just where the Maid keeps her vaginas, he says
she went absolutely nuts for those a couple of decades ago
he's not sure but he thinks those are some kind of flowers, like roses
she was all about roses before that
WHAT SAY YOU
No.182074
| Rolled 9, 7 = 16 (2d20) |
>>182071steal a vagina
No.182080
| Rolled 13, 14 = 27 (2d20) |
>>182071Show him your vagina and say it's for the collection.
No.182096
>>182080things you do to advance in this bullshit
"oh," says the security guy, "it really DOES go there. I thought she was just being weird."
he produces some sort of contraption and scans your pudendae
No.182099
"well," the little chess(?) man continues, "as a contributor, you're welcome to browse the collection!"
No.182100
...
WELL
No.182101
| Rolled 16, 17 = 33 (2d20) |
>>182100examine fine art
No.182105
| Rolled 4, 3 = 7 (2d20) |
>>182100fist the giant vagina
No.182129
| Rolled 14, 4 = 18 (2d20) |
>>182100compare your vagina to those in the exhibit.
No.182161
| Rolled 19, 14 = 33 (2d20) |
>>182100rub the clits
No.182406
| Rolled 4, 1 = 5 (2d20) |
>>182100see if they still work
No.183044
| Rolled 9, 6 = 15 (2d20) |
>>182100Ask the security guard about the owner/curator of this gallery.
No.183782
fuse with the condesce
No.184526
>>182100Crawl in to one of the large vaginas
One of the ones attached to a pelvis, explore deeper if you have to. One of them must lead somewhere else.
No.184650
>>183782>>184526nigga what are you doing
No.184674
>>184650they are trying to roll with the email field command.
No.185563
>>184650I was only one of those people
And as for what I'm doing, I was attempting to roll (and failing, apparently)
No.185602
>>185563>[▶ Show post options & limits] No.185638
| Rolled 13, 15 = 28 (2d20) |
>>182100That's a fucking huge slit up on that ceiling. An exit, dammit, you don't want to see more of what you already got.
Ask the guy how to abscond, upwards.
No.185642
| Rolled 1, 13 = 14 (2d20) |
>>182100Rolling for crawling into one of the vaginas
No.185648
Fuck man, seriously.
An old man showing you post-modern sculptures of his wrinkled balls, and now you got [strike]Megido[/strike] the Maid obsessed with meat-maid caverns.
Fucking artists nowadays, really.
No.185759
>>185746
did you forget your image?
No.185765
>>185762
uh oh
No.185780
>>182161 you rub all the clits you see one by one
on twenty-somethingth you hear a click and see a panel open revealing some secret cavity
inside you find a box (pretty heavy for its size) and a note that reads
"to do:
-change the password for the station;
-write it down;
-give it to the carapace guarding my vaginas to put somewhere;
-try bigger labia, greg seems to like those;
-water the roses;
-finish the quest"
WELLlove posting with a proxy, thanks roskomnadzor No.185781
>>185759>>185765w-what happened?
No.185783
test
No.185790
>>182161you rub all the clits you see one by one
on twenty-somethingth you hear a click and see a panel open revealing some secret cavity
inside you find a box (pretty heavy for its size) and a note that reads
"to do:
-change the password for the station;
-write it down;
-give it to the carapace guarding my vaginas to put somewhere;
-try bigger labia, greg seems to like those;
-water the roses;
-finish the quest"
WELL No.185811
| Rolled 20, 8 = 28 (2d20) |
>>185790REALIZE THIS IS WHERE ROSE QUARTZ STUDIED THE VAGINA SO SHE COULD FUCK GREG AND MAKE STEVEN A THING
No.185812
| Rolled 20, 15 = 35 (2d20) |
>>185790interrogate carapace
No.185839
| Rolled 8, 3 = 11 (2d20) |
>>185790Find biggest labia for Greg
No.185883
| Rolled 3, 7 = 10 (2d20) |
>>185790rub own clitoris for luck
No.185962
>>185811HOLY SHIT IT ALL COMES TOGE-wait, steven? rose quartz? who?
No.185966
>>185812ok let's get some hot intel out of that little....
holy shit is that it is isn't it
the carapacian proudly presents you much-bigger-than-life-sized sculpture of your contribution to maid's collection
No.185968
you gently and politely interrogate the fucker
"oh, the password," he says, "yeah I brought it up there, into the 'other stuff' room, since it's not a vagina. right? unless ''password" is a special vagina sort or something like that. gosh, I should've asked the maid."
when you ask him who the hell this maid is he looks at you like you're a very slow child
"it's... the maid? there's only one maid. how can you not know her? didn't she save your planet? also create it?..."
he adds that if the guy squatting in the "other stuff" room locks himself inside and starts asking his stupid riddle again, the answer is "depends on topography"
"I mean," he says, "that's basic stuff, but since you don't know who the maid is..."
OK THEN
No.185976
| Rolled 11, 12 = 23 (2d20) |
>>185968where is anon?
No.185985
>>185976one step behind you. ready to serve.
No.185989
| Rolled 15, 14 = 29 (2d20) |
>>185985command anon to find the location of the crystal gem's hide out, then follow him(?) to that location
No.186014
| Rolled 15, 13 = 28 (2d20) |
>>185985Tie up guard with anon, then find old man(?)
No.186134
| Rolled 3, 1 = 4 (2d20) |
>>185985be the other guy
No.186227
| Rolled 16, 19 = 35 (2d20) |
>>185985Ask the guard what the maid looks like.
