The control aspects just happen in what you'd call day to day life in the show. Kilgrave goes about his business and whenever necessary he just tells someone to do something or suggests something he wants the victims to accept and they respond as expected and do it without any apparent control or thought - but in reality they always know they're doing what he's told them to do which is why it's so malevolent in the long run.
They always know what they're being told to do but cannot do anything to help themselves in spite of knowing what's happening.
Kilgrave never had a proper upbringing and discovered his ability early on at a somewhat young age, like 7-8 years old as told in the show, and so he simply has almost no morals to speak of - telling someone to jump off a building is as easy to him as asking for a glass of water, it's all the same to him.
So if you're looking for something to use from the hypnofetish perspective, erotic in any respects at all, you won't really find it in Jessica Jones at all, that's not what the story or the mind control is about.
In this story/show, it's pretty much pure malevolence start to finish.