/improve/ - Self Improvement

Work is super slow and I'm not making too much money. I live with my parents so it's not too bad and it's allowed me to start school again. The thing is the program I'm going for is going to take another 2 years at the rate I am going.

I don't want to leave because I get paid well. So even if I only do part time I come out good and because it's been slow I've had a good rest however I am starting to get anxious.

This is my first job but at what point do you start looking elsewhere? I keep hoping it will pick up but from the looks of this oil slump and what I've been reading that aint happening any other time soon. I've been thinking of switching industries too but at the same time I"d like to be done with this degree.

I'm worried about the future more than ever.

I really like this girl but I just dont know what to do because I never had a gf before in my life.

I have this problem… I think (or at least my mind thinks) that I can't do ANYTHING without a job. I'm unemployed and I'm like "If I was employed I could do this and that and be awesome and lose weight, etc."

I don't know how to change this mindset and it's really fucking me over (and getting a job is really hard where I live)

What can I do? I literally don't leave my house some days, just watching youtube and sending resumes. Life started to really suck, I don't even enjoy stuff anymore (movies, videogames, nothing).

Im in love with my best friend. She is just so dang amazing. Every moment I am with her we are both laughing our asses off and having a great time, and yet we can still have a deep conversation from time to time. She always seems to steer me in the right path too. After I dumped my ex in a nasty break up we started getting closer as friends, something I couldnt do while dating a control freak. I started to realize how perfect she was for me. She also had broken up with her boyfriend not too long ago. This is where I fucked up though. I decided to play by societies standards, and on the safe side. Despite us both being single and attracted to eachother I wanted to go slow as to not be a fuck boi, or for it to seem like some sort of post break up fling. We stop talking for a while and cant see eachother because stuff keeps popping up, and all of a sudden she is back with her ex. I dont want to sound like a cuck but whatever makes her happy ya know. I am perfectly fine just being her close friend, because she is an amazing friend to me, especially now that I am banned from my usual group of friends after my slut ex girlfriend started dating my former best friend. Right now I will take any friends I can get. I dont think I will ever get a chance to be with her, as she is probably moving in 10 months. I wish I could tell her how I feel. I dont hate her boyfriend, hes a really cool dude. And after what I went through with my best friend and girl friend both collectively fucking me over, I dont want to strain my good friends relationship. Im probably destined to lose this one. They have a long history.

I was actually planning to shove away my feelings by whoring myself out with a girl way younger than me tomorrow over netflix, but luckily she cancelled. I dont really like her as a person. Just a stereotypical boring asain, all school and painting and whatever. qt bod and such, but it feels wrong. Im turning into such a moral fag holy shit.

>>3628

I fucking hate my girlfriend so much and i'm only in the relationship still is because she likes to be dominated during sex thats literally the only good thing about her

>>3686

Tell her you love her, tell her you love her or forever regret the fact that you didn't. Even if she flat out tells you to fuck off, it's still better than wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.

I know she's in a relationship, but maybe, just maybe she felt the same way about you, and didn't think you felt that way about her. Hell, even if she did know that, tell her before she moves away.

Also, your friends are a bunch of faggots. Your other friend should be banned, not you. If they ever want you back in the group tell them to get fucked.

>>3689

>Even if she flat out tells you to fuck off, it's still better than wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.

This a million times.

>We stop talking for a while and cant see eachother because stuff keeps popping up, and all of a sudden she is back with her ex

You're the backup boyfriend

I have a great wonderful beautiful pure loving smart teenage girlfriend that most ken, including me would kill for. She is my best friend, I love her like crazy. She means the world to me. But I want to fuck other girls on the side. I don't feel guilty, but I'm definitely annoyed.

>>3686

I hate to be a spiritualfag, but the universe looks out for guys with big nuts and follow their heart. I was in the same situation about 10 months ago. I told the girl of my dreams how I felt a week before she was about to move 500 miles away. She was gonna book her flight next paycheck, which was two days after I contacted her. We have been dating for 8 months and are madly in love. All is perfect except for >>3695. But that's not going to break us up.

DEPRESSED AND DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY

REEE

>>4186

Describe your daily routine.

Everything I do is a failure, did my first year and failed 80% of my courses, have some friends but we act to each other more like acquintances since I quited smoking (it makes you dumb, and i was always the socially slow kid). I feel like my friends are 'doing me a favor' by going sometimes out with me but I don't feel they would miss me if I wouldn't be there. Now that I think about it I haven't had a best friend since I was 11-13 and my whatsapp only gets stupid notifications from group chats while I snuck and saw most of my friends talk every day to at least 2 people, I feel like i'm not part of the clique.

I want to read some books but haven't gotten the time since college takes up most of the time. Now I just browse some boards and fb to have some sort of topic to talk to my friends. I'm also a kissless virgin and feel 'beta' most of the time except when I fake it until people call me out on my bullshit.

Only redeeming qualities are that I play some piano, chess and soccer(i'm half fat with a beer belly)

>>4189

http://manhood101.com

>>3641

Hello me. My experience with grills is roughly non existent. I know there's no way around this but I feel lost and hopeless about how it might turn out. I just really don't want to lose my chances with this girl.

>>4193

And forgot to mention I also don't have a (social) life going which I believe ought to be priority over that. Thing is I can't wait around.

Trading 45 hours of my life every week just to live in "not-poverty" is a shitty deal and fuck society for making me work in the first place.

I resent work. Fuck capitalism, fuck worshiping competition. I'd rather live in a socialist society, to be honest. I just wish human beings weren't such shitty using assholes sometimes and that goes twice for myself.