No.186256
| Rolled 14, 12 = 26 (2d20) |
>>185985seduce anon
No.186670
| Rolled 1, 1 = 2 (2d20) |
>>185985seduce yourself
No.186722
No.186805
>>186227about twice your height, he says
four times your girth
huge frilly pink hair
strong and beautiful
UM No.186807
No.186820
| Rolled 15, 5 = 20 (2d20) |
>>186805store image in wank bank
No.186830
| Rolled 20, 7 = 27 (2d20) |
>>186805ask if she goes by any other name besides 'maid'
No.186853
>>186830he says she might but he hasn't heard of it
WWELL No.186856
| Rolled 15, 14 = 29 (2d20) |
>>186853He's lying! convince him with...
seduction.
No.186866
| Rolled 5, 10 = 15 (2d20) |
>>186853ask him his name
No.186868
| Rolled 7, 3 = 10 (2d20) |
All vagoos hide something.
Desire. A child. Smuggled drugs. Herpes.
The old guy's sculptures hid something. These bitches should too. No one can be THAT obsessed with cunts, right?
Start talking, 8-ball.
No.186880
| Rolled 19, 15 = 34 (2d20) |
>>186853tell him to "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER" in a silly ayy lmao voice
No.186899
| Rolled 2, 2 = 4 (2d20) |
>>186853seduce cunts
No.187037
| Rolled 19, 6 = 25 (2d20) |
>>186853Climb into sculpture of your own cunt
No.187328
| Rolled 6, 17 = 23 (2d20) |
>>186853Ask Anon for his take on the situation.
No.187758
| Rolled 4, 11 = 15 (2d20) |
>>186853Fuck the truth out of him
No.188325
>>186880he... doesn't know where she is? She comes here herself when she needs to.
And last time he saw her was many many years ago.
OOF No.188361
| Rolled 11, 2 = 13 (2d20) |
>>188325Leave the underground complex
by returning to the surface.
Walk along the beach, around the mountain where the light house is located.
and see if you find something interesting on the side.
No.188692
| Rolled 20, 12 = 32 (2d20) |
>>188325make passionate love to anon while he watches
No.188722
No.189036
| Rolled 16, 6 = 22 (2d20) |
>>188325Continuously hit him(?) until the maid appears
No.189256
>>188325Ask him how he met the maid.
No.189258
| Rolled 13, 3 = 16 (2d20) |
>>189256(Shit, forgot to roll.)
No.189298
| Rolled 7, 17 = 24 (2d20) |
>>188325go back to other stuff room
No.189755
>>188692...
that guy is stronger that he looks
AND NOW No.189760
| Rolled 17, 19 = 36 (2d20) |
>>189755go back to the beach and look around, see if oyu find something interesting
No.189777
| Rolled 4, 4 = 8 (2d20) |
>>189755enter other stuff room
No.189835
| Rolled 3, 15 = 18 (2d20) |
>>189755Go back to beardo and answer the riddle.
No.189964
| Rolled 12, 1 = 13 (2d20) |
>>189755Further investigate the room you are now in
No.190358
| Rolled 13, 8 = 21 (2d20) |
>>189755Investigate giant rose more closely.
No.191326
| Rolled 9, 15 = 24 (2d20) |
>>189755investigate anons dick further
No.191910
| Rolled 4, 18 = 22 (2d20) |
>>189755why is there light coming from the doorway out if its a staircase? and you had to shine your flæsh light down it to see what is down there in the first place?
No.192180
| Rolled 16, 6 = 22 (2d20) |
>>189755urinate down the hole in retaliation.
No.192235
>>191910it's not the staircase, it's the room joey was in before No.196702
| Rolled 7, 9 = 16 (2d20) |
masturbate
No.196732
>>189760you go back up because you love wandering aimlessly like a doofus
No.196733
well you didn't have to go far
this counts as interesting right
RIGHT
No.196814
| Rolled 20, 19 = 39 (2d20) |
>>196733use your most sexy bird mating call
No.196825
No.196855
>>196814turns out you are very good at those
HELP No.196877
| Rolled 15, 12 = 27 (2d20) |
>>196855convince birbs to make you their queen
No.196884
>>196877after a long and heated debate the birbs announce that queen might be a bit of a stretch but you can be their minister of foreign affairs
the office can do with a bit of diversity anyway
No.196885
forgot
PROCEED
No.196886
also let's vote
should I keep doing the highest roll or choose the most interesting suggestion or what
http://strawpoll.me/4128132 No.196913
| Rolled 6, 9 = 15 (2d20) |
>>196885Introduce yourself to the white lady, but act like Borat while you do it.
No.196926
>>196886just do whatever you want, you're the storyteller here
or do a bit of both
No.197012
| Rolled 4, 7 = 11 (2d20) |
>>196884Attempt seduction on the tallgirl.
No.197032
| Rolled 20, 19 = 39 (2d20) |
>>196884Flash the girl
No.197218
| Rolled 20, 13 = 33 (2d20) |
>>196884Command the birds to poop on the gem.
No.197373
| Rolled 15, 14 = 29 (2d20) |
>>197294explain such hostilities will have dire ramifications for gem-bird relations
No.197427
| Rolled 3, 4 = 7 (2d20) |
>>197294Captchalogue bird lady.
No.197639
| Rolled 5, 2 = 7 (2d20) |
>>197294Extend your flashlight as a metaphorical olive branch of peace.
