Social anxiety / awkward personality

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Leodgar 01/27/15 (Tue) 17:19:58 No.715

File: 1422379198076.jpg (89.04 KB, 768x1024, 3:4, aelfred.jpg)

I have a tendency to be quite awkward/self-conscious, especially around girls. I've found that a combination of the following can alleviate most of my awkwardness and anxiety though it takes a lot of effort to keep it up.

1. Go for walks, no music or phones, just yourself, preferably in the countryside, it's extremely therapeutic and boosts esteem and productivity.

2. Work-out, again for reasons above.

3. Cold-showers, just fucking do it, it's worth it. If i'm anxious about going somewhere i just jump in a freezing shower for a few minutes then i'm raring to go. No one trusts me on this but it's amazing and there's a lot of science behind it.

4. Maintain a good sleeping pattern, i try to get about 9 hours sleep a night, i find that once my sleeping pattern is messed up my anxiety returns.

5. Eat healthy and a lot.

6. Take everything in little steps, don't throw yourself into new situations, take it bit-by-bit, each success will boost your confidence just a bit more. And most importantly, make yourself act immediately, the more you think the more you hesitate, even if it goes tits up you'll be happy you actually acted upon something, Fuck anyone else, they're cunts.
Know that it's not a straight climb to the top, anxiety will still come and go but you won't even notice it getting better overall.

I read a few of Paul McKenna's books which are pretty helpful

Good Luck mate =D

Anonymous 01/28/15 (Wed) 16:52:37 No.721

I want to become less awkward and more confident myself, but on the other hand people seem to find me funny and my awkward persona may be a contributing factor to this…

>>715
>No one trusts me on this but it's amazing and there's a lot of science behind it.
What do you mean? Everybody on this board seems to be obsessed with cold showers.

Anonymous 01/28/15 (Wed) 17:07:26 No.722

>>721
>but on the other hand people seem to find me funny and my awkward persona may be a contributing factor to this…
This is literally exactly how my situation used to be. At first I was painfully socially retarded and the awkward rep kind of stuck with me, eventually that awkward side made people laugh and I decided to embrace it. Now I'm confident, and generally don't care if I do something stupid, because nobody bats an eyelid. I also get along well with people and friends have told me that I'm very approachable now.

Even if they didn't laugh at your awkwardness, the longer you'd hang out with them and take part in social events, the less awkward you would become. That's just how it works.
What you have now isn't an affliction but just beginner tier social skills, luckily for you, simply going out regularly and subconsciously observing social ques and what not, will build and advance your social skills.

>What do you mean? Everybody on this board seems to be obsessed with cold showers.
>Makes you energetic and improves mood
>Body feels great and so does your mind
>The whole facing discomfort consistently on a daily basis angle
Cold showers are great. I wouldn't say it's a cure all but goddamn the feeling after taking one, assuming you went cold enough, is enough reason to take it, for me anyway.

Anonymous 01/29/15 (Thu) 00:38:57 No.731

I'm 23, male, NEET, virgin, no friends, bordering on underweight, no higher-education, and I live with my mother and her partner.

I have anxiety to the point where I can't leave the house on my own, and even while I'm inside I'm unable to do anything out of the ordinary (e.g. exercise) if other people are around. I've only recently started being able to make anonymous posts online within the last few months, let alone talk to actual people, and I've yet to come across anyone with the same issues as me to the same degree (I'll assume it's because they just lurk like I have for years). Just thinking about leaving my room while someone besides my mother is around makes my heart pound and my entire body sweat, and freeze up.

It's been this way since I finished school at 16. I've been to psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. over the years and all I got was the Asperger's syndrome label, then sent to various other organisations for "help" that would turn me away for having that very same label. Right now, after a nervous breakdown a week ago and subsequent desperation to get some sort of life, I'm trying to get into the habit of at least washing once a day and trying to get out of a non-24 sleep pattern I've held for 7 years. The problem is, even so-called simple things like "go for walks", "work-out" or " take part in social events" are currently impossible for me.

What I'm asking is, what can I do to reach the level of confidence needed to do the things suggested in the posts above? Because as it stands, they sound like suggestions out of an alpha-male's handbook rather than anything someone at my level is capable of.