I want the TNG future, damn it.

>>4198

Motivation isn't good fuel. It's burns too fast. Try to make things a habit like showering or going to work. You just do it and don't have to argue with yourself.

Make easy goals and stick to it.

>But today is

Shut up

Do it, later you can do something you like.

Since we left highschool, my friends and I have drifted away. Everyone has choosed a different career, so we don't see each other anymore. They have friends studying with them, so it's pretty hard to organize a meeting because everyone has something to do/doesn't want.

I've made a couple of friends, but they are just 'work friends'.

I feel lonely and really disapointed at how things have turned out. I thought our friendship was going to last longer, but instead, we have all forgotten about each other in a matter of months.

I'm 23 and have no idea of what I want to do with my life. I dropped out of college this year because it drove me to depression, I had no friends and hated the course, but kept on it because everyone around me kept telling me "just keep on it brah who cares you dont like it you'll get rich on this career lol"

I've spent most of my savings this year on antidepressants and therapy, even though I consider an improvement I'm not thinking of an hero'ing constantly and spending my weekends blind drunk I've this nagging feeling my life is still fucked beyond saving.

Also, lately I've had my oneitis on my mind constantly, after managing to spend more than an year without thinking of her. I don't even know how to even talk to her nowadays since we cut off contact in mid-2014 or so and feel really awkward talking to people through messages or email.

>>4264

I used to feel like this a lot. I still feel it occasionally nowadays, but it's more so about the consistency of my commitments and less so about the well being of my mental health and how it affects progress. I feel like I've overcome my old depressive negativity.

I viewed my old mindset as a negative conditioning. As in, through my life experiences and how I interpreted them, I inadvertently built my mind into the negative vessel it became. In other words I conditioned my mind to notice the negatives in life more than the positives.

Keeping the above in mind, the rational response to that would be to start conditioning it to begin noticing the positives more than the negatives. So at first I started journalling. I'd use it to reflect and to vent but I also started making a habit of highlighting one positive experience I had in the past 24 hours, no matter how small. It could be anything, from the feeling of the sun on my face, to meeting an old friend, to managing to do something. Even if my past 24 hours was utter shit, I'd force myself to find at least one positive experience.

On top of this I started doing an extra journalling habit(Apparently helps with depression). This one was similar to the above, it was to basically write about 3 things that I am grateful for everyday, no matter how small or big, whether it's my pillow or my family. I just had to spend a minute on each thing. The purpose of this exercise wasn't to "just be grateful xD", the purpose was to veer your mind into beginning to notice the positives again.

I also start meditation and exercising.

The above are what worked for me. For all I know, they won't work for you, but I implore you to at the very least try the journalling exercises. Neither of them take a lot of time, so if they don't end up working, you don't lose much, but if they do, well then you scored.

>>3628

I hate myself and I don't know what to do about it. It really drains me of will to do anything.

>>4282

Tell us a bit about yourself lad. I'm sure we can offer some good advice

>>4284

I have problems focusing and it's starting to affect my GPA really badly, I'm always worried about my future and I'm torn between hating going outside and talking to people and feeling lonely. Everything I do feels bad because of that lingering self-hatred, too.

I know it's pretty typical stuff and a lot of people have it worse than I do, but it still feels like too much for me. I don't know what to do.

>>4290

It's not like I haven't tried to change myself. I thought starting college would help me turn over a new leaf, but I just crashed and now I feel worse than ever and I'm probably going to be kicked out by the end of the semester.

>>4293

>just crashed

How do you mean? Socially? Academically?

I had a similar circumstance in my first 2 years.

It's not about trying to change it's about establishing a comfortable and productive routine which gives you the energy, clarity and drive to improve your life.

I'm a software engineer.

I love programming, but my job is boring. I work with assholes. I'm forced to do work far above my pay grade and not getting compensated for it.

I really need to become self employed.

>>4294

I was never good socially, but my academic performance was good at the start of the year and now it's dropping below what they require to stay in the program.

I have never been able to do a single pullup and more than one pushup at time. I'm not overly fat and I sometimes go jogging but I have no muscle strenght to speak of. All the physical exercises feel too difficult to practice.

>>4301

I'm exactly the same, I swear all the "beginners" stuff I've come across are just subtle /fit/izen pranks.

>>4301

>>4302

Try these

http://hundredpushups.com/index.html

http://www.twentyfivepullups.com/

http://www.twohundredsitups.com/

When I first lost weight those + dieting helped me a lot, after losing some weight with it I finally got enough courage to join a gym

>>4311

I may sound like a whiny bitch but I found that hundred pushups very discouraging. Perhaps I should have tried some easier pushups at first but I got overwhelmed by despair and stopped it.

>http://www.twentyfivepullups.com/

This one is actually so hard they don't even bother making a joke guide…

>>4317

>how to talk to girls

Talk to them like they're guys. Unless you wanna fuck them, in which case talking isn't important, it's the flirting.

>>4328

Talking to girls you wanna fuck the same as you'd talk to guys works better in my experience, jus sayin

>>4311

I gave the push ups one a go two days ago. I did Week 1, Day 1, middle tier (that's what it recommended after the initial test), and that was doing the knee push ups rather than the proper ones I couldn't even do a single proper push up.

My arms and upper body have been in so much pain since waking up the next day (yesterday), and again today. It feels like I've been beaten up in a fight. It's a good job I'm NEET and I don't have any responsibilities or a job to go to, because I would probably have to take a couple of days off.