No.197644
| Rolled 2, 10 = 12 (2d20) |
>>197294comment on her long long legs
No.197865
| Rolled 8, 14 = 22 (2d20) |
>>197294use your well renowned powers of seduction on her
No.197876
| Rolled 6, 12 = 18 (2d20) |
>>197294De-arm /and/ dis-arm boid gal
No.197877
| Rolled 9, 19 = 28 (2d20) |
>>197294De-arm /and/ dis-arm birb gem
No.197878
| Rolled 4, 3 = 7 (2d20) |
>>197294De-arm /and/ dis-arm birb gem.
No.197885
| Rolled 6, 18 = 24 (2d20) |
>>197294De-arm /and/ dis-arm birb gem.
>flood detected; post discardedfuck
No.197888
| Rolled 4, 10 = 14 (2d20) |
>>197294De-arm /and/ dis-arm birb gem.
>flood detected; post discardedfuck you 8chan
extra text so it'll post
No.197928
| Rolled 12, 2 = 14 (2d20) |
>>197294Pray that Garnet comes save you
No.197945
| Rolled 8, 7 = 15 (2d20) |
>>197294Sweep the leg!
No.198246
No.198359
No.199148
No.199170
>>197294Pose menacingly to intimidate the tall lady.
No.199171
| Rolled 18, 2 = 20 (2d20) |
>>199170(Oops, forgot to roll.)
No.199173
| Rolled 60, 34 = 94 (2d1024) |
>>197876>>197877>>197878>>197885>>197888Don't do this.
No.199278
| Rolled 14, 15 = 29 (2d20) |
>>197294Negotiate with the universal language of dance; put those ballet lessons to good use.
No.199433
>>199278an actual good answer for once, and it has a decent roll.
No.199555
>>197373just when you were about to put your new position to use and explain this aggressor all the diplomatic consequences of her behavior she seems to snap out of it
"oh," she says, "uhm haha ha..ehe I'm uh haha ha... uh you see uh...ha... please don't tell garnet. or anyone."
HMM No.199746
| Rolled 2, 13 = 15 (2d20) |
>>199555make inappropriate comments about the lady's appearance
No.199786
| Rolled 9, 8 = 17 (2d20) |
>>199555Ask lady for massive exposition dump.
No.199807
| Rolled 11, 13 = 24 (2d20) |
>>199555Ask inappropriate questions about the lady's massive dumps
No.199879
| Rolled 5, 6 = 11 (2d20) |
>>199555throw the bird lady some seed to smooth things over
No.200469
| Rolled 8, 8 = 16 (2d20) |
>>199555Ask to borrow her nose as you don't have one.
No.200833
| Rolled 11, 13 = 24 (2d20) |
>>199555blackmail her into showing you her pearly white
soles of her feet No.200864
| Rolled 17, 17 = 34 (2d20) |
>>199555ask her about her relation to garnet
No.200901
| Rolled 2, 11 = 13 (2d20) |
>>199555tell her it's too late at release your hidden power
No.201316
| Rolled 9, 2 = 11 (2d20) |
>>199555Give her an STD
No.202755
>>200864You mention that you know Garnet.
You don't mention the parts about blinding, unfusing and groping her.
You ask the pointy nose lady if she and garnet know each other.
"Oh, so it's you then," she says, "Ahem. Gosh, where are my manners? My name is Pearl, I'm a Crystal Gem, same as Garnet. We protect your planet from... Bad things. You are welcome."
She asks you how your quest is going.
WELLOk since there's no overwhelming majority in favor of one or the other option I'll just follow >>196926's advice and do whatever I feel like doing. Keep rolling though, it might help me choose anyway. Also let's set a rule that first roll 20's get picked no matter what, even if as an extra command No.202770
| Rolled 20, 9 = 29 (2d20) |
>>202755Ask her if she knows anything about the mysterious underground vagina museum.
No.202782
>>202770she looks like she just swallowed a lemon
"oh yeah," she says, "you must've found our... deceased friend and leader's vault where she kept her personal things. Stuff related to her past (that she didn't like to speak about even with her most truSTED AND LOYAL COMPANIONS!!! Ahem) and her husband. Also those... things. Ugh."
SO No.202786
| Rolled 5, 6 = 11 (2d20) |
>>202782ask what she's doing here
No.202932
| Rolled 18, 5 = 23 (2d20) |
>>202782Compare vaginas with Poil
No.203578
| Rolled 10, 17 = 27 (2d20) |
>>202782Steal floating vagina.
No.203582
No.204402
| Rolled 12, 17 = 29 (2d20) |
>>202782
bite off anon's arm, transform, and defeat pearl
No.206074
| Rolled 12, 20 = 32 (2d20) |
>>202782
sucker punch, molest and run
No.207151
>>202786
"Oh, you know," she says, "Holding vigil. Keeping your kind safe. The usual."
She adds that while she's doing all that she might look out for that one person Garnet told her about. You, that is. Apparently. She thought she might ask her, uh, you, if you figured out what's the whole "quest" business is about. And if maybe you feel like it's all just a big misunderstanding and this "quest" should be handled by those with more experience. And weapons. And millions of years of beautiful culture and advanced civilization. It would be reasonable to feel this way. And nothing to be ashamed of.
HMM
No.207184
| Rolled 3, 12 = 15 (2d20) |
>>207151
Steal spear while she has her eyes closed.
No.207317
| Rolled 1, 8 = 9 (2d20) |
>>207151
call her an old cunt
No.207538
| Rolled 18, 19 = 37 (2d20) |
>>207151
Attempt to pull the gem out of her forehead.