Anonymous 01/29/15 (Thu) 01:13:11 No.733

>>731
How big is your room? Roughly how much walking space is there?

Do you have a lock on your door?

Do you go to any kind of therapy whatsoever?

Are you willing to do what it takes to beat this bitch?

> I'm unable to do anything out of the ordinary (e.g. exercise) if other people are around.
Elaborate on this. Is it that you're shy to in anyway have anyone in your house assume you are trying to improve yourself? Or not even shy, just don't want anyone knowing you are trying to do something out of the ordinary for some subconscious reason?

Post last edited at 01/29/15 (Thu) 01:16:48

Anonymous 01/29/15 (Thu) 10:42:04 No.735

>>733
>How big is your room? Roughly how much walking space is there?
It's not a closet by any means, but it's probably dwarfed by the average US bedroom (I'm in the UK). It doesn't really have a "walking space", I have about 2m x 1m of clear floor space in it's current arrangement.

>Do you have a lock on your door?
I don't, only the front, back and bathroom door in this house have locks.

Do you go to any kind of therapy whatsoever?
I've recently started after my breakdown, I have only been to one visit so far that was mostly me responding to questions with single word answers, so I don't know how that will go.

>Are you willing to do what it takes to beat this bitch?
I want to say yes, but if that was the case I probably would have already. I'm certainly more desperate to improve than I was several years ago.

>Elaborate on this. Is it that you're shy to in anyway have anyone in your house assume you are trying to improve yourself? Or not even shy, just don't want anyone knowing you are trying to do something out of the ordinary for some subconscious reason?
The former mostly, I feel terrified and freeze up just thinking about doing anything outside of what I'm normally expected to do while anyone else is around. Whenever I find myself home alone, which is rare, I feel as free as a bird and I can comfortably move around the house and do things I wouldn't normally be able to do. I don't why this is, as I said I've only had a single (extremely awkward) visit to a therapist so far, but I just feel trapped with no way to help myself right now. It's frustrating. Ever since I can remember all I could do was distract myself with escapism (internet, videogames, music, other solitary hobbies), which dampens the anxiety a lot, but gets me nowhere.

Anonymous 01/29/15 (Thu) 12:13:11 No.736

>>735
Perhaps start with small-scale minor exercise, just buy a dumbell or something and start off with that for a while. Over time it should slightly increase your will to move into other more intensive exercise.

Anonymous 01/29/15 (Thu) 19:49:00 No.738

>>736
Thanks for the suggestion.

I won't lie, I've always dreaded and actively avoided anything /fit/ related, it's probably why I came here instead of there. I don't know where/how to start and even just buying a dumbbell is a quest of it's own. I would also probably need some kind of routine/schedule and I'm already struggling with just basic sleep and hygiene. The prospect of exercising is fucking terrifying to me.

I know I'm over-thinking this but I don't know how to not. Maybe I need medication or something, but the last time I tried that I lost all sense of emotion and essentially became a bed-ridden zombie; something I have no interest in repeating.

Anonymous 01/30/15 (Fri) 19:58:41 No.744

>>738
Well if you have problems sleeping i'd definitely suggest the cold shower therapy. Managing a proper sleeping pattern is vital to starting anything productive, it just takes a bit of willpower to get into the habit.

Anonymous 01/31/15 (Sat) 06:48:41 No.745

>>708
Start with reading into socialization.

How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic.

Anything by Robert Greene is also great.

The other advice in this thread is good, too. Getting between 6-9 hours of sleep each night, having good personal hygiene, and eating right are all hugely important.

Also, try and dress well. I personally wear slacks and dress shirts almost every day (pretty much business casual). I get complimented on my clothes pretty often and it makes me feel a lot better about myself.

You don't need to go that far though. Buy some decent jeans, some solid colored t-shirts, button-ups, or polos, and wear black socks. Black socks look a lot better than white ones and they go with pretty much everything. You don't need fantastic shoes, but try not to wear ratty old sneakers or anything.

Last - but not least - make sure you go outside every day, even if it's just to fetch the mail. I know that it might seem trivial, but the sun is good for you and it can have a huge impact on your mood.

I hope this has helped you.

