I woke up this morning thinking about how easy it would be to kill myself. I don't truly want to kill myself, but this is the sort of mentality I've built in my years as a NEET. There is a strong resistance to any sort of challenge and boy there are a lot of challenges coming up this year. To me it looks like a looming cloud carrying a storm coming nearer and nearer.
Things have changed though, I stopped avoiding these challenges, I've stopped fleeing. I'm going to jump head first into this storm and I am going to smile while the rain and hail batters me. I'm not crazy, I just know that this scurge that I've been battling for over a decade is dying. I can feel it dying, I can feel its power weathering and I know this last upcoming storm is its last strongest offense. After this, it's done. It'll throw stuff at me occasionally but not like before, it won't have control over me or my actions. The scale will be tipped and I will be commandeering this ship from that point on. I will sail it through uncharted territory I once feared and there won't be a single thing the storm can do to break my resolve. Once I'm free, it won't be me on the defensive, it will be it. And for each stretch of sea that I cover, I wreck its puny resistance, and I'll push it back and back until it'll be dead. And at that point I will be at the highest point in my life I've ever been.
The journey won't end there, I will change my course and go straight into a new storm, because although these years have been painful, they've turned a boy into a man. There's strength in discomfort, and I will make it my cause to pursue it. This unexpected uncomfortable path I went on changed the course of my life, I'm no longer doomed to a life of mediocrity or dirt, I aim to become somebody great and there's no storm, monster or God that can possibly stop me.