/improve/ - Self Improvement

Stop doing things that make you feel "worthless" emotions.

Sorry but all these emotions are important and useful.

You are treating the symptom but not the disease. Either your current living conditions or actions are their cause so you should try to change them or you are truly depressed and you should seek treatment.

Meditate regularly. Helps a lot, trust me.

Also, as >>3590 and >>3592 point out, they are a symptom that something's wrong. Fix what's wrong and they will fade.

>>3593

How does one meditate? Why do you think it's worth it?

>>3593

Seconding

>>3603

If you have a smartphone, try Stop Breathe and Think. It's the best guided meditation app and an excellent introduction imo. Otherwise I recommend looking online to find guided meditation audio which will help you practice. I do it daily and along with the other things I do it really helps me manage my depression, which can get my mind racing all the time over worries.

Related, I feel worthless feelings about a man that I know I have no chance with and I know is not good for me (at least for now) and I know isn't even someone I'll see or hear from anytime soon if I leave him alone. He saved my life several times, he's been there for me every time I needed him, and he's just a brilliant, sweet, charming person in general. I admire him, I love him as my friend, and I have strong romantic feelings for him so in all these ways I really miss having him in my life. I had to push him out for a very good reason and yet I just can't get him out of my head, I miss him so much, I worry about him and want to be a part of his life. It's been months and yet I can't let go of these feelings, I don't want to even go on dates because I want his approval (or ideally a date with him.) It's really dumb especially considering the mean things he's done recently, not to mention how emotionally distant he has been for years. In fact we don't even live in the same place, most of our interaction has been on the phone or on brief trips I made to hang out.

How do I let go of these useless feels?

>>3605

Someone had a very similar problem on /leftypol/ maybe you could help eachother.

Not even sure if thread is alive anymore but, OP the problem with you isn't that you have emotions but you can't control them and therefore control you.

The major problem I'm seeing from this small post is that you aren't actively engaging your emotions and learning to control them. By letting your emotions control and dictate how you feel you revert to the past of sadness and self-pity. Emotions aren't bad, you just don't have the ability to respond to them.

>>>HOW DO I CONTROL MY EMOTIONS

I would say the first step to figure out what kind of person you want to be. Do you want to become a happy person? a grateful person? Determined?, etc. Once you figure that out than the real journey begins, but within a few months (depending on how hard the objective is) you should start seeing its effects. To give you an example start observing the person you want to be, most notably their habits and their mindset.

Everything is connected, poor dental hygiene is connected to poor heart, and so is your mind and action/body. For example if you wanted you want to be more of a grateful/happier person.

1. Observe the person you want to be

2. Start performing them (I.E Grateful people tend to reach out to people and say their thanks)

3. Avoid negative actions such as shitposting, and thinking or talking about negative energy. I'm not telling you to hate yourself when think these thoughts but be conscious of your thought patterns.

4. Finally I would say mimic the body language of the person you want to be. Negative people tend to have a body language and carry frowns, while positive people tend to have an open body language and smile more often. Start mimicking these patterns everyday for 5-15 min and eventually it'll become 2nd nature. If your interested in this kind of biochemical feedback there's tons of research on it.

5. Repeat for 1-4 for 4-6 months, if it doesn't work than ditch this plans and adopt another one. Just because this works for me does not mean this may work for you.

But this>>3590 basically summarizes everything

I think stoicism is the answer, personally. You can't have joy without pain. Read Aurelius with an open mind and reconsider.

That very emotion you express is precisely what I'm trying to stop.

My realisation is that my emotions aren't what matter, it's how I react to them that matters. The reason why I've been trying to control my emotions is because I actually feel powerless to them because I just blindly react to them however I realise that I also blindly react to them because I feel powerless to them. I'm trying to break this cycle and practise adapting to my emotions rather than reacting to them so I try to practise mindfulness in all of my activities so I can make a controlled choice.

re-bump

>checking out my oneitis's account on YouTube

>changed her name back from the one she had when she considered herself a man

>getting a re-feel from New Year's Eve when I confessed my true feelings

>she was the reason I wanted to better myself and the reason why I run and lift

>in fact, in October I ran eight miles- one way- just to maybe run into her

>still cannot understand that that ship has sailed

>being together will most likely never happen

I thought I was over this, but I guess not. Every time I push myself, she is in my mind. I'm so lonely, and /r9k/ is only a temporary getaway.

>>4996

>changed her name back from the one she had when she considered herself a man

You're better off without her/him/it, that's a boatload of crazy I guarantee you don't want to involve yourself with.

Remember that being in a relationship with another person cannot solve your preexisting problems, fill that internal void, or magically make you love/respect yourself. That's something you have to do on your own, inside of yourself, or you will forever "feel" as lonely, miserable, and unfulfilled as I assume you feel right now.

Also "oneitus" is complete bullshit as a concept. It's just a crush or a fancy, you do not have a mental illness locking you into pining for this one woman over anybody else, and this woman is no more "special" than the billions of other ladies out there. The more you use the term and reinforce the concept, the more the "meme" feels like the truth, but it's not. It's a very unhealthy way of describing yourself that will only lead to more unnecessary frustration and self-loathing.

You are a man with plenty of options, even if you are choosing to focus on one option in particular which you've already deemed unattainable for one reason or another at the moment.

I do not feel any of the emotions that you have stated anymore. I only ever feel slight happiness sometimes, and sometimes very rarely I get a little bit annoyed. I usually feel nothing when it comes to emotions anymore.

I don't know how it came to this, and I don't know if I like it better. I used to feel more and personally I think I was much happier then, but I'm now I've become much more efficient and proficient at everything I do. For me what happened was a falling out with best friends because I tried to protect my best friend and it made me very upset at first but then I just stopped feeling all the emotions for a while. Beforehand I guess I rarely felt them too, but I feel them even less now. I'm very in touch with the emotions of my body and anytime something doesn't feel "normal" I notice it and take a mental note of what and why it was caused. If I like the emotion I'll continue what happened, and if I don't like the emotion I'll try not to repeat it/do it differently.

I think a lot of it is that I don't think outside of the moment unless it is necessary. If I notice my self stary daydreaming I usually stop it. Learning how to keep a mind from wandering I assume is difficult, I went into an environment where I couldn't wander or I'd fail. I quickly learned how to keep my mind from wandering and kept that skill.

TLDR

In my opinion it is:

-Learning how to keep your mind from wandering

-Take mental notes whenever you notice am emotion

>>5027

I don't think you should purge all emotions, just the negative ones while also emphasizing the positive emotions.

As an Anon pointed out above, I'd highly recommend you look into Stoicism. Stoics try to achieve a sense of tranquility [ no negative emotions, emphasized positive emotions ] and they have many effective techniques at achieving this.

A good beginner guide into stoicism is:

A Guide to The Good Life - William Irvine

This will give you a general idea of what you're doing and then from there you have the choice of expanding into more related stuff.