Apperently this is "normal" and it's called delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS), but jesus fucking christ it hurts. This is what I meant by beginner stuff seeming like pranks, why would I ever want to do this to myself again after this?

>>4337

lol is this the first time you've ever done exercise? That's just how it is. But you must try again. It won't hurt as much next time.

just do it faggot

>>4338

>lol is this the first time you've ever done exercise?

Is that not what beginner means? I've done nothing besides sit at a computer for the last 7 years, besides the last few months where I've taken up walking. Didn't experience any pain with that on this level though.

>But you must try again. It won't hurt as much next time.

When should the next time be? The guide suggested taking a single days rest after every day you do push ups, but there's no way I could do it today, and probably not tomorrow either. Do I wait for it to completely stop hurting, or am I supposed to plough through the pain and attempt to do it anyway?

The last thing I want to do is immediately burn out and then never bother doing anything at all, like I did previously.

>>4337

I miss waking up with full body DOMS. Best feel tbqh so enjoy it mate.

I study for hours.But sometimes i give a study break,i cant study again.My 5 minute break becomes an hours,2 hours and on.It makes me sad

>>4361

wow, i feel you.

>>4369

>don't know if she likes me

Does she initiate conversations ever?

It's nothing in particular, she's just fucking gorgeous, but at least i'm not completely sperging out like I would have done a few years ago. Here's hoping

>>4370

No I'm pretty tired to think about all this at the moment but I can't physically get myself to talk to her now and overall it's just pathetic. My excitement has pretty much turned to despair.

Don't worry then mate. I know my platitudes probably won't bring you ease but really if she likes you and you get along with her there's nothing to worry about, is there?

>>3628

I have a really hard time with women, but I am going to do my best to improve that. I know these things take time but it can be done. I was put on medication at the age of 5 and have been off of it for a year. It has finally been flushed out of my system. Now, self improvement is my only option and I'm happy about that :)

>>4323

>tfw I don't follow my own advice

fml

I still love someone who doesn't even talk to me now. :(

>>4512

Tell us the story lad.

I'm usually pretty good with girls, until the very moment that I actually really like one then fate decress that it will go tits up.

Well, I'm attempting to improve my life by doing a Beachbody program, have had a couple stumbles but overall doing allright with it.

I've got depression (and I think I have some form of bipolar) and went back on meds after years of just dealing with it.

People in my life say that I'm doing so great but I'm just not feeling it. They say I have potential to do great things but I don't see it. My fiancee left me a couple months ago, which was a catalyst for me to strive to improve myself. I'm just not happy.

Not every moment of my life is doom and gloom but shit man, I either feel down in the dumps or irritable and angry over nothing. My temper is getting worse, I almost broke my hand at work punching a box full of frozen soup.

I don't know what else to say. It'd be nice to talk this out though.

After being basically a shut-in for a few years, I took an exam and entered an university. I am going regularly to lectures, but when at home I will find a way to lose all the time I have and barely study, if at all. If I can't get my shit together very soon, I will be in a very bad situation.

>>4555

I'm in the same situation anon. I have to buckle down for the next 14 days and cram and study to not flunk out. Let's work hard together eh?

>>4591

Fuck that's tough lad. Anything you identified that you could have improved on?

>>4596

Hey man, I've been there. I've also told that story a couple times on here. The worst thing is the doubt, about what could have happened, what you did wrong and so on.

>I also could have made a move on her at the movies.

Yes, that's where you are at fault. Your job [b]as a man[/b] was to keep pushing to move the relationship to the next stage but you didn't, then she found somebody else who did. That's all there is to it. It's not about the way you look and it's not about how much attention you were giving her, you simply failed to get her to commit before somebody else did. Perhaps you came off as insecure, being too scared to make a move and that pushed her away.

I learned this through an ordeal longer, far more pathetic and probably also painful than what you went through, so relax, you're not doing so bad.

You want to talk to her? Don't "try to make a conversation", be honest. Tell her what you're telling us, that you liked her so much, that you wanted more between you and you're left wondering what happened. Cut through the bullshit she will surely give you and try to push her to a straight answer. She may not give it to you but at least she'll be aware that you're still interested, and perhaps impressed with the fact that you have the balls to tell her your true intentions.

Best of luck.

>>4622

How much would the operation to remove it cost?

>>4622

I know a local church has a dentist who helps teeth of homeless people, look up charity stuff and dress up as if your homeless or something

>Be miserable

>Start improving

>Be happiest i've ever been

>Meet female

>Anxiety and self-consciousness floods back

>fuck it up with female because of it

>Miserable again

Apologies for the normie-tier complaint. Fuck I hate this. Still, time to improve again.

>>4657

What do you do, lad? You have any activities?

>>4646

I'm a broken individual who gave up on life about a decade ago and who just about started picking up the pieces, take everything I say with a big grain of salt.

Women are incapable of being responsible, especially so in relationships. They hate obligations and hate taking the blame for anything, they're disloyal and flighty by default.

That's why you need to take the burden of being constant, coherent, sincere and upfront, it's because they can't.

You know what "making a move on her" would have meant? To take the blame, to symbolically take her under your authority and become responsible for her achievements and failures.

What is she going to do if you waffle around and don't take charge? Find somebody who does.

Thankfully, due to the aforementioned fickle nature of women, the ball is still in your court. The fact that she's got a "boyfriend" doesn't mean much, however nothing is sure as fuck going to happen unless you make the effort. It comes down to how willing you are.