Anonymous 01/31/15 (Sat) 12:37:25 No.747

>>745
>tfw been wearing white socks for 21 years

Anonymous 02/01/15 (Sun) 01:53:39 No.751

File: 1422755618998.jpg (89.52 KB, 1366x768, 683:384, cycle bodyweight.jpg)

>>738
Try this man. You can do it in your room and it doesn't require dumbbells. If I were you I'd start off doing only 1 cycle of it every second day and then after a week do it every day and then after another week increase it to 2 cycles and on and on. 1 cycle is fairly easy considering, but it's important for you to start small so you can gradually move on and adapt it as a habit.

^100% do the above. You'll be able to do it in your room, a safe environment, so you have no excuse on this. Especially if you want to improve and beat this bitch. Also, try to eat a bit more from now on if you can.

Also, start journalling. This one seems insignificant but it's not, in fact, this one is essential in my opinion. One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy outlet in which to express yourself, which makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your mental health. Writing down your thoughts and feelings will help you understand them more clearly and help you identify solutions and be much more in control of your symptoms. It also provides an opportunity for positive self-talk and identifying negative thoughts and behaviours. By identifying your "triggers" and noticing patterns in your behaviour you will be able to prepare for the bad days or plan out how you will react under certain circumstances.

Also, you're going to have to get out of your comfort zone more. I'm not talking about going outside to club or anything like that, I'm not talking about easy shit, like leave your room more. Talk to your mom more, try to make a bigger effort at therapy etc etc. Baby steps but steps nontheless.

Anonymous 02/01/15 (Sun) 01:55:16 No.752

File: 1422755716134.jpg (677.67 KB, 2207x2340, 2207:2340, Body workouts.jpg)

>>751
This is for when you want to increase the intensity on the cycle. Don;t do it until you at least make cycles a habit.

Anonymous 02/01/15 (Sun) 03:11:04 No.753

File: 1422760264623.jpg (84.55 KB, 808x588, 202:147, Layer method.jpg)

>>735
Anon, you have just inspired me to devise a method of self-improvement geared towards the more extreme cases of social anxiety/NEET.

Here is what you do: imagine your life is made up of layers, with you at the center. The closer a layer is to the center, the more important it is to your day-to-day life. This is the order in which you should improve your life.

First thing you need to know is that there are as many layers as you want. You can fraction the layers in the image into more manageable ones, you can add more layers after "your house", or you can just use different layers. The important thing is not trying to make everything better all at once, which will seem overwhelming. The second thing to know is that I'm not asking for big improvements. I recognize that you probably have a serious problem, and that it is hard for you to imagine changing your life. Basically, you should take small, constant steps, and only go forward once you are sure you can keep up what you've done so far.

The Layer Method
by Anon

>Your body
I'm not asking you to get fit from one day to another, I'm merely asking you to look at your body and think of the things you can do that will have an immediate effect. Hygiene is fundamental for health and for social interaction, so start with that. Shower daily, clip your nails frequently, cut your hair as short as you are comfortable with, shave, brush your teeth after every meal, floss once a day (at least); finally (and perhaps most importantly) check if there is anything that seems medically wrong with you: any chronic pains, soreness, rashes and such can be symptoms of larger problems.

>Your clothes
Having a clean body means nothing if you don't wear clean clothes. Change your underwear and socks every day, putting new ones after the daily shower. Don't wear shirts for more than a couple of days, even if you did no physical activity at all. All other pieces of clothing should be changed frequently. Make sure that the clothes you own are in a good state, with no holes or stains. You can get decent, discreet and cheep clothes at goodwill.
(1/2)

Anonymous 02/01/15 (Sun) 03:11:44 No.754

>>753

>Your bed
Where you spend almost a third of your life. Just like the clothes, change the sheets and pillow cover once a week. Make sure that there is no humidity going into the mattress (like infiltration from a bathroom wall). Don't use your bed as a place for clothes (dirty or otherwise) or any other objects. Every day after you wake up, don't make the bed in the traditional sense; instead, let is breathe during the day by folding the covers at the bottom of the bed and placing the pillow on top of them. That looks neat (and a neat-looking environment inspires neat thinking) and makes it harder for microorganisms that feed on your skin cells and sweat to proliferate.

