[ / / / / / / / / ] [ b / news+ / boards ] [ operate / meta ] [ ]

/improve/ - Self Improvement

Self Improvement and Self Improvement Accessories

Catalog

Name
Email
Subject
Comment *
File
* = required field[▶ Show post options & limits]
Confused? See the FAQ.
Embed
(replaces files and can be used instead)
Options
dicesidesmodifier
Password (For file and post deletion.)

Allowed file types: jpg, jpeg, gif, png, webm, mp4, swf, pdf
Max filesize is 8 MB.
Max image dimensions are 10000 x 10000.
You may upload 5 per post.


You might like: >>>/fa/

File: 1423367063336.jpg (435.3 KB, 992x992, 1:1, Kilian-Eng.jpg)

 No.822

So I just realized today why I always am not consistent with my friendships. I am boring, I have been known to have a young boyish voice or sounding monotone and I am also obese so people are embarrassed to be seen with me. Right now I am starting to exercise again but I also would like some friends or will I just have to hold on till I lose weight and gain confidence? The reason why I am boring is because whenever I do make friends I never get invited to places and always have to invite myself. Another reason is because I had friends in the past that would rather hang out with people that were shitty than with me or other friends they had that were nicer.

 No.825

Unless you intend to sex it up with your friends, your looks matter far less than how fun you are.

 No.828

>>822
Are you quiet around people?
Do you agree with everything people say?
Do you get visibly offended by insults/banter?
Are you negative around people? Being pessimistic or talking about how bad your life is etc

>or will I just have to hold on till I lose weight and gain confidence?

Don't abandon your social life, even if it is just temporary. A fit body and a confident mentality will not compensate for poor social skills. If you think you were boring now, getting fit will not change that. Continuously going out though, will help in that area of life. Social skills are like muscles, the more you train them, the better they get, if you stop training them, they will get weaker and detoriate.

Also, make sure you continue working out.

 No.830

I know these feels, it's even more frustrating because I used to be a fun person to be around and had plenty of mates who invited me out…. I just forgot how.

I think the key is not think about being fun and to act and speak on instinct, everyone has quirks which attracts mates more than a rehearsed demeanour.

I can remember before I came to uni and became really self-conscious about what I wore/ how I spoke etc. I was extremely unfashionable and a bit weird, but ended up hanging out with the 'popular' crowd, it's refreshing for people to meet others who stand out a bit. Obviously taking care of appearance is a good thing though.

Hey, I could really learn from my own advice.

 No.832

>>828
Yes a lot, pretty rare for me to open up to others.
Yes I tend to so people won't hate me.
I hardly get insults/banter but yes.
Yes but luckily I am going to a therapist for this.

 No.833

>>830
The same for me as well! I used to be pretty social in my freshmen year of high school but my depression hit me towards the end. Lol everyone can give great advice but people always forget to listen to it for themselves.

 No.849

>>828
>>832
I don't mean to sound bad, but no wonder you barely get invited. It isn't right, I know, but you meet every requirement to be a boring person. This isn't such a bad thing because it's not something that can't be fixed, in fact, some things you might be able to fix straight away and others might take some getting used to, but all in all, this is something that you can make right so don't sweat it man.

>Are you negative around people? Being pessimistic or talking about how bad your life is etc

>Yes but luckily I am going to a therapist for this.
Okay, it's good that you're going to a therapist, make sure you do that. Talking to your friends about your problems though, is something you should probably avoid at all cost. More than likely they won't be able to give you useful advice because they lack the necessary perspective or they will not know what to say to you and try to avoid you. Not to mention you might be seen as a leech, basically someone who brings negativity to an otherwise positive place and fucks up the mood. Don't be that guy Anon, stop doing this, it is going to fuck your social life over if it hasn't already. If you need to vent, come here or /adv/ to vent, don't do it to your friends, at least not until you fix your shit but even then I'd advice not doing it too much.

Try to act positive, enthusiastic and do not talk about any problems, don't share your personal life details. Make it your goal to make it appear as though you are happy and working on fixing your life. That type of attitude is contagious and most people are welcome to people who want self improvement, as long as you don't keep chanting "I swear I'm going to change" every month, you don't need to explain yourself to people.

>Do you agree with everything people say?