>>4617

Here's the problem:

Most guys who believe the Disney-love shit will see a girl and obsess over her for months before talking to her. They spend all day daydreaming, they fap to her, whatever. All that time, you're building up emotional investment. That's the last thing you want to do when it comes to women.

It's like >>4678 says. Women are fickle, disloyal, and sneaky by nature. When you get knocked down, she's the first one to kick you in the teeth. She sees you're weak, her cavewoman brain flips its shit and thinks you're a bad provider/protector, and she's out the door sucking Chad's dick.

What you need to do is understand that there is no "The One". There is no "Special Snowflake". She is not your Cinnamon Apple. She is a copy-paste Basic Bitch who watches Pretty Little Liars and Keeping Up With the Kardashians like every other chick out there. She is not who you think she is. You've built up this idea of who you THINK she is in your mind, this sweet innocent flower who loves and is kind.

$10 says she's at some bar right now choking on the bartender's cum.

In life, there are only 3 kinds of people that matter. Yourself, your family, and your male friends. Do you see the word "women" anywhere in there?

I didn't.

Focus on who really matters. If it's pussy you're after, go on Craigslist or fap. If it's emotional support and a bond you're looking for, that's what family and your true friends provide. Your bros, who will come find you at 3 AM because you blew a tire out on the Interstate. The guys who are cool with just hanging out and who listen to you and your problems. Those are the people who matter.

Not your high school crush.

You're gonna make it bro. Keep your chin up.

alright, this is going to be a TLDR

I hate myself but I´m scared of dying. I drink too much and smoke too much, snort random shit and stay up for weeks at a time. Almost all of my days are spent laying in front of a dimly lit dying laptop that I have grown emotional attachment to most due to the fact that I am scared of society and human contact. I was raped when I was 10 and never learned to trust another human ever again so instead I devote my life to this shit technology. I don't want any of my friends and don't understand why they return back each and every day to talk to me. I, myself am a shit piece of shit tranny, an I don't mean MTF. I am an FTM and I hate it. The dysphoria itself has brought me to the hospital for a straight week more than once. My arms are shredded and so is my social life. I feel like abandoning society.

I cant stop drinking for my life. Its an addiction. Same goes for smoking. Cigarettes, Pot. The most common substances. Each week, each weekend, I get high as shit, drunk as shit, maybe do some acid. I feel horrid for doing it all but I cant bring myself to stop. This is usually the only time that I can talk to people. I was prescribed medication but I never take them. I don't have any trust for doctors.

I suffer from anorexia. I don't eat while I´m doped up. I just lay there and stare at the laptop screen up on my bed watching videos or attempting to play games. I still bring food into my room though, it rots and piles up. I feel fucking disgusting.

I forget to shower on a regular basis. I cant keep up with the state of my room and my well being. I've had four therapists in my life, the other three gave up and one literally said that they were sorry and couldn't do anything else for me. I have ADHD, depression, and schizophrenia.

I still live with my parents but they´re never here anyways, cheating on each other. I dropped out of school. I don't have any job, and I hate it all. I just want to know that I can take care of myself and live on my own, interact with people.

My girlfriend might leave forever, and it's not even because of relationship problems, it's some bullshit out of our control.

Feels bad, man

Essay incoming if anyone cares to read it:

I'm depressed all of the time. I'm aware of it like 80% of the time and the other 20% is just when i'm distracted.

I've never had any concious traumatic experiences in my life and i feel guilty because of it.

Basically I've no reason to have ended up where I am, I just kind of did it to myself and now I don't know how to reverse it.

I've never bothered to find a job, learn how to drive, find a date or even make friends after I left school.

I'm completely and utterly unmotivated and i suffer for it and hate what I have become.

I blame myself for everything, I have no pride, I think very lowly of myself, I actively avoid trying to become a better person and I actually have no idea why. I just drink a lot, alone, because "it's easier".

I don't see a shred of myself in any person I see, i don't connect with people like I used to, i'm unsure about everything, i'm afraid of everyone.

I'm pretty sure the few friends I have wouldn't care if I stopped talking to them, I'm always ignored and forgotten anyway.

I have never felt loved or important to anyone.

My family is the one exception, but if they knew…

The only 1 person in my life that has the slightest idea that i'm unhappy still barely knows anything about why, or what i do about it. Unless it is an anonymous post, i bottle up all of this shit. My parents think I'm happy and see a bright future for me and it kills me to think about how I can't do it for them in my current state.

Am I a lost cause? can I unfuck myself?

I'm assuming at the time of writing this that people are going to read it because thinking that makes me feel better, so if you actually did, thank you.

>>4814

>Am I a lost cause?

No, as I was in a very similar predicament as you, yet now I am in a much better position. I also had no apparent traumatic experiences, yet I became an anxious self-loathing hikki recluse with no friends, and proceeded to drown myself in escapism rather than face the real world and do the whole "adult" thing.

But after 7 years of that I'd finally had enough, and I started posting about my situation and my problems, and asking for help/advice on here and other places, and I received a lot of support.

>can I unfuck myself?

Yes, I absolutely believe that you can. I made a lot of progress un-fucking myself over the last 12 months, despite the fact I spent a good chunk of it moping about in bed, so I firmly believe that you can do it too. Just take things one step at a time, always push yourself to the edge and beyond your comfort zone, but at the same time be cautious not to take on too much at once.

You'll hit bumps in the road and experience relapses, we all do, but don't give up or despair; it's absolutely normal and okay to trip up and fall back into old ways. Just always keep in mind that once you've made even the smallest improvement in a particular area of your life, you will forever be assured that you are capable of getting yourself back into the rhythm of things. Often all it requires is a single push, and you'll get straight back into it.