No.207548
| Rolled 20, 17 = 37 (2d20) |
>>207151
joey, let me live vicariously through you and kiss her on the mouth
No.208204
No.208208
| Rolled 3, 14 = 17 (2d20) |
>>207151
Molest her freakishly long nose
No.208234
| Rolled 14, 7 = 21 (2d20) |
>>208204
>>202755
No.208621
| Rolled 6, 4 = 10 (2d20) |
>>207151
just abuse her face a whole lot
No.209017
| Rolled 20, 20 = 40 (2d20) |
>>208940
Level up with a bad conscience.
No.209057
| Rolled 11, 10 = 21 (2d20) |
>>208940
Good. Now put it in your Joeyhole.
No.209139
| Rolled 11, 14 = 25 (2d20) |
>>208940
protect that gem like you'd protect your husbando/waifu
No.209156
| Rolled 12, 10 = 22 (2d20) |
>>208940
Pawn the gem at the nearest pawn shop. It should be worth a lot of money.
No.210184
>>209017
You feel terrible but hey, level up! And you got not one but a bunch of levels at once too
You have 5 points to spend on stats,
20 on skills
you can choose two perks and one flæshlight upgrade
FIRST: STATS SCREEN
No.210190
| Rolled 15, 19 = 34 (2d20) |
>>210184
Spend all points on luck. Become Luckmancer.
No.210191
| Rolled 2, 11 = 13 (2d20) |
>>210184
all in strength
get RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPED
No.210216
>>210190
being the gambling gal that you are you put everything into luck
LCK: 16
you get a bonus four-leaf clover tattoo
NEXT: SKILLS
No.210238
| Rolled 1, 7 = 8 (2d20) |
>>210216
All in seduction
No.210273
| Rolled 18, 12 = 30 (2d20) |
>>210216
10 points to unarmed to unlock BallerinaTech.
2 to Persuasion, 2 to bullshitting, rest into deduction.
No.210328
>>210273
unarmed: 10
you need 15 to unlick karatutu though, tough luck
persuasion: 10
bulshitting: 20
deduction: 9
Next: perks.
Already learned:
FUSION: fuse with anonymous. changes appearance and heals both of you
THIRST: get mad bonuses to random skills\stats while in fusion mode if anon's waifu is somewhere nearby yes that's what happened. Roll at least 15 to bewaifu someone
MINISTER 4 BURDS: a position that comes with great responsibility and an awesome tie
SUGGEST TWO NEW PERKS
No.210357
No.210377
| Rolled 2, 15 = 17 (2d20) |
>>210328
flight, but only when naked
No.210529
>>210328
HADOUKEN: fires a HADOUKEN out of your hands
No.210532
| Rolled 11, 7 = 18 (2d20) |
>>210529
>opps forgot to roll
No.210887
| Rolled 15, 3 + 5 = 23 (2d20) |
>>210328
WAR FLASHBACKS: break down into a panic attack and scream as loud as possible whenever the word "cunny" is spoken to you, it's sure to drive away anyone near you.
i'm taking our 11 luck into account and giving this role a modifier of +5, or half current luck rounded down.
No.210982
>>210887
>>210518
you receive perks:
HADOUKEN
WAR FLASHBACKS
and at last: upgrades!
available:
x-ray: enables you to see through walls
weapon: morph your flæshlight into a certain kind of weapon
self-lubrication: self-explanatory
FEEL FREE TO SUGGEST OTHER UPGRADES
No.211042
| Rolled 16, 4 = 20 (2d20) |
>>210982
GEM COMPATIBILITY: when you put a gem inside the flæshlight, you get to use that gem's powers
No.211070
| Rolled 20, 18 = 38 (2d20) |
>>210982
DILDO HANDLE: handle is now a dildo. god bless.
No.211238
>>211070
Nice. Perfect. You could've made it scan through walls. Turn into some badass warhammer. Countless other cool things. But CLEARLY the issue of it not being embarassing enough ALREADY to carry around had the priority. Keeping your head in the game, making solid choices. Great. Good job, Joey.
this is the 100th picture of joey quest, ladies and gents
woo
WHAT NOW
No.211251
| Rolled 13, 20 = 33 (2d20) |
>>211238
put it in your joey hole
No.211259
| Rolled 1, 18 + 2 = 21 (2d20) |
>>211238
Eat Pearl's gem.
Vore her to death.
(lowering the modifier because it still seems op, it is now 1/4 of your luck rounded down)
No.211290
>>211259
**
luck is now 16 numbnuts >>210216 (You)
also has nothing to do with rolling
I'm not sure what it has anything to do with but I'll figure it out
**
No.211294
No.211457
| Rolled 7, 3 = 10 (2d20) |
>>211238
Put the dick part into the vagina part.
No.212141
| Rolled 20, 18 = 38 (2d20) |
>>211238
reward your hard work by using the dildo torch on yourself.
No.212547
No.212552
| Rolled 16, 12 = 28 (2d20) |
>>212141
Anon watches confused.
No.212568
No.212692
>>212141
look at this fucking thing
as tired as you are you doubt internal bleeding will help you unwind
just not your jam
No.212732
| Rolled 4, 7 = 11 (2d20) |
>>212698
thanks for the free power
give anon a taste of your dickbreeze
No.213207
| Rolled 7, 17 = 24 (2d20) |
>>213163
blow it on pearl's gem, see if something interesting happens
No.213211
| Rolled 15, 19 = 34 (2d20) |
>>213163
decide to explore the city, but stay away from the donuts shop
No.213378
| Rolled 14, 19 = 33 (2d20) |
>>213163
blow anon with dick
No.213467
| Rolled 5, 3 = 8 (2d20) |
>>213163
Put that thing somewhere out of sight before you embarrass yourself by holding a cock in public.
