No.2038
Anyone trying to work on their body language?
Your body language reflects externally on how you feel on the inside, most notably your level of confidence. So if you look awkward, you might need more confidence. But that kind of inside-out approach is tough, because getting more confident is really elusive. Therefore I think an outside-in approach makes sense, i.e. faking it 'till you make it.
Most obvious part is posture. Training your chest, back and core to better support and allow you to naturally gravitate towards a rigid posture, which makes you appear more manly and confident.
Next you'll probably want to consciously prevent yourself from any bad habits you might have. Things like looking down on the floor, crossing your arms over your body, keeping your hands in your pockets, or darting your eyes around to avoid eye contact. They're all hard, particularly the last one, since you're trying to override an old habit, but if you force yourself consistently, you'll eventually create a new habit.
The last aspect I can think of is really elusive and I'm struggling to figure out what to do with it. I feel that in a lot of things I do, there's kind of subtle self-restrained awkwardness. It's like… if you watch someone dance and they're crap at it, you can notice not only that they're crap, but that they're instinctively holding themselves back because they know they're crap and don't want to embarrass themselves further. Just that this extends to everything I do while communicating with others. Or if you compare the body language of a Finn and an Italian. The Italian stereotypically appears more open and expressive. I want to become more like that, but I have no idea how you "learn" Italian body language outside of growing up in Italy.
No.2039
Been working on it for a year or so. I still have a very hard time with eye contact and some other stuff, especially under stress. I tend to go back to my old ways if I'm tired. I need to constantly remind myself about these things. It was really hard at first because I basically started acting completely different from what I used to. I'm shy and extremely introverted but improving my body language has helped a shitton.
Another thing to note would be fiddling and touching your face/hair. I used to do it a lot subconsciously but I've managed to tone it down. I guess things like smiling and occasionally nodding during conversations fall under this stuff too. There was this great site I used to read for body language improvement but I can't seem to find it anymore. I'll try to look it up.
>I feel that in a lot of things I do, there's kind of subtle self-restrained awkwardness.
Could it just be because you know you're faking it? Seems to be for me. I wonder when I'll really "make it".
>if you compare the body language of a Finn and an Italian
Funny you said that. I'm a Finn.
No.2041
>>2038>I feel that in a lot of things I do, there's kind of subtle self-restrained awkwardness. It's like… if you watch someone dance and they're crap at it, you can notice not only that they're crap, but that they're instinctively holding themselves back because they know they're crap and don't want to embarrass themselves furtherImproving body language is great step for improvement but you'll never truly achieve fluid confident looking body language if you aren't also forcing your mind to fake it too.
You need to flood your mind with reassuring comments, compliment yourself, convince yourself you look fucking great and everyone is mirin you. Fuck, even if people are for whatever reason laughing at you, use that to your advantage, it's your reality and you can make it whatever you want, so twist said situation to benefit you. So instead of thinking "Oh they're laughing at me because I look bad", think "Oh they're laughing because one of them was going to approach me but spilled her spaghetti, goddamn I feel great" or something like that.
Eventually from faking both mind and body, you will adopt and inherit both confident body language and a confident mindset and that body language that once upon a time felt fake and rigid, will now feel natural.
No.2042
I'm going to keep my advice as simple as possible.
If there is one video I would like people to watch it's this one. Of all the BS ted talks out there, this is one of the few that you can apply immediately.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMcAs far as body language goes what worked for me was having a bit of contempt for everyone. Kinda shitty but that's what worked. As that mindset took hold for most people I don't really care for anything that they may have to say about me or think. Worked wonders seeing as how I used to have incredible social anxiety in public places. This allows me have at times what is the holy grail in body language which
the ability to relax at will.
There's a lot of subtlety involved in body language, like
>>2040 said, don't overanalyze. Studies that used to say people that look away are lying are now being contradicted by saying people have wised up.
Take it on a case by case basis. Be attentive, women for example do a lot of communication through their eyes for example. It's up to you to use your instinct and decipher shit like that.
No.2050
Who's the lass on the OP pic?
She looks fairly cute for a anime-style drawn girl.
No.2051
Here is a helpful pdf
http://puu.sh/gZwG2/d61868efc0.pdfYou anons can re-upload it to a better file site if you wish
No.2052
>>2051thanks, i will upload it to mega and post it later, also i just discovered this board, is it abandoned or maybe just slow ?
