/improve/ - Self Improvement

>>4727

You're almost exactly me, even the same age, except I'm 5 years NEET and still haven't learned to drive. I've never even drunk alcohol or anything, and only within the last couple of months have I been outside on my own and bought something from a store. Feels like I missed the boat hard.

It's statistically probable that we'll end up with some sort of job, have experienced at least one relationship, and have lost our virginity at some point before we hit 40 I still doubt it myself, but I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to undo the "damage" caused by not maturing around the same time everyone else did.

I only did child-tier things all throughout my teenage years and young adulthood, and I didn't/don't have any friends so I can't into socialising at all. I can't even imagine what it's like to have friends as an adult, like how the dynamics work and what kind of things they do together.

Ironically I was actually one of the very first kids in my year/grade to hit puberty, but as soon as I hit 15 everyone seemed to shoot past me.

We live in crazy times by the standards of the past 50 years but not by the standards of humanity.

Look at where our peers are. Most people under 30 are still living at home(I know I am), are in school, and are either unemployed or underemployed.

Things don't happen in a linear way, they happen because we make it so. You could completely break the way you think you should live life by dropping out and seeing if you can make it on your own. You'll probably adapt, it's what humans do.

Appreciate what you have or are currently getting, namely an education. If anything, that's the prime place to be do do all the stuff you want maybe except the job.

Now, if you want me to get literal. Look at where the normies flock to. Look up things like tindr and facebook. Be socially conscious, you can take photos like the best of them and seem normal. It's just a matter of how much are you willing to give up to society. There's nothing stopping you from making a tinder account.

>>4733

>There's nothing stopping you from making a tinder account

Well, the Terms & Conditions, the Privacy Policies, and the PRISM surveillance program might, personally they stop me from even considering them.

Not to mention any anxiety issues that may need to be worked through. Sure you could say there was nothing physically stopping me from going outside for a walk on my own, going into a store, or all the other "ordinary" things I've still not yet done in my life, but it didn't and couldn't happen until I worked through and overcame some extremely limiting psychological barriers.

Setting up virtual billboards to advertise your identity while you're still, for lack of a better term, a "manchild", doesn't seem like a good idea.

>>4737

>caring about privacy

that ship has sailed bruh. obama signed cisa into law already under the new budget.

https://www.rt.com/usa/326481-obama-signs-budget-cisa-bill/

and you have no real room to talk about privacy if you're using windows, steam, chrome or are not using a vpn(or at the very least firefox with the standard prvacy suite)

>>4727

>How does one go about growing up after due time?

Sustained effort over time. The same way everyone else does it, just a little later than usual. It really doesn't change much, you got your drivers license at 22 instead of 16/18 right? The only difference was that you were older than average. You were outside the norm. So? You still got it done, right? There is no difference in your license than one earned at 16/18 is there?

>Having decided to do it, how does one go about actually doing it?

Sustained effort over time. What do you think will make you happy?

You are, like a lot of anons I think, what used to be referred to as a "late bloomer". We all develop in a number of areas. Obviously, most of us grow up physically (unless you have some crazy rare disease). But emotionally? Mentally? You could easily label everyone on /v/ as "man-children" for enjoying video games as a hobby, but the reality is most men and women are basically children's mindset and emotional responses fit into the body of an adult. Most normies get enough social feedback to normalize their behaviors enough to appear mature. But the honest truth is everyone is at some level of development, and hardly anyone alive is 100% completely "grown up". So don't beat yourself up, if you do. Don't let the "I'm a kissless virgin" mindset become your opinion of who you are and who you'll always be.

You are your own project, and it will take your entire life to complete it.

In other words, there is no "right time" there is just an "average/normal time". Most people have kissed someone by the end of high school. You didn't. So you are behind, not hopeless. What I think you should do, anon, isn't to conform to "normal" which is what your post makes me think you are going for. Fuck normal. Be you. Be the best you you can be, and make sure to define for yourself what this best you looks like. Is he a player with 1000 notches on his belt? Is he committed in a long term relationship with one woman? Or is he a MGTOW, looking to career or travel to find meaning in life?

The rest is surprisingly simple: sustained effort over time. It sounds like you have a couple goals and you've met some:

1. Get a GF

2. Have sex

3. Feel "adult" or "mature"

4. Kiss a girl

5. Get a job

6. Be successful in school

7. Learn to drive

So how did you learn to drive at 22 instead of 16/18? You just did it. You studied and passed the test. Years behind average, maybe, but so what? You still got it done. The rest of your goals are the same:

1. Take care of yourself physically. Work out, lift weights, martial arts, whatever increases your testosterone naturally. Diet too.

2. Maintain school. Do not deviate from this one, this is really important long term. Don't even put school off for kissing girls or losing your virginity, that shit will come in time.

3. Study and workout everyday, even if it is a quick flashcard study sesh and a long walk. Work on consistency!

4. Start applying to jobs, take anything reasonable. Apply to internships in an area you'd like to work in if possible (experience, references, networking, etc) but take part time shit work if this is all that is available.

So let's say this takes 1-6 months. It's June, 2016. You've been working out for 6 months, daily. You've been working hard at uni for 6 months, daily. Classes are easier than ever, and your body feels and looks better than ever. You either work a shitty part time job (little spending money, make friends, learn about people, fuck the work itself unless it is an internship) OR you've got an interesting internship in a field that interests you professionally (no money, make friends, learn about people, real world experience in a job that matters) so professionally you are building things up there as well.