If you don't know where to start, and if you're currently in a state similar to where I began, I'll suggest to focus on sleep pattern and personal hygiene before you do anything else. Everything you do beyond that will require these things to be in order, and will make everything else you want to achieve a whole lot easier.

I'm glad you decided to reach out and post about your situation anon, that in itself is a huge positive step.

>>4815

I'd be lying if I said I were ready to stop being such a coward and do something that would actually make me happy, old habits are too comfortable to be kicked on a sudden change of mind, at least for me.

I guess i just wanted to, right now, feel a little better. If anything thanks for at least showing me you give a shit about a stranger who is nothing special.

>>4816

I appreciate your honesty, although I disagree with your decision and judgement of yourself.

A perfect time to start sorting out your problems never comes, I can tell you that much, all change must occur in the present. The first battle is kicking the "demon" inside you dissuading you from valuing your own wants and needs square in the nuts, and taking action regardless of any perceived negativity coming from within.

Every time your brain starts whirring away coming up with excuses and reasons why you're not important, you're not ready, you're a coward, you're unloved, and all those other automatic negative thoughts, I ask if you can imagine them being conjured up by something other than yourself.

Some people use a demon, an evil spirit, a virus, ANTs Automatic Negative Thoughts, anything is fine just as long as they're bad and unwelcome in your mind. Every time they start to put you down, make you hate yourself, or prevent you from taking action, I just ask you to be aware of where those thoughts are coming from.

Now forgive me if I'm projecting like an IMAX projector, but I believe those negative thoughts are not coming from the real you. The you who wants to live, the you who eats and drinks to survive, the you who dreams of a better future for yourself, the you who desperately wishes to escape your current predicament and to be free from the negative thoughts that currently plague your mind.

Maybe this technique is a little out there and a bit, but really think if it's you who's deciding not to give it a try, or yet another automatic negative thought jumping in there before you can even make a decision.

Forgive me if I'm rambling on or you can't relate to what I'm saying at all, I just really want to help you out as I can see you have a lot of the same problems I had / have. This technique destroyed a large amount of my self-hatred after a relatively short time, and it keeps my mind on my side, which is why I really wanted to share it with you.

>>4815

GOOD POST

>>4817

>>4815

This. This times ten.

>>4816

>I'd be lying if I said I were ready to stop being such a coward

I'm sorry Anon, but if you're going to wait for the moment you finally feel brave, you're going to be waiting a lot of years, maybe even decades. This is of course assuming you are in the minority of people who do discover themselves with this method, it's much more probable nothing happens. And it wouldn't be surprising, because if you're waiting for something to happen while not doing anything about it, it's out of your control and based on pure luck, how lucky do you feel?

You don't become somebody by waiting for the mentality to one day show up. You act like the person you want to be until the mentality shows up. If you want to be brave, you do acts of bravery everyday. If you want to be a coward, you do the acts of cowardice everyday. If you want to be confident, you act confident etc. It's a fake it till you make it scenario. If you want to change, you're going to have to start doing the things you don't want to do, and not "tomorrow xD" or a week from now or a month from now, but today. Humans tend to see the future in an ideal light, as in it doesn't take into account your current circumstances. If you're constantly looking to the future and seeing a ready you, a you that is ready to fight discomfort, then I have more bad news anon, it's fake. It's a figment of your imagination that will never happen unless you get your shit together today.

Relevant video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5Xyk3iQTJE

Now reading all of the above, you may feel discouraged. Because you realize you are in a slump but you just don't have the motivation or the will to do the acts of the person you want to be. This may make you feel hopeless.

All is not lost though Anon. Nobody is asking you to suddenly start waking up at 6am, suddenly going gym, suddenly being able to approach qts etc. No, what is being asked of you is small steps. Tiny baby steps that may seem insignificant now but steps nonetheless, steps that add up over time to become something great. Embedded video is a good strategy for going about it.

2 years ago I was locked in my room without a social life, failing health and absolutely no hopes of getting out. The only thing I would do is clean one aspect of my room a day, not even my whole room, but just a small part of it. Like for instance one day putting clothes in washing machine, other day clearing table etc. Soon I start doing this for hygiene as well. Then I'd try to do minimal exercise, slowly and gradually I built up momentum, tiny steps everyday until soon I was taking cold showers, training regularly, journalling regularly and finally become more social. This escalated even more and soon I was attending gym, I was finally in Uni after being a NEET and exposing myself to social situations.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a smooth transition, there were ups and there were downs. But if you put in the effort, you will get results.

Here's some good resources to check out:

Willpower Instinct

Power of Habits

A Guide to the Good life, Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

Well 2016 sucks already.

>>4826

How so?

>>4192

Are these guys legit?

>>4836

From what I've read it's a scam, and more of a cult than anything else. There's been a lot of drama surrounding the owner recently too, apparently he's a bit of a lolcow, but I've not looked into it much.

>>>/cow/189091

>>4827

See >>4802

It's a bit better now. I've been in the gym literally all day. Going to tuck into a healthy dinner and get a good nights sleep and rise early tomorrow. Hoping to continue this for as long as possible.

How the do I work up the nerve to approach girls?

I know I'm a very attractive guy but I just can't fucking do it.

Do I have low T or something?

>>4841

Experience. You need to find a place that you just don't give a flying fuck about. Go a town or too over, go to the mall. Intentionally approach girls with whatever you've got, even if it is just a mumbling mess.

It gets better.

