>>1125It's mostly anger and past regrets that are fuelling my self improvement right now. Not to mention I've had a longing to change for a long time, never really acted on that urge until just recently.
There was a time when not only was I doing well with girls but I was doing well in sports and in school. I was actually pretty popular now that I think about it and was pretty respected. By how life looked like back then it appeared as though I had a very bright future ahead of me.
Certain circumstances and major mistakes by me, turned my life towards a completely different path, then mistake after mistake pretty much insured I'd find it pretty hard to get back on track.
Soon I was depressed and I guess that opened me up, and not so long after that I started being physically and mentally bullied. This as can be expected, crushed pretty much any confidence I had left in me and about a year after that, I became the socially awkward guy, the guy you'd usually see in beta/cringe threads on /b/ minus actual autism. Life was pretty much like this for a while, I was disrespected by all and maybe even disliked too, people were pretty fucking cruel now that I think about it, it's as if I wasn't even human to them. One day I challenged the bully to a fight, I ended up winning and shit pretty much cooled down after that.
What's fuelling my self improvement right now is rage, rage that I could have been something else, rage at how I was treated and rage that some nights all I wanted to do was fucking kill myself, it pisses me off that shit was that bad. The image of people from my old school looking down on me as if I was fucking pile of shit they walked past, to this day, is enough to make me keep going and keep improving. You know the saying "the greatest revenge is massive success"? That's pretty much what I'm going for at this point.
I'm not like I was then, physically I've had a massive transformation and I don't dress like a fucking retard. I look pretty /fit/ and shit is improving with not only social life, work but also education.
Currently studying to become an engineer and honestly, I think I'm going to do pretty well in this field. Only a few months ago I finished my internship and by the looks of it, I'm going to have a job as soon as I get out of college. The company I had the internship in are funding my college expenses and are expecting me to join their work force as soon as I finish college.
Social life is also pretty great, I have a qt girlfriend now and a pretty good group of friends. Last Saturday was probably the greatest day of my life because I felt on top of the world, the way people talked to me, the way I talked to them and just the general feel of how I acted that night and how people treated me, I realised just how far I've come.
I'm pretty confident for the future and I'm becoming more and more ambitious. I have problems with anger, which even though it is a pretty good motivator, is also pretty damaging sometimes, so I'm going to start a therapist to hopefully get rid of it.