>Your room
Again, assuming this is where you spend most of your day, this place needs to be clean and organized. Your bed is neat, but what about the nightstand? And the computer desk next to it? Irradiate from the places already cleaned and organized, so that the neat spaces are connected and seem to "grow" as you move along. Maintaining a neat environment is not a matter of cleaning it up once a week, it's a matter of always putting things in their right places and not letting clutter take a hold of a space. Once you are done, you can move, breathe and sleep better. Maybe you even have some room to start exercising, huh? (don't worry, that will only come later).

>Your house
Extend the idea of the neat room to the entire residence. The three main places are the bedroom (which should be completed), the kitchen and the bathroom. The bathroom is where you make yourself clean and where you piss/shit (no more piss bottles, that should be obvious by now). A good thing about the bathroom is that it doesn't need to have a lot of stuff, so it's easy to end up with a non-cluttered space that is covered in an easy to clean surface (tiles and porcelain). The kitchen is where you prepare your meals (or where they are prepared for you), so a clean environment is a matter of safety, because food poisoning is serious business.

>Oh god, I can't do this, I'm having a panic attack
Calm down buddy, calm down. Remember: don't move to the next layer until you have completed the previous one. If things start to get too hard, hunker down on the last layer you have completed and make sure that all of the ones inside it are ok. If you try to move to fast you will neglect your previous achievements and the whole thing will fall apart, so take your time. But note: do not use this as an excuse to avoid progressing!

>Am I done?
Well… no. The thing about self-improvement is that it's never over.
If you have completed all of these steps (which, depending on your condition may take months), time to go back to your body and start not only maintaining it, but improving it with exercise and a good diet. There are plenty of guides on those out there. After that, make up your own layers and keep on going!

Anonymous 02/03/15 (Tue) 11:01:34 No.785

File: 1422961294256.jpg (192.01 KB, 1280x960, 4:3, 1410050392741.jpg)

Thanks for all the advice people, I'm glad to see the topic has inspired this much discussion.

I sort of figured it would mostly boil down to just taking care of myself and making the most out of the social situations that come my way. One can read as many books and blogs on any given subject, but ultimately its practice you have to put in if it's a skill you're trying to develop. Being social definitely is one.

I do love reading though, so whatever material you can recommend, I'll take note.

Thankfully I'm not in as bad a situation as some who've posted here, so at least I'm not starting from the very bottom. I guess I'll focus on trying to develop whatever budding friendships I might have while subtly paying attention to how I act around people to see if I can pinpoint what exactly it is that I'm doing wrong.

I'm surprised no one's mentioned nofap yet. Supposedly excessive masturbation puts a hamper on your sociability as well. A no-brainer, i guess.

Anyway, thanks again for your input and I hope this thread has been helpful to others as well.

Anonymous 02/04/15 (Wed) 01:16:51 No.791

>>751
>>753
Thank you guys, really thank you. This is a lot of help and I really appreciate it. I can't say for sure if I'm actually going to be able to get myself out of my current situation or not, but this has given me a hugely clearer picture on what I need to focus on right now and a lot of motivation. I've never come across anything that covered the basics for climbing out of an anxiety-filled hikikomori NEET life before, so thanks again.

Anonymous 02/04/15 (Wed) 01:24:49 No.792

>>791
Good luck mate, and remember, little steps. I managed to change myself around, just keep your head up and relax.

Anonymous 02/04/15 (Wed) 15:27:23 No.794

>>791
Keep us posted

Anonymous 02/22/15 (Sun) 22:16:14 No.972

>>708
>>738
OP I was bullied a lot. I am assuming you are poster 738, but something that really helped me become more social was boxing. Just go to a club stay humble and ask the guys who are better than you for help (people like this) and tell people who are really working hard they are improving.
>Hey, can you help me punch that good
>Man you really are getting good
>Simple sentences.

Soon you are talking to these boxing buddies every week and they are talking too you. You don' t have to fight just train a bit the self confidence you get knowing you won' t get killed without a fight and talking too intimidating guys gave me social confidence sometimes there will be a assholes most are not. Best of luck OP

Anonymous 03/18/15 (Wed) 19:22:51 No.1646

>>751
>every other day, then every day
NO. NO NO NO.

Three times a week is plenty if you feel absolutely ruined after a workout. You can tear your muscles and overtrain yourself into depression. Your joints and tendons need time to adjust too.