No.213855
| Rolled 19, 9 = 28 (2d20) |
>>213163
Store torch in your ass
No.218691
| Rolled 16, 11 = 27 (2d20) |
>>213163
store gem in the urethra
No.223758
>>213211
why? in fear of the gauge man? he ain't shit, you'll kick his ass any day
you weigh your options:
there's the city itself
there's some sort of dock
there's this cliff with a lighthouse on it and a... huge arm? sticking out it
and then, of course, there's the hole
No.223793
| Rolled 8, 8 = 16 (2d20) |
>>223758
go for a swim at the docks
No.223807
| Rolled 2, 12 = 14 (2d20) |
>>223758
go skinny dipping at the docks
No.223882
| Rolled 10, 17 = 27 (2d20) |
the docks, because ferris wheel
No.223925
| Rolled 3, 4 = 7 (2d20) |
>>223758
arm
No.224023
>>223758
>selecting the third lowest role
No.224026
| Rolled 4, 4 = 8 (2d20) |
>>223759
realize that this is a nudist beach and sunbath for a while.
No.224038
>>224023
>>202755
don't you people read
No.224105
>>223758
investigate if cliff is flipping you the bird. do the same if it is
No.224106
| Rolled 19, 19 = 38 (2d20) |
>>224105
>newfag can't roll
No.224237
No.224304
>>224237
Post options & limits button
No.224833
| Rolled 19, 11 = 30 (2d20) |
board ferris wheel and when you're all the way up, remove ur pants and piss on the people below.
No.225057
| Rolled 20, 16 = 36 (2d20) |
Actually draw the weird/lewd requests that roll high, but just make them extra sketchy and reduce them to "weird intrusive thoughts" that play in her head and aren't canon.
No.225355
| Rolled 4, 18 = 22 (2d20) |
Two heads are better than one. Fuse with Anon.
No.226091
No.226212
>>224038
why even bother rolling then?
No.226747
>>226212
>Keep rolling though, it might help me choose anyway. Also let's set a rule that first roll 20's get picked no matter what, even if as an extra command
No.226968
>>225057
hey it's not like you choose to think about those things!
and anyway, there's nothing weird about it, everyone has those
was there ever a person who didn't ponder urinating from atop of a ferris wheel? you don't think so
right...
No.226973
>>224105
by applying a little bit of squinting you find out that the cliff knows better than to diss you
No.226976
oh well, dock it is then.
being the people person that you are you are drawn to the only two weirdos hanging out around here
UM
No.226986
| Rolled 1, 19 = 20 (2d20) |
Throw Pearl at fisherman.
No.226998
| Rolled 14, 8 = 22 (2d20) |
Do as the banner says from now on.
No.227039
| Rolled 12, 9 = 21 (2d20) |
>>226976
ask greg about rose's vaginas
No.227141
| Rolled 5, 1 = 6 (2d20) |
>>226976
flirt with the gentleman you deem most likely to have a murdercock
No.228565
| Rolled 10, 4 = 14 (2d20) |
>>226976
admire tanlines and envy rough sailor's beard
No.228604
| Rolled 1, 13 = 14 (2d20) |
>>226976
push the useless fat one off the pier
No.228615
| Rolled 16, 20 = 36 (2d20) |
>>226976
seduce the fisherman
No.230378
| Rolled 13, 4 = 17 (2d20) |
>>226976
earsdrop their conversation
No.232179
this is the best thing ever
No.232468
| Rolled 18, 16 = 34 (2d20) |
>>226976
Put Pearl on your forehead, pretend to be her.
No.233098
| Rolled 20, 6 = 26 (2d20) |
>>226976
Do a flip into the water
No.234287
>>226747
>>233098
>first roll 20's get picked no matter what
well, its in the rules.
No.246194
| Rolled 17, 6 = 23 (2d20) |
>>226976
threesome
No.267313
No.297449
| Rolled 12, 1 = 13 (2d20) |
>>226976
steal the boat and run
No.297463
>>297449
>>still posting in dead thread.
let it rest in peace.
No.297689
| Rolled 17, 7 = 24 (2d20) |
>>297463
Don't let thread die.
LIVE, DAMMIT
No.298152
>>297689
Thread is dead no matter you stop posting or not. Only Glub can revive it.
No.308951
>>308838
It's better to keep it the thread alive than to have all of this lost when it 404s
No.309836
>>308951
eh, we could always pack it up into a dropbox or something.
No.310566
Suddenly you have an overwhelming urge to backflip into the water. And just like it always is with you and overwhelming urges you follow it without a second thought. You're Joey Fucking Claire, and if you wanna jump from a pier you will jump from a pier. You won't let something as insignificant as the fact that you can neither backflip nor swim very well stop you.
No.310569
You still realize it's not that hot of an idea though.
No.310570
hey where did everything gwoah
No.310575
You ask anonymous how long you've been out. Politely, with ever so slight annoyance in his voice he tells you it's been 14 days, 22 hours and 33 minutes.
"Oh," you say.
HAHA...
No.310664
| Rolled 1, 8 = 9 (2d20) |
Go to all the food shops in Beach City and pig out, after all, you haven't eaten in two weeks.
No.310886
| Rolled 9, 20 = 29 (2d20) |
>>310575
>>310575
return to surface
No.310945
| Rolled 12, 5 = 17 (2d20) |
>>310575
Examine your body to ensure all of your vital organs and digits are still there.
No.312051
>>310945
One, two, three, meh too much work. You feel fine.
No.312053
>>310886
welp it's nice and all but it's time to gwhere did this kid come from
and why is he yelling
No.312055
huh. so according to this spunky little man you got your head split hitting it on a stone or something
he says he needs to check your bandages
WHAT SAY U
No.312081
| Rolled 15, 1 = 16 (2d20) |
>>312055
Ask for his credentials as a doctor/nurse.