Keep going. Fail some more. Embarrass yourself some more. Who gives a shit, you don't live here right? You don't know these girls. You'll find that at first it really is hard, very scary, very anxious. But you'll find that eventually, the more you cold approach…it gets better. Easier. Not a big deal. You've gone through the anxiety, approach, talk, separate on good or bad terms routine so many times it is predictable. You'll have the intuitive knowledge of an experienced person. Do it morally, remember that these are real people with feelings and all, and have fun. Don't be a slut, have some standards.

Soon you'll be flirting with women without even realizing it.

I have no self control. I can't stop myself from watching youtube videos or browsing 4chan all day, let alone make myself do work. I've tried blocking sites but I always find a way around them. It's really fucking me over.

>>4879

>I can't stop myself

Yes you can, you have a body and a brain, and that's all you need to make a choice.

Choose to do something else, even if only for a few minutes or even seconds. Next day, do something else for a few more minutes, and keep building.

Nothing is fucking you over, you just keep making the same choice each time. Choose to do something else even if it's just once, and you will realise how capable you are and how much control you have over your actions.

It's okay to realise you've made the wrong choice even after realising you have the ability to control your actions, just recognise it and choose to act differently in that moment, if doing something different is what you want to do.

>>4879

I'm currently fighting the same battle as you. I believe what we need is a healty dose of self-discipline. We need to build ourselves character. That's why every month I try something to abstain from december was cold showers, january is nofap. Just find a way to build self-discipline and the day you decide to stop wasting your time on the internet it will be much easier

Another point to make is that most of us are bored and we seek refuge to the internet for our boredom. Maybe finding a hobby will lessen your overall time spent on the internet and you'll also want to be less on it because you got a life where you do other stuff.

>>2074 has some helpful information

I accidentally spilled my spaghetti on a certain site and now I can't come back without feeling awkward or scared

also haven't contacted the few friends I made there since a month ago because it reminds me of the community where I spilled

I'm just freezing at this point and don't know what to do

I mean, I know the community probably doesn't care or hasn't noticed but still I don't know how to go back and make it normal as possible

>>4886

Just act as nothing happened and if someone bring it up, make an (prepared and non autistic) joke.

I'm addicted to femdom humiliation POV videos where the girls call you a loser and tell you you're worthless. This really hinders my self esteem and I can't get an erection to anything else. I can't quit. I am lonely and angry. I waste a lot of my time. I hate my life. There is a girl I fell in love with and I did ask her out in the summer but it was too late and she said she wants to go out with me but that she would during winter break. So winter break came and went and we did see each other but never brought the date up and we never went out. Now she went back to school and I feel impotent and pathetic. I hate this. I was just breaking and smashing stuff in my house. I am a bit drunk. I hate myself, I think. I am reading a book on self esteem I hope it helps. I joined the gym but my self esteem is still low and I still feel unworthy and humiliated during a lot of social situations.

>>4889

Keep going to the gym lad. Make sure you maintain a good routine and diet. After a month you'll feel amazing.

>>4891

>I can't relate to humans.

I'm a human and I had the same mindset as you a couple of years ago, and there are plenty of other anons on this site who spent/spend their entire waking lives blocking out reality and drowning themselves in various forms of media to "escape" it. Escape it? More like ignoring their real life situations and leaving them to get worse and worse, and becoming more and more boxed in by their problems.

>I don't believe in love or friendship.

I assume you mean you don't believe you will ever have those things, rather than believing they don't existing. Believing you will never have something is attempting to predict the future, and that usually turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

>I don't want to have anything in this life

Would you be posting here if you were satisfied with your current situation? Forgive me for presuming, but I get the feeling you aren't happy being alone and you aren't happy with your life as it is right now. Am I wrong?

>My dream will never come true and I will have to rely on escapism for the rest of my life.

You will "rely" on ignore-my-life-ism until your lifestyle becomes unsustainable and you have a breakdown/epiphany. Then you will realise that you were never "relying" on it, you were simply using it to avoid dealing with your real problems. Those problems will catch up with you eventually, if they haven't already, but the sooner you can break out of the cycle, the sooner you can start working on fixing your life.

Coming here to vent is a great start though, vent as much as you need to so you can clear that shit from weighing down your mind.

I have severe anxiety and depression for as long as I remember. I think it started when my grandmother died when I was very young. The concept of death frightened me and still does to an extent today.

I've always been horrible socially. My mother instilled "stranger danger" into my head which has made me very cautious about people's motives. People used to pick on me all the time in school.

I started getting bad around 12-13. I noticed that other guys were getting girlfriends and I had no idea how to talk to girls. I was always too shy to approach them until high school, and even then I got rejected every time.

It was also around this time that my parents stopped cooking any meals of substance and I lived off frozen dinners. My diet was horrible and I never exercised. All my life I've wasted so much time playing video games. My parents encouraged it by buying me tons of games.

Ironic that I complain about my parents being too laid back. I think if I had some strict parents who forced me to do sports and go outside I would have been a lot better off. Although I wonder if I would be as aware of the world as I am now if I was raised stricter. I'm 21 now and still overweight but I'm trying to turn things around. I'm currently in electrician school.

And don't even get me started on my ex girlfriend and how much I fucked up with that.

>>4902

>tfw I just realized I probably already posted something similar to this some months ago

rip in pepperonis

>>4902

And well the usual pitfall I've run into doing this "fake it till ya make it bruv" is that I overcompensate too much and end up acting all annoying and try way too hard to act accordingly and "be funny" or whatever. Now I'm trying to not overthink it but also avoid doing that and it's just really fucking my head up.