No.2053
>>2052Very slow comrade, sad how many anons don't wish to /improve/ with us
No.2065
No.2066
>>2038I used to slouch and look at my feet a lot, since I consciously became aware that this was making me seem timid and beta I now use to main methods to improve my body language even when depressed or mopey.
Imagine there's a rigid cord running from the top of your skull down your spine to your coxycs. If I feel myself slouching I just imagine a hand has pulled that cord taught and my entire body straightens. It also helps with my speech, which is usually raspy or quiet when i'm slouching.
Secondly I apply a mindset of being superior to everyone else which aids my body language when walking and stuff without coming out in my speech as being a prick.
No.2099
No.2113
>>2038It can help but without confidence it may feel forced and unnatural.
This anon has it right.
>>2041 No.2138
>>2052It isn't abandoned but it is pretty slow.
No.2139
>>2138Going to try and get this board featured in a few weeks which should boost traffic temporarily.
No.2146
>>2038Speaking of Italians,
the Roman toga, which was the business suit of its day, restricts the movement of one hand. Gesturing with both hands was seen as detrimental to one's gravitas.
> gravitas> seriousness, solemnity, or importance> [C20: from Latin gravitās weight, from gravis heavy]Gesturing with both hands make one look plebeian and lacking self control. Gesturing with only one hand has the exact opposite effect. It's pretty amazing.
I try to restrain one hand whenever possible, usually by keeping it on the side of my body or on the armrest if sitting.
whatever you think of Mussolini, his posture was amazing No.2153
One tip for achieving better posture: put this picture as your phone wallpaper. Everytime you check your phone (which I do a lot) it reminds you to stand up straight.
No.2154
>>2153Also this book, The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pearse. Really explains deeply all you need to know about the theme.
No.2167
>>2146If only he was as good at not losing wars as he was at posturing
No.2172
>>2167that's italians for ya
No.2178
>>2154This book has some good stuff in it but I think a lot of it is shit. For example, I think the left vs right position when shaking hands is meaningless. The taller person always looks more dominant regardless of what side he was on. Also I think its kind of funny how they explain all of Hitlers gestures by saying he was compensating for his sexual inadequacy.
No.2187
> crossing your arms over your body
What's wrong with this one?
I don't do any of that other shit like looking down or avoiding eye contact but what's wrong with crossing my arms?
No.2193
>>2187>I don't do any of that other shit like looking down or avoiding eye contact but what's wrong with crossing my arms?Even if you tink you look badass when you do this, you seem like you're not avaible to social interaction and want to be alone.
Look people do this if you want they are usually angry or sad, being looki like in sad mood is not good
No.2307
I have no idea what to do with my arms
No.2309
test
No.2310
>>2307
>I have no idea what to do with my armsThere is several simple solutions.
You can put your arms in pockets of your jeans (maybe only big fingers). This way you aren't crossing your arms and you have steady place for them.
You also can cross your arms on your chest, but after that take one arm and rub your chin with it. It's more neutral than simply crossing your arms.
If you are sitting behind the table you can clasp your hands in the lock and put it on the table.
No.2311
>>2310personally i have to avoid utting my hands in the pocket because they sweat even more and handshakes become a lot more awkward
No.2312
>>2311Nothing wrong with wipe your hand on you shirt or jeans before handshakes. Also if you give decent handshake nobody wood care about how sweaty were your hands. I don't talk about crashbone handshake of course, just decent. Also most people don't give a shit about the fact how sweaty were palms of people with whom they do handshakes. Think about it, how often you notices such things (that other people hands were sweaty), I bet you can't even remember one such time.
No.2313
>>2312I guess you're righ but sometimes my palms can get really sweaty, this only happens in social situations so It's not some weird disorder. And if I wipe them, the old, dried up sweat is still sticky and it makes the handshake sticky and disgusting as fuck
No.2320
>>2313You could try carrying a small bottle of washing gel for when this happens.
No.2321
I have a big problem with my posture and gait. I consider that I walk really funny and in a clumsy way. Also I have no idea what to do with my hands.
Will sports and gym fix this? Will jogging or going out more for a walk fix my autismal gait? Thank you for your time ANONOP!
No.2323
>>2321
>I have a big problem with my posture>Will sports and gym fix this? Yep. Of course there is no some magic methodology which will do this. But if you will be doing exercises in gym with good posture then you will grow necessary muscles which will hold your good posture. But growing muscles not enough, you need all the time try to remember hold good posture because in the beginning body will be trying to take old bad posture. Generally you don't need to attend gym to start working on your posture. There are bunch of good exercises that you can do without gym. Push-ups, squats (try to hold your back really straight), bunch of exercises on stretching your back, on the pic good exercise which you should do laying on you belly on the floor. If you have some crossbar near your house you can do pull-ups. And remember to start trying to hold posture right now, it might be painful in the beginning but you should do this. Also swimming in the pool is a very good way to make your posture better.