What did it take?

Sustained effort over time.

>>4799

>windows, steam, chrome

>implying I use any of that shitty software

Just because certain folk are hellbent on pulling everyone's pants down doesn't mean I should also spread my ass cheeks and guide their cock into my asshole. That would not only be giving up, but actively working against my own principles.

>>4800

OP here. Anon, I'd really like to thank you for taking a few minutes of your time to write that post. That really means a lot to me and I'm not sure you can fathom how much it does.

I have come to realize that my "failures" in life were also sustained "effort" over time, except in a bad direction.

Thanks a lot man.

Bump.

>>4727

Anon, you're getting the equation all wrong. It isn't this:

>Person's mindset changes

>They start doing adult stuff

It's more like this:

>They start doing adult stuff

>Their mentality changes

Conventional wisdom on this issue has always told us that we need to wait for the right moment, that one day something will just *click* and you will suddenly feel like an adult. Conventional wisdom in this regard is absolute bullshit. Although it is very possible that for a group of people the above is what will happen, for most people though, it's not something that is probable.

If you want to feel like an adult or you want to feel like a man, you will have to bite the sand and just start doing adult stuff. Like for instance looking for a job, beginning to look after your body by working out or just in general, whatever it is you think an adult does. Then eventually the mentality will follow and you will *feel* like an adult.

Here's a possible reason to why it works:

"Modern psychologists have a theory on why acting-to-become is such an effective way of changing who you are and how you feel about yourself: cognitive dissonance. When there’s a conflict between your self-perception and how you’re actually behaving, you experience dissonance or tension, and your brain moves to close the gap by shifting how you feel about yourself to match how you’re acting."

[http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/05/13/want-to-feel-like-a-man-then-act-like-one/]

I'm not going to pretend that the above is easy, it isn't. It's a bitch of a challenge, but it's something that is necessary to feel the way you want to feel. With that said, facing behemoth challenges like asking out a woman or getting a job isn't what you need to get done, it is down the line but if you want to improve in this regard, start small and gradually increase. Do the adult things that you find comfortable and gradually progress and progress until you can do the harder stuff.

Productivity in general is something that will be an issue. So here are some good resources on the issue:

Power of Habits [Covers habit loops]

http://pdfbooksinfo.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-power-of-habit-pdf-book-free.html

Willpower Instinct [http://72.38.146.125/jim/stopsmoking/resources/the_willpower_instinct_how_self_control_works_why_.pdf]

The above books aren't a quick fix, they won't suddenly change you, but they give you an understanding to fight the enemies that got you into the position that you are in now. It's hard to fight back against something you can neither see or understand, the above give you that vision and that understanding *and* some good fighting tools so you can start btfo the things that have been wrecking you.

>>4727

I'm 22, when I look at normies my age I feel like a total kid and I see them as adults for some reason, when I see them doing the normie things they do like going to college, kissing their gf, driving their car, I feel really small and unworthy of those things for no real reason, it is a feeling similar to penis envy or breast envy I guess.

I think it is because those people became adults back in their teens when they first started doing these adult things, but since I was always provided for and never got the chance to start living life for myself then I still feel like some stupid kid even into my twenties.

I actually realized just now that being an adult doesn't depend on age at all but on the life experience that a person has.

This >>4795 nigga knows wtf he's talking about, NEETs are so good at mastering whatever video game they decide to play, if they will apply the same skills that they use to pass their video games in real life then they will surely succeed eventually.

>>5194

>“Where would a sense of maleness come from for the worker who sat at a desk all day? How could one be manly without independence? Where was virility to be found in increasingly faceless bureaucracies? How might clerks or salesmen feel masculine doing ‘women’s work’? What became of rugged individualism inside intensively rationalized corporations? How could a man be a patriarch when his job kept him away from home for most of his waking hours?”

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2010/09/07/3-archetypes-of-american-manliness-part-ii-the-heroic-artisan/

This art of manliness website seems like a very resourceful place.

>>5197

Not him but there is a thread up >>75 which 'gamificate' your life.

>>5197

I believe there's a rather narrow period where your parents are supposed to challenge, but support you.

Like a mother bird kicking its kid out of the nest, forcing it to fly or die. However, in this analogy, the mother keeps the kid in the nest, keeps bringing it yucky chewed up food and somewhere way past the date, when the kid is grown up, fat and disgusting wonder why the hell he didn't want to fly on his own.

Bonus point for shaming the kid for not wanting to fly by itself, when told that "you sure you're ready?".

As a personal belief/hypothesis, I think you can see how a NEET / loser / loner / depressed kid whatever you want to call it is raised through how they spend their time in a video game. Like me, I have to max everything safely as possible, build up a overpowered character to even think about trying some more difficult content. Which at that point I am so overpowered I just cuts through everything. That is no fun.

Same aspects goes for my idea of thinking in life. I can't move out unless I have sort of fixed all the other foundations (proper job, being fit, have a solid saving). Now, I can't get a proper job without being fit (in my mind). But to be fit, I need to dedicate myself - a lot. And for who?

It seems like every activity is for the sake of doing the activity. That you watch a movie, to watch a movie. You work out for the sake of working out. You learn to drive for the sake of learning to drive.

There's no overreaching goal where it all connects. Just a bunch of isolated shit you are supposed to make sense of but you were never taught.

It's weird to think that kids born right when I made it out of high school (or EU equivalent) are half-way to be there. And in life I haven't really gotten much further.