/improve/ - Self Improvement

I don't really know to be honest. Started improving before the board existed but when I found it helped me more. Something slapped me in the face and made me get moving. Idk what but I have not stopped trying to get my life on track since, made improvements. Got a job, started getting /fit/, etc.

Unfortunately even though I am doing all this I'm still depressed like I was when I was a NEET. Never was the reason to be happy but now I am hoping something will change that but my hope is dwindling but at the same time my momentum isn't… I find this all odd.

>>3118

self improvement was a task for me. But recently I had a big turn around.

>be 27 and falling madly for a girl

>she cheats on me with a guy i work with

>get depressed

>snap myself out of it after about a month I'm starting to feel good

>be riding my motorcycle to see some friends

>meth head in mercedes-benz goes into road rage mode and tries to kill me

>try to escape and fail and crash horribly and break femur

>out of work for 5 months and lose job because of it

>MFW I wasn't really into the pleb level insurance job

>try to work other pleb finance job

>PTSD intensifies and have complete meltdown at work

>psyc writes me off from working for a year

>in my down time I take a bunch of personality tests and assessments

>pick job based on personality strengths and motivations

>now studying for university entrance exams

>going to study bachelor degree in paramedical science

>two weeks ago I stopped taking my SSRI medication for PTSD

>finally feel like a human again

>2.5 years after the attack leg is almost at complete recovery,

>>3119

it took me facing some adversity to make sense of the mission.

and it took me taking a gamble and bucking medical advice to bring my mind and soul together.

>be 16 and depressed, fall madly for a girl

>lots of flirting, but I'm too shy and inexperienced, she gets with somebody else

>my world comes crashing down, fall deeper into depression and self pity

>8 years later I dream of her, realize I never stopped having feelings for her

>open up to the world once again with the faint hope of getting back in touch

I know full well it's retarded, but it's pushing me to accomplish, so there.

>>3133

>These feels

Simply put-

>Go to Uni, relatively popular, good-looking and confident, but extremely lazy and unfashionable

>Get drunk and embarrass myself in freshers week, fail to make many meaningful friends

>Depressed

>Get introduced to qt girl, she likes me back, feels good man.

>Like her so much i'm terrified of fucking it up and being depressed

>Fuck it up due to anxiety, romantic awkwardness and poor fashion sense, took far too long to get the courage to ask her out. Be depressed.

>Spend the winter losing my appetite(was already skinny) moping around and being a miserable cunt

>Summer comes

>Fuck this, I wanna be happy again.

This happened in 2013 ,it sounds trivial but i've had far worse things happen to me and not affect me nearly as much. Things are better, i'm certainly in far better shape than i've ever been socially and internally, but that experience still drives me, I had a perfect fucking oppurtunity on a plate and shitted it up like a spaz, i've vowed never to do that again.

>>3138

>I had a perfect fucking oppurtunity on a plate and shitted it up like a spaz, i've vowed never to do that again.

It's what gets you, isn't it. Realizing that you could, but failed to. Failing to exert yourself over something seemingly so trivial as your own mental barriers.

Perhaps it's what we were subconsciously looking for. Perhaps we wanted to know what it means to fail, so we could learn something valuable. Perhaps we felt our own inadequacy and hesitated, knowing we weren't ready yet.

Cool rationalization huh? Keeps the bottle away, most of the time.

I don't think there is a single epiphany but rather a set of them that culminate into realizing that it's time for you to get your shit together.

>realizing my obession with a 4chan camwhore was unhealthy and that i needed to do something about it

Probably the opposite of what you expect.

I have kept tabs on them for about 6 years. Realizing that it would be real easy to buy a ticket and "meet" them my goal is to get to a point where I have confidence enough to do just that. Perhaps my most fucked up secret but I want to be able to meet this person face to face in a normal setting and have closure. This obsession gave me much of my initial drive for improvement although I am starting to develop other parts of me that are overtaking this.

>Back Injury

Realized how fragile we are and how my body was already failing me. It kicked me into a frenzy and now I'm on constant a race against time to do something meaningful with my life before it is too late. I was in agony for about a year. I wanted to commit suicide so many times and considered myself a broken human being who would never again have relief from pain. It's been about two years and although it hasn't gone away completely I am much better now.

>Mass Effect 3's Ending

Probably the most petty of them all but this right here ended my gaming addiction for good. I had so much time invested. So much care for the characters that when it ended the way it did I realized that games were just another form of control and that even if it had the best ending of all time it would not have made a difference.

It was another universe, another set of friends(fake but whatever) and another life that I would be leaving yet again. I was tired of that. Same thing with something like anime or manga or a good show that you adore. I hate it when it ends, that empty feeling you get is something I could never get over. So I resolved to make my life something worth investing in like all those games I played. I haven't had a gaming system in about 3 years and haven't had that corrosive compulsion to play games since

>Pink Floyd DsofM

Arguably the most encompassing of them all. I was sitting in my car in a pipeyard at work and as the sun was setting I listened to pink floyd for the first time in my life.

I was blown away by every lyric and every truth they sang. Everything resonated with me but time hit me most of all. I had just had an uneventful 21st birthday, I had wasted the past 3-4 years since I left high school, dropped out of college, and had no real relationships to fall back on, nothing worth saying about my life. The days were hazy and I didn't even realize how much time had flown by. I mean, 4 years since I had left high school, in bad shape, no real prospects or plans for the future, no financial sense, the list just kept going.

Shortly after this I started setting goals and really trying to identify what I wanted out of life. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I have come a long way in the short time since. The clarity about what I want and how to get it from then to now, is like comparing city smog to crystal clear water.

All I can say is don't give up, wherever you are, we're all in this shit together.