/kind/ - Random Acts of Kindness

[Part two]

>I also don't seem to have much of a connection with anyone on any level since I don't partake in mainstream entertainment and I don't drink or use recreational drugs. There's nothing for us to talk about and I have no interesting stories to tell.

Mmhm; I personally don't like the radio, or mainstream TV, or mainstream movies, or anything popular, basically. My only drinking was a "you're 21" celebration and sporadically after that and I don't do weed either. My biggest friends are the ones I talk about DnD, programming, and video games with–hardly mainstream or, uh, "Chad" activities.

I'm sure there's a comic shop, or gaming shop, or whatever in town, or the next town over, or close by that you can go in and talk with the people in there. Yeah some of them are going to be very earnest and you might have disdain for plebs but most people in there just like the stuff they're there for and love to talk about it.

Here's some very good connection topics; using these is basically like inputting a cheat code to make someone care about you:

-Dogs. Everyone loves dogs.

-Music. A lot more people know about <your "weird" band here> than you might think. I thought Death Grips was going to be too much for a lot of people, but there were people receptive to their milder songs like "I've Seen Footage" and "Get Got." I know a girl who didn't like any kind of metal but she really, really loved Sabaton.

-Video games.

There's a lot more. You have so much more to talk about than you think. You just have to know how to work it into a conversation!

And finally, don't ever be afraid of being "awkward" in a conversation at the beginning of talking to new people. I promise you that the only one who's going to remember it happening in a week, let alone a month, is going to be you.

>I have a job but it doesn't pay enough to live off of so I'm still with my folks. I've applied at a few better places but got no interviews.

Always keep applying. Always. Craigslist is good. Some people might have set up a service in your state or area for job postings. Businesses won't "get tired" of you applying. And pleeeaaaassse don't take it personally if you don't hear anything from them or get turned down after an interview. You have a job so you're familiar with how the process works.

>How do I fix myself?

I don't think you're broken, anon! ' v '

So let's chat! What music do you listen to? What's your job?

>>18920

You can fulfill your need of validation and social contact in many ways. You will find these ways by yourself if you start treating your emotions more pragmatically, but I can list some examples to inspire you.

Language course is one of the ways you can trick your brain chemistry into releasing whatever substances you need to feel more happy. Sitting 8 hours a day talking with strangers on pre-determined topics given by the teacher. Discussions during which you feel comfortable because everyone in the room genuinely wants to talk and won't judge you. You can pretend you're someone else because it's all for the sake of learning the language anyway. You have a common topic which is a starting point to initiate conversations between classes but even without these conversations you would stop craving the contact with another human quickly.

It's the first thing that came to my mind. You can draw online to receive validation online after posting your work or touch your dog or cat which will give you high similar to hugging your girlfriend.

Or you could become more self-aware and control these emotions, and focus on your work and passion instead. If you have sensibility you can also let your emotions out in whatever art form and this way clear your mind.

You could also lie in bed and start imagining whatever you need. If you relax and immerse yourself in it enough, your brain will think you really experienced it.

Also, crying in your state is catharsis. Go make yourself cry, you'll feel oddly happy for a few days after.

>>18920

Well, anon, I was in a very similar situation to yours, but now I am honestly much better, and I didn't have to change much.

First off, dont give a shit about this whole dont drink dont do drugs thing. A lot of people do, but a lot dont give a shit.

In my experience people who do use recreational drugs, might invite you to do so as well, but generally are pretty laid back about you not doing so.

Not having a girlfriend is not the end of the world, either. It is nice if you end up with someone who cares for you and likes you for whom you are, but getting a GF should be a side effect of getting to know more people. It just might or might not happen naturally. And not having one is not the end, trust me. I got one because I was desperate for it, kinda like yourself, and in the end it just ended up doing me more harm than good. Getting a GF just for the sake of it is not a good choice.

Getting back into, or just getting into interacting with people is honestly a pretty big task 4u but if you really want to, you can do it, mate. The way I did it was by taking thins slow, very slow actually. First I got acclimated to going outside. I dont mean going clubbing or some shit with a lot of people and noise, something small first, somewhere where there are people and it is OK to be by yourself.

There was a park near my home and I started by taking my dog there. Even if you dont have one, just going somewhere quiet where there are people, but you arent forced to interact with them, is OK. Just get used to people being around you. Then go scaling things up.

