/improve/ - Self Improvement

>>4735

I've had a very good year, best year of my life so far I'm 23, although I've still got a long way to go.

Changes I've made in 2015:

>now able to communicate online via text and only anonymously without panic attacks for the most part

>implemented a sleep pattern that vaguely follows the day/night cycle

>started showering every 2-3 days rather than every 2-3 weeks

>have wake-up and bedtime routines

>can now go outside by myself and walk around, was formerly agoraphobic shut-in

>have proven to myself that I'm able to go to the shop and buy something on my own

>bought new clothes and get dressed almost everyday rather than staying in the same pair of pyjamas for 2-3 weeks

>spending significantly more time with family and talking to them, used to barely say a word and keep to my room at all times

>spending way less time playing vidya and watching youtube videos all day

>diet improved somewhat, now eating more fruit & veg, cut down hugely on sugary crap

>started doing push ups, and would like to work more on building strength

>improved outlook on life, more hopeful and built a belief that I can make it if I don't give up

Goals for future, in no particular order and with no particular timeframe:

>improve on all the above, I've only just begun on most of them

>get a job, have never had one before, still dread the idea

>learn to drive, pretty terrified of this

>make some IRL friends, currently friendless

>maybe some sort of education? unsure about this, have no direction at all right now

>talk to girls / get a girlfriend, never done either

>lose my kissing virginity and also hold hands with a girl

>move out of mum's house

>practice and improve vocal communicate; in IRL situations I shut down and become unresponsive due to anxiety and avoidance, and I avoid phonecalls / voip with a passion

>generally overcome social anxiety and avoidance

>spend less time on computer / anonymous imageboards, currently spend most of my day on them

>maybe get back into music production, was formerly a major hobby and potential career of mine, but virtually gave up on it 5 years ago due to depression, stagnation, and anxiety

That's all I can think of right now, there might be more but those are the main things. I'd like to thank /improve/, and even the rest of 8chan, for really helping me out this year. I didn't think I'd ever escape my situation, but now it actually seems possible, and I've already made massive improvements thanks to all the advice I've received. Thank you.

>>4740

To clarify a little bit more:

>23 years old

>Live in a shitty 3rd world country

>Kissless Virgin

>Never had a job

>Horny all the time

>>4739

I am 23 in 6 months as well. I know what it is like to waste years but better to enjoy what you have than lament what you don't.

>get a job, have never had one before, still dread the idea

Check out your governments offerings/websites in your local country. They may have something you can use. You said you lived in a 3rd world but the fact that you know English and have the Internet means you're already so far ahead. You're super young as well still.

Make a goal list too. Knock out the small stuff, personally I think I'd tackle the driving and job first since I am horrible at social interactions. Remember, SMART!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria

>>4740

I'm not an expert in relationships but what is lost is lost. Revel in the fact that you loved and that she didn't attempt to hurt you deliberately(I think). You may have gotten off easy! And always think of the positives, yes you may miss her but you have achieved the gf milestone a lot of us still want. All is not lost either, take a week off to relax and plan out next year.

Focus on where you could do the most good which I think is your studies. I was a horrible student when I went to school the first time. What really made a difference is that after working for a bit and seeing what life it really makes the things you thought were useless in school seem like damn near the secrets to life.

You'll be alright. I know it.

>>4742

You've done so much and are so in the zone that you don't even fucking realize it. How do I know? Because of this line

>I always get the feeling it's somehow not enough

That's because you're in the zone. Your brain is used to success and it craves more. Keep rocking and keep doing. I know the feeling, maybe not as well as you, but picking the pieces back up and putting them together like you have has been the most satisfying thing I have ever done. It's what got me to quit video games and want more than simply success in a virtual world.

You're in it to win it and so long as you keep building up on your success streak your 2016 will be amazing. Don't worry about your decisions, you do what you think is right and you'll learn tons. We'll make a mistake eventually but it'll just be a minor bump.

>>4743

You've pierced the veil. Too bad it doesn't sound like it's the paradise we all think it is. You've done good man, that you quit smoking alone puts to shame all those that tried but failed. That you got your body under your command like that is what normals would kill for. Even the Muay Thai, is something people dream of doing. That's what you should really focus on. You're doing the things people dream about. Ain't that something? The sex is inconsequential, anyone can do that tbh(except a few of us in this thread hardy har har) everything else is OUTSTANDING for the average person.