And some people, or at least this one guy who knows me somewhat well just sees right through my bullshit. I feel like I'm putting on some act tbqh but I don't know what other way there is out of this anymore.

>>4895

Stop blaming it on your parents.

>>4908

I'm not going to worship the ground they walk on just for birthing me. They tried but their own mental problems caused more for me. I've had to literally stop my dad from killing himself on numerous occasions and had to stop him from choking my mother out. Yeah I guess you can say I'm a little fed up with the drama that never seems to stop.

>>4902

I think it's a part of growing up. Especially for a lot of us who've wasted years and regret it but the difference being that not only do we recognize it but we're also trying to move forward.

Little by little man, I'm doing shit now that a year ago was little more than a dream.

I don't think I'll be successful or happy>>3628

>>4919

Do you plan on fulfilling that prophecy of yours?

My self hate grows stronger because I'm black. I'm jealous that white people throughout history accomplished so much, from Spanish Conquistadors to Roman Gladiators…. inventions like the internet and the car. I can say a black guy invented the stop light and innovated peanut butter. Not a big deal but it bothers me.

>>4923

The Mayans had peanut butter long before George Washington Carver did. Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented a "Process of Preparing Nut Meal" in 1895 and used peanuts. Sorry fam. Race does not truly matter, just apply yourself and rise above the degenerates. Just be someone you are proud of, you can't change what already is, but you can make the best of what will be.

I'm 19, and have fucked up my life. I'm a high school dropout working at a fast food restaurant with a domestic assault charge that my sister lied to the cops to get me, because she wanted me locked up. I have depression and bottle up my emotions, leading to violent outbursts which my family thinks is just me being an asshole. I have no clue how to talk to people about my personal issues, because I don't trust anyone enough. I have a girlfriend who I love to death, she is a senior in high school, dual enrolled so she's taking college classes as well, works three jobs, natural size f breasts, and millionaire parents. Half my day is me talking shit about myself, the other is listening to my family do that. The last time I remember being happy I ended up becoming depressed again when I realized that normal people feel like that all the time. Why can't I just be normal?

>>4940

Elaborate on the sister situation.

What happened? Why did she do that? What can you do to tackle it?

I don't have anything really wrong with me, or I should say that I have nothing that I would notice out of the ordinary for human beings beyond, of course the silence.

What I want is to be free and independent, as my habits end up knocking me out of one person's home and into another, and for some reason they just accept me. Though of course as I understand it there isn't a single place on the planet for true freedom and independence unless you head off into the woods and get lost, or die.

I made a lot of bad choices in my life, ranging from trying to make other people happy at my own expense, including but not limited to job opportunities, leaving me without work (on paper) for my entire life. Any other work I do end up with quickly falls apart as I can't force myself to treat people like imbeciles, which is supposedly the only way of giving friendly service. I don't expect everybody to know everything or anything I talk about, but I still want to believe there's some intelligence, or maybe self awareness, somewhere. This is slowly digging into my head and is only reinforcing the fact that human beings are actually just simple animals and the fact that one can communicate with another is an astounding feat.

I feel like I'm alright with that, but it seems to become more difficult to cope with as time goes on.

I'm convinced hallucinations are just a regular thing with a vast majority of people, and I think I'm alright with that. I wish somebody would just talk about it though, some of that shit gets crazy and I think it'd be nice to just get it off our chests. But then, I'm no good at talking either, so I just listen to and watch people as they go about their lives. I tend to enjoy being a venting buddy as I can pretty easily live somebody else's life with just a few bits of information. I channel that into music and writing shitty little stories of course, so I guess that's okay, but sometimes I wonder if they'd rather I not. I ask and get no response.

Oh, and of course, I don't know who I am or when I was born. But again, I think that's a pretty common thing nowadays anyhow.

>>4958

People have their own issues, their own worries and prospects to worry about. Why on earth would they divert energy to stroking your ego? What purpose does that serve them? It doesn't benefit them and it doesn't benefit you. All they would be doing is enabling your garbage character trait that you desperately need to change. Relying on external validation for happiness and acceptance is definitely one of the most un/improve/ things you can do. It's signals that your mentality is absolute shit and needs a lot of work in fixing.

>I feel like a side character in my own life. I see men much more "beta" and ugly get women, but women ignore me for what seems like no reason.

>I see women and say to myself "I could go talk to her, but I'm not feeling like it right now."

I wonder why. As good looking as you may think you are and as great as you've fooled yourself into believing, all of that is irrelevant if you're not willing to take control of a moment and make it happen, instead of waiting around until you "feel like than you and even they barely get approached by women. You're a man, it's expected that you do the approaching.

You're not perfect and you're not great Anon. Get those out of your mind. You've got a lot of improvement to do.

I recommend you check out Stoicism, it's pretty relevant when it comes to tackling your current mentality of needing people to compliment you, and in my opinion, you just need to work on your mentality and then things will fall into place.

How to live a good life, the art of stoicism is the book. [something like that]

>>4960

until you "feel like it". I probably know better looking guys than you and even they barely get approached by women*

>>4940

dude where have you been these past 20 years? you sound very normal.

>>4963

I should add i'm a bit of a normie. Improvement has helped me immensely but I still get spells of chronic depression, why does this happen? ;_;

>>4963

Are you eating healthy and exercising? If not, this is one factor.

Have you been staying inside a lot lately not exposing yourself to the sun?

Have you been socializing lately?

When you experience failure, what approach do you use?

Do you ever say stuff like "If I'm not fit by next year, I'm a failure!" or anything similar.