No.312128
| Rolled 18, 7 = 25 (2d20) |
>>312055
jump up and down while clucking like a chicken
No.313577
| Rolled 16, 13 = 29 (2d20) |
>>312055
attempt to add his gem to your gem collection
actually, check if you still have pearl first
No.314212
>>312121
for a moment you consider acting like a complete degenerate with no morals whatsoever but decide against it
No.314232
>>312081
"oh", he says "I'm not an actual doctor, I just have magical spit that heals everything."
"that's how I healed your cracked skull."
No.314233
...
makes perfect sense to you.
at the very least it explains why your hair feels the way it does
No.314241
"oh oh oh, I gotta go find pearl and tell her you're awake!"
No.314243
...
"by the way, my name is steven!"
No.314247
suddenly you find yourself wondering if it's the same pearl you met before.
THIS IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD
No.314255
| Rolled 13, 6 = 19 (2d20) |
>>314247
style your spit-covered hair into a sweet pompadour
No.314284
| Rolled 11, 12 = 23 (2d20) |
Quickly fashion a disguise.
No.314297
| Rolled 14, 2 = 16 (2d20) |
>>314247
Have anon bury you under the sand
No.314306
| Rolled 15, 14 = 29 (2d20) |
>>314247
take off your panties, wear them as a mask
No.314639
| Rolled 9, 9 = 18 (2d20) |
>>314247
get anon to search the pier for pearl
No.320156
you have a bunch of bad ideas and you're going to try them all at once
No.320159
"are you pretty sure she survived? that back there looked pretty bad. with all the... matter and uh... fluids?"
"yep, she's a-ok!"
"oh thank you steven. garnet would kill me"
"aw I'm sure she wouldn't!"
No.320166
...
"was she... damaged? or is it normal human behavior. I honestly can't tell"
No.320169
"so, Joey, was it? If you're pretty sure you're going to go through with it I'd suggest helping us figure out how to open the station door."
MMM
No.320340
| Rolled 10, 3 = 13 (2d20) |
ALL OF A SUDDEN ERIDAN AMPORA WWALKS INTO THE SCENE
No.320537
| Rolled 2, 12 = 14 (2d20) |
>>320169
keep up the disguise by doing an accent and assuring pearl that you have no idea who "Joey" is
No.320647
| Rolled 8, 4 = 12 (2d20) |
>>320169
casually flip her off
No.321140
| Rolled 19, 15 = 34 (2d20) |
>>320169
Scream in her face.
No.321276
| Rolled 2, 11 = 13 (2d20) |
>>320169
enter into a rant about how pearl is best gem no matter what anyone says
No.322868
| Rolled 4, 2 = 6 (2d20) |
>>321276
Don't do this as it's untrue.
No.323527
| Rolled 18, 15 = 33 (2d20) |
>>320169
Go along with it, but make no attempt to solve the puzzle. Dick around instead.
No.327149
>>321140
>>320537
>>321276
You scream at pearl through your underwear about how great she is. while putting on an offensively terrible irish accent
No.327154
"anyway," says steven "here's the door! we(garnet) tried to open it with force but it didn't budge. your friend over there said you have a message or something from my mom that might help open it?"
No.327156
you ask the kid if he has a pen.
he does, how lovely.
WELL THEN
No.327250
| Rolled 16, 14 = 30 (2d20) |
>>327156
try to recall any important clues
No.327633
| Rolled 3, 8 = 11 (2d20) |
>>327156
Sing a song, that's the only thing that can help now.
No.328033
| Rolled 12, 20 = 32 (2d20) |
Seduce Steven
No.328388
| Rolled 17, 2 = 19 (2d20) |
>>327156
get the guy to ask the riddle again and then answer with "depends on topography"
No.330843
| Rolled 20, 3 = 23 (2d20) |
>>327156
Cry like everyone else in the show
No.339339
>>327250
well there was this note...>>185790
No.339343
you know what to do. your time to shine has come. you nonchalantly tell the kid to hold your pen. you mean his pen. thanks, by the way.
No.339345
>>328388
no need for that it looks like.
No.339349
you also start crying for no reason.
OKAY THEN
No.339355
No.339433
| Rolled 8, 16 = 24 (2d20) |
>>339349
go back into the vagaina room and question the carapace for the location of the password that would open the door
but do it the joey way
make us proud
No.339439
| Rolled 20, 5 = 25 (2d20) |
>>339433
what this anon said
No.339556
>>339349
lick one of the crystals
No.339557
| Rolled 12, 16 = 28 (2d20) |
>>339556
forgot me roll
No.340974
| Rolled 7 (1d20) |
haha posting like three suggestions at once hha
>Find that fat old guy with the mullet, show him the vagina sanctuary.
>Find pearl, be lewd
>set endgoal: get your rocks off
No.357491
| Rolled 5, 12 = 17 (2d20) |
Joey: Don't die.
No.368857
>>339433
You're pretty sure you already did that, he said he put it in the "other stuff" room. You reckon this is the place, since there don't seem to be any other rooms around. Also. You'd rather avoid going back to that place and forget the fact that your private parts aren't that private anymore. Speaking of which...
No.368861
...it's kinda breezy in here.
No.368864
Anyway, this room isn't that big, you're pretty sure you can find the damn thing. Let's start searching.
There's this thing. Doesn't look like a password.
No.368869
You're pretty sure you've seen this guy before but you will do your best not to think about it.
