/hope/ - Hope For the Hopeless

>>251

Thank you so much for coming here, anon. Just because you've had a moderately comfortable life doesn't change where you are or what you feel. I know people who have been in similar situations as you.

The truth is that you are suffering right now. It seems like you feel backed into a corner. Nothing you do makes you happy. And even if it did, you don't have anyone to share it with.

I'm not very good at typing out large responses like some /hope/fuls, but I will offer you what I can, and that is my friendship, if it means anything to you. Drop me an email with your Tox ID (tox is free and anonymous if you don't have it), and we can chat. More people are in the same boat as you than you think.

Hopefully someone else here is able to type out a more eloquent response, but for what it's worth, here's mine.

>I am not doing this because I am depressed or have suffered any kind of lost

I'm afraid we might have to disagree there, friend. Whether you believe in God or a universe of intersecting chaos, humans, like all animals, are beings of design, whether direct or indirect. The path of action you are considering is one completely in contradiction to the purpose of your existence. Simply put, you aren't thinking straight. Take it from someone who has arrived at the same conclusion as you have, and very nearly followed through that reasoning to its bitter conclusion. I made the mistake of never telling anyone about my suffering, and so I mistook it for a thing that I couldn't overcome.

Like the vol said above me, your problem is not one unique to you. Although you may have trouble connecting with people, it's simply a fact that many, many others have had their brain malfunction in the same way as yours. Following through with suicide is surrendering yourself to this malfunction. You have to understand that more often than not, the circumstances enabling this disorder are temporary. Often making friends is simply a matter of luck. Don't deny yourself the chance of future fulfillment because of the illusion of the world your brain is forcing you to see.

Perhaps you should seek out a counselor. I know it's a cliche, but a problem shared really is a problem lessened. Good luck to you, OP.

(Edit: It was a volunteer who posted, not me you silly goose. t. BO)

>>255

>this is a thought process

>this was something born from lack of interest and sloth

A "thought process" can be a mental disorder. Lack of interest in daily activities and suicidal thoughts are both symptoms of depression.

>I am not going to the nut-house.

I know that there's a big stigma on therapy and such, but please realize that the need to treat mental disorders is no different from that of physical disorders. If you broke your leg, you'd go to the doctor to get it fixed. You should do the same for mental problems. You don't have to be extremely obsessive-compulsive or schizophrenic or whatever your image of "mentally ill" people is to seek treatment for mental illness.

Suicidal thoughts need treatment. Please consider talking to a therapist. Furthermore, unless you try to join the military or something you are not obligated to share with anyone that you received therapy, and your therapist cannot divulge any information about any treatment you receive (or even that you got treatment) without your consent. (An exception to this may be if you tell your therapist about an imminent, serious plan you have to kill yourself.)

You say that you're in college now. Lots of colleges have free, completely confidential mental health services. So you literally have nothing to lose.

also, 2^8 get.

>>258

>also, 2^8 get.

Dang it.

>>251

Hello, anon.

>I made this thread to satisfy a verbal agreement

It is good to know that there is someone who cared about you enough to ask you to do this, and that you had the self-love to follow through.

>I am not doing this because I am depressed

> I don't enjoy learning, being around other people, food, exercise, I get no sense of accomplishment from anything

One of these things is not like the other, anon. Depression isn't always experienced as despair, but it is pretty much the only thing that can make all of life's pleasures feel meaningless. You may not think you are depressed, but your words suggest otherwise. Not that we're calling you a liar, but perhaps you're simply not aware of how depression works.

>I would rather take the quick painless way out, then weeks of starvation

Unless you live in a third-world country, I highly doubt you will starve to death even if you become homeless. Most homeless people do not starve. However, I understand the shame at the prospect of being in that state might make you consider suicide. I've been there, myself.

>I am not saying I am entitled to be taken care of by anyone, but by the same token no one is entitled to my labor or time

If anyone wants to live in society, that logically entails that society is owed their labor and time, and that reciprocally, society owes them care. What you are actually saying is that you don't want to live in society; which is understandable.