>gaitAs for gait, I guess you have weak muscles in upper part of your legs and also weak groin muscles (lower abdominal muscles). So I think that these weak muscles don't hold your body in right position (it's the same problem as with posture actually) and you waddle. You can see if this is the case if you try to walk with right posture and when doing this try to stretch yourself up. Lower abs, muscles in your lower back and butt, upper muscles in your leg should strain when you do it. And try look in the mirror when you are walking like this and spot if your gait are better. If it is then this is the problem (weak muscles). If that doesn't help then maybe you have unusual structure of the pelvis, in this situation you won't completely eliminate bad gait by making your appropriate muscles more strong, but you should try. Again you don't need to go to gym to start doing some basic exercises. Squats are good for that. Another good exercise is raising your legs when lying on your back on the floor, try to keep your legs strait when you doing this ex. Try to do all this exercises several time during the day (it doesn't take much time as you will see) and you can make things considerable better and without gym. I'm saying all this in case if you are not have money or time for gym it's not the cause to start working on those issues. This is total broscience of course and if you're overweight you should start working on cutting your weight.
No.2324
>>2323Ups, forgot the pic.
No.2328
>>2324>>2323thanks for taking the time to answer my question bro, that's really helpful to me and other anons here
No.2332
>>2328read this post also
>>2209 , this guy knows way more than me. Also he advised to go to reddit.com/r/bodyweightfitness and it's really useful advise.
No.2333
No.2337
>>2333
>britbongwhoa, why is that?
No.2338
>>2337oops sorry I don't know why I said that
No.2340
>>2338ehh, I thought maybe I missed something in my post, some sort of british spelling of something. And was secretly pleased that somebody can mistake my shitty english for native.
No.2341
>>2340we're both at fault lol, I thought that advise was used in british spelling instead of advice because of that "s" (unlike in american spelling where I knew advice=noun and advise=verb) but I thought wrong, the britbongs use the same rules for that word
No.2344
>>2341Nice. /improve/ - place where you can write with grammatical errors and nobody will shame you for that. Feels good.
No.4701
>>2039
>9 months ago
Wew.
Figured I'd update on this. I think I've managed to get rid of the fiddling etc. although I haven't paid much attention to it lately so I hope I'm not wrong and I'd in fact fallen to my old habits.
Eye contact is well, easier. But I still sometimes get stuck to whether or not I should gaze away or not. It still confuses me. Now that there's this girl who seems pretty interested in me I'm sperging the hell out on it.
Overall I'd say I've still improved on my body language since that post. I think I'm also way more confident now so that's another thing. But like I said I've stopped paying attention to it around summer so either it has become natural or I've regressed back to how I was. I hope it's not the latter.
bump
No.4703
>>2038
Yes, after listening to the embedded TED talk:
>>2042
You beat me to the punch posting that TED talk, anon. :^)
I'm working on my posture as years of being an overweight computer user has left me with a growing hunch-back, back pain, etc. Naturally without confidence or self-worth, and it shows in my body language. I surprise myself by how often I have to uncross my legs.
>>4701
I'm caught in the same problem some times…how do I look at people, appear interested and engaged, but not staring like a creep?
No.4715
I want to, but it's so much fucking effort, even with my parents I just grunt and talk in a monotonous manner. I am good at maintaining eye contact though. I just can't be fucking arsed to exude confidence and charisma in shitty conversations that I really have no interest in, though.
No.4721
>>4715
Then don't. Pick your battles. I try to practice when the conversation has no real weight for me, so that when it matters I'm sharp and can perform.
I don't want to be working on my shit when I'm in front of a group of people making a presentation, that's performance time. I know I need practice in practice time. So mindless conversations with the parents, classmates, whatever, THAT is the time to try it out. Switch up personas. Be a new, better you and practice being him. Eventually, that will just be your new pattern, this new improved you.
No.4809
>>2041
Essentially, becoming delusional is beneficial. Really.
Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most.
That honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and that true love never dies. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. A man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.
No.4897
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>2154
Allan (and Barbara) are real good. Youtube has a bunch of their stuff, and its much more interesting/informative to see them in a video than to just read about it.