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ALL HAIL JONESY, THE ONE TRUE CUCK!

File: 1427522758287.gif (2.22 MB, 290x595, 58:119, 036.gif)

 No.1533

>be me ninth grade at new school
>three days in we got gym class
>7/10 ginger chick comes up to me (I had standards)
>"OMG I GOT A FRIEND WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"
>mfw spaghetti wasn't dropped
> In my typical graceful way I decline with my typical joking ways
>"Why do you want my name? Are you going to track me down rape then kill me? Maybe not in that order, which really doesn't make it any better."
>Chick gives me this look of utter shock and dismay
>New only bro/friend looks shocked
>Don't talk to her for the rest of the year. I think she realised I was joking after a couple of months she still gives me these i-want-the-schlomo-cock look
>Being me I ignore them
>Get this reputation of being a strange kid not many people wasn't to talk to me
>mfw idgaf


> Be me grade tenth

>everyone in my grade new because it's now high school
>Have math class with same ginger chick still giving me the i-want-the-schlomo-cock looks
>mfw idgaf, I ain't got time for you bitch
Next semester
>Have gym class with same chick
>every now and again she still gives me the i-want-the-schlomo-cock look
>Ignore it because not interested

>be me eleventh grade

>Ginger snatch has finally given up pursuit of me
Second semester
>Have English class with ginger snatch
>Find out she has a boyfriend, some aboriginal guy who's older
>3 weeks in she disappears from class and school entirely
>After spring break receive word from best bro telling me that she's pregnant and she's keeping the baby
>My bro tells me I dodged a bullet
>mfw thank the baby Jesus

>be new twelfth grade now

>hear no word on ginger snatch's whereabouts
>spring break now
> Decide to meet up with buddies
>I role in a trio, one bro is down other bro being a bitch
>Go to other side of city to go to big mall because bored as fuck
>Take train there because no driver's license and fuck it why not
>wander around mall with bro because fuck it
>Decide to watch movie (Kingsman, it was ok)
> be about 22:30 on train going home transfer trains
>stuck standing on train talking shit with bro having fun
> on train 3 stops before mine
>glance to my left
> See aboriginal sitting down with ginger snatch
> See baby carriage and baby
> Make unintentional eye contact
> She recognizes me and smiles
>pretend to not recognize her go back to talking to bro
> She gets of train bro looks at me
>mfw
> We both start laughing
> get off at our stop
> Still having a fucking giggle
> bro says "Schlomo you dodged a bullet"
>mfw
>mfw it was a pretty good night

 No.1534

>>1533
ur a benis

 No.1535

f*ck off

 No.1536

>>1535
ur benis 2

 No.1538

>12th grade

 No.1539

>>1538
> implying

 No.1540

>>1539
>benis

 No.1600

no good stories :/

 No.1618

>jonesy raped me

 No.1619

>>1618
It's not rape if you liked it

 No.1620

okay here's one from the other night
>be at my local haunt, the video game bar
>be playin samurai shodown 5 special
>dipswitches set to 8 (max) but it's free
>shit's hard but fun, keeps me sippin my drink
>girl comes up to me after a round
>h:"hey do you remember me?"
>fuckfuckfuck this always happens
>:m:"i'm sorry, dude but not really, did i meet you here the other night?"
>h:"no no no, we had a class together in sophomore year"
>m:"oh, you go to (college redacted)?"
>h:"no in high school."
>i kept to myself in that class
>w/e maybe she's just great at faces
>go back to my game
>she hops on the second stick
>m:"oh you play?"
>h:"i'll figure it out ;)"
>proceed to destroy her
>use the fatality and everything
>we part ways
>go home
>realize she probably wanted the d since high school
>i didn't even try, i just kept drinking and played my game

did you guys turn me into an honorary wizard?

 No.1621

>>1620
9/10 would laugh at being autistic again

 No.1622

>>1620
You wrecked her, just not in the way she wanted.

 No.1645

>>1622
check em

 No.1655

File: 1428523370332.png (87.26 KB, 439x580, 439:580, Screen Shot 2015-04-08 at ….png)

>be me
>see's papa johns delivers to school
>sign into account
>free large 3 topping pizza coupon
>it's 2 years old
>still valid
>"do you want to upgrade to an extra large for $2?'
>tfw just got an extra large pizza for $2

 No.1658

>>1655
nice

 No.1806

>go to coffeeshop

>sitting outside with coffee playing guitar that I just picked up from the tech

>dude comes out of coffeeshop talking to himself in what I initially considered a nearly psychotic way

>dude walks past and heads into corner to smoke

>playing guitar just testing it out making sure it's playing better now that it's been hydrated

>dude sprints out of the corner and starts talking to me about how good I am

>Starts telling me about this game he's playing

>Starts getting really excited and talking really fast

>Has something in his hand

>lifts it up to his nose and sniffs it while I'm responding to something he said

>Suddenly he's super excited, has been smoking a joint since he walked out of the corner

>Out of general respect and attempted empathy I continue conversation until his joint is out

>Dude is sniffing his carmex tin every so often

>head back into the coffeeshop to get a coffee for the drive back up

>dude then asks if I'm 420 friendly

>Respond "Why yes, I am kind sir" or something far more casual

>Offers me a hit

>Feel bad because knowing that he's doing blow out of a carmex tin I'm obliged to decline

>Walk back in, get my coffee, and get in my car and leave as fast as possible to avoid further interaction

Dude was really nice, but I'm not a big fan of extended communication with people I don't know. And this dude was way too fucking personal with me.


 No.1808

>>1620

>go to a bar/restaurant place

>already be belligerent drunk

>guess it's time for more

>sit at the bar and wait to be noticed because am too afraid to get the bartenders attention and speak up in public

>sees me

>"Can I get you anything?"

>say nothing for a good 5 seconds

>"C-can I get you anything?"

>order beer

>brings me the beer and our hands touch when I go to grab it

>blurt out "nice hands"

>walk away as fast as I can

>tfw im autistic


 No.1853

>>1808

silly cat




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