Also, getting enough protein is vital for recovering your muscles. It's literally the building blocks of your muscles, and if you create microfractures through working out and don't supply protein to help you recover, then you'll be making yourself weaker by working out.

Anonymous 05/18/15 (Mon) 15:01:14 No.2842

File: 1431961274262.jpg (128.91 KB, 558x960, 93:160, what.jpg)

I couldn't find a better fitting thread for this and I don't think I deserve my own.

I have absolutely no motivation to socialize. None. I'm okay with being alone most of the time. I've always been like this. I've read countless sites like >>712 and have to some extent succeeded in applying the tips but the main problem remains despite of my decent social skills. What really confuses me here is that all I seem to want is a friend. Yet I have no motivation and my extremely harm avoidant mind seems to be actively blocking out any ways for me to achieve what I want. What confuses me even more is that sometimes I think I only want friends because it's considered normal and I need to fit in as I recall being a happy recluse as a kid.

After socializing in school I'm so mentally exhausted I can't even get myself to consider going out. I keep trying despite of most experiences being absolutely horrible but all they do is add up to my infinite list of bad memories. I honestly think I might be an assburger or something. The amount of issues I still have regarding socializing is ridiculous.

Anonymous 05/19/15 (Tue) 20:27:01 No.2858

File: 1432067224417.png (1.05 MB, 513x1117, 513:1117, 1431863013190.png)

>>2842

Actually, now that I thought of this in a not-so-bad mood I realized how stupid that post was. I've always been introverted but something has completely fucked my perception of socializing gradually throughout the years. It seems like even more of a chore now. A really aggravating and painful chore. I have bad anxiety issues and nearly pass out from breathing manually on my way home. I can barely even fantasize about a social situation that goes well for me. I have actually honed my social skills but it's like there's a thick pane of glass between me and others. People keep seeing me as an aloof turboautism despite whatever I do. It's not fun to get literally laughed at just as you walk by among other things.

I don't know what I'm even rambling out, polite sage.

Anonymous 05/22/15 (Fri) 01:01:04 No.2895

>>2842

What do you do when you're alone anon?

>>791

And you should join our skype group maybe you find a friend in your city who knows, at worst you jjust talk to us on the internet

Anonymous 05/22/15 (Fri) 02:17:57 No.2896

>>2895

I'm a loner trying desperately to escape my own head and this is the best thread I've lurked through in a while. May I join the Skype group as well?

Anonymous 05/22/15 (Fri) 07:41:47 No.2903

>>2895

Draw, shitpost, lift weights, bike, listen to music, read stuff and learn languages. I wrote those while I was really stressed, kinda embarrassing, like an emotional hangover. Needed to vent I guess. It's really not as bad as I made it seem to be.

Anonymous 05/22/15 (Fri) 23:55:09 No.2912

Every /imp/rove can jin the skype group, there was a thread but I can't find it, if you can find it on catalog write your name we'll add you

>>2903

you're doing more activity than me except going to uni. how old are you btw? are you going school?

Anonymous 05/23/15 (Sat) 02:21:12 No.2914

>>2903

>>2896

found it on here >>2873

Anonymous 05/26/15 (Tue) 11:04:27 No.2982

>>2895

>skype group

I've improved somewhat since late January when I first came into this thread, but social anxiety is still a massive problem for me. I might as well give a complete update.

For reference, I was: >>731 >>735 >>738 and >>791

I did manage to get a fairly decent sleep pattern and hygiene routine down for the most part, but it fell apart about a month ago when I got the flu and relapsed, so I'm pretty much starting again from scratch since about two days ago. I couldn't fully keep up with sleep and hygiene to move on to the next stages; it takes me an enormous amount of energy and focus just to wake and get myself up out of bed in the morning and have a shower every other day. After two or three days of pushing myself I usually end up lapsing and having to start over a few days later. I expected this to happen at first, but now that it's 4 months down the line and I'm still struggling with stage 1, I'm starting to feel a bit hopeless.

I managed to sit in the garden a couple of times, and on three occasions I even went for a short (but exhausting) walk around the block on my own, but that was about two months ago and other than that I haven't really done anything at all. I've seen two therapists since I last posted as well, but I could hardly open my mouth to either of them, even after 6 visits to each, and I spent the majority of the sessions frozen in silence while staring at my hands giving one word answers. The second one was CBT, which is allegedly one of the best ways to tackle social anxiety, but I couldn't do the tasks I was being set to do outside of therapy (beyond sitting in the garden and walking around the block by myself anyway), so it ultimately felt like I had wasted my time and money.

