/improve/ - Self Improvement

>>2994

>We break stuff down to the simpler pieces in an attempt to understand through most of stuff, and thus are not easily manipulated, resorting frequently to detachment as a defense mechanism.

The morning was going so well too before you decide to throw some REAL SHIT in my face.

Why?

>>2995

Well, as for why we dissect through most social interactions and constructs, it is supposedly to understand what is expected from us, how do other benefit, to gain control of the situation through the cold hard facts.

It is supposedly a side effect of an upbringing in which you find that your feelings don't match up with what others expect of you, so you learn from early on to separate yourself from your feelings to gain an objective understanding of how stuff works.

This is ultimately an approach doomed to failure, as socializing is not wholly logical, and subjected to the biases of every individual person. No amount of objective analysis will give you an unified theory of socialization.

If you meant "why would you look into how I work and thus shatter my own façade of how I work, making me look inwards?", well… I only wanted to help. We can still talk about it. You can't fight your own nature forever, at any rate.

>>2996

Yeah, but I say it does work because by compartmentalizing I am able to withstand a lot of the stresses of my work and daily life. By drawing clear lines between my work and my home life etc I am able to take breathers.

It's efficient.

Also, You say it as though it were a bad thing. So what if that's how we cope? As opposed to what? Going along with the flow and slowly breaking down as we lie more and more about our emotions? Better to give one genuine smile than a thousand fake ones

>This is ultimately an approach doomed to failure, as socializing is not wholly logical, and subjected to the biases of every individual person. No amount of objective analysis will give you an unified theory of socialization.

There might not be a unified theory but there are patterns. If you want proof need I remind you about a thing called body language?

Being calculating and being a genuine person are not mutually exclusive. It's just that people seem to WANT to be labeled and take it to extremes. Especially people on imageboards who desperately seek to be labeled because of how out of place they feel and the lack of confidence they have to accept themselves.

>>2998

I don't think that being calculating, compartimentalizing and naturally inclined to stay at an arm's length is anything bad on its own. As most things, it becomes pathological when it tints your every interaction with the world.

I have been there, and I am sure you've had rough patches yourself in which you couldn't stop theorizing how the world is basically a game rigged against you.

If you ever lose your ability to let go of the analysis for a bit and experience the world first-hand, you start getting delusional, for all your mental constructs start drifting further and further from reality. People like you and I tend to go delusional, and it is not bad per se. Like an engineer designing a pressure valve on a pressure cooker to control that in the case the inner pressure skyrockets, the device explodes in the least harmful of ways, so you and I must understand which is our most likely mental breakdown under stress to be able to account for it.

Our natural demeanor has also amazing perks, if you haven't noticed. We are good at synthesis, analysis, anything scientific. And if something looks like a worthy challenge, we will focus on it to extents most others won't be even able to understand. One of the signs that gave away to me that most of us are Fives by the Enneagram was how most of chan users and prone to have stuff "trigger their autism" and make them focus their entire being to something.

Now, on the "unified theory of socializing", in my personal experience, the more time you spend thinking about socializing, the worse you'll be at it. Yes, you can be like a clunky robot and try to research most of stuff, but understanding it in a book-wise manner is not the way to go, practice is. I am sure normalfags couldn't be able to write down an essay on body language, but they surely are good at employing it in their everyday lives. People like you and I tend to make everything a matter of theory, and while it is right, it overlooks the fact that men are not made out of reason alone. And Fives are characterized by neglecting the non-logical part of their brain a lot.

As for how people want to get labeled in imageboards… I say it is a matter of making a character out of yourself, to protect oneself. It mostly only gives away their low level of emotional health, though. I won't do that, I find that being anonymous gives you the freedom to scream at everyone your inner feelings at the top of your lungs, no matter which are they. It is a liberating.

>>2999

> chan users and prone

*chan users are prone

>a liberating.

*a liberating feeling.

>>2999

>I have been there, and I am sure you've had rough patches yourself in which you couldn't stop theorizing how the world is basically a game rigged against you.

lel, sometimes. i'm very removed from the "it's someone else's fault". I accept things for what they are and am glad of what I have because I could've gotten worse.

When I want to do something I try to plan it out as best I can but if I don't have the money or time it's not that the game is rigged it's just how it works.

>If you ever lose your ability to let go of the analysis for a bit and experience the world first-hand, you start getting delusional, for all your mental constructs start drifting further and further from reality

It is the exact opposite. When you interact with the real world you no longer are in control of external factors and are genuinely experiencing reality and "normalize" to some degree. The more you are in it the more normal and contained you become because reality doesn't play games.

>One of the signs that gave away to me that most of us are Fives by the Enneagram was how most of chan users and prone to have stuff "trigger their autism" and make them focus their entire being to something.

if only we could control this and channel said autism into things that mattered such as school or getting a gf.

>Now, on the "unified theory of socializing", in my personal experience, the more time you spend thinking about socializing, the worse you'll be at it.Yes, you can be like a clunky robot and try to research most of stuff, but understanding it in a book-wise manner is not the way to go, practice is

I actually agree on this. You have to act at a certain point because the more you idealize and fetishize relationships the further removed you become. Case in point, if you're into anime or manga you'll come to expect unrealistic things of people.

I'd like to say that I did it out of my own volition but the fact was that my job forced me to be social. Otherwise I would've stayed forever trying to "perfect" my social game.

>I won't do that, I find that being anonymous gives you the freedom to scream at everyone your inner feelings at the top of your lungs, no matter which are they. It is a liberating.

It's liberating to a point. You'll get to a certain obstacle where you realize imageboards are nothing but the equivalent of screaming into a pillow.

>>3001

>it is the exact opposite

Maybe I didn't get my point across right. I meant that if you lose contact with reality, you start to go crazy because you are alone with what you think of the world all the time. Your argument about dealing with reality bringing you back to normal is one I agree with completely.

>if only we could control this and channel said autism into things that mattered such as school or getting a gf

Well, said autism tends to be "analyze something to otherworldly standards, take it apart" or equally rational endeavors. Getting a GF or good grades in school tends to involve motivation, self-esteem… stuff we don't control, and so we shy away from it. They are not tasks we can analyze, they are tasks we have to take action to do. And we aren't good at taking action.

>I'd like to say that I did it out of my own volition

I did it out of my own volition. I started talking with strangers because fuck it, when you know nobody, every stranger is a potential friend. I did away with all the socializing theories I thought I had in my head and I kicked into action. It turned out to be a very therapeutic endeavor, I had become trapped in my ideas of how the world worked, and everything made me anxious. So betting against myself on a "what is the worst thing that could happen" and taking the leap of faith was largely beneficial to me.

>It is liberating to a point

I don't really agree on the "screaming into a pillow", I do think anons build up a community over time and support each others. Just not in trivial ways.