/hope/ - Hope For the Hopeless

>>209

>I pushed away all of my friends when I was in highschool and isolated myself to just focus on my hobbies of anime and video games

>It's so easy to just delete and block strangers you don't even really know when you get in a fight instead of trying to work through differences

>I've totally cut myself off from everyone

I don't mean to be a jerk by pointing out the obvious, friend, but it seems you already know exactly why you don't have any friends right now.

I think what you're really asking is not "why don't I have any friends" and more "why do I want to push people away if I also don't want to be lonely?" I don't have the answer to that question, because I don't know you, but I can tell you that you're not alone. I myself have a habit of abandoning friends when it is not longer convenient for me to keep in touch with them; which is a bad habit to have when you have social anxiety and it's rare to make friends to begin with.

>How can I make that kind of relationship with someone as an adult?

The same way you'd do it as a kid. You have to be around other people and share some significant experience with them. Whether it's work, or school, or a club or hobby. You do the things you need to do in society, meet people there, and talk to them. If you spend most of your time on the internet, most of your pool of possible friendships will also be over the internet.

>Online "friendships" just feel like a waste of time to me, and they're so fragile

I know what you mean, as I have made and lost a lot of friends over the internet, but while it is easier to terminate online friendships, they are not fundamentally different from real life ones. By that I mean, you get what you put in. It may be easier to end them and never speak to that person again due to the distance and facelessness involved, but it is still your choice. Online friendships don't just end despite your wishes; you have to decide to end them.

I apologize if all this seems like stuff you already know, but I'm afraid that's only because there is no secret to getting out of your situation. I don't know how much that helps you, but I do know that it wouldn't help you to imply that there's something you've been missing when there isn't.

If you'd like to try being friends with me, email me and we can talk. I can assure you I am very easy to get along with. If it doesn't work out, though, hey - at least you tried.

>>219

I feel you, anon. I was NEET outta highschool for a little over seven years, myself. I've got social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder, and developed agoraphobia from hiding from people for so long. I'm starting to overcome it all, though, little by little. You're right about needing friends to help you; I couldn't have done it on my own. I had help. I'm not gonna lie, either, it's almost as much of a Catch-22 as it seems. How do you make friends who can help you if your problem is being unable to talk to people? It seems impossible, right? And it doesn't help that we have this expectation in our individualistic society that if you can't make it on your own steam, you're worthless. Even if you know it's bullshit, it's hard to shake that institutionalized feeling at the back of your mind. It saps your motivation and makes you feel as if you deserve what you're getting.

Let me tell you though, anon, it's not impossible to overcome your situation. You just need a little moral support. You also need to learn to let go of the idea that you should be able to survive as an atomized individual, and that something is wrong with you if you can't make it all by your lonesome. It's bullshit, and no society except ours in our present era has expected that kind of achievement out of everyone. This is a unique situation we find ourselves in, and it requires unique courage out of us. As for making your first friend, you need to be brave - or rather, you need to recognize the courage that you already have. If you didn't already have the ability, however little at first, to change yourself for the better, then how did you change your sleep habits, improve your hygiene, and start going outside? I know very well how difficult it is to start changing your habits when you're a recluse, so trust me when I tell you that you're very brave already.

I know online friendship is a poor substitute for real life interaction, but you say that you've hid from human contact even online for years, so maybe it would benefit you to have someone to talk to regularly instead of in post form on an imageboard. If you need a friend, I'll be your friend, anon. Email me at the address in the email field of my post. I only have a part-time job right now so I have a lot of free time to talk and hang out. I'm also a very friendly person, even if I have trouble showing it in real life. Maybe we can even help each other; I may be in a slightly better situation than you, but I can definitely use more friends.

I'm sure I'm not the only one around here who wouldn't mind gaining another friend like you, either, anon. I'm sure if you let someone get to know you, they'd like you a lot. Just because you have trouble expressing yourself doesn't mean you don't have any good qualities to share.

That goes for you, too, OP >>209

A solution to some of your problem seems simple: stop deleting people. Learn to fight that urge, and you can hold onto the people you care about. Some of my most meaningful friendships have been with people I've met online. I still talk, daily when possible, to a group of people I've known for nearly a decade. Perhaps I'm evangelising my own bad habits here, but your situation reminds me of a couple of cool people that have randomly nuked me and others from their friends list in the past for seemingly no reason, which is a shame, because we had a lot in common.