No.368963
| Rolled 2, 2 = 4 (2d20) |
>>368874
the password is caucasian
No.368983
| Rolled 6, 19 = 25 (2d20) |
>>368874
try the flashlight on the blank space
No.369394
| Rolled 14, 9 = 23 (2d20) |
take a big fat joey shit all over the blank space
No.370087
| Rolled 8, 18 = 26 (2d20) |
fuse with pearl
No.370167
>>368874
tilt your monitor.
No.370169
be amazed by optical ilusion
No.370196
>>370167
good job! type out the word though so it can be officially solved
No.370337
| Rolled 14, 4 = 18 (2d20) |
>>370196
clitoris
No.370423
>>370167
monitor? what monitor? alright, you guess you'll just roll with it and tilt the nearest tiltable thing
No.370425
>>370337
holy molly!
...
great, more vaginae.
No.370430
"Well great," you hear a voice, "That was decent enough. No hints, acceptable time. You should be able to get enough experience to level up once you open the door."
No.370558
| Rolled 12, 11 = 23 (2d20) |
>>370431
with your hair, try to convince her you're the pilot episode version of Pearl
No.370574
| Rolled 3, 2 = 5 (2d20) |
>>370431
hit on sprite-person-thing
No.370586
| Rolled 11, 17 = 28 (2d20) |
>>370431
make certain whether the spriteperson has a penis
No.370746
>>370586
"HEY! don't touch me, I've only been prototyped once. I don't want to share a mind with you, hell no."
>>370558
"yeah I know how that creep looks," she says, "on the other hand that's pretty close and you're even creepier, so good job."
No.370748
>>370574
She sighs.
"Ok, let's see. You rolled 2 there, your seduction skill is, surprising no one, 0. With my disinterest stat being 20 I don't even need to roll here. We're done? Are you ready to start or what. "
!!
No.370754
| Rolled 14, 20 = 34 (2d20) |
>>370748
alright, fine, ask what her deal is and how she happens to know your "stats"
No.370823
| Rolled 15, 18 = 33 (2d20) |
>>370748
roll for anal circumference
No.370915
| Rolled 9, 19 = 28 (2d20) |
>>370748
steal her glasses
and rub your feet all over anon's face
No.371056
>>370754
"What's with the air quotes?" she asks "These are real stats, not some made up bullshit. Here they are, right here. Your attributes, your skills, your worth as a person, all in solid cold numbers.
My deal? I'm your bloody game sprite! Well, Rose Quartz's sprite initially, but since she went ahead and DIED on me after postponing completing her planet quests for thousands of years after the game was finished, you're now going to do those quests in her stead. I've been waiting long enough while she was busy molding alien genitals and making excuses. War this, death of everyone she cares for that, blah blah boo hoo. I've been waiting long enough. The game, Joey. It needs to be played. And I'm a part of the game."
...
No.371080
| Rolled 11, 10 = 21 (2d20) |
>>371056
listen attentively, wait for more thrilling exposition
No.371118
| Rolled 6, 2 = 8 (2d20) |
>>371056
ask her why steven isn't the one playing
No.372108
| Rolled 13, 15 = 28 (2d20) |
>>371056
pee on her, prototype her with your hot piss
No.372128
| Rolled 16, 9 = 25 (2d20) |
>>371056
call anonymous without waking up the carapace and ask the sprite if she knows about his stats
No.372773
| Rolled 14, 19 = 33 (2d20) |
ask who was she originally prototyped with
No.373674
| Rolled 5, 16 = 21 (2d20) |
Prototype clitoris poster while she isn't looking.
No.391930
| Rolled 14, 16 = 30 (2d20) |
>>371056
Throw the flæshlight at the sprite
No.392973
| Rolled 16, 13 = 29 (2d20) |
>>371056
>Throw the flæshlight at the sprite
No.393410
| Rolled 5, 5 = 10 (2d20) |
>>371056
unspoiler the sprite log beneath you
to figure out what rose prototyped the kernel with
then shake her hand to greet her properly
No.400004
| Rolled 6, 12 = 18 (2d20) |
self prototype yourself
No.402003
>>372773
"...Orange Topaz."
You hear horrible anguish in how she said "orange".
You stare at each other in silence for a bit.
No.402006
>>371118
"Were you even listening to me? Should I speak slower? Yeah, absolutely, that's what I need - a weaker, dumber version of Rose Quartz. That has been alive for like two weeks or something. Can it even talk? Even fully grown Rose Quartz were half assing her game. She didn't EVEN BOTHERED TO PROTOTYPE ME AGAIN! She did it once and suddenly the novelty is gone, it's no fun anymore, and there she goes looking for other distractions. Not that the rest were any better, cheating and cutting corners whenever th-"
No.402018
"..."
"Well I mean fuck you but well played, got me all riled up so I couldn't roll for dodging. At least you didn't throw your strife specibus at me. Fuck you still."
No.402082
>>402018
balls, I forgot
AND NOW
No.402170
| Rolled 18, 9 = 27 (2d20) |
>>402082
it's okay to touch her now, grope her ghost butt
No.402306
| Rolled 12, 11 = 23 (2d20) |
Fuse with pearl
No.402929
| Rolled 16, 15 = 31 (2d20) |
>>402018
lesbian makeouts
No.404012
>>402170
>>402929
that luscious piece of sprite ass is floating way out of reach unfortunately
>>402306
pearl is nowhere near you and probably will go out of her way to stay that way
No.404014
"Welp I'll see you at the door. From a safe distance"
>_
No.404125
No.404268
| Rolled 9, 5 = 14 (2d20) |
>>404014
fix your fucking hair
No.404668
>>404268
hair status: fixed
No.404673
>>404268
you follow the ghostbutt
No.404678
"So," says Topazsprite, "Use the password you found to open the door."
