Conquering My Mind

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Conquering My Mind Anonymous 01/01/16 (Fri) 14:56:10 No.4830

I recently destroyed a relationship with two very great people because of jealously and selfishness. It's over between me and them I can't go back and fix things I just made the situation worse and worse never thought to much about what I was doing to them. Realization of what I did comes into full view now I'm a compulsive liar, manipulator and have hurt multiple people in the past just to get my way. I thought I might have been able to change but I could not in time it comes back in full swing usually I can't keep doing this forever. This keeps happening through out my life I have episodes where I nearly destroy or actually destroy someone's life because of how my emotions get to me. I'm seeing a psychiatrist only went to the first appointment so far not much has been done yet now next appointment will be on the 6th I hope he can help me but in the mean time how can I work on this myself.

I've improved several aspects of my life, I have enough money to move somewhere nice now and out of this dead place I live in, I finally got my license, getting a car soon and I have a steady job but I no longer want feelings of lust, jealously, selfishness, wrath and greed to rule my life.

Anonymous 01/01/16 (Fri) 15:46:42 No.4831

Are you diagnosed with anything?

Describe your emotional episodes, what do you do? What have you done to prevent them so far(your techniques)?

Anonymous 01/01/16 (Fri) 15:55:46 No.4833

>>4831

Usually when I feel something isn't going to turn out the way than I wanted it to I usually get angry, irrational, and start acting on it immediately.

To get what I want I usually lie and think up a ruse to get longer term goals but if all that fails I usually start snapping when I realize it's not going to happen.

Usually when I go through an episode my heart rate goes up, sometimes I start shaking, compelled to hurt someone in any way possible.

When I was a kid the only things I was diagnosed with was ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, and back then the therapist I was with saw through many of my lies labeled me as a compulsive liar. A lot of this has gotten worse through out the years my ADHD feels less intense than when I was a kid though, but my mood can take a 180 pretty quick or for long periods at a time. Signs of being bipolar are evident.

Anonymous 01/01/16 (Fri) 17:04:14 No.4834

>>4831

I forgot to mention I tried techniques but they never work 100% of the time, I used a process stop, think, decide, and move on but I could not even do that most of the time. Other things like taking a walk and going for a drive don't help much either.

Anonymous 01/04/16 (Mon) 22:14:26 No.4850

>>4830

before you leave say sorry to those 2 very great people and say that you will leave and will not bother them again, it helps even if they ignore you

Anonymous 01/05/16 (Tue) 02:07:02 No.4851

>>4850

Impossible at this point, their afraid of me now. Will call the police if I dare try to contact them again. This ship has sailed sadly I just never want to do this again.

Anonymous 01/05/16 (Tue) 06:43:55 No.4857

>>4851

well, dont contact them directly, use a letter or leave a big "SORRY" writing on their wall, in my country police cant arrest you for saying sorry