I couldn't do any fitness type things either, I did give >>751 a couple of goes but I couldn't even hold myself in any of those positions to get started, did them all completely wrong and then felt physically broken and exhausted for the rest of the week. That graph either massively underestimates how unfit and physically incompetent a person can actually be, or it isn't intended for people that have been living an entirely sedentary life for the last decade. I can't even do a single one of those things let alone 8 of them in a row. Fitness isn't a priority right now anyway, I'm not overweight (I'm underweight) and it's not something I've ever desired to do, I just want to be able to communicate with people online and offline, and go to places by myself without having panic attacks or high levels of anxiety that preventing me from leaving the house.

So overall, I'm in a slightly better position that I have been in previous years, but I'm still hitting mental (and physical too I guess) barriers that I'm struggling to get past.

That's pretty much it.

Anonymous 05/26/15 (Tue) 14:21:44 No.2983

File: 1432650104522.jpeg (100.83 KB, 807x538, 3:2, 1403352229001.jpeg)

>>2982

I was in your same boat years ago, perhaps only marginally better. What I can tell you is that making the decision to actually work on your issues is awesome, you've taken the first step. Now you need to keep going.

Try to figure out what is it that scares you so much about people.

Is it the fear of being judged or hurt? You shouldn't let others bring you down. Nobody knows what happens inside of your head or what you've been through, but you. Stop giving a damn and keep walking the right path.

And about pain, unfortunately it's part of life. If others hurt you, emotionally more likely than physically, then you need to gain the ability to shrug it off and keep going wherever you want to go. For this reason lifting sounds good, it might teach you this very same thing, just read up on it first, don't train too hard as you're starting and eat right.

In other words you're too soft, you need armour to walk around. The way I've done this is both through exposure, which means for one forcing yourself to get out of the house, and secondly through gaining self-esteem, which involves acquiring skills and knowledge which you deem valuable, and will make you think you're a more valuable person as a result. Pick up a hobby or two. Could even be something you do on your own in your room, but requires you to get out of the house at least to get supplies that you need. Going to the store might seem like an arduous task right now, but it won't the third or fourth time around. Remember, everyone judges everybody else all the time, but you don't really need to give a damn. Take pride in your brokenness like I do in mine, and my will to overcome.

Social skills are like muscles, the first few times you train them it might hurt a bit. Take a couple days to recover, then dive back into it. At this stage online interactions could be a good way to do this, then hobbies which involve interacting with other people will be good down the line. Don't strain yourself neither too hard nor too little, just stay on the edge, where you're meant to be. The mind is elastic, you can train it however you want, with as many results as time and effort you devolve to it.

Finally you need a reason to keep pushing with your project. If you're like me, you won't give much of a fuck about your own self, so finding motivation would be hard. Talk to your mother, try to make her understand what you're trying to do and how hard it is. If she's a mother at all she will understand and help you. Talk to her occasionally about your frustrations, goals and so on, seek her comfort. Making her happy with your successes will be a good feeling, I promise.

If this doesn't work out, or proves to not be enough, you will need other sources of motivation. The way I've done this is through philosophy, studying religions and so on. I saw life as pointless, as a cruel joke where you have to suffer constantly just for a few moments of pleasure, and it all ends in death. Now I stitched together my own philosophy which allows for some kind of divine essence, soul, free will and so on. The gist of it is that having experience of the world proves you're not a machine which reacts the same way each time you input the same variables: you can choose, you can direct yourself. Desires, fears, needs, sensations are merely structures within your brain which reflect onto something metaphysical, which is the soul. A shard of God. It follows that investigating this dimension should be a primary goal of humanity, hence I gained a value system and one more reason I should better myself and achieve.

It will be hard work but trust me, I can see you doing much better a couple years from now. You might look back and wonder if you're even that same person.

