March-August 2018 everything was going well in my life, for the first time after a long, long time. I was completing therapy, I felt good, I was going to the gym regularly.
Then In September-November something happen. I accepted a very simple freelance job, which didn't require much time or effort but slowly burned me out. This means that I stopped going to the gym, and slowly stopped everything.
Then I started making random and weird decisions, up until January when I shouted at one of those NGO faggots who ask you money for bringing niggers into the country (I live in Europe, that's what they do). From that day I completely broke down and I refused to go out. I only went out to buy food from time to time and that's it.
Last spark of hope was a month ago, when I joined the gym again. After three sessions, in the first week, I got the flu which lasted for 10 days and I couldn't train. Then in the third week I was depressed and I also had to take my mom to be visited by some useless jew (in the soul) doctors who asked for 150euro on the phone and then 200 in person. Then after that third week, in the fourth week I got the flu again.
Now I've been at home for more than a week. I honestly don't want to do anything anymore. I don't want to join the gym because I'm scared that I will waste my money again and not go, and this destroy me.
The therapist can't help for shit. She has identified my thought patterns very well I must admit, but no solution is in sight. What the fuck should I do? I'm 31 and I'm rotting at home. I have pain all over my body from staying home in bed and sitting, when in August I felt fit as hell. I honestly don't understand why every time I try to turn my life around for the better something happens. It's ridicolous I can't do this shit anymore and I don't even know what the shit should I do.
I just want to punch everything and everyone and fuck this world shit