>Yes I tend to so people won't hate me.
Okay, I get the thinking here but it is one that is flawed. First of all, ironically agreeing with everything everyone always says and never having your own opinions on things will actually make people dislike you. People pleasers are boring, if you want to be boring and someone's bitch, continue sucking up to everyone. It won't make people like you, it'll do vice versa. Realise some people will dislike you for almost no reasons at all, no amount of kindness will help stop that. You might as well speak your mind and be hated and respected than be someone's bitch and still be hated.

Don't agree just for the sake of agreeing, disagree, counter argument, learn to say no. Look after yourself above all others, have your needs as a number one priority.

>Do you get visibly offended by insults/banter?

>I hardly get insults/banter but yes.
Learn to laugh at yourself once in a while. Learn to use self deprecating humour, as long as you don't overdo it, you should be fine. People that can take a joke are likeable and fun to be around, especially if they hit as good as they get. This one takes getting used to and will probably require that you start talking more for you to even be comfortable doing this.

>Are you quiet around people?

>Yes a lot, pretty rare for me to open up to others.
Being quiet is not a bad thing, heck you might be an introvert and prefer not to talk but instead listen. However, if you want to be successful with your social life, you are going to have to learn some extroverted skills like talking.
This http://www.succeedsocially.com/ covers things like being quiet and other social problems.

 No.865

>>849
Thanks for the advice and god damn I need to stop being a therapist for my friends. They end up not talking to me anyways after I help them. I saw that site before mentioned on another thread and so far so good!

 No.871

>>865
Keep us updated man!

 No.900

>>871
I am going to school soon so hopefully these can help but god damn it is so hard to fake being positive when severely depressed. I started self harming not too long ago before I made this post and today I felt like killing myself but I know I never will since I am a pussy. I just feel so worthless, I am stupid academic wise. My brother is going to be an engineer and wtf am I going to be? Nothing. If I were gone my parents could just adopt a kid or get another pet. I can be replaced.

 No.904

>>900
You killing yourself would break your family, I've seen this happen first hand many times and you are no exception. You really think you are replaceable? You're not, money, material things, non of that shit matters in the end, the only thing that matters in the end is friends and family. They raised you, they looked after you, they love you. It may not be obvious to you now, maybe you don't even think they do, but you got to remember what it is that you have. You have depression, don't forget it skews everything to appear more negative than it actually is. You have got to remember that, keep it in mind and fucking remember it so you don't do anything drastic because what you have is fixable. Yes it will be a struggle, yes it will hurt and yes you will feel like shit day in and day out, but when you beat this and I know you will eventually, you will be glad you did.

In the meantime, go to a therapist and get some recommendations on meds.

 No.906

>>904
Thanks man and yeah I will probably start some meds, won't like it but I will have to and tell my family about my self harming. I am just worried about my therapist checking me into the mental hospital.

 No.1910

>>904
>taking meds
Enjoy your suicidal depression that will follow if you quit the drugs you become hooked on. Withdrawal symptoms are a lot worse than not taking the drugs in the first place.

Chemically-Induced Suicide: 80 Percent of Suicide Victims Took Antidepressant Drugs
http://www.naturalnews.com/022743_antidepressant_drugs_SSRIs.html

 No.1912

i also agree to not take meds, they are pretty dangerous stuff and will surely destroy you at end, and absolutly don't say anything about self-harming, not always say the truth bring good results, for now follow what >>849 said, for me they are really good advices, i'd say if you want to fix everything you need to take your whole courage and fight with all of you, remember than your life is at stake, i'm speaking from an ex 140 kg (now 65 kg) social bullied pariah, now i'm fit (at a good point) and with 3 friends at best and with a gf (4/10 but i hope it's loyal), sorry for this personal life's space, but i said that for show that anyone can change, just don't lose hope

good luck pal, i wish you the best and sorry for my horrible english

 No.1930

>>1910

That's the dumbest headline I've read all week. Of course people who kill themselves use antidepressants. Anyone who seriously considers suicide suffers from severe depression and people who suffer from severe depression usually go on meds. I'm not going to say that antidepressant drugs are anywhere near what you'd call "effective" but telling people not to use them because a site called Natural News told you so goes far past stupidity into endangerment territory.

100% of people who die breathe oxygen. Should we stop breathing?

 No.1964

>>871
So far my life has been ok and I have lost some weight. I haven't taken any medicine yet but I have been taking St John's Wort and maybe that helped? But I think I have been getting better because of the therapy and group therapy I have been attending. I have also started to get back into meditation and reading zen koans.



Delete Post [ ]
[]
[Return][Go to top][Catalog]
[ / / / / / / / / ] [ b / news+ / boards ] [ operate / meta ] [ ]