Hope I've helped you a bit, it's all I could think of at the moment. Oh and devolve at least a couple hours each day to reading, shouldn't be too much of a hassle if you're NEET. Start with these >>2531 >>2538 >>2541 >>2560 >>2726

Anonymous 05/29/15 (Fri) 17:34:51 No.3032

>>2983

Thanks for all the good advice, I really appreciate it. Sorry I didn’t reply immediately, it took me a couple of days to figure out how to respond and what to write.

>You shouldn't let others bring you down. Nobody knows what happens inside of your head or what you've been through, but you. Stop giving a damn and keep walking the right path.

In my head I know this, I'd even say it's obvious, and it completely makes sense. But when I'm actually faced with a situation involving people or doing things around them, all sense goes out the window and my body freezes me where I am, I start panicking and my body goes into lockdown mode. It happened to me earlier this week when I had an appointment and my mum asked me to go in by myself so she could park the car. I went up to the floor I needed to be on, but instead of going all the way in and talking to the receptionist, I just froze before entering the door. I didn't move from the spot until 15 minutes later when my mum finally appeared and I followed her in.

>For this reason lifting sounds good, it might teach you this very same thing, just read up on it first, don't train too hard as you're starting and eat right.

It seems to be common and often recommended advice, but fitness and diet stuff still gets me really worked up and anxious just thinking about it. Diet stuff is hard because it involves me firstly knowing what is good or bad, amongst all the various conflicting data out there, I’m incompetent when it comes to preparing food or cooking, I’d have to ask my mum to change shopping habits, and “healthy food” is much more expensive than the cheap crap we get right now (we’re not rich). That and I’ve had digestive issues in the past (the doctor never figured out what it was, but it used to get really bad and I quickly went underweight, and have been so ever since), and I don’t really like most foods.

Fitness stuff I just have a massive phobia of in general, again there’s tons of conflicting ideas on what is good or bad to do, nothing seems to start at my level of unfit, and I would have to fit it into my life schedule somehow, which I’m already half failing to keep up with as it is. Both things together plus everything else going on in life right now just overwhelms me, I don’t think I can handle it.

>The way I've done this is both through exposure, which means for one forcing yourself to get out of the house, and secondly through gaining self-esteem, which involves acquiring skills and knowledge which you deem valuable, and will make you think you're a more valuable person as a result.

I’ve been for a couple more 20 minute walks around the block over the last few days, so I’ve got the “get out of the house” part covered, at least to a small extent for the moment. Self-esteem (along with self-confidence, self-assertiveness, etc.) is a big issue for me though I think. I do have a couple of hobbies that require skill and knowledge, but they are largely computer/technology based, and I don’t really see them as valuable. They don’t require me to go outside either, which is something I’ve always avoided anyway, but I don’t know whether that’s due to anxiety or personal preference. I’m not really looking to pick up any more hobbies though, I have enough trouble with learning or remembering things as it.

Had to split this post in two, too long apparently. Continued in next post.

Anonymous 05/29/15 (Fri) 17:36:28 No.3033

>>2983

>Talk to your mother, try to make her understand what you're trying to do and how hard it is. If she's a mother at all she will understand and help you. Talk to her occasionally about your frustrations, goals and so on, seek her comfort. Making her happy with your successes will be a good feeling, I promise.

She was the first person I spoke to when I started getting desperate to change at the start of the year, and I have spoken to her a lot more than I used to since then. She’s very supportive, but it can be quite difficult at times, she’s going through depression and some physical health issues herself. Our conversations often lead to more despair than when we started thanks to my often extremely pessimistic nature and anxiety. She’s very protective, as is my dad (they are separated), and they both allow me to rely on them far more than I think most parents would or should, especially ever since I fell into depression and after I got diagnosed with asperger’s.

>If this doesn't work out, or proves to not be enough, you will need other sources of motivation. The way I've done this is through philosophy, studying religions and so on. I saw life as pointless, as a cruel joke where you have to suffer constantly just for a few moments of pleasure, and it all ends in death.

I see things the same way, everything has felt completely pointless to me for a long time. I’ve always been disinterested in philosophy and religion though, and to be honest a lot of it goes over my head.

>Oh and devolve at least a couple hours each day to reading, shouldn't be too much of a hassle if you're NEET. Start with these >>2531 >>2538 >>2541 >>2560 >>2726

Thanks for the recommendations, I’ll certainly look into them. I do struggle with reading at the moment though, not in a technical sense, but just in actually doing it. The words start to blur together, I lose interest and begin to fall asleep before even finishing the page, and then I get stressed out because I can’t do it and then move onto doing something else. I will try to read at least one of these though, more if I can get past the first.