Use people who have to talk to you as part of their job to get used to it. People who work in coffee shops or similar shit, they have to give a specific spiel when you purchase, so it feels a little impersonal, but it is human enough to use it as practice interaction, and keep moving up when you feel comfortable.

Also, find clubs of people with similar interests to yours. you would be surprised how many people are in your same situation. You like vidya? There are groups of people who get together for shit like that IRL. Books? same. If you are a religious person, going to a local church, temple or whatever helps too. And everyone has things to say about themselves. I also thought I was boring as shit, but getting to know people you can see that most people think in very similar ways.

Also, get /fit/ and groom yourself properly. Not for aesthetics and shit, but because exercising helps one feel better and it is pleasant to take care of yourself. And finally, keep applying. The job situation is fucked, really fucked, and everyone is out there looking for jobs like crazy, so there is no other way out than to keep going and trying.

Come on, friend, I personally know what you are going through, but I believe in you. You can make it, but it will be hard, just dont quit, no matter what happens, or anyone tells you, do not quit.

If you are American, buy a gun and go to a /k/ meetup. A Mosin Nagant will run you about 180 USD, but the prices are rising. A 440 round tin will cost about 120 USD, and you will want to buy a recoil pad and some gun oil and patches. The cleaning rod and kit usually comes with the gun. If you buy a nugget, look up the Mosin Nagant buyers guide on the /k/ wiki.

Also, buy some Flecktarn from kommandostore.com

Should cost about 350-400 but it is worth it. It creates a lifelong hobby that can help you meet friends. Don't be like these other friend anons who are saying "make yourself cry like a bitch." Be a man among men.

If you are not americlap, your communist regieme of a country fucked you over.

I feel really sorry for you… I didn't talk to anyone for 7 years, not even online, and it was so painful talking to people again but it gets easier.

How do you spend your time each day? Finding someone like-minded who really wants to talk to you is important to overcome this. You probably have more in common with people than you know but need someone to teach you how to get the conversation there. If you want I'll type out my flashcard notes on conversation for you.

Where would be an easy place to make friends? Would playing a tabletop game, or TCG be a good place to start? I've been looking into Weiβ Schwarz recently.

I'm in the same boat OP, and while all these people suggesting going out and actually doing stuff are probably right, it's not something I'm willing to realistically do, and I'd guess neither are you.

The last time I had anyone to talk to was an irc group back during the adsense thing was still popular. I think that might be the best way to gain some very basic real time conversational skills. Of course, irc is just endless rooms of dedicated circlejerks, but if you look for a relatively new one with a clear cut goal (coding some program, or finding a group for pnp rpgs, or something) your odds should be alright or at least better than most of finding some strangers you can talk to on a somewhat regular basis.

Why is it so hard to make friends when we get older? Why can't it just go back to when we were younger and getting a friend was easy as can be? I hate this, it feels like everyone is a fake. They probably are. I just want someone that I can truly care about and vice versa, is that too much to ask?!

>>19027

I think pain causes fear and fear causes bullying and bullying causes more pain. It's an endless cycle.

It's very hard to get over my own pain and fear and go back to being a kid. I want to control people so I don't hurt again but in doing so I hurt them.

OP here.

I'm really sorry for not replying at all I'm just really anxious about my feelings even on anonymous imageboards. I'm very grateful for all the advice and kind words. I got a little better at socializing just by being around people at work, but I tend to stutter a lot which leads to people asking me to repeat myself which just makes me feel embarrassed and worse. But I'm getting better bit by bit.

I even found someone there who likes some of he same niche vidya I do which is amazing. But talking to him made me realize things about myself. Despite being in my 20's I'm still very much a child. I was talking to the guy I mentioned, can't even remember what now, but I got so into the conversation I spent too long not doing any work that my boss came over and yelled at me infront of him and other co-workers in the area. I felt like crying when that happened. I supressed that feeling but it was still there. And when that same guy I was talking with brings up stuff about what he does with his friends, or his girlfriend, or even vidya I can't afford to play; all I can feel is jealously for what I don't have and I little bit of resentment towards him.

I still have a lot of work on myself to do as I'm still not happy. But I'll get there someday.