Steven gasps a little.
ENTER PASSWORD
No.405143
| Rolled 15, 19 = 34 (2d20) |
>>404678
yell clitoris as loud as you can
No.405855
| Rolled 2, 10 = 12 (2d20) |
>>404678
this >>405143
but cover steven's virgin ears while you do it
No.406114
>>405855
you shield the gentle babe from receiving some untimely sex ed
No.406129
"Piece of advice: choose a weapon upgrade for your strife specibus this time," says Topazsprite in her usual condescending voice, " there will inevitably be some fighting once we arrive in LOBAR. But you're going to do something stupid again, aren't you. Well, who am I to stop you."
YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES
No.406213
| Rolled 14, 13 = 27 (2d20) |
>>406129
install x-ray for flaeshlight
put some points in melee you gotta wield that thing right
and holy shit joey put some in seduction as well its your most used but also your worst skill
also screw str, int or cha; lck is all you need ;)
No.406221
| Rolled 20, 15 = 35 (2d20) |
>>406129
put all points into seduction
No.406882
**
reminder that you need to choose a perk
suggestion that you can make it some sort of talent for something, turning it into 10 points to any skill
wishes for your well being
wet sloppy fart
suggestive wink
**
No.408098
| Rolled 1, 4 = 5 (2d20) |
>>406129
your epic new perk is stripping sexily
No.408729
| Rolled 10, 10 = 20 (2d20) |
>>406129
your epic new perk is the ability to summon your Stand, Joey Platinum
No.411034
| Rolled 10, 17 = 27 (2d20) |
Fuse with pearl
No.411134
| Rolled 18, 2 = 20 (2d20) |
>>406129
>>406882
your new perk is the ability to summon another anon to help do your dirty work
anon 2 carries with him a rather thin but strangely comforting blanket, that can be used in many useless ways
this anon is unsummoned when unneeded
or is immediately unsummoned when damaged
No.412206
| Rolled 4, 8 = 12 (2d20) |
>>406129
hi
its me
the neww perk
mysterious stranger eri
No.444939
Is some new artist willing to take the reins on this if the old guy never comes back?
Was it even the same artist throughout anyway?
No.445125
>>444939
>Was it even the same artist throughout anyway?
yes, it's all glub, look at the trip
No.445498
>>444939
Yeah it's always been glub he's amazing
No.459507
As you enter the rose thing, topaz is already inside tinkering with some big glowing thing.
"Alright, I'm surprised this thing still works after all this time. So. I suggest we skip the part where you wander around shoving things up your various human orifices and drawing alien genitalia on everything and just get to business. Garnet?"
No.459546
| Rolled 16, 19 = 35 (2d20) |
>>459521
pee on this land, it is yours now.
No.459587
| Rolled 7, 13 = 20 (2d20) |
>>459521
use your minister 4 burds perk to get some useful info out of them
No.461316
| Rolled 7, 16 = 23 (2d20) |
>>459521
try not to get birdshit on you
No.462926
| Rolled 2, 18 = 20 (2d20) |
>>459521
find the other ministers from the bird cabinet
No.483452
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/664335
[No S] Joey: talk 2 the burds
You ask around a bit and catch a ride to the nearest city. In the process you learn a language, experience some ancient hallucinations and pick up a trade or three.
feel free to yell at me if anything is broken
No.483491
No.483504
| Rolled 20, 2 = 22 (2d20) |
>>483491
stuff as many birds in your ass as you can
No.483506
>>483452
Glub this is really impressive
No.483554
>>483452
can I do lewd things?
No.483599
>>483452
glub
glub
wew
this is seriously great i wasnt expecting a fully functioning game this fast
No.483607
>>483554
who am I to stop you
unless you mean in the game, in which case, nope
>>483506
>>483599
thanks lads
No.483715
>>483452
What flash lib did you use? Flixel? Steampunk?
No.483751
>>483452
wew lad
nice work
I have trouble walking around for some reason but it might be my computer
No.483752
| Rolled 10, 2 = 12 (2d20) |
>>483491
steal the bird's shades so you can look cool
proceed to awkwardly wait for the bus with them
No.483780
>>483452
>this little game is probably going to be better than Hiveswap for literally 0% of the budget
No.483982
>>483715
Just flash, no libs.
No.484268
| Rolled 7, 17 = 24 (2d20) |
>>483454
ask newspaper bird what the're reading
No.484631
>>483452
I got stuck here, coming from the lower view.
No.484633
| Rolled 15, 20 = 35 (2d20) |
>>483454
wake up sleeping bird
No.484674
>>161889
does this start here or there's more?
No.484702
>>484674
i think it started in one of the generals before it moved to its own thread
No.484717
>>161889
does this start here or there's more?
No.484743
>>484674
i think it started in one of the generals before it moved to its own thread
No.485073
>>484674
there was a small fight between garnet and joey but I'm pretty sure the original thread was deleted a while ago by zwid
"accidentally"
No.490482
| Rolled 1, 21, 13 = 35 (3d21) |
>>483454
rape a bird
No.496618
| Rolled 5, 16 = 21 (2d20) |
>>483454
read the paper over that bird's shoulder
that was a great flash btw
i really liked how everything came together
No.527591
No.539757
Is this still a thing or nah?
No.540133
>>539757
asked on tumblr, didn't get a reply
No.551289
>>540133
What's the tumblr?
No.552661
No.626417