Thanks again, I’m really grateful for the help you’ve given me.

Anonymous 05/30/15 (Sat) 08:16:59 No.3055

File: 1432973819600.jpg (1.15 MB, 1920x1200, 8:5, danijnl_1920x1200.jpg)

>>3033

>Thanks again, I’m really grateful for the help you’ve given me.

And I'm really glad you found it helpful.

>when I'm actually faced with a situation involving people or doing things around them, all sense goes out the window and my body freezes me where I am, I start panicking and my body goes into lockdown mode.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

I'd say you need to expand your mental capacity, so that you can "contain" these emotions and remain functional. Try meditating, it's working for me.

>Diet stuff is hard because it involves me firstly knowing what is good or bad

Now, from the way you talk, it seems that the problem is that you want to know everything before you actually get into doing it, as if you can't allow yourself to make mistakes. That attitude, in my opinion, needs to change. Allow yourself to make mistakes, in all areas of your life. Only by fucking up you will actually learn something.

I have a few general ideas about dieting and I'm content with them. I don't extensively research, I just try to keep it balanced between veggies, meat and carbs depending on whether I want to build more muscle or lose more body fat. If it works then I'm happy, if it doesn't I make adjustments. Learn by doing, bro.

>I’d have to ask my mum to change shopping habits, and “healthy food” is much more expensive than the cheap crap we get right now (we’re not rich).

Your parents owe you that much. If you're eating fast food or pre-cooked meals each day, that shit needs to change. Why don't you pick up cooking?

>Fitness stuff I just have a massive phobia of in general, again there’s tons of conflicting ideas on what is good or bad to do, nothing seems to start at my level of unfit, and I would have to fit it into my life schedule somehow, which I’m already half failing to keep up with as it is. Both things together plus everything else going on in life right now just overwhelms me, I don’t think I can handle it.

You know how I started running? One day I was sick of reading up on fitness stuff and I put on my shoes, a t-shirt and went out of the door. It felt liberating.

Learn to "just do it". There's no correct way of doing things, mistakes happen inevitably and that's fine. The more you do something, the better you become at it. If you never start somewhere you will end up nowhere.

>I do have a couple of hobbies that require skill and knowledge, but they are largely computer/technology based, and I don’t really see them as valuable. They don’t require me to go outside either, which is something I’ve always avoided anyway, but I don’t know whether that’s due to anxiety or personal preference. I’m not really looking to pick up any more hobbies though, I have enough trouble with learning or remembering things as it.

You don't see your hobbies as valuable? Then by all means, ditch them or leave them on hold while you try new things out. If your hobbies are fun but don't make you feel better about yourself they're pointless time wasters, really.

As I said, why don't you pick up cooking? You will be required to go to the store and pick your own ingredients, you will be learning an universally appreciated skill which can make a decent topic of conversation, and in some time you will be cooking for other people who will appreciate it.

One final little tip: Cold showers. In my case, they really help strengthening the link between thought and action. At first I'd be standing there, hesitating for a few minutes to even open the faucet, fearing the freezing water splashing on me. Even though I knew it was inevitably going to happen and it was certainly not going to kill me I couldn't bring myself to do it, now I can do it almost instantly and I can see I'm less hesitant about many other things in daily life.

Good luck mate.

Anonymous 06/24/15 (Wed) 13:45:59 No.3289

How are you guys doing? Anything to report?

Anonymous 06/26/15 (Fri) 02:23:31 No.3299

I'll say a few things that helped me:

1. daily walks around the block, get fresh air, love a bit of nature. make sure there's trees and grass where you're walking around.

2. Join groups and meet people, don't have to befriend everyone, but as long as you're there talking to someone. you'll get openings on how to act with people.

A "bike shed" or men's shed is perfect for this because it's all just small talk on projects and shit like that.

3. Have things you want to share and talk about, start cooking your own meals then ask others about certain problems / recipes.

I don't suggest you smoke weed, but I did do that and it opened my mind to a few things, but then my mind fell out and I had to stop. the important part of this "step" is to stop.