>I was told /hope/ would be able to 'help' me, not that I am see what I need help, but it isn't like I have anything else to do

If you truly saw no point in your continued existence, or in being a part of society, you would not be honoring the verbal agreement you made to come here. You would most definitely have something else to do with your time, namely killing yourself. If you didn't feel, in the smallest corner of your mind, that you didn't want to die, you would not be here asking for help. Even if you don't quite see why you need it, you have that voice in the back of your head saying "maybe not today." Listen to that voice, anon. It's called your conscience, and it knows what is best for you.

>my brain is working with what tools it has and has come to this conclusion, meaning it is working fine

You have forgotten that even if your brain is working, that doesn't mean that the conclusion that it comes to is right. You may be mistaken.

>no, I am not going to the nut-house.

Like the anon above said, there's no need for you to go to a psychological ward in a hospital. Many otherwise normal people have suicidal thoughts; however, such thoughts are in themselves disordered. If something was not wrong, you would not want to end your life.

Why don't you try talking to us about your options? Surely, there is something preferable to eternal oblivion that you could find to do? Think about it. Why would we be trying to stop you from your present course of action unless we actually cared what happened to you? And why would we care what happens to you unless we knew that you had more to offer this world than your death? I know it may seem incomprehensible, but at least for the sake of your curiosity, try to solve this puzzle of how we can see hope for you when you cannot.

My email is in my post. Email me or one of the other anons in this thread and we can talk this out.

>>274

>if there ends up there is an after life, I want all my contracts to be satisfied

Why did you choose to make such a contract in the first place? You could have refused. Yet you chose to come to a place for help, supposedly without the belief that you need help at all. That makes no sense.

>I chose that for a purpose, and it has nothing to do with wanting to prolong anything

What was the purpose of waitin until the school semester ended?

>I am presuming, but isn't (this) part of this particular board culture

This board is so new it barely has a culture. It just has a few anons who decided they want to help people, because that's just how we are, and we want to attract others like us. I cannot speak for the rest, but I care about what happens to you because I have been in your position, and am glad I did not make the choice you have decided to make.

>there isn't anything I wouldn't say over 8chan, that I would over an email

Okay. In that case, tell me: If you know for certain what is going to happen after the school semester ends, why did you come here and why are you waiting? And why is your death the only solution?

>>278

>Why did you choose to make such a contract in the first place?

Something to do while I wait for the school year to rap-up. I am also going to play fallout 4, and do all my class work, it is just to kill time.

>What was the purpose of waitin until the school semester ended?

A kid back in my high-school killed him-self because he was getting raped by his brother or something, mind you this kid didn't talk to anyone, after he an heroed, everyone couldn't shut up about it, and I will not give people the opportunity to make my death about themselves, that was the first reason, the second reason was after I got the tank I learned that is was 80% helium, so now I have to find a way to get pure helium.

>This board is so new it barely has a culture.

Well, you may be genuine, but this is going to completely destroy my mother, so is I fine with hurting her, I am fine hurting anyone. Don't get me wrong, appreciate the sentiment, but the way others feel about my actions has never really affected those actions.

>If you know for certain what is going to happen after the school semester ends, why did you come here and why are you waiting? And why is your death the only solution?

see above

>>279

He might have saved me from making myself brain dead, if I didn't already know about the 20% air thing.

>>281

>it is just to kill time

Kill time until…?

>I will not give people the opportunity to make my death about themselves

What does that matter to you? You'll be dead.

>this is going to completely destroy my mother, so is I fine with hurting her, I am fine hurting anyone

Why would your mother be devestated if she cared about you so little that she wouldn't help you if you asked? Obviously you don't see much to live for, but that is because you don't see any options. Why do you think your mother could not help you with broadening those options?

>He might have saved me from making myself brain dead, if I didn't already know about the 20% air thing

What would save you from being brain dead is not attempting suicide.

Look friend, I know you think you have your mind made up right now. I know the prospect of going into the world is frightening. But the cliche is true: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You don't see any options at the moment. Okay. But how do you that won't change?

I know this probably won't matter to you, but I will pray for you, anon. I'll pray that you come to see the value in your life, and that you will keep listening to that voice that is telling you to wait.

night auditor

night security

testing something