>>4964

>being a normie

There's your issue

>>4969

Elaborate

I recently had a knock and all i've experienced since is overwhelming anger and lack of motivation. How do you lads overcome anger?

I spent my 5 years of college with no friends and always alone. I'd spend intervals between classes, in the computer room just browsing the internet. This wasn't really a big deal for me at the time; I didn't care much whether I had friends or whether everyone saw me as a weirdo, which probably happened.

I was an outcast, but not because people rejected me. It was actually more of the opposite. I always kept a distance towards others and avoided them because I don't really feel confortable around other people. I can keep a short conversation about casual things with someone but can't go beyond that. I can't create relationships with other people because I feel really tense, unconfortable and always keep a relationship distance from others.

I can also add that, over the years I grew bitter and started despising people in general…

I can actually be more normal and relaxed around my closer group of friends that I've know for about 10 years now, but we're still not close friends.

So yeah, I was that outcast weirdo when I was in college and I can do nothing about the past. The problem is I'm working now and I often find college colleagues in the same institution where I work and they can recognize me. I say hello when I come across them in the corridors. I haven't changed much since the college years so I still am that guy that barely talks to anyone.

I feel as if I were a criminal or suspicious, because of this outcast reputation, even though I'm not a bad person.

Other thing that doesn't help is that I often feel angry because things aren't going well for me at the moment, and that can be seen in my face, making me look…a bad person or someone dangerous (if I add that to being a loner). At least it's what I think others might be thinking. Just today, while I was eating on the cantina I caught this girl kind of staring at me for some very brief moment. This was, one of the moments when I was angry and it probably could be seen by the look on my face.

Also I've come to notice, my colleagues from my department think I'm gay and sexually deviant. This might be because of my low beta voice, quietness and submissiveness. They also probably think I look suspicious because I'm often nervous when talking to them and because I barely say a word…

Maybe this sounds like something a paranoid would write but these things I think others are thinking of me are probably real to some degree.

I don't know why it's so hard for me to be a normal person and create relationships and talk to people normally like everyone else does. It's like it's going to be like this forever.

I'm in a liberal college, trying to finish&graduate it so I can go live with my special other. But I fucking hate this college, and already changed majors once, so I can't do it again. My grandparents have helped me a lot financially, so I got to the point where one of my last motivations to finish is to not disappoint them. I feel bad enough about leaving them here anyway, if and when I will go to my special other. How does one find the will to go until the end when you know there's no chance in getting a job in the field anyway? This, and on top of it, my grandparents simply will not understand it, and they just keep telling me over and over again of someone who studied the same I do and succeeded.

Besides this, I have a quiet and rather boring life. My classes are so hectic I can't really have a routine to properly sleep and eat, so that's that.

I have an awesome relationship (even though it's long-distance), but sometimes I feel I'm spiraling down on a bad path, and it feels like I'm running away from responsibilities only by thinking that I will have the possibility to just move away. I'm genuinely afraid I will either lose myself in this, or fuck up badly with my SO (and I mean drive them crazy with my negativity, not cheating or so). It's annoying, and I don't want to depend on anyone to keep me calm and rational, yet for the past couple of days I felt like crying all day, because I've had this sort of uneasiness and fear before too, and I honestly have no idea how to control it. I'm trying meditation and all that, but there's just something wrong I can't put my finger on, about myself, the way I view things or myself, and the pressure of this knowing and feeling it is there makes me want to rip out my own hair.

>>5137

What are you studying?

>>5130

The more you do it, the easier it will become… It's not too late to start.

>>4994

Physical exercise.

>>5130

I know that feel anon.

>>5141

>tfw do it every day and I still go to bed raging

>>5139

Foreign languages. I got here because I was into linguistics and shit, but they only teach boring literature, and the linguistics teacher is an old hippie.

>>5189

maybe it's just my schizoid tendencies but after reading posts post like these I can't help but think the mechanics of human relationships are incredibly funny/fascinating

people are "rewards" or "limited edition", people try to calculate who will leave them first, "social life is battlefied" ayy lmao

I'd like someone to delve into that deeper so that I could understand what exactly is the point of a girlfriend.

>>5189

try that flip-a-coin trick. If the coin gives you girl 1 and you feel sad about it then maybe you wanted girl 2. Or maybe you'll be disappointed whatever the result, so I don't know.

>>5193

>so that I could understand what exactly is the point of a girlfriend.

real life girls seem so mediocre and the ones that are hot are already with alphas. So the efforts you must undergo to get a girl are really demotivating.

Saw my ex kissing another guy in a club last night, lads.

Fuck, life is cruel.

>>5199

I know that feel

>go on kikebook

>First thing on my homepage is-

>"She" is in a relationship with "him"

Fuck. At least I have lifting fuel now.

>>5193

That's what social skills are my man, normies and socially skilled people make these decisions automatically and unconsciously because they are so used to making them.

They make decisions based on who has more "value" as a person or which member of the opposite sex has more "sexual value".

If you mention this to someone, especially to a normie, they will say "yeah, that's evil, that's bad…" but the irony is that normies do that shit all the time and they don't even know about it.

And what is the point of having a girlfriend? To me it is a choice between:

>tfw no gf

Or having a gf who may or may not make your life shitty anyway depending on who she is.

>21 years old

>still live with my parents

>still can't drive

>still don't know what I'm doing with my life

I feel like this year will be the year I either get out of this rut or I kill myself.

>>4565

Are you addicted to Porn or drugs?

>>5322 *but you should tell her*