Seriously, even just one thing of what you're doing is fucking great. As for women, let come what may.

I'm fucking impressed guys. I'm honored to be with a group of like minded individuals who seek to make the best of themselves. Keep it up, I've said this before and I'll say it again, we're all in the same boat so start fucking paddling!

>>4746

Online ex-gf anon here.

Thanks anon. Are you OP? If not, mind sharing your year?

>>4746

I think you might be mixing posts, the person you quoted about never having a job and dreading the idea (me), and the person who said they lived in a third world are two different people. I live in an English-speaking country in the first world the UK is still the first world r-right?

My unemployment is more to do with my problem with anxiety and avoidance, plus the fact I went full NEET hikki for several years. I can't drive, and I still have a fear of people and a fear of public transport that I forgot to mention that I need to work on before I even think about applying for jobs. Qualifications are a problem too, I did awful in school so I might need to take some exams or something even to get a shit-tier job.

>SMART

Yeah I should really get to writing these things down and setting up a plan rather than just winging it on the odd days where I don't feel completely deflated. That seems like a good way of making it more achievable so thanks for that.

>>4747

Not a problem, we should be encouraging each other and sharing everything we know and that's what I try to do. I haven't been here in awhile so I"m going through the catalog so see what I have missed. I apologize if you start seeing old ass threads on the front page. That is me trying to help out!

>>4748

whoops, i thought you were >>4741. You are right i did mix up posts. I apologize, nevertheless do check out your government websites the US has a lot of good statistical data that is very useful. No doubt the UK has that and probably more and better resources.

>My unemployment is more to do with my problem with anxiety and avoidance, plus the fact I went full NEET hikki for several years.

Small steps brother, small steps. That's how we do anything. As for SMART it helps tremendously but if you can't list a goal exactly then don't worry and work with what you have. Refinement will come over time.

Seeing as how this is an imageboard and you guys are probably comfortable with japanese media. I'd like for you to check this series out. Just the first 4-5 chapters are an eerie prediction for our futures if we continue to waste away. Welcome to the NHK is a mainstay but that's because it's Ressentiment-lite.

http://www.mangahere.co/manga/ressentiment/v01/c001/

>>4742

good job lad

>>4750

>eerie prediction for our futures

Eh, if I had to describe my life over the last 8 years not including this year I would say it was exactly like Welcome to the NHK except I'm still living with my parents and I have no friends at all. Rather than being my future, it's already my past.

I just read the first 10 chapters of Ressentiment. Sure the guy is fat and ugly, but at least he has a job. He can also get around on his bike, and has his own money to spend on things. Plus he has a virtual waifu that he can talk to and touch. Living the dream honestly.

>>4743

>>I've QUIT SMOKING AFTER 6 YEARS

You one tough motherfucker.

>>4759

Damn I didn't even realize I placed that many spoilers there. Oh well.

It's been a good year for me. Things that needed to happen happened, and did some self discovery. But, there is some bad with the good as always. I'm 23

Good:

>Got a brand new car earlier in the year replacing my old (and first) car after she blew a gasket on me. (R.I.P Katie, I was very thankful to have you.)

>Not so much as a shut in as I wanted to be. Went to events that I was invited to and generally had a good time.

>figured out what I want to do with my life and chose computer programming as my career

>decided to stop fucking around and finish college, im taking more classes per semester. classes start the 11th of janurary

>find and make new friends to hang out and play vidya with

>debt on my credit card will be paid off by february thanks to my dad

>i'm guaranteed a new job in a few weeks that pays more than what I make now and has tuition reimbursement

Not so good

>still lazy and procrastinate a lot to the point where it's become a problem my dad is going to discuss this with me as it was part of the agreement for helping to pay my debt

>somewhere on the way I think I picked up an anger problem

>i'm still big and weigh a little more than I did last year

>i still have no gf despite me wanting to have one

>discovered the only person I really loved only really likes me as a friend. she offhandedly mentioned our relationship was a lukewarm attraction

>despite this I still want to be with her

>I've lost a little of my overall optimism this year

>I dont really set out to do things I want to do for myself, its mostly been for other people I've been wanting to learn french for two years and I dont even know much

I'd also like to say that I just found this board, so ideally, this will make my 2016 a lot more positive, productive and successful. Heres to the new year!

>>4759

>lack of social experience and confidence making me fuck things up with my crush

I'm in the same situation mate. We'll help each other. I've been with a few girls but it's only ever when they've asked me.

>>4758

Thanks a lot m8. I've even started my diet at the same time I've quit. Could've been a hard "Fail everything" but now that I'm both done with smoking and losing weight, I miss that feeling of being out of my comfort zone. It was a hard damn time, if it wasn't of the medication, quitting smoking would've been damn impossible too.

Same goes with pool and work-out: It's now a habit and I wish I still had that feeling of "I'm doing something I'm not used to. This is stressfull!" and then overcoming it. I guess the saying was right "Excellence then is a habit, not an act"

>>4761

If you're still interested in French, you could check out Duolingo in case you don't know of it already. It's not too great on the long run but it helps you get started. Also >>>/lang/, it's somewhat dead though. Grats on getting your educational stuff on track. And some physical exercise could help with anger issues if they're not too serious. Letting off steam and so on.

>>4762

Every time either a girl has shown interest in me or I've gotten interested in her it's just lead me into a wreckage. But I know this can still go well if I just don't let myself overthink it and stop being a pussy. I feel like a guy who can't swim being thrown into an unknown ocean pretty much. It'd help if I could discuss any of this with an IRL friend but na. How's it going with yours?

>>4759

I'm digging that progress but it seems that you're really all over the place. Maybe you should pare down on the thigns you're doing to a few? I know I sometimes go on binges where I look up random stuff to learn/do and gather resources that I never will use.

It's incredibly frustrating.

>>4761

>still lazy and procrastinate a lot to the point where it's become a problem

goal lists goal list goal lists. break things down into bite size chunks, it really builds up your confidence and backbone.

I want A

1. gather b

2. talk to c

i. find ourt c's phone number

3. set up d

We're all fucking OCD and this really scratches that itch. Continue working on yourself, you're getting there. You seem to have money problems too, here's what work for me

>budget

Get YNAB, it's hand's down the best budgeting software out there. Extremely worth the 40 dollars or so.

https://www.youneedabudget.com/

>basic finances

https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Main_Page

Crash course on pretty much all personal finances.

>>4743

> Extremely worth the 40 dollars or so

Or just use a paper and pencil….or install GnuCash.

>>4765

>it seems that you're really all over the place

It's the post for the most part. I hope. I do agree with that though, I've started too many things at once recently. But it's basically just guitar/music, drawing and exercising. But you know now that you said it I think I really should just focus on less things till I've at least managed to get back to exercising again. Considering most of these things aren't exactly concrete habits yet.

Heh I have Pocket and my bookmarks filled with stupid things I've gathered this year that I've done absolutely nothing with.

Hope I'm not doubleposting right now, stupid server issues

>>4746

>That's because you're in the zone.

I guess I'll keep going then. I'm definitely on a good path right now.

I'm probably not gonna quit vidya or similar "mindless" activities completely. Video games have always been a social thing for me and nowadays I almost exclusively play with my mates. It has never really interfered with achieving my goals. I think porn saps my energy far more than vidya ever could.

I forgot to mention that I got back into writing recently. Good shit!

>>4772

Anon, have you considered craigstslist or going to lgbt clubs? I'm sure you have, but what is preventing you from doing that?

many successes continued from last year:

>still in school

>still doing many impressive projects

new successes:

>hygeine continues to improve

>learning to drive

lacking:

>internet habit got worse (possibly because of stress)

>didn't have the endurance to keep improving my body

>anxiety problems slipped back

Pretty good year. I'm moving in the right direction.

>>4778

LGBT clubs near by? That's a funny joke and craigslist? Last time I used craigslist I nearly got robbed.

alright

>began weightlifting

>cardio every day

>begun programming

>started conversing with a girl

>lowering my hours gaming

>reading some damn good books for 2 hours a day

>spending time with family

>quittan the jackoff

overall well

>>4755

You're failures seem a lot like mine. For uni stuff I can't stop checking what's going on the internet and sometimes even play games when i'm supposed to study.

Anyway try to block of internet and pt your phone in another room to start working on uni stuff. Works somewhat for me.

I'm surprised at all the responses! To think /improve/ dead half the time :DDD

>>4772

Don't be a fag. "Discovering yourself" is code for fag.

Good on you for trying to become independent. Having a license is key. If you really want to move out make sure you have all your paperwork in order(ID's, birth certificates, etc). That shit is mandatory. Make copies too. The depression/suicide isn't anything to be ashamed of although being put up in a ward is. Prepare to have that used against you in the future.

Little steps dude. Again, like I've told half the people i responded to. SMART goals. Goals DO help out. It's like bookmarks for life. You're not wasting time figuring out what the fuck it is you need to be doing since you've already thought of it and decided it.

>>4779

Fucking A', the Internet habit is a bitch I'll agree but so long as your successes overshadow the Internet you'll still be fine. Keep it up!

>>4785

Nice on the coordinator position but kick the weed habit. You don't want to lose all your progress due to fucking pot.

>Lots of good plans for what I want to do next year

That's what I like to hear. Always have plans and even contingency plans. You never fucking know.

>>4789

>Realized that it isn't what you're making that matters, it's how you make it.

It's not even that. I argue that it's not what or how but why you make it. Therein lies the key of everything.

>I am depressed, lonely and constantly feel like a failure. I think of an idea or something I want to do and then think that it's pointless.

Join the club. Most of us I wager are like that right now. It's why this board is called /improve/ not /successful/. You'll be fine. Don't play WoW or even MMO's for that matter. They're nothing but time wasters that fool you into thinking you're doing something worthwhile. This coming from a guy who loved EVE.

>>4792

I don't play games anymore, can't stand them tbh, but I do use the internet a lot although that is also waning. I wish I could tell you that all you need to do is stop but what it really is, is that you must come to those epiphanies yourself. Only then can you stop.

My suggestion is to keep questioning what you're doing and what it is that you're trying to escape from. Really question those uncomfortable demons and trolls that lurk in the back of your head. When you do it honestly and come to terms with whatever it is that you are trying to get away from it at least sheds a lot of light on who you really are.

I'm happy for all your guys' successes and wish you the best this coming year. I know it sucks sometimes but the name of the game is to give life the finger and succeed anyway.

>>4790

>tfw you weren't born stupid but happy

>>4735

I've done better this year at managing my health than I have in a long time. Regular insulin, walking, pushups, yoga, meditation. Lots of reading done this year. I'm getting better at work. Drinking more tea. Actively managing my social life. Regular church and bible study attendance.

This summer was actually pretty dang good to me. The fall and winter, not so much. But I think I'm starting 2016 in a better place than I have in a long, long time.

>>4820

Go do acid and find the answers to your questions

>>4790

Do you remember how this all started?

Would you consider this your philosophical position(you're mentally stable during all of this) or do you consider it a psychological state(You are feeling low, depressed etc)?

>>4822

>Would you consider this your philosophical position

Laughable pseudo-philosophy. If I were to ever post this on /lit/ or anywhere that is remotely knowledgeable about philosophy I would be laughed at and be burnt at the stake.

>inb4 implying that lit knows anything

They know more than me anyway.

This mindset actually made me depressed, not the other way around. I used to have some desire for discovery you know.

>>4823

So maybe that's what you should do, look at other philosophies. A good one to check out would be stoicism.

Along with this, maybe looking at nihilism critiques and rebuttals would also be good?

As a philosophy of life, your one makes no sense. It doesn't bring you happiness or enjoyment and it doesn't offer anything to the world, ironically it makes your whole life pointless. Considering you are in control of what goes on in your mind, why would you stick with this? It's just self destructive, equivalent to people that skew every situation to appear negative.. And don't say it's not in your control because it is.

>>4828

I have been reading Meditations slowly and this conversation brought back many quotes I've forgotten, I have a bad short term memory but I'll try to change that.

Any good rebuttals to Nihilism? I'm not sure where I should start. I also agree that it's totally in my control though, the last part about "mercury and lead" was meant to be a joke. It's like that I'm in a car but I have no destination.

By the way, I'm finally starting to fully understand my dilemma which has made me do actual work. Thanks